Bobby

He would never know, and that's just how I liked it. But if I were being honest, I kind of wished that he would just find out. I always called him gay and a fairy because I hoped that if I said it enough, he actually would be gay. It wasn't until he hit puberty in about the seventh grade that I developed some feelings for the kid. I knew it was wrong seeing as which I'm seven years older than him, but still the feelings remained. I tried my hardest to not feel that way about him, but it was almost impossible. In fact, the more I tried to deny it, the deeper my feelings got. I always joked about how many girls I slept with and tried to bring a few around every once in a while, but deep down I knew that I saw guys in a different light than girls. Especially him. Every time I see him, the same thoughts run through my mind; For a guy, he's fucking beautiful. Why must this be so complicated? There's gotta be a reason why I can't just be with him. God, that hair. I love his big, beautiful blue eyes. But of course, nothing is ever that simple. Especially not for Bobby Mercer. Or any of the Mercer's, for that matter. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm in love with my little brother.

When I came home a few days after Jack's eighteenth birthday, my heart began to race as soon as I drove into town. By the time I pulled up to the house, my heart was in my throat and wouldn't go down again. It was all because now Jack would be legal to go after, and I wouldn't hesitate. Okay, now I'm lying. I wasn't going to say or do anything. I did hesitate to get my ass out of the car, though. My breath started to quicken, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I did eventually get out of the car; after about fifteen minutes. Walking up to the door, my feet felt twenty pounds heavier, and it seemed like it took an eternity before I finally got up to the door. I just walked in the house, not even bothering to knock or ring the door bell or anything. After all, I have lived here basically my whole life. Or at least, that's the way it seemed. But of course, Jack was laying on the couch when I got there. My breathing hitched for a second. He suddenly turned around, his blue eyes staring directly at me; it was then that my heart seemed to skip a beat or two.

"Look who's back from the dead", he joked. I didn't realize just how much I missed his voice.

"And look who decided to do something other than lock himself in his room", God, how I wished I could have been in there with him...

"Haha, very fucking funny, Bobby"

"Hey, watch your mouth. You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Like I haven't heard that before", I also missed his laugh.

"So how's it feel to be a big, bad eighteen year old?" I hoped he enjoyed it as much as I did.

"I don't really feel that different. Actually, I still feel seventeen. Just barely, though", damn...

"But speaking of mother's, where is she?" I decided to ask before anything got too serious for my liking.

"In the kitchen. She's been dying to see you again", I actually wished that was Jack who was dying to see me.

After dinner that night, I stayed downstairs and watched a muted hockey game with Angel and Jerry. Jack was upstairs in his room, and you have no idea how badly I wanted to be with him. In fact, he was the only thing on my mind during the entire game. Finally towards the end of the game, I turned the volume back up to a higher level than necessary, then ran up the stairs. I got some weird looks from Angel and Jerry, but ignored them and continued on my quest up the stairs. When I got to the top, I knocked on Jack's door lightly for a total of five times.

"Door's open", he answered quietly. I eased the door open without making a sound. As soon as I came into view, Jack looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his, and lightly smiled, "Oh, hey Bobby", he looked down again and lightly moved his fingers across the strings of his guitar. The guitar that I gave him, and never regretted.

"What'cha up to, fairy?" I asked jokingly, using my usual gay jokes once again. Although, the very moment the words escaped my mouth, my heart instantly dropped.

"Just trying to write a song", was his simple answer, with an even simpler laugh. The exact one that I loved. I don't know why I did it, but as I moved closer to Jack, my instincts kicked in. He looked up at me, his blue eyes meeting mine. And in that exact moment, I crushed my lips to his, trying to ignore his struggles to break free. He pushed away, a bewildered expression adorning his face.

"What the fuck, Bobby?" he yelled, backing away from me. Not exactly the reaction I was looking for.

"I- I'm sorry, Jack. I don't... I don't know what got into me", I apologized silently.

"No shit! What the hell is wrong with you? I swear to God, if this is one of your gay jokes, it is not funny! Not even close!"

"God, Jack. Even I wouldn't go that far! What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know. An insane one?"

"I'm not insane!"

"Then why the fuck did you kiss me?"

"I don't know! I thought that you-"

"Thought I was what? Gay? Well, I'm not! God, Bobby!"

"No! I never thought you were! I just joked around with you about it because..."

"Because what, Bobby? Tell me!"

"Because I wanted to hide the fact that I'm gay!" it suddenly went silent- and for a long time. I could tell Jack was trying to process everything, while I was wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

"Jack-" I started, but was interupted by the sudden warmth of Jack's lips. I almost pushed away, but instead deepended the kiss, not wanting it to end. But of course, all good things must come to an end. Jack leaned away suddenly.

"I thought-" again, I was interupted.

"I am gay, Bobby", he finally admitted. I almost smiled.

"But... then why did you freak out at me?" I asked angrily.

"Because I didn't want to admit that to you. I was afraid you were joking"

"Well, I'm not. I love you, Jack", I immediately felt a wave of emotions wash over me as soon as I admitted I loved him, but I still had to prepare for his responce.

"What did you just say?" he whispered, looking down, his eyes seemingly looking for something.

"I love you, Jack", it took several seconds before he responded.

"I love you too, Bobby", my heart started beating faster and faster than before as he looked me straight in the eyes, and told me the truth- that he loved me back. I almost hugged him, leaning forward in the attempt. Before I had the chance to say anything else, Jack kissed me again. Without hesitation, I depended it once again and reached up to knot my hand in his hair. Not breaking the kiss, I pushed him back and smiled when he quietly moaned. This continued for a minute or two until I wanted something more. My hand suddenly took on a life of it's own and reached for the zipper of Jack's jeans. I was expecting him to go along with my intentions, but instead Jack broke our kiss and pushed his body out of the way slightly.

"Bobby, I'm not... ready for that", he admitted, lightly blushing. The moment he said that, my heart rate slowed down and I sighed, getting off of Jack and laying next to him.

"I'm sorry", he didn't look at me when he said that. I stared over at him, a questioning look on my face.

"What are you sorry for? I should've known you weren't ready for that. I mean, have you even been in a relationship with a guy before?" he blushed again, obviously not wanting to admit to his past concerning relationships.

"Well, not really. I mean, I've only been with girls. You know... before I knew that I- liked guys..." he slowly admitted, more to himself than to me.

"Jack, that's perfectly fine. I completely understand if you don't want to go there, yet", he looked to me then.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I can wait", I joked, laughing. He laughed too, half-heartedly. I lightly pulled his chin with my thumb so he could face me, then looked into his eyes and gently kissed him.