Green eyes. That was the last thing I saw before everything went black. Even though they were attached to a boy with James Potter's face, they were Lily Eva- Potter; I remind myself, Lily Potter's eyes.
Soon, the black faded to grey, the grey faded to white, and the white became a blinding light off in the distance that slowly got brighter and brighter until, I was forced to open my eyes. When I did, I saw bright, beautiful green eyes with that ever present sense of mischievousness in them.
Green eyes. Oh no. I thought I finally would find peace with death, and now it's all been taken away from me! Curse those damned fates. Why must they tease me with dea- I catch a glimpse of brilliant red hair. Hair I haven't seen in almost seventeen plus years. I let my eyes adjust a bit better to the dimming brightness of the white light, and I'm greeted by a face I haven't seen in what seems like forever. The face of the girl I love. The face of the girl I severed all ties with, when I uttered that one, single, despicable word back when I was young and stupid. The face of the girl who never forgave me, no matter how much I begged and pleaded with her that I didn't mean it. The face of Lily Potter.
At the sight of her, my throat suddenly went dry, and I felt parched. The pink lips upon her face were moving, and I shook myself out of my daze in time to catch what she was saying.
"Oh Sev! I'm so glad you're awake! I thought you might have been going back!"
"Back? Back where, Lily?"
"Back to life of course! It happens sometimes. People coming here, and being pulled back to life before they can know what this is."
"What-what IS this anyway, Lily?" I love the way her name rolls off my tongue, it's almost as if I spoke it often, daily even. Not like it's been over twenty years since I've had a proper conversation with her.
"Sev! Look around! Is it not obvious that this is heaven? Here, grab my hand and I'll help you up."
Heaven? There is no possible way I could ever go to heaven. The only place for me to be would be in hell. I was a horrid person during my lifetime; I don't deserve this place called heaven. "Severus Snape you will cease verbally slandering yourself RIGHT THIS INSTANT! You may have made some wrong choices, but have more than compensated for that." I hadn't realized I verbalized these thoughts, and was forced to comply and grab the proffered hand.
"Lily, I-I'm so sorry. For everything. For treating Pott- Harry, for treating Harry like I did. I just, I couldn't not treat him that way you know? He looks just like him. So much it's scary. I couldn't get past him looking just like Potter, and having your eyes; it was the combination that could have killed me had I not excelled in occlumency to the point where I could block out emotions. I-"was rambling. Me, Severus Snape, rambling. Severus Snape does not ramble, there must have been a point to what I was just saying then, but what was it? And it hit me. Oh my dear god, I was on the path to confessing my undenying love for her. What would have happened if I hadn't stopped myself? I didn't want to think about that at the moment. I was still bathed in the euphoria that surrounded me, a feeling I hadn't felt in so long I thought it not possible to feel it again. Once again, I was snapped out of my thoughts when my eyes drifted back to hers. Those amazingly green eyes were filled with tears. I started panicking; was it something I said? What did I say that would provoke such a reaction from her? I got my answer almost immediately.
"Oh Sev. You shouldn't be sorry. I am so sorry for being such an idiot to you the last few years of Hogwarts. I-I can't believe I did that."
"Lily you did what was right. You deserved better than I..."
"Severus. Stop it. I was a fool to just let you go on your own like that. Now that I look back on it, I was kind of being a toerag to you." She said the last part with a smile. Her smile made my lips twitch upwards. "Forgive me?"
"Lily. You need not ask for my forgiveness, you've always been forgiven." She smiled, and I felt my heart melt. A hard feat for someone with a heart as cold & dark as mine. We just sat in a comfortable silence, one I was so happy to have back.
Just then, maybe ten minutes later, she started. "Severus, I-I'm sorry. I have to go, he needs me. I can feel the pull now, I have to go."
"Wait! Lily! Are you-"my voice broke. I quickly cleared my throat and tried again. "Are you going to come back?" every passing second she was getting fainter and fainter, less real, like a mere mirage. I prayed to the highest power I wasn't dreaming. If I was, I don't think I'd be able to handle waking up.
"I, I don't know. I think I might be back, but I'm not sure. After all this time being up here, I've never felt anything like it before. Even while watching my only child grow, I've never felt like he's needed me anymore than he does now. It's almost as if, he's summoning me. You know what I mean?" I didn't, I was beyond the point of comprehension, knowing that the only girl I've ever loved, the girl that has been dead for sixteen years, is leaving me alone once again. So I did what I know best; I lied.
"Yes, I know exactly what you mean Lily. Go. If Po-Harry needs you, you should go."
"Thank you Sev, just, thank you. I promise, if I can, I will come back. It was so great to be able to see you up close like this, not just from a distance..."
I smiled, knowing it's what she would want me to do and said "I know how you feel."
When she was only the faintest of all apparitions, I said softly, completely unawares that she, in fact, could hear me "I love you Lily. I'll wait as long as I have to. Even if I have to wait another sixteen years, I'll wait for you. As long as it takes, because, I love you. I've always loved you."
If I had looked up for a split second before she departed, I would have seen the tears glistening in her brilliant green eyes and rolling down her cheeks. I did however hear something, something that had I not been a spy I would not have picked up on at all. Something that sounded suspiciously like "I love you to Sev. More than you've ever known…"
With the hopes that she had in fact said that, I laid back against the tree trunk that appeared behind me as I wished it would, and closed my eyes, thinking about how wonderful it was to see those beautiful green eyes once again.