Dear Tracy by patricia51
(Takes place between the discussion with the kids and his arrival at Robin's apartment. Ted has a talk with the Mother.)
Ted rested one hand on the smooth marble.
"Hi Tracy. It's been a while since I was out here I know. As you well know I've never thought that I needed to be here to talk to you. It's not like you're just here; you're everywhere, watching over me and the kids. But today is different. Things are changing and I wanted to be here for this."
Without thinking about it Ted's hand began to move in little circles on the headstone as if somehow he was touching someone instead of something. Someone still very dear to him.
"I've been telling the kids the story of how we met. Anyway that's what I thought I was telling them. I finished it today and they called me on it. It seems they believe its not just how you and I met. It was also the story of my life here in New York and the friends who were the center of my world then before, and after, you came to be the middle of that world. Especially one other person.
"You know that I was leaving town after Barney and Robin's wedding. I had seen you at the wedding playing in your band. I had even heard you the night before singing on the balcony of the next hotel room. There had even been an attempt by Barney to 'fix me up' with you, which I avoided by my confession that I was leaving town and a tearful goodbye scene with the gang.
"But then there you were on the platform, standing in the rain under your yellow umbrella and everything changed in one simple conversation. A conversation that revealed how close we had come to meeting before. First at the Halloween party where you lost your umbrella and I found it. Then I wandered into Econ 305 at the college by mistake on my first day of teaching and you saw me. I dated your roommate Cindy, quite unsuccessfully and in our break-up left the umbrella. Obviously I left it for you even though I didn't know it at the time. But that conversation with both of us standing under that umbrella and laughing and teasing about what the initials scratched on the handle really stood for started something that never went away.
"I've told you but you really have no idea how flabbergasted Lily and Marshall were to find me in McLaren's the next day. When I told them I had met a girl they both rolled their eyes and went 'not AGAIN'. But Lily could tell. When I called you, in spite of Marshall begging me not to get so carried away so fast it was Lily who knew there was something different this time.
"You told me later you felt it as well. When I managed, barely, to wait three days before asking you out you agreed and then told me that you just couldn't, that you had lost already found and lost the love of your life. You didn't go into depth about it. Not then anyway. But when I walked you back to your apartment building you called me back as I left. Of course I was desperately praying that you would.
"I didn't know all about Max then but I learned. And I thought it was terrible what had happened. I really did. But I suppose it was only on an intellectual level. It wasn't deep down, grab you by the heart, you breath stops and your mind goes blank because such a thing couldn't possibly happen. Not to YOU. But then the doctor is sitting us down together and no matter how had we hold each other's hand it doesn't help. She is caring and comforting and a wonderful person and a great doctor but none of that matters because it seems that there's nothing that can be done. No cure, no miracle available.
"I wanted it to be me Tracy. I prayed in the stillness of the night, when everything seemed so black that somehow what was killing you could be given to me instead. But you know that. And it couldn't. We went away that weekend back to the hotel where Barney and Robin had married not to get away from the kids and to make the mattress squeak but to decide how we were going to break the news to the kids.
"One strange thing though. I thought I could never love you more than I had. It seemed every day had been more wonderful than the day before and each day I fell harder and harder for you. But the closer we came to the end the more I loved you, the more I craved to be with you, the more each precious day, no each precious hour and minute meant and the more I loved you right up till the end. And I still do.
"Here's the thing sweetheart. I know you never 'got over Max'. And I never would have wanted you to do that. I know that he always had a piece of your heart and always would. I never resented that because there was so much more room in your heart for me, for the kids, even for our friends. Now I know how that felt.
"Penny and Luke are the ones that made me see it. I love you Tracy McConnell Moseby, I always will. But maybe there's room in my heart for someone else. Maybe there's room for an old friend and lover that perhaps I never completely got out of me. Oh it was completely dormant all those wonderful years we were together but slowly it has flickered back to life in the six years you've been gone. The kids think I love Robin. I did once. Maybe I can again. I don't think I'm as far gone as they believe but I want to find out.
"Tracy my dearest love I'm going to find out. Maybe you were right, okay you were ALWAYS right and I got used to it but this is different. You were the one who showed me that it was possible to go on living and to learn to love someone else. There isn't just one person for each of us or you never would have fallen in love with me.
"The kids are okay with this. I hope that you are too. You told me to keep living and I would be happy again one day. Was this what you meant? You were so wise I can't help but think that it was."
He stepped back and studied the smooth granite with its carving. Her name, the dates and the words "Beloved Wife and Mother".
"Wish me luck Tracy my darling."
The day had been overcast but a single sunbeam made its way through the clouds to touch Ted and the grave. He smiled.
"Okay sweetheart. I can take a hint."
He bent and touched his lips to the top of the headstone. "I love you."
He turned and walked away. He didn't need to look back.
(The End)
(Okay so I'm not completely wild about the final episode but I can stand it. I guess we saw it coming, Tracy's death anyway. And just maybe Ted and Robin will be as happy together as Ted and Tracy are shown to have been.)