Happy Holidays everyone (uch, tired . ). Whatever you celebrate, hope you had/are having a good time. As for me, this is Present Month (well, that and Chanukkah, but that's over) and that means presents. So this is a giftfic for my friend Lethe. She asked for fandom, pairing, and a couple of things to be included. Hope I did okay.

Fandom, Pairing: Harry Potter, SiriusxRemus

Required: Toothbrushes, the color greenDisclaimer: Pfft, not mine. If it were mine, I would've changed that stupid title for the last book. (apologies if any of you actually like the title—I think it's ridiculous.)

Rated: PG13 for language and some perverted (more-than-just) subtext.

Warnings: There is gay. Or at least, very encouraged gay. This would also be my first time writing this pairing. Actually, this would be my first time writing any HP fic at all. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED (I hope).

The Room

"Oi! Remus! Wake up!"

Remus Lupin, aged sixteen and best friend to Siruis Black, also aged sixteen, groaned and rolled over under his covers.

"Come on, get up! Or I'll—I'll hex you!"

The lump of covers grumbled and a head peeked out. "Siruis! Are you mad? What do you want?" Remus rubbed at hus eyes and sat up. "What time is it?"

"Yes, for you to keep your promise, three in the morning!" Siruis replied cheerfully. "Now c'mon! Up and at em!"

"Why?"

"Because you promised!" Sirius said, as he spun over to Remus's trunk, grabbed out a change of clothes, and threw it at him. "Need I remind you?" He said airily as his friend changed. "Everyone else in our year are either away for the holidays, in their own little cliques, or are boring as hell. You and I, however, are neither busy for the holidays nor insufferable gits. Thus, I suggested the brilliant idea of using that new room we found to test out those century-old prank spells we swiped from Filch. And you, my friend," he said, jabbing in Remus's direction, "promised to partake in said suggested mischief."

"Yes, I did." The other teen replied, as he changed from his pajama bottoms into the pair of pants Sirius had chucked at his head. "In the morning."

"It is morning!"

"Morning requires daylight!"

"And yet, despite all this arguing, you're up, dressed, and ready to go."

"Shut up."

"Right mate, like that's going to happen. Let's get a move on!"

Remus's only response was a groan as he followed his friend out of the dormitory.

---

After about fifteen minutes, they reached the area where they had found the room.

"Now how do we find the blasted door?" Sirius muttered as he paced in front of the blank wall.

Remus, who was feeling considerably more awake, suggested, "We found the room when we were trying to hide from Filch after we took the spells, and again when we needed a place to work some more on our map. And each time the room was different. Right?"

"Yeah." Sirius was kicking at the wall now. "So?"

"So maybe the room appears based on need."

"Worth a try then!" So saying, Sirius spun around, squeezed his eyes shut, and said in a loud whisper, "I need a place to work on mischief magic!" Then he turned back around, expectant…

No door.

"Oh come on! There's no greater need then that!"

"Well if we don't get it to work, we might as well go back to bed." Remus ran a hand through his hair and yawned. "We can try again in the morning."

"It is morning! And we need to do this now!" Frustrated, Sirius began shouting out anything that came into his head. "My puppy died, I need a place to cry!" No luck. "I need a quiet room to study from exams!" Nothing. "I need a secret place so I can jump Remus's bones!" A door appeared. "Damnit! I need a….wait…"

A door had appeared.

"Yes!" Siruis punched the air. "Yes, it worked! …what's wrong with you?" His friend looked like he was choking.

"…nothing." Remus replied in a strangled voice. "Let's go in."

So saying, they opened the door and entered the room. Sirius took a look, went "ohmigod" and stopped dead. Remus started another coughing fit.

Since the room had, apparently, opened on Sirius's need to "jump Remus's bones" it had decked itself out accordingly. The lights were dimmed, lit by burning red candles that were placed in the corners of the room, and there was a large poster bed set against the back wall.

Out of pure morbid curiosity, they went over for a closer look.

"Rose petals." Remus said in disbelief. "My god, the thing's got rose petals on it."

"And silk sheets." Said Sirius in amusement, looking around. "The room sure is thorough."

Remus wandered over to a many-drawered wardrobe. "…I'm not sure I want to know what's in this."

"Oh! Oh!" Sirius abandoned the bad and went over next to his friend. "Let's see!" He yanked a drawer open.

A whip.

Remus slammed the drawer shut. "Okay, let's go." He headed towards the door. "We'll come back later. Right now the room is mad, little thanks to you." He tried the door.

It wouldn't work.

"Are you joking?" the teen yelled to no one in particular. "Let us out!"

"It locked us in?!" Sirius yelled. He kicked the bedpost. "You stupid room! I didn't mean it! And it's not like he'd be willing anyway!"

"What?" Remus spun around to face his friend, but Sirius didn't notice. He was a bit preoccupied himself.

"Ow! Bloody room just threw something at my head!" He glared and grabbed whatever it was from the floor. "What is this thing any…oh." It was a pair of handcuffs. Padded red ones.

Sirius threw them at the floor and stared at Remus. "We're trapped in a mad perverted room! Hey!" Sirius started shrieking at the ceiling. "If you're gonna drop bloody handcuffs on my head, you might as well make them match his eyes—OW!" A green pair of handcuffs hit him in the face. "Oh you've got to be joking!"

Remus, who had been watching the scene play out with rising horror, ducked as the blankets on the bed flew at him. "Get off me!" He yelled, yanking out his wand and firing a spell at the attacking sheets. They turned into red butterflies and flittered harmlessly away. "Sirius! Start transfiguring everything!" Remus ducked again as things from the wardrobe started flying at him, and he desperately started shooting random spells. "Change what's in the room!"

"Bloody OW! Stop throwing those things at my head!" In retaliation, Siruis threw a spell back at the rain of handcuffs. They turned into green fuzzy dice. "And that had better not be a phallic symbol!"

The two fired spells at everything in the room, not even paying attention to what the rest turned into.

It was over an hour before the room gave up and stopped recreating all the stuff Sirius and Remus transfigured. They sat together panting amid piles of cups, pieces of toast, picture frames, mismatched socks, toothbrushes, blank roles of parchment, and, in Sirius's case, green fuzzy dice.

Exhausted, the two were silent for a long while. Sirius absently reached over Remus and grabbed a piece of toast.

"I think those used to be bottles of scented oil." Remus said wearily. He wasn't surprised when his friend muttered something unintelligible and chucked the toast across the room.

They sat in silence a little longer.

"So now what?" Sirius asked irritably.

"Maybe the door unlocked." Remus suggested, hopeful. He stood up and brushed himself off.

"Yeah, like it'd do that." Was the reply.

"No harm in trying." He moved the handle. The door silently swung open. The two gaped at in. Then a "Yes!" from Sirius and they dashed to freedom. Once outside, they spun around to check in the door was still there.

"A blank wall." Remus sighed in relief. "Fine. Let's never to that again. Now," he yawned, completely drained. "I'm going back to the dormitory to get some more sleep before breakfast."

"Wait!" Sirius said in a whisper, grabbing onto his friend's shoulder. "Do you hear that?"

They listened, barely breathing, and heard an unmistakable meow. A meow that meant "hide now or you are gonna get it."

"Oh this is just perfect." Remus muttered. "Now what?"

"Er…" Siruis pointed behind them.

A door.

Questions, comments, critisisms, and love are all welcome and appreciated. And now, to bed.