A Pirates Carol
A/N This was co-written between me, Phantom Shadow Pirate and my sister BOC42. It was her idea, but I'm writing it, so I think I'll take the credit… BOC42 smacks P.S.P. upside the head I was just kidding!
Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, A Christmas Carol, or Muppets, or anything else for that matter! Got it? Good. Lawyers walk off groaning
A Pirates Carol
We join our two narrators as they stand in a dark alley way. Pintel and Ragetti.
"What are we doing here?" Ragetti questioned a fore mentioned partner.
"What do you think we're doing you dolt? Narrating a story of course!" Pintel snapped while slapping his friend on the arm. "I'll begin."
Norrington and Beckett were dead to begin with. And Sparrow had signed the certificates, so it must have been official.
With a swish of a cape, Sparrow walked down the ally towards the docks. It was the day before Christmas, which put him in a worse mood.
When a
cold wind blows it chills you It paints you with indifference Oh, there goes Mr.
Humbug There goes Mr. Skinflint He must be so lonely, he must be so sad There goes Mr. Outrage (Scrooge
liked the cold. There goes Mr.
Heartless
Chills you to the bone
But
there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart
Like years of
being alone
Like a lady
paints with rouge
And the worst of the worst, the most hated and
cursed
Is the one that we call Scrooge
Unkind as any, and the
wrath of many
This is Ebenezer Scrooge
There goes Mr. Grim
If they gave a prize for being
mean
The winner would be him
Old Scrooge, he loves his
money
Cause he thinks it gives him power
If he became a flavor
you can bet he would be sour
(Even the vegetables don't like
him)
There goes Mr. Greed
The
undisputed master of the underhanded deed
He charges folks a
fortune for his dark and drafty houses
Us poor folk live in
misery
It's even worse for mouses
(Please sir, I want some
cheese)
He goes to
extremes to convince us he's bad
He's really a victim of fear and
of pride
Look close and there must be a sweet man inside
(Nah .
. . uh uh)
There goes Mr. Sneer
He
has no time for friends or fun
His anger makes that clear
Don't
ask him for a favor cause his nastiness increases
No crust of
bread for those in need
No cheeses for us meeces
He was as sharp as a flint, secret and
self-contained
as solitary as an oyster.)
There goes Mr. Cruel
He never gives, he only takes
He
lets his anger rule
If being mean's a way of life you practice and
rehearse
Then all that work is paying off, cause Scrooge is
getting worse
Every day in every way
Scrooge is getting worse
Indeed, it was true. With everyday, Sparrow became more and more unhappy. But that was soon to change…
Sparrow stormed up the plank, frightening the workers on the ship. The boldest one, and also the "leader" of them, William Turner stood up to great his boss.
"Good morning Mr. Sparrow," Will began.
"Bah humbug!" was his reply.
"Mr. Sparrow, if you please, it's getting colder and the workers, they are nearly frozen, they can hardly take inventory of the loot." Will pleaded.
"Let them suffer," Sparrow snapped. "Coal is expensive, and we can't afford to loose any money!"
"Yes sir." Will sighed and continued his work.
Sparrow and his late partners Norrington and Beckett were pirates together, and they had looted many a treasure. The inventory was still to be taken from their latest and last treasure hunt together.
The hours passed, and slowly, the early morning crept into late afternoon.
"Mr. Sparrow," Will began, "It appears it is closing time."
Sparrow glanced at the clock tower in the center of the town.
"It appears as though you are right, Mr. Turner. I expect you here at eight o'clock sharp tomorrow morning though."
"But Mr. Sparrow, sir, if you please, tomorrow is Christmas. It doesn't seem very traditional to have such hours on Christmas."
Sparrow was surprised at his request.
"And what hours are traditional, Mr. Turner?" he asked leaning forward.
"Well, I suppose it's the whole day off sir."
"The whole day?!" Mr. Sparrow roared.
"Sir, please, every other businesses will be closed as well, and there really is no point…" Will trailed off.
"Fine." Mr. Sparrow snapped. "But I expect you here all the earlier the next morning!"
And on that note, Sparrow stood up and stomped down the plank into town, cursing the small orphan children that got on his path of rage.
As Sparrow stepped up to his door, he glanced at the knocker. To his amazement, it transformed before his very eyes, into a very familiar face.
"Norrington!" he gasped, stumbling back. The knocker let off a loud wail that shook the windows and transformed back into its original state.
"Bah humbug!" muttered Sparrow, glancing at the door one more time before entering.
After dressing in his robe, slippers and hat, Sparrow sat before the fire. Soon, the candles began to flicker. Next, the fire. It a matter of seconds they both went out, and Sparrow was left in utter darkness.
Then an eerie glow began to fill the stairs. It was a faint blue at first, but then it began to grow.
"Who is there?" Sparrow called in hopes someone would answer. Instead, he was greeted with a faint crinkle of chains, soon accompanied by voices.
"Sparrow, our dear friend!" it said.
"Who is it?"
"Why you know us! We're your old business partners! We're here to warn you! You need to change your way of life, or you'll be condemned same as us!"
We're
Marley and Marley
Averious and greed
We took advantage of the
poor
Just ignored the needy
We specialized in causing
pain
Spreading fear and doubt
And if you could not pay the
rent
We simply threw you out
We're Marley and Marley
Our
hearts were painted black
We should have known our evil
deeds
Would put us both in shackles
Captive
Bound
We're
double-ironed
Exhausted by the weight
As freedom comes from
giving love
So, prison comes with hate
We're Marley and
Marley
Whoooooo
We're Marley and Marley
Whoooooo
Doomed,
Scrooge!
You're doomed for all time
Your future is a horror
story
Written by your crime
Your chains are forged
By what
you say and do
So, have your fun
When life is done
A
nightmare waits for you
We're Marley and Marley
Whoooooo
We're
Marley and Marley
Whoooooo
We're Marley and
Marley
Whoooooo
We're Marley and Marley
Whoooooo
We're
Marley and Marley
Whoooooo
CHANGE!
"What do you want with me?" Sparrow yelled.
"Oh, we'll be leaving shortly, but three spirits shall visit you tonight to help you!
"No! I don't want anymore ghosts!" Sparrow called, but it was too late. They had gone.
"Bah humbug" Sparrow said, and climbed into bed, thinking he was already asleep and dreaming. But he had slept but a few hours before he was awoken by the sound of the clock striking one.
"How do you know what's going on in there?" Ragetti asked.
"I don't know, instinct, I guess!" Pintel replied.
Sparrow awoke with a start and found his room filling with a strange glow as the sound of the bell faded away.
"Hello," came a mysterious voice from a far corner of the room.
"Who is there?" Sparrow shouted.
"I am the ghost of Christmas Past."
"Oh buga…" Sparrow sighed and flopped down on his bed.
"Come with me." The voice commanded. Sparrow sat up and finally looked at the "spirit". It was a girl. She was obviously an African American, and her hair was in a sort of dreadlocks. Her face was covered in strange signs, and she worn an old tattered dress.
"Where would we go?" Sparrow asked.
"To the past." And with that, the girl touched Jack Sparrow's hand, and they were sucked into the past.
Mr. Sparrow saw many things with the ghost of Christmas past. He watched his childhood, and how he had been excluded in many activities, most likely explaining his attitude toward social contact. He learned that his past shouldn't account for anyway he behaves now.
At two o'clock, the spirit disappeared, and he was back in his own bed chamber. He heard loud laughing from the room next door and quickly went to investigate. In the room was a tall man. He was the most peculiar looking thing Sparrow had ever seen, for the man was half squid. His beard was made up of moving, living tentacles, and the man seemed strangely creepy.
"Come in and know me better man!" It shouted at Sparrow.
Jack, too frightened to do anything else, took a cautious step toward the man.
"Who are you?" Sparrow whispered, for his voice had given away in fright.
"I am the ghost of Christmas Present! Come in and know me better man!"
"Not again…"Sparrow muttered under his breath so the squid type animal would not hear his complaints.
"What was that?" The ghost questioned.
"Nothing…"
"Good! Now, let's get learning about how to improve your life!" He shouted, and off they went. The world melted into a pool of colors around them, and they were transported off to see sights.
While with that spirit, Jack Sparrow learned to appreciate the now from the youngest son of Will and Elizabeth Turner, Tiny Tim. Amazingly, Tiny Tim looked just like a monkey a friend of his had name Jack… He taught him how important it was to take advantage of family and friends, and never take them for granted. Tiny Tim sang a very touching song, which must have took real talent, considering the boy was a monkey…
(Tiny
Tim) Life is full of sweet surprises Bless us all, who gather here (Tiny Tim &
Elizabeth) (Tim)Bless us all with playful years
(Tim) We reach for you and we stand tall
Everyday's a gift
The sun
comes up and I can feel it lift my spirit
Fills me up with
laughter, fills me up with song
I look into the eyes of love and
know that I belong
(Elizabeth)
The loving family I hold dear
(Will) No place on earth, compares
with home
And every path will bring me back from where I
roam
(All)Bless us all, that as we live
We always comfort and
forgive
We have so much, that we can share
(Tiny Tim) With
those in need we see around us everywhere
Let us always love each other
Lead us to the
light
Let us hear the voice of reason, singing in the night
(Will
& Elizabeth)
Let us run from anger and catch us when we
fall
(Tim) Teach us in our dreams and please, yes please
(All)
Bless us one and all
With noisy games and joyful tears
(All) We reach for you and
we stand tall
(Will) And in our prayers and dreams
We ask you
bless us all
And
in our prayers and dreams we ask you
Bless us all...
Sparrow learned a lot with the spirit. But soon, the spirit grew old, not that he wasn't before… and Sparrow was returned to his home, to await the third and final ghost.
The ghost of Christmas Future was a dark and scary creature. He would not speak, and he seemed very old. He had on a large hat, and big boots. His grey beard covered most of his chest, and in one hand he had an apple. But no matter how hard Sparrow tried, he would not speak.
What he learned from that spirit is too great for words. Sparrow swore he would change, for he knew what the consequences were now if he didn't. He had found out he would die a terrible death. Granted it was heroic, and dead hot, but still, he didn't want to die! If only someone had told the fan girls about this before hand!
"Ragetti, are you crying?" Pintel asked.
"No! I uh, had a snowflake land in my eye!"
"Right… Sparrow had become a changed man, for good."
The next morning, Sparrow woke up. Upon discovering that he was not dead, but indeed, in his own bed chamber he began to celebrate. Running quickly downstairs, he ran into a small orphan boy whom he asked to buy the prize turkey from the shop down the street. The small boy immediately came back with the turkey which was almost as big as he was and began hefting it down the street after Jack Sparrow.
Indeed, everyone's worst nightmare, and dream had come true. Mr. Sparrow had turned good and kind which was their dream, but now their nightmare came true. He was singing! Mr. Sparrow, need I repeat, MR. SPARROW, was singing! And we all thought Will Turner was a terrific soprano…
With a
thankful heart, with an endless joy With an open smile and
with open doors Life is like a
journey, who knows when it ends? With a thankful
heart that is wide awake I will hold you close in a
thankful heart
With a growing family, every
girl and boy
Will be nephew and niece to me (Nephew and niece to
me)
Will bring love, hope and peace to me (Love, hope and peace to
me)
Yes and every night will end, and every day will start
With
a grateful prayer and a thankful heart
I will bid you welcome, what is mine is yours
With
a glass raised to toast your health (With a glass raised to toast
your health)
And a promise to share the wealth (Promise to share
the wealth)
I will sail a friendly course, file a friendly
chart
On A sea of love and a thankful heart
Yes and if you need to know the
measure of a man
You simply count his friends
Stop and look
around you, the glory that you see
Is born again each day, don't
let is slip away
How precious life can be
I do make this promise, every breath I
take
Will be used now to sing your praise (Used now to sing your
praise)
And to beg you to share my days (Beg you to share my
days)
With a loving guarantee that even if we part
I will hold
you close in a thankful heart
When he was done singing, he had gathered quiet a crowd. No, not an angry mob, but a crowd that was the surprised by the singing and nice-ness, to be afraid of getting to close.
Pink a blue flowers began to bloom all around Sparrow, and he began to skip and twirl singing "It's a Small World" while picking up flowers and doing the "she loves me, she loves me not" with the petals. Yes all at the same time. Jack Sparrow was a happy and changed man who appeared to have an obsession with pink and blue flowers.
Somewhere, a record screeches to a halt
Back to reality…
Sparrow was standing on the Turners door step, prize turkey and all, rapping on the door. Will answers it, shaking in his shoes.
"Mr. Turner. Why aren't you at work today as we discussed?" Sparrow asked with this freaky serious face.
"But Mr. Sparrow, sir, we did discuss it. You gave me the day off remember?" Will said, now thoroughly spooked.
"Me? Give you the day off? Mr. Turner, I will only do one thing to this notion!"
"And what is that sir?"
"Mr. Turner, I will just have to raise your salary!"
"You'll have to what?!"
"I'll raise your salary! Bring on the turkey!"
The small orphan stumbled in with the large turkey in his arms and quickly set it on the table.
Suddenly (you'll never expect this one!) Sparrow ripped off his cloak and dress pants to reveal a red Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers and a pair of khaki shorts.
"Mr. Sparrow!" Elizabeth screeched covering her children's eyes.
"Mr. Sparrow, are you feeling ok?" Will asked.
"Please! Call me Jack!"
"Jack, aren't you a little, cold?"
"Heck no! I'm the stunt double! The real one is over there!" Jack shouted pointing towards a small corner where, indeed, the real Jack was sitting, in his normal clothes I might add, sipping a cup of cocoa.
"He's right, you know, I'd never risk getting a cold!" the real Jack said and scooted closer to the fire.
"Alright…" Will said trailing off. "Should we get ready for the finale?" he asked.
"Sure!" everyone eagerly shouted in reply.
The group gathered together into four lines. Out of nowhere, the stunt double Jack burst into song.
There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name
"Uh…" Will says, nudging the stunt double in the ribs, "wrong song."
"Oh…"
We
wish you a merry Christmas,
We wish you a merry…
"Actually, I liked his song better!" Will shouted. Various shouts of agreement followed this statement. "Let's sing it!"
There's
a man who leads a life of danger. Secret Agent
Man. Beware the pretty faces that you find. Secret Agent Man. Swinging on
the Riviera one day. Secret Agent Man.
To everyone he meets he stays a
stranger.
With every move he makes,
Another chance he
takes.
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow.
Secret Agent Man.
They've given you a number.
And taken
away your name.
A
pretty face can hide an evil mind.
Oh be careful what you say,
Or
you'll give yourself away,
Odds are you won't live to see
tomorrow.
Secret Agent Man.
They've
given you a number.
And taken away your name.
Lying in the Bombay alley next day.
Oh no
you let the wrong word slip,
While kissing persuasive lips
Odds
are he won't live to see tomorrow
Secret
Agent Man.
They've given you a number.
And taken away your
name.
"And that my friend is why you should stay in school!" Ragetti shouted.
"Uh… No. That my friend's is Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens." Pintel corrected.
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
Thanks so much for reading this whole thing! Please Review!
Phantom Shadow Pirate
BOC42