He still has nightmares. Weeks after it all ended, he still woke up in the middle of the night, panting and coated in sweat. It was not nearly as violent as it was before everything happened, but they were nightmares nonetheless. The awful things he did were all swimming around in his mind, coming out to greet him in the middle of the night.
Stiles awoke once again, the memory of what it felt like to stab his best friend fresh in his mind. He could still feel his hand twist the blade, causing Scott such agony. Stiles covered his eyes with his hands, almost as if to try and rub the memory out of his mind.
He got out of bed and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face. Sighing, he wiped off his face and went back to his room. He laid down and was about to get comfortable when he heard his phone vibrate.
Groaning, he got out of bed and went to his desk where his phone was charging. He picked up his phone and first looked at the time, which said 2:24, then opened the text message, which was from Lydia.
'You awake?'
Stiles hurriedly sent a text back saying, 'Yeah, what's up?'
After a minute, his phone vibrated, then continued to vibrate. He answered the phone call.
"Hey Lydia. It's pretty early, don't ya think?" Stiles said, amusement in his voice. His light-hearted demeanor dropped quickly when she started talking.
"Hi Stiles. I couldn't sleep. I tried, but I just couldn't stop thinking about…" She sounded awful. Everyone was supportive and comforting for a few days, but now… Lydia had been putting on a brave face for everyone, but there wasn't a second that went by that Stiles wasn't worrying about her. She just wasn't the same after Allison and Aiden. It was way too much for anyone to handle so quickly.
"Do you want me to come over?" Stiles asked, but Lydia instantly protested. "No, no, you don't have to. I just… I just needed to talk to someone. I couldn't stand to be alone anymore. I guess I just assumed you'd be awake. You don't look like you've been getting all that much sleep either."
Stiles swallowed and said nothing. He didn't want to put anymore of his crap on anyone. They had lost too much thanks to him.
"You can talk to me, you know that."
Stiles squeezed his eyes shut and opened them.
"Alright, you win." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I've been having nightmares, about when he had control. All of the terrible things I did. All of the people I hurt or nearly hurt, or-"
He couldn't bring himself to say it. He knew he was the cause of Allison and Aiden's death. He was responsible for getting them killed. Both times, it was the Nogitsune in his body that killed them, even if it wasn't by him specifically. They were dead, but he was okay. He survived when they couldn't. It wasn't right.
"Stiles, it wasn't you. You can't blame yourself."
But that was exactly what he was doing, blaming himself. That's just the way he was. He couldn't save them or do anything to protect them. Instead, he put them in harm's way to be slaughtered.
"I know, but I still do. If it wasn't for me, they'd still be here. There wouldn't be a hole in everyone's heart. We would still be happy." Stiles took a deep breath, calming his shaky voice. He wouldn't cry, not in front of Lydia.
"Stiles, listen to me. You cannot blame yourself for their deaths when it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could. We all did. It was… it was their time to go, no matter how hard it is for us, it was their time."
Silence hung in the air. Stiles didn't know what to say.
"I thought I was supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around," he said, eliciting a chuckle from Lydia.
"We're comforting each other. You being on the phone with me is the best comfort anyone can give me right now." Stiles gave a small smile, even though Lydia couldn't see it.
For another hour or so, they talked. Mostly, it was just nonsense stuff to pass the time, but it was important. It was important because it helped to heal them. They didn't know how or why, but talking to one another was better than sitting alone in their rooms, trying to wrap their heads around everything that happened.
Lydia decided they should probably try to get some sleep before school the next day, to which Stiles agreed. They each went to their own beds and got under the covers, still thinking about their conversation. Slowly, they drifted off into deep sleeps. Neither one had any nightmares for the rest of the night.