Can you say pure, sleep-deprived CRACK fic? Okay, good, because I am quite sure that that is what this is. Seriously. I am gonna go back, a week from now, read this, and wonder 'WTF was I doing?' Oh well, it was fun to write. I love writing Phantom and Danny the way they are in this (too much Yu-Gi-Oh in my system, I guess...) They're kinda like me and my brother (right down to the randomly showing up in the other's bed in the middle of the night... long story.)
For those who just don't get what's up with the halfas, Dan and Danny are two (semi) separate beings that share one body and thus can read eachother's minds. At sixteen, Dan and Danny are strong enough to split into two separate beings (just, not more a very long period of time.) Vlad and Plasmius have the same setup.
12 Days of Christmas
or
The 12 Longest Days of Danny Fenton's Life
Dan Phantom was more than used to the odd, strange, bizarre, and generally absurd. In the two years he had shared a body with Danny Fenton, he had seen just about everything imaginable, not to mention heard just about all of it, too.
"You've gonna be kidding," he shook his head, "okay, I'll play Plasmius's game, but he owes me big time for this."
"You and me both," Skulker grumbled, "I swear if I didn't have to listen to you griping about your other halves so much... why can't they be more like you two?"
"I've been asking myself that for two years."
"And?"
"Probably the same reason I always wind up waking up next to Danny."
"You are really weird."
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Danny... Danny, wake up, you need to see this... seriously..."
Danny rolled over, swatting Phantom's hand away, "Go 'way... And stop chirping... wait a minute, what?" He sat up blearily, staring at Phantom's green eyes before finally following the chirping sound, "What is that?"
"I believe Jazz called it a partridge," Phantom replied, walking over to the tree that had somehow appeared in Danny's room.
A partridge in a pear tree
"Since when are pears ripe in the middle of winter?" Maddie asked, examining the pear tree.
'Please don't tell me that's the only thing she can think to say,' Phantom grumbled from the back of Danny's mind.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Danny, I think you've got a secret admirer."
Danny woke with another tree (complete with partridge) and a pair of loud, annoying, cooing birds perched on his nightstand. He glared, "I think I hate birds..."
Two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree
"Doves... who the hell decided to make doves a symbol of peace anyway?" Phantom grumbled, "They're noisy and annoying and they shit on everything..."
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
'Thank the Dairy King,' Danny thought as he walked through Casper High's hallway, 'no weird birds today...'
"Um, Danny..." Sam and Tucker were giving him identical strange looks, "is there a reason there's a pear tree in front of your locker?"
'You were saying, Danny?'
Danny groaned, pushed the pear tree aside, and opened his locker, "You have got to be kidding me."
Three French hens,
two turtle doves,
and a partridge in a pear tree
"Here you go," Danny dropped one hen into Sam's arms, the other into Tucker's, "Merry Christmas, there's your dinner for tonight."
In the back of Danny's mind, Phantom was laughing madly.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Danny! It's for you!"
Danny groaned, "Tell them my refrigerator's running, I do NOT have Prince Albert in a can, and STOP CALLING ME!"
Phantom put a reassuring arm around Danny's shoulders, causing the two new doves that had been perched there to scatter, "It's okay, Danny, we still love you."
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
The vulture stared the phone, "Boss! The whelp says to stop calling him!"
Skulker, who had watched the ordeal from the beginning, slapped his forehead, "This has got to be the strangest Christmas scheme I have ever seen."
"Skulker! I've got another delivery for you!"
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"And how long has this been going on?" Sam asked, trying not to laugh as Danny herded his small army of birds back into the house before school.
"For the last five days," Danny grumbled, very aware of Sam and Tucker's concealed snickering and Phantom, who was being much less compassionate, "and if I open my locker and find one more bird I'm gonna scream."
But there were no more birds, save for the morning delivery that Danny was almost used to by now.
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
'Holy shit!'
"Holy shit..."
Poke. Poke.
"They're solid gold," Sam muttered, "and custom engraved..."
Indeed, each ring had the initials DF engraved in them in different, swirling fonts.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Not more birds!"
Phantom dissolved into hysterical cackles, not even bothering to return to Danny's mind before doing so.
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"Mom!" Danny yelled down the stairs over Phantom's cackling, "We don't need to go to the store! I've got some eggs!"
With a sigh, Danny slipped on one of his five new rings, actually stopping to admire the engraving. This set was a little more extravagant, each having a single diamond embedded in it.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Okay, how did someone manage to put a lake in our back yard while we were sleeping?" Jazz asked.
Danny was too busy staring. Even Phantom seemed to have been stunned silent.
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"Y'know, this sounds vaguely familiar," Danny mused as she stared at the small army of birds that was amassing his back yard.
"Danny..." Phantom was holding up one of the five rings Danny had received during the night, "This is starting to get outta hand..."
Danny turned around. The ring Phantom was holding, instead of being the simple DF with a diamond, these rings each had a different precious gem in them carved into the shape of Danny Phantom's logo. "Oh dear..."
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Well... at least it's not birds..." Sam suggested weakly.
Phantom snickered, 'I thought you wanted to be an astronaut, not a farmer.'
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"At least we don't have to go grocery shopping as much," Maddie voiced as one of the maids handed her a pail of milk, "I'll just... get started on breakfast..."
Phantom appeared at Danny's side, wearing one of the five new rings Danny had found next to his bed that morning, "Y'know, this is starting to get a little disturbing... seriously..." This set of rings was made from woven gold stands that looked disturbingly like the vapor trails many ghosts were made of.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"At least they're not strippers..."
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"Don't worry," one of the dancers whispered to Danny as she delivered the next set of rings (almost identical to the last set, save for each having a precious stone woven into it,) "it's almost over."
"You gotta admit," Tucker patted Danny on the shoulder as they helped the maids feed the hundreds of birds that Danny now owned, "whoever it is, they're committed. I mean, seems like they're gonna go through the whole song..."
"Song?" Danny echoed weakly, "What song?"
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"Okay, now it's getting absurd!"
Phantom had returned to cackling madly. Jazz, Maddie, and Jack (along with the rest of the neighborhood) were staring.
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three french hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"Um... you guys can rest now," Danny suggested, watching the men (apparently quite happily) jumping around in the middle of the street. As if the neighbors didn't think they were strange enough before...
"No thank you, Master Daniel!" one of them called, "We are thoroughly enjoying ourselves!"
'Now that's disturbing.'
'What? The 'Master Daniel' part or the 'thoroughly enjoying ourselves' part?' Danny thought wryly.
'No, I mean these rings... am I imagining things, or does the one you're wearing have the Japanese kanji for 'beloved' carved into the diamond?'
'How do you know Japanese?'
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Danny, most likely, would have rolled over and gone back to sleep were it not for the enraged phone calls coming in from the neighbors.
"This is one seriously crazy fruit loop," Phantom decided.
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
"Jealous?" Danny prodded his ghost half, "I think it's kinda romantic."
"You're a shitty liar, Danny."
"You're so jealous."
"There's some crazy fruit loop stalking the other half of my very existence, I'm allowed to be a little worried."
Danny sighed and put his head on Phantom's shoulder, "At least it'll be over tomorrow..."
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
"It's not normal for ghosts to wake up with headaches," Phantom grumbled, grabbing his pillow and putting it over his head.
"This coming from the ghost who comes out of my head just for the sake of sleeping next to me?" Danny asked, mimicking Phantom's actions, "Y'know, one of these day my mom's gonna come in and see you and she's gonna think I've been sleeping with the ghost boy."
"That sounds so wrong," was Phantom's muffled response, "You wanna go shut those drummers up, or can I just blast them?"
"I'll go," Danny grumbled, "make sure my mom doesn't see you in my bed, please. And when the stupid birds call, don't answer."
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree
Danny was sitting on the roof of FentonWorks, staring down at the three hundred sixty-four "gifts" he had received in the last twelve days. The lords were still leaping; the maids were, in light of having finished their milking for the day, going about the neighborhood and helping with last-minute Christmas work; the drummers and pipers were having a completely random jam session next to the lake; and the birds, all one hundred eighty plus of them, were swarming around Phantom and Skulker (who Danny was pretending he could not see.)
Danny stretched out on the roof and closed his eyes, trying not to wonder what it meant for him when his other half (the other him, more like) seemed to have become glued to the side of Skulker of all ghosts. He brought his hand and stared at his hand, which, for the first time in several days, did not have a ring on it. Only four rings had arrived that morning (delivered by four very familiar vulture ghosts, no less,) he was waiting for the fifth one (so he could kill the messenger.)
'Hey, other me, heads up.'
Danny opened his eyes (when had he closed them?) to find a long shadow leaning over him. "Yaah!" Danny scrambled to his feet and backpedaled, "Damnit! Don't scare me like that!" He blinked, stared, "Plasmius?"
"Hello Daniel," Vlad replied calmly.
Danny blinked, 'Phantom...'
'Leave me out of this.'
'You knew.'
'How many people do you know that can afford to buy you five gold rings a day, much less everything else? You're as dense as your dad sometimes, Danny.'
'I hate you.'
"Our other halves can be quite annoying from time to time," Vlad interrupted, appearing at Danny's side and following his gaze down to Skulker and Phantom, "Seems they enjoy gossiping about us."
Danny turned a vicious glare on Vlad, "Care to explain what all this is?"
With a straight face, Vlad replied, "I honestly have no clue, Daniel. I'm as stunned by this as you are."
"You're kidding, right?" Danny gave him a suspicious glare before becoming all together dumbfounded, "But you... Phantom said..."
"Mistletoe."
"And you're... we're... I can't... I'm gonna...what?"
"Mistletoe," Vlad repeated, pointing at something green hanging just above Danny's head.
"Oh," Danny replied intelligently. He was suddenly very aware that, even at sixteen, Vlad was at least six inches taller than Danny. "What are you-?" Whatever coherent thoughts he might have been able to form vanished when their lips met.
Several feet away, Phantom reeled in his mistletoe and high-fived Plasmius, who was floating next to him. "You two are cruel, you know that?" Skulker asked, prodding the two half-ghosts in the sides, "The least you could have done is warned one of them what you were up to."
"And take the fun out of it?" Plasmius snickered, "Phantom, your other half's hilarious."
"Love you too, asshole," Phantom grumbled, "Wait, you mean you were doing the same thing to Vlad this whole time?"
Plasmius nodded proudly and Skulker rolled his eyes. "You know," Skulker mused, finally taking his eyes off Danny and Vlad (they seemed to be arguing in between kisses) to glare at their other halves, "you two are lucky I love you."
End (or is it?)
R&R (if you've got the time) If you've got the extra time to flame, at least put something semi-constructive in it (more than just 'This pairing sucks' or 'This is stupid', I don't wanna waste my time or yours.
Goes off to find something fluffy to read
Happy Merry Chrismakwanzika!!!