Title: Forgiveness Equals Moving On
Rating: T
Pairing: Noah Puckerman/Rachel Berry
Warnings: Goes AU after Sectionals in Season 1
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em - not making any money off 'em. Dern it.
Summary: Rachel decides she needs to move on from Finn when she's given a better offer. Quinn is the answer to how it will happen.
Word Count: 2,895
Rachel watched as Finn flirted simultaneously with both Santana and Brittany. It felt like someone stabbed her heart over and over again. Tears welled, but she refused to allow them to fall. So was so tired of crying over Finn. She always thought in the end they would end up together. She thought they were meant to be, but Quinn and the baby were standing in the way.
Rachel could understand he had to do the noble thing and stay with Quinn, especially when he thought the baby was his. Rachel made sure he found out the baby was not only another guy's, but his best friend's. She thought the two of them would finally get together, and she would get her happy ever after.
Once again though, she wasn't good enough. It didn't matter what she wanted; she never seemed to get it.
"You're too good for Hudson."
Rachel's eyes turned away from the heartbreaking scene to look over her shoulder. She saw Noah, and he was looking at the same scene she had been. "Please," Rachel scoffed. "Finn is the golden boy, the jock. They guy everyone likes. I'm just a gleek, the main gleek and an outcast. Even the club doesn't really like me."
Noah turned his eyes to her. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's very hard for people to like you because you make it hard. You always need to be in the spotlight and throw a temper tantrum when you don't get your way."
Rachel shrugged. "Maybe that's because I never get my way in other aspects of my life. I never get what I want, no matter how badly I want it."
"Like I said, you're too good for him. You should not even want him. He could never appreciate you in the way you deserve."
Rachel turned away from the scene fully so she faced Noah. "What do you mean?"
"You're talented, sexy as fuck, but like you said before, you're high-maintenance. I don't think Hudson could handle high-maintenance."
Rachel wanted to question about Quinn – Rachel always thought of her as kind of high-maintenance – but instead she asked, "You think I'm sexy?"
Noah smirked. "Of course, we did date, and I don't date anyone who doesn't look good.
Rachel smiled. "I'm not sure if what we did truly counts as dating. It was mostly making out in my room."
Noah nodded musingly. "Fine, I won't make out with anyone who doesn't look good. Feel better?"
Rachel smiled. "Actually, yes I do. Thanks."
Noah shrugged. "I meant what I said. You can do better."
"Why are you trying to make me feel better? We're not friends," she said bitterly.
Noah winced. "I'm sorry I said that to you. You didn't deserve it. I was hurt that you were breaking up with me, and I wanted to hurt you back."
"You succeeded," Rachel whispered.
"I really am sorry. And as for why I'm trying to make you feel better? I know what I'm saying is true. There is a guy out there much better for you, someone who would love the chance to be given a real chance with you. Someone who likes you with all of your quirks."
"Who?" Rachel asked.
Noah stepped closer until he invaded her personal space. "Me," he stated simply.
Rachel swallowed. She used her voluntary hyperventilation she practiced during
Bhastrika yoga so she didn't blow up at him in true drama queen fashion. "What do you mean me? You want Quinn. You wanted her, when we dated and you want her now. Well, she's vulnerable and single. Go get her." Rachel crossed her arms.
She didn't believe it was possible, but he got even more into her space. "Wrong. I wanted to be with the baby, not Quinn. She wouldn't let me claim our baby, but you made it happen, so thank you."
Rachel blinked. "You're welcome, I guess."
"I like you, Rachel. And it's not even just the fun stuff like making out. I like taking to you, and you make me laugh. I lied to you when I told you I had been planning to break up with you."
Rachel blushed. She never heard Noah speak so truthfully before. "Really?"
He nodded before he glanced in Finn's direction. "I won't be the consolation prize, though. If you want some of this," he gestured to himself, "then you need to officially move on from Hudson."
Noah leaned in so she could feel his breath on her face. Rachel stayed still and closed her eyes when his lips pressed against her cheek. "Move on," he whispered. "I'll wait."
Rachel opened her eyes, and all she saw was his back he left her standing there.
Move on, she thought. How?
The answer came to her during Glee when she saw Quinn walk in. She looked so said and fragile, and Rachel realized what needed to be done.
For the first time, Rachel barely paid attention to Glee, her mind focused on the daunting task ahead of her. When Santana was given the solo she rightly deserved, Rachel didn't make a peep. She ignored the surprised looks from her peers. She also ignored Finn's questioning look. It wasn't any of his business.
Glee was let out, and Rachel immediately made a beeline for Quinn. She waited to be acknowledged, but Quinn didn't look up from her hands. "Quinn?"
Her head shot up, and she glared.
Rachel took a step back, but she was there for a reason, and she wasn't going to be scared away before her mission was completed.
"I just wanted to apologize. I know I caused you a lot of pain, and for that I'm sincerely sorry. During my time at McKinley, I've always felt inferior to you, and knowing Finn at least felt something for me, gave me an ego boost. You may not believe this, but the confidence I have when I perform, I lack in real life."
"That's not hard to believe," Quinn quietly cut in. "You overcompensate."
Rachel nodded. "I've come to see that maybe I shouldn't be so focused on Finn, though. Maybe he isn't the boy I'm meant to be with, and maybe my time would be better spent on another boy. I want to move on from Finn, but I wish I realized this before I outed you."
Quinn tilted her head and studied Rachel. Finally she allowed a soft smile. "To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of glad you outed me. I should not have been lying. Not only was it unfair to Finn, but it was unfair to Puck. He wanted to take responsibility, and I didn't let him. At least now he has the chance to be different from his dad, and I get to breathe easier, knowing there's no more secrets."
Rachel bit her lip as she sat down next to Quinn. By then, they were the only two people left in the choir room. Even the gawkers had left. "Quinn, are you interested in Noah? I don't feel like battling you again for a boy's attention."
"So it was Puck you were referring to when you talked about another boy. And to answer your question, no, I'm not interested in him. Puck is hot of course, but he's not for me. I will let him be involved with the baby now, but the only thing he will be is my baby's father and maybe friend. Nothing else." She paused and grinned wickedly. "Besides, I wouldn't want to get in the way of destiny."
"Destiny?" Rachel parroted.
"Yeah, Rachel and Puck. You two shouldn't work because all of your differences, but you do. I was surprised when you two broke up so soon after you began dating. You two just seemed right together. I couldn't understand what went wrong, especially after he gave up football for you."
Rachel blushed. "He told me he wanted to be with me, but only after I officially moved on from Finn."
"So that's what this is about."
Rachel nodded. "I decided a good way to move on was to make amends to someone I wronged because of Finn."
"Sounds like the 12-step program," Quinn remarked.
"I guess it is kind of like it." Rachel paused before continuing."I've always been jealous of you and how you seem to get everything you want."
"I think my streak has ended." Quinn rested her hand on her stomach.
"I am sorry you're going through this."
"I made some bad decisions. I might have been drunk, but that's no excuse for bad judgment. A word of advice..."
Rachel nodded when Quinn trailed off.
"If you're going to be with Puck – and I think you should – don't do anything until you absolutely positive you're ready."
Rachel blushed at the implication of her words. "Trust me, I'm 100 percent not ready for sex, and if Noah tries to force the issue, it's over. I won't be talked into something I'll only regret." She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest.
"Good. I don't think Puck will force the issue, though. He respects you too much, and I can't say that about a lot of girls where he's concerned."
"Are we good?" Rachel asked.
Quinn met her eyes and calmly nodded. "Go be with Puck. Put him out of his misery."
"What if I'm not truly moved on from Finn? I don't want to hurt Noah by accident."
"Wanting to move on is the biggest step. And I think you already have feelings for Puck. Let yourself just feel for him. Remember that he has chosen you. Remember that he's good for you and he respects you. I think if you do all of that, you'll be fine."
"Thank you, Quinn."
"No problem. Now, go get your man."
Rachel went to the football field, knowing there was practice. She sat on the bleachers during the practice. When it ended, she bypassed Finn who tried to talk to her. "Hi, Noah," she whispered when she found him with his water bottle."
"Berry." He nodded.
Her eyes roved over his face.
"Is there something you want?" he asked while smirking.
Rachel took a tiny step forward. She felt her ego inflate when his eyes automatically went to her chest. She knew she wasn't the most voluptuous, but it was nice to see he liked her chest. "Would you like to go out with me?"
"Hudson?"
"I don't want him. He uses my feelings to get his way, but when I outlive my usefulness, he tosses me away. After talking to Quinn, I see how perfect we could be together. Also, I needed to make sure she wasn't interested in you, especially when I know I wouldn't be able to compete if she was."
Noah dropped his now empty water bottle to the ground. "Rach, even if she had been interested, she was the one who wouldn't be able to compete." He took her hand and pulled her so she fell against him. When they kissed, Rachel allowed a small cry to escape. His fingers slid under her shirt and rubbed against her back, but it didn't feel invasive. It felt nice. His knee slid between her leg, and Rachel pressed herself onto it.
Noah broke the kiss with a groan and cupped her face. "Yes."
"Yes what?" Rachel asked breathless.
"Yes, I'll go out with you. This time I'm doing it right. It won't be just making out in your room this time."
"Why not?" Rachel asked. She knew her feeling of despondency showed in her voice.
"Trust me. There will be a lot of that, but we will actually go out this time."
Rachel leaned up on her toes and kissed him again.
Since it was Thursday, they made plans to go out the next night, but that didn't stop Noah from inviting himself over to her house and room. Not that Rachel complained.
When word got out that Puckleberry was back on, there was a mixed reaction. Some were happy for them (Quinn, Tina, Artie, Mike, Matt). Others were indifferent (Kurt, Mercedes, Brittany). Others were angry (Santana, Finn). When Santana said something mean, Noah was there to stand up for her. He might have used vulgar language, but Rachel appreciated the sentiment behind it.
Of course, now that Rachel was focused on someone else, Finn all of the sudden wanted her again. He began talking to her earnestly and badmouthing Noah. Her slapping him should have gotten the message through to his thick skull, but he still had the gall to ask her on a date. Rachel ended that conversation by stomping away.
She didn't want there to be any secrets between them so she told Noah about what happened. She didn't want to take the chance that Finn might tell Noah, but make it sound as if something different had happened. His answer was to hug her and when he noticed Finn glaring, plant a kiss on her lips that made her toes curl.
Noah held her after she found out that Shelby Corcoran, Vocal Adrenaline's coach, was actually her birth mother. He took care of her and said the right things to make her feel better, only they had a Puck twist to them. It worked, though. Rachel dried her tears and got on with her life. She didn't contact Shelby. There was no need to. She already had two parents; she didn't need a third.
Noah told her he loved her for the first time after they lost Regionals and Shelby adopted Beth, and Rachel returned the sentiment. It didn't take away the sting of defeat, or the fact that Noah and Quinn gave up their baby girl, but both of them at least had a happy memory to associate with that day.
The first time they made love was the weekend before they went to Nationals during their junior year. Rachel knew she was ready and it took very little convincing to get Noah to come to bed with her. Everywhere he touch tingled. It was as if her whole body was on fire. He was gentle and careful. He stopped when she winced in pain and kissed away her tears while she adjusted to the intrusion. He made her feel cherished and sexy as he cupped her breasts with reverent hands, fingers stroking her nipples. When she came, it was his name on her lips as he kissed her neck, following soon after. He held her close afterwards, stroking her hair and kissing her shoulder. Her head was on his chest, and she listened to his heartbeat before falling asleep.
They broke up two times during high school, but they always managed to get back together. It was usually due to the help of Quinn, who surprisingly became their biggest cheerleader. She always made them see when they were being idiots. She helped them remember they loved each other.
Noah followed her to New York. While she went to NYADA, Noah went to NYU and majored in music production. He told her it was all due to her. Rachel had made him better. He wanted to be worthy of her. She believed in him, and he had wanted to live up to that belief. Noah thought that without her place in his life, he would have never gone to a school like NYU. He probably would never have set goals for himself or gone to college at all.
Two years into college they married in a small ceremony. Only their closest friends and family was there. Rachel's maid of honor was Quinn and Noah's best man was Mike. Her fathers had somehow slipped a bit out of her life as they didn't approve of Noah. So instead of them giving her away, she asked Mr. Schue to. Rachel thought he was going to cry when she asked him.
Instead he pulled her in a hug. "I am so happy for the two of you. A lot of people didn't think you'd make it because you're so different, but I'm glad you proved them wrong." He looked into her eyes. "Never stop loving him, even when he makes you want to pull your hair out."
Rachel laughed. "He's stuck with me."
"Good," Noah said, walking into the room. He wrapped his arms around her and lightly kissed her neck.
Eight years have passed and Rachel has given birth to twin girls. They have Noah's eyes and Rachel's bone structure. They will definitely be little heartbreakers.
Rachel is taking a break from Broadway to take care of her daughters, but she's not upset with her decision. Noah said they could hire a nanny, but she nixed that idea. No stranger was going to know her babies better than her.
She hopes to be able to go back to the stage after they are a little older, but if she can't, there are other things she can do. She's holding little Sarah who looks ready to fall asleep. She turns and gazes at Noah, who's holding Anne. Noah looks so in love which makes Rachel smile.
He might pretend he's badass, but he's a softy deep down.
She looks around at everything she has, everything she has accomplished. She did get her happy ever after; it just isn't the one she had expected when she was a lonely tenth grader.