myopicfriend on AO3 made a comment that provided me the inspiration for an alternate version of A Little Birdie Told Me. This one is a bit more romantic and I switched things up a bit. There will be more cuteness and less explicit swearing. A bit of what the Doctor thinks is one-sided pining.
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Life was never simple for the Doctor and Clara. Sometimes things were complicated. Sometimes thing were really complicated. Sometimes the complicated things involved rescuing people. Though this time it wasn't really a person so much as a person's pet. It was very important, though. The Doctor had to tell himself this. The safety of a planet depended on it. That and Clara was depending on him and he'd do anything for her. Still, that didn't mean that he had to enjoy the bird's presence.
"I hate that damn bird." the Doctor huffed, looking at the parrot-like alien creature.
"It's not so bad." Clara replied. "Look at how cute it is!"
"It is not cute." the Doctor grumbled. "It keeps copying me."
"It keeps copying me." The bird mimicked the Doctor.
"That's cute, too." Clara said with a grin.
"It's not cute." The Time Lord said, scowling at the bird. "If this weren't necessary, I would throw it out of the TARDIS and into a supernova."
"No, you wouldn't." Clara replied.
The Time Lord turned to the parrot-like creature and said, "If you didn't know those interplanetary missile codes, I'd cook you for supper, you blathering twit."
"You blathering twit!" the bird repeated the Doctor's words.
Clara rolled her eyes. "The queen of Thurvilgia doesn't like you, so I'm going to tell her that we have the bird. I'll be back in a few hours. You two behave, okay?" the human said.
"I'll be fine." the Doctor replied.
"I'll be fine." the Parrot said.
Clara gave the two one last glance before leaving out the doors of the TARDIS. That left the Doctor alone with the parrot-like creature. The Time Lord glared at the bird and said, "All right, you little feathered menace. I'm going to do some repairs on the TARDIS. You had better keep quiet."
The parrot-like bird gave the Doctor its most innocent look. The Time Lord didn't buy it for a second. He gave the bird one last glare before heading over to the console. He scooted under it, lying on his back as he began his repairs. It was blissfully quiet for ten minutes before an alarm suddenly sounded. The Doctor bolted upright, accidentally hitting his head on the bottom of the console. He turned to glare at the Parrot, who was perched innocently. "Ow! Damn it!" The Time Lord shouted loudly. He usually didn't swear when Clara was around, but Clara wasn't there.
The parrot, of course mimicked him. "Ow! Damn it!"
"You did that on purpose!" the Doctor snarled.
"You did that on purpose!" the parrot-like bird repeated the Doctor's words.
The Doctor had the desire to wring the bird's neck, but he knew that he wouldn't. He shot another glare at the bird before sliding back under the console and continuing his repairs. He had just connected a wire when, suddenly, an alarm sounded again. Once again, the Doctor hit his head when trying to sit up. "You little bastard!" the Doctor snapped.
"You little bastard!" the Parrot responded.
"I really, really hate you." the Doctor growled. "Just leave me in peace and let me do my work!"
The parrot-like bird once again gave the Doctor its most innocent look. Once again, the Doctor glared at the parrot-like creature before returning to his repairs. Once again, it was quiet for a while. Suddenly, he heard Clara's voice call out, "Doctor, help me!"
Clara was in trouble! He had to save her! The Doctor bolted upright and, once again, banged his head on the edge of the console. He looked around desperately for Clara before, finally, he looked at the bird. "Doctor, help me!" the parrot-like bird said once again in Clara's voice.
Things were getting worse and worse. Not only could the bird mimic words and sounds, but it could also mimic voices. the Doctor snapped, "Feathered idiot!"
"Idiot!" The parrot-bird mimicked the Doctor's words.
"I really, really hate you." the Doctor growled.
"I really, really hate you." the bird responded.
"I'll bet you do." the Time Lord grumbled.
"I hate you!" the parrot chirped.
"I hate you more." the Doctor snapped back.
"I hate you more." the parrot copied the Doctor.
"Why can't you just shut up?" the Doctor snapped.
"Why can't you just shut up?" the parrot-like bird said in the same tone as the Doctor
The Doctor snarled at the bird before heading back to the console and sliding under it to continue his repairs. For the next six hours, it continued. The parrot-like bird would say things and make sounds that caused the Doctor to hit his head on the bottom of the console and swear at the creature. After a while, the Doctor had a sizeable goose egg on his head and the bird knew every swear word in the English language, plus seventeen different Gallifreyan swear words. The Time Lord groaned and rubbed his head. Oh, the things he was willing to do for Clara. He scowled at the parrot. He then ground out, "You're lucky that I'm in love with Clara Oswald, otherwise I'd throw you into a supernova."
"In love with Clara Oswald!" the parrot squawked. "The Doctor is in love with Clara Oswald!"
The Doctor pointed a threatening finger at the parrot and snarled, "Don't you dare repeat that!"
"In love with-" the bird tried to say, but the Time Lord interrupted him.
"Don't. You. Dare." the Doctor growled.
The parrot clamped its beak shut and gave the Doctor its most innocent look. Giving the bird one last glare, the Time Lord slid back under the console and resumed his repairs. While he did this, he contemplated the situation between himself and Clara. Since he had regenrated, she hadn't flirted with him at all. Even before then, it had been light-hearted, non-serious flirting. When he regenerated, her face was the first face he saw. They were like ducklings, Time Lords, imprinting on the first person they saw. It was a deeply emotional connection, albeit usually a platonic one. He didn't think that she would be interested in him, hence the not-your-boyfriend utterance. He never could be her boyfriend either. Not that he wanted to. 'Boyfriend' was such a fickle word, so insignificant compared to how he felt about Clara. He wanted to be more than her boyfriend, but he knew that she was not interested. Clara Oswald was obviously all about the pretty, young faces and the Doctor was neither pretty nor young. He was very, very old and and definitely looked the part, with grey hair, wrinkles, and a face that seemed made specifically for being cross. His body was skinny, almost bony, with awkward limbs and knobby knees. He was adjusting to it, but it was not the kind of face or body that Clara would be interested in. Suddenly, the parrot made itself known again when it began to make kissy noises, followed by, "Clara Oswald!" and more kissy noises.
The Doctor slid out from underneath the consol, sat up, and pointed at the parrot. "Not another word from you!" the Time Lord snapped. "Another word and I swear, I'll have you cooked for supper!"
The parrot shut up once more and was silent once again. The Doctor was once again left pining for Clara with his one-sided feelings. As ridiculous as the parrot was, it had made a point. The Doctor would do just about anything for a kiss, a real kiss with lips and everything, from Clara. If he died at the end of the day he kissed Clara, he would die a happy man.
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The Doctor was left alone with the parrot and its antics for a total of eight hours. He was at his wit's end with the noises the parrot was making, though it no longer touched upon the Doctor's one-sided relationship with Clara. The Time Lord felt a pain in his hearts, like an infected abcess that wouldn't go away, whenever his companion came to him. Perversely enough, he looked forward to that pain. He cherished that abcess like the most precious of treasures, for that was what Clara was to him. When Clara returned, the Doctor once again felt that blessed agony. The human female smiled at the Doctor and the bird and said, "The queen is ready to take the bird back. I hope you two got along alright."
"Oh, nothing happened." the Doctor lied.
The parrot looked on innocently. So, without further ado, the Doctor and Clara left the TARDIS and went into the city. They were allowed into the palace, where they faced the queen. The queen stroked the bird's chin and cooed, "Welcome back!"
The queen then turned to the Doctor and Clara and said, "I thank you for returning my bird to me. This planet, as well as our neighboring planet, will be safer, now that he is in my hands. I hope you weren't inconvenienced."
"It's not an inconvenience." Clara said with a smile.
"Yeah. Not an inconvenience." the Doctor said, biting back the sarcasm that threatened to come loose. "Everything went fine."
Suddenly, the parrot-like bird spoke. In a perfect imitation of the Doctor's voice, it said, "I'm in love with Clara Oswald!"
The parrot then began to repeat every single swear word and angry thing that the Doctor had said to it. The Doctor and Clara looked on in horror. The queen's horror increased as well. When the parrot was finally done, everyone was gobsmacked. The queen's eyes began to narrow in anger. When she looked at Clara and the Doctor, her expression was downright vicious. "Guards!" She barked. "Seize them! Execute them immediately!"
Once again, Clara and the Doctor were running for their lives. As they fled to the TARDIS, the Doctor said, "That's it. No more rescuing parrots."
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When they returned to the TARDIS after quite a bit of running, the Doctor and Clara were both slightly out of breath. When the Doctor and his companion caught their breath, the petite brunette glanced at the Doctor. She straightened up and said, "So, about the parrot..."
"It-it-it was nothing!" the Doctor stammered. "Just a stupid parrot blathering on about nothing!"
Clara placed a hand on her hip and said, "Really? It sounded like something else."
The Doctor looked away from Clara, seemingly embarassed and ashamed. Clara walked over to the Doctor until she stood a mere foot away from him. In her best 'Teacher Voice', she instructed, "Doctor, look at me."
Damn it. He couldn't resist the Teacher Voice. Hesitantly, the Time Lord turned to look at his companion. "I swear, Clara, it was nothing." he said desperately.
"Oh, really?" Clara said nonchalantly. "It sounded to me like he was copying you saying that you loved me."
The Doctor couldn't meet his companion's eyes. "He did. Just ignore it. I know you don't feel that way about me. You're all about young, pretty boys."
Clara gently placed her hand on the Doctor's cheek and guided him up to look at her. She smiled and said, "You're being ridiculous, Doctor."
"Right. Ridiculous. I'll stop pining, I swear." the Doctor replied earnestly.
"If that's what you want," Clara said casually, "In that case, since you insist on there being nothing, I think I'll tell you anyway that I've always had a thing for older men."
The Doctor looked directly at Clara with a look of astonishment on his face. The petite companion smiled and asked, "Doctor, could you please bend down a little?"
"Are you going to slap me for being an idiot?" the Time Lord snarked.
"No," Clara replied, "It's just that you're rather tall and I want to kiss you right now."
The Doctor imediately cupped Clara's face in his hands and lowered his face to down to hers before pressing his thin lips against hers. There was no tongue involved, but it was still the most meaningfull kiss that the Doctor had ever experienced. Oh yes. If he died at the end of the day, he'd definitely die a happy man. Of course, he had no interest in dying. No, he'd rather live. He would live for Clara. Happily Ever Afters almost never happened, but he'd enjoy happiness with Clara while he could. That was a promise.