Feet Shaving Time
A/N: Anything recognizable isn't mine, except the plot. I own that.
Bilbo Baggins was the ideal hobbit, or at least he used to be, but that was before Gandalf and his army of dwarves arrived on his doorstep. Now, he doesn't know what he is, but a hobbit is certainly what he's not. He wished he could still live in the shire, but they ridiculed him so, so he thought, well if I'm not a hobbit, might as well do something to set myself apart.
Now he didn't want to do just anything to be different, oh no, he was much too pompous for that. He had to do something shocking. Now what would Gandalf do? He thought.
Then, a brilliant idea struck him. He could shave his feet! No hobbit in his right mind would ever do that, but technically he wasn't considered a hobbit anymore.
The first step in his feet shaving was acquiring a razor. But not just any razor. Oh no, he had to have the best razor in the world!
To get said razor, Bilbo decided to go to his friendly Middle Earth Walgreens. He went straight to the personal hygiene section, not wishing to waste any time, and looked at the good sized razor section. He skipped right over the feminine razors, seeing as he was a very manly hobbit, and selected a nice black razor. It looked both sleek and efficient.
He went to pay the nice cashier elf, and then he left on his pony, Thorin Jr. He wasted no time in getting back to his vacation home with the elves, and when he got there he went straight to his bathroom.
When he got there though, he realized how unprepared he had come. In his rush to find to find a razor, he had forgotten shaving cream. He would have to ask an elf for some, oh great Gandalf that would be embarrassing.
He decided he would ask Legolas, one of the younger elves for some. With skin that hairless he had to have shaving cream somewhere. He saw him at the end of the hall he was staying in, talking to his father.
"Er, Legolas, can I speak with you for a moment," He said, "Won't take more than a second."
"Certainly Mr. Baggins, what do you need," He said in his helpful, yet blatantly obvious tone.
"I was wondering if you had any shaving cream," He said quietly, a bit embarrassed that he had to go Legolas for help.
"Of course I do, would you like winter pine or ocean breeze?" Legolas said.
"Er, ocean breeze, if it isn't too much trouble," He said.
"Ok Mr. Baggins, I'll get that right away, you just wait here," Legolas replied.
Bilbo took a seat on one of the benches generously placed in the hallway and waited for Legolas to return with the shaving cream.
After about one minute, he finally returned. "My elf eyes did not see the ocean breeze, so I got winter pine," Legolas said.
"It's ok, it all works the same, I'll return this to you as soon as I'm finished," Bilbo said. After seeing Legolas off, he returned to his bathroom to get started on the shaving.
He applied a generous lather of shaving cream to his right foot first, making sure that every inch of hair was covered. Then, he wet the razor, since the instructions said to do then. Next, it was time for the real deal. He carefully brought the razor to his skin, and very gently shaved in a downward direction, being sure to get every hair. It felt odd, but it was quite effective. He repeated this process until his right foot looked liked an elf's cheek, and then it was time for the left foot.
He lathered the cream and repeated the shaving process. This one went a bit quicker, but with no less care. When he was finished he felt a sense of achievement; he was finally different from the other hobbits.
As he left his bathroom, his feet started to itch. Maybe he should've used lotion.