Lack Of Character

Worried

Roy sat across from his partner in the locker room; changed John went on another rant about being dumped by another woman. His partner was always being dumped and he could see why. He was an immature, egotistical self centered man whereas he had a wife and family to think about, plenty of responsibilities while his partner had few.

"Johnny," Roy looked at his half dressed partner.

"Like I was saying Roy…" Gage continued.

"Johnny!" DeSoto said a little more forcibly.

"Yeah Roy," a quizzical look on his face.

"Why don't you just shut up for once okay? I have a headache and you're making it worse. For once in your life just grow up, k. So she dumped you, get over yourself and move on," Roy shut his locker and headed towards the kitchen for some much needed coffee.

Johnny quietly changed, thankful he was alone in the locker room with his thoughts. So it had finally happened. Three and a half years he sighed heavily and headed to the bay not in the mood to talk to anyone.

As Cap made announcements, Gage didn't look at his partner but looked at his hands as joking and laughter filled the bay.

"Gage," Stanley looked at him.

"Huh yeah Cap"

"I'm letting you clean the dorms. You here?" Stanley looked at his distracted raven haired paramedic.

"Yeah Cap I'm here. Present and accounted for," he got off the running board of the engine and when dismissed quickly made his way to the dorm.

Before long tones sounded for the squad and the team headed out.

Roy stole glances at his silent partner, but right now, Joanne had found a lump on her breast and he couldn't handle John's rants anymore. His wife maybe be dying and his partner had little else to do but live a carefree life.

Gage was professional the rest of the shift, he sat in his locker shining his shoes knowing this day would come, only he hadn't hoped it wouldn't be so soon. He remembered when he joined the paramedic program.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Jim said. "But I'll sure be glad when you have a new partner because then you can drive them crazy just like me."

Yeah he was good at that. Driving his partner's crazy, just like the other stations he worked; eventually he transferred so now it had come. Sighing he knew he would have to look for paramedic openings, the one thing he found out he loved and acting more professional.

****

Driving home from his shift the raven haired paramedic knew he had missed the first few clues of the deteriorating friendship of his partner. The last few weeks, Roy had called him to cancel dinner saying it was a bad time. But what Roy didn't know is Johnny saw him talk to the Cap with a closed door. He remembered how it started the first time, the closed door and the guarded looks.

His next three days found Johnny in a deep, dark funk. Recalling the last two stations until what he thought was a home.

"Home," he snorted, "it's just a job, man. You're one of the best. You can transfer anywhere, cause no one would miss you. Hell, they'd throw a party to see you go, just like the last two stations."

****

Roy's three days found him taking his wife to the doctor for more tests and then to schedule a biopsy. A biopsy. Joanne had tried to uphold a strong front but he knew his wife to well. Inside she was crumbling, but he remained strong for her. It could be benign. It could be nothing, why worry until they knew something for sure. Roy prayed it wouldn't be cancer.

****

Johnny pretended nothing happened when he returned to shift. He laughed and joked just like he always did but quickly checked the bulletin board for openings. Roy treated him civilly which he was thankful for. It wasn't until they went to Rampart when he noticed how bad it had gotten.

He had ridden in with the patient and once released he saw Roy and Dixie whispering together as he started walking toward them, they stopped and acted if there was nothing wrong. Gage was certain they were talking about him, just like at 10 when he was thinking of becoming a paramedic. Dixie knew where a lot of skeletons were buried and he knew she probably had something on him.

"Hey Dix," John smiled, "how are things?"

"Can't complain," Dix cleared her throat and looked at his very serious partner.

"Good. Good, me either. Well shall we partner?" John looked at Roy and then at Dixie.

"Yeah, sure talk to you later," Roy waved as they made their way out of the ER.

Gage would never press Roy but somehow he knew something bad had happened and he might have been the cause of it.

"Hey Roy about last shift I'm really sorry if I upset you and all. You know me and…"

DeSoto glared at him. "It's okay Johnny really. Can we go back to work now?"

"Uh yeah sure," John looked out the window of the squad as they headed back to base.

For the next month, Johnny thought things had settled down, but Roy seemed lost in a world of his own. He knew it was useless to ask because Roy would never tell him. It seemed every day off his partner returned in a worse state. He could see he had gotten little sleep and his nerves were on edge. Even on calls Roy's patience was wearing thin and it was left to him to calm patients.

John was picking up one of the new nurses for a date at Rampart when Dixie motioned him over.

"Hey Dix. What's up?" John smiled feeling her tenseness.

"Johnny do you have a minute?" Dixie crossed her arms.

Looking at his watch, John nodded. "Yeah sure." He clenched his jaw.

"Let's go into Kell's office." Dix walked slowly to the end of the hall and the paramedic reluctantly followed.

Once in the office Dixie leaned on the desk and John sat on a chair.

"Johnny I know Roy would kill me for this but you have to know," Dix choked back some tears.

At that moment, Johnny wanted nothing more than to run from Brackett's office, his jaw clenched tighter he clamped his hands on the arm of the chair.

"Joanne…Joanne has breast cancer. Roy didn't want anyone to know just yet and since you're his partner I thought you might be able to help him over the rough spots," she reached out to his hands.

Johnny stood up running his hands through his hair. "Cancer are you sure? I mean it…it's not a mistake."

The nurse shook her head. "No they ran several tests. Joanne had a biopsy and their talking treatment options now."

Gage's mouth stood open.

"I'm sorry about the whispering Johnny but Roy wanted to keep it a secret. Johnny?" Dix shook him.

"It's okay Dixie really. Uh, thanks for telling me. I mean it," John walked out of the office all the more determined to pull the impossible in the next three day layover.

Cutting his date short, Gage went home to make a few phone calls.

*****

The next day found him at Phil Nolan's house. Waving as he came up the driveway he found his friend working on his car.

"Hey man you still trying to fix this thing?" Johnny kicked the tires. "It is a beauty thou." The paramedic eyed the fire engine red corvette. Another thing they have in common.

"So pally still looking for a change?" the dark haired paramedic stuck in hands in his pockets.

"Sure, why?" Phil looked up from the image.

"Man have I got an opportunity for you!" Johnny smiled his best smile.

"Well then let me buy you a beer then," Phil closed the hood. "Trudi and Christine are visiting her sisters."

Shaking hands as he left all Johnny had to do was fill out paperwork. He drove out of the driveway, going home but found himself driving to a familiar place. He was there by late afternoon and pulled into the cemetery driveway, up the familiar road and stopped. Somehow along the way he had picked up some flowers, mums, his mother's favorite.

Sighing he got out of the car and went to his parent's graves. Placing the flowers he found himself kneeling down.

"I'm sorry Mom, I'm real sorry." A few tears trickled down his face and he knelt there until it was dark. Standing up stiffly he headed to his car and his new future, he hoped.