Nessie is about to graduate from high school but before that she has to battle it out with her strong emotions for Jake. See her waver from one decision to the next, succumbing to her desires in the end. The story is set eight years after Breaking Dawn.
Note: Some scenes may not be appropriate for younger readers. This is my very first fanfic and I'd appreciate if you guys will send your comments. Thanks a lot.
(The characters included here are not originally mine)
BOOK I: RENEESME
I. Ominous Dreams
Three a.m. The room is dark save for the faint moonlight that sifted through the clouds. I woke up abruptly, gasping for air and my heart pounding violently in my chest. It was the strange dream again.
In my dream, I was caught up in a hot and passionate liplock with the dark-haired guy once more. I was back in the woods, running away from a pursuer, under a lone full moon. It was the kind of dream where you try to push your legs so hard that they're screaming in pain, just to keep a great deal of distance between you and your pursuer. But for some unknown reason, all those efforts are in vain because in the end you're still knocked off of your feet and dragged into a dark abyss. I tried to scream for help but my voice seems to disappear inside my head.
I stood up and padded silently into the bathroom until I stood in front of the sink. I stared blankly in the mirror as the clock ticked. Mindlessly, I flipped the faucet open and splashed cold water on my clammy face. My senses came back gradually and I went back to my room.
I sat on the club chair at the far corner and watched the shadows moving across the pale wall. I'm far from having what you would call a perfect week. The dreams started last night and it had me screaming for help when I reached the part where I started to run. I had to lie through my teeth when my parents, Alice and Esme crashed into my room after they heard my panicked pleas for help. Although the act of lying is regarded as something futile in the company of a mind-reader, I still gave it a shot and hope the reasons running through my head would keep him silent.
I fared better tonight, I think. I didn't scream, because if I did Esme and Alice would've barged through my door waiting anxiously for my explanation. Good thing my parents were in the cottage tonight, this saves me from weaving another set of lies.
Sleep evaded me again, so I decided to quit pretending there will be a second trip for me into the arms of Morpheus. I switched the TV on, regardless of the fact that there is nothing on it that I wanted to watch. I just need something to occupy my mind while waiting for the sun to claim its place in the sky and tell me when it is time to go to school.
Another boring day went by smoothly, which is good, because I'm not in the mood to put up with whatever crappy thing life's about to unearth for me. Lunch with my human friends went by as usual; with me listening to them as they prattled on and on, day after day. In a school where I have to try to blend in, I take pleasure on being part of things and never the center of unnecessary attention. Silence has been my best camouflage so far. Nobody from the group took notice of my more-than-the-usual silence, thus giving me a wide berth to think.
After school, I headed straight back home and plodded through my assignments before hitting the sack. Jacob called but I merely brushed it aside. It's been a week since we've seen each other and he missed me. Funny, it's not the same for me. I've been having an army of russet-fur wolves in my head recently, and it's driving me insane.
The earsplitting shrieks of the alarm clock roused me from sleep. I fought the urge to pulverize the innocent metal device in my hand before turning it off. "It's an alarm clock and it's supposed to wake you up," I reminded myself, besides it wasn't its fault why I keep on waking up in the dead of the night.
It was the dreams. They're the reason behind the presence of the cursed gadget in my room. "Ugh! When will it stop?" I groaned.
I only have half an hour left to prepare for school, not that it would be a challenge for me to get there in time, but still I dragged myself off the bed and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. The freezing droplets of water pelting my skin were like bullets tearing through the fog of sleep deprivation.
I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror before marching downstairs. There was something in the figure that I haven't noticed before: bruise-like purple circles under my eyes. Okay, that does it. Now I look exactly like the other members of the family.
Not that I have anything against the family, it's just that some of the people in town were glad to see a Cullen who's somehow different from the others. A classmate tipped me on that one.
The story that Edward and Bella dished out on Charlie when they introduced me to him was the same story that made its way around the town. So the people of Forks in the state of Washington think I am the adopted child of Edward, who happens to be the adopted son of Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his beautiful wife Esme. When confronted with the question "Why?" I just tell people that the family's big on adoption.
The superficial knowledge that the people had about my family almost made me laugh. They were right about their judgment about me being different from the other Cullens, I would not deprive them that, although they had it all screwed up. Folks here think I'm more sociable than the other Cullens, especially my father and his siblings. No normal human being knows that the reason for that is because biologically I'm more human than the other Cullens, that is why I can afford to build a closer friendship with normal teenagers like me. But I still have to be thorough and careful with my actions around normal humans. My being half-human isn't an excuse to shirk my responsibilities in keeping the family's secret.
Now, the humans are bound to notice my panda eyes and I'm horrified by the idea that they're going to blame my parents because of this. They'll think my parents are transforming me into a freak like them. As if I need any more transforming to become a freak than I already am. Freak. I can think of other words for that: odd, queer, abnormal, strange, bizarre, etc. Those labels doesn't really bother me, I just don't like these people to think negatively of my parents.
Hell, I can be one, if not the most, spoiled child in the continental US. Consider this, who in Forks had been given a brand new sterling grey Ford Focus Coupe for their 7th birthday? Okay, that would be me. Haha, that's an understatement because I had to talk my dad into the idea of giving me that car instead of a flashy sports car.
I also have an abundant source of emotional support not only from my parents but from the whole coven and my werewolf bestfriend, Jacob, as well. I cannot ask more than that. That's why my mission is not to become a half-human half-vampire spoiled brat.
Going back to the apparently visible evidence in my face, it is true that the dark patch under the eyes is one of the distinct features of our kind and it is part and parcel of our true nature. Given that, it still does not validate the existence of the blotches on my face because it's not there because of that same reason. The wretched images got them there.
I was still brooding over it as I stomped off to the garage. Halfway there, Esme caught up with me.
"Good morning darling," she greeted, ignoring my glum disposition. The comforting sound of her voice mollified me, making me smile. She shook her head disapprovingly as she traced the shadows under my eyes.
"Oh, good morning too Esme." I reached out and hugged her. "Heading to Olympia?" I asked.
"Yes. We're trying to finish as much as we can today."
"But where's Alice?"
"She'll be down here any minute."
"I'm running late for school. Have a nice day though," I said as I planted a kiss on her smooth cheek.
"Bye Alice. See you later," I said towards the direction of Alice's room. She laughed playfully.
Aside from my parents and me, the other members of the Cullen clan are currently in Switzerland and they've been staying there for two years. Alice and Esme are staying with us for two weeks because they're working on a restoration project in Olympia.
I climbed on the car and threw my bag at the passenger seat. The engine purred to life. Put my foot on the accelerator and flew out of the garage and disappeared into the highway. Minutes later, I skidded into a halt on my usual spot in the parking area near the cafeteria entrance.
The final stroke of the bell pealed as I charged down the hallway towards my English class. Mr. Berty was just starting to settle his things on the table when I came in. Quietly, I slid into my seat.
"Whoa, rough night?" my seatmate, Scott, asked. Great, he greeted my unwelcome visitor. I wonder if this is better than hiding it with a concealer. Hmmm… I think so. My total inexperience with make-up told me it's better to go bare.
"Yeah, one helluva night," I answered casually. Most of the time Scott sits quietly in his side of the table and it seems like my unusual appearance stirred his curiosity. Fortunately, Mr. Berty called the class to order so Scott wasn't able to press the subject anymore. I concentrated on today's topic to keep my mind from wandering because my nightmares were hounding even my daytime reverie.
Every now and then someone would comment on my eyebags' worsening condition. Come lunch time, I met more bewildered looks as I worked my way through the chattering crowd. Yeah, just like a freak show. Wait, maybe I'm just too paranoid.
The room's half-full when I joined Scott and the rest of the gang on the table. They all turned to look at me when I pulled the chair between Scott and Lily. I let out a grunt.
"What?" I asked, masking the alarm in my voice. As far as I can remember I haven't done anything non-human in front of these people so why are they so shocked to see me.
"You look awfully like a distressed chicken," Lily commented, the joy in her voice was unmistakable. She's clearly enjoying the fact that something's bothering me enough I can barely sleep.
It makes me wonder if vileness runs in her family. She's Jessica Stanley's cousin, who happened to be one of my mom's circle of friends during high school. Edward caught a glimpse of Lily's mind during my first day at Forks High School and whatever he heard from her triggered a warning from him. I never asked my dad to elaborate on that but I heard him muttering under his breath something that sounds like "Just like her cousin."
"Hey, that's not so nice," Colleen snapped at Lily.
The latter unashamedly rolled her eyes on the scolding lashed out on her. I snorted almost inaudibly. Colleen then turned to me.
"But seriously girl you look like you need some good night sleep," she admitted and patted my arm. But before I can even open my mouth to thank her, Allan butted in.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Allan asked. He's Lily's on-off boyfriend and also the youngest son of the Adams who owned the Thriftway, Forks' local grocery. "Because you look like you're going to pass out any time. I can drive you home if you want," he added, his eyes flashed impishly at his last words.
Ugh, has he forgotten the fact that his girlfriend is sitting beside him and she can hear every word that he says? I didn't have to look at Lily's face to know she's scowling at me. It's not my fault she ended up having a delusional flirt for a boyfriend.
I took a swig of the soda and shook my head. "Thanks but no thanks. I've got my own ride remember?" addressing Allan. "Guys, I'm fine. Maybe it's just insomnia. Anyway, I'm planning to give my grandpa a call about this," I told them nonchalantly.
The conversation took a different turn after that. The topic: movies. They were talking about mainstream flicks, which I'm not very fond of so I just listened to them while I ate my lunch. I was starting to ease up a bit when Allan dropped the bomb.
"That reminds me, Scott and I are planning to go surf at La Push next weekend. Who's in?"
My heart skipped a beat and for five seconds I was staring at a stain on the table. I looked at Allan and imagined myself hurling the soda can to his face. I sighed. This day decided to definitely rise up in arms against me.
If I join the group, there's a big possibility that I will run into Jacob. I don't know how I can handle that, yet. If I don't go with them and they run into Jacob, that might still trigger a reaction from Jake. Either way I will see the one person I'm not ready to face. Dammit! Seems like I need to settle my troubles sooner than I thought.
"Nessie, are you coming with us? Colleen asked, yanking me out of contemplation.
"Yeah, I'm cool with that," I answered, trying to disguise my agitation. The rest of lunchtime went by without further provocation. Or is it because my mind started to become numb with drowsiness? More likely.
I can barely understand the lessons that afternoon. In Calculus, I was struggling to keep my eyelids open as I watched the rain outside the window. Mr. Varner's voice droned in the background.
I hadn't been sleeping well for three days in a row. Surely that will take its toll on me. I had to remind myself I still have to battle it out tomorrow in case sleep escape from me tonight. Then I can sleep myself out on Saturday.
The rain turned to mist when I finally broke through the cafeteria doors. I was dragging my leaden feet to my car at the same time focusing on not falling face first into the wet concrete.
I slumped down inside the car. I very nearly succumbed to sleep because of the comfortable seat. I played some rock music to pull myself off that deadened state. Somehow I was able to get my focus together. I started the engine and peeled out of the parking lot before the momentary alertness loses its potency.
By the time I reached the garage at the north side of the mansion, my consciousness was reduced to smithereens. My eyelids felt heavy, I let them droop. It's such a relief to finally close my battered eyes.
The usual smooching prelude was gone this time. But I found myself right smack in the middle of the forest, with the pregnant moon high above the night sky. The wind blew, stirring the motley scent of the forest. I caught a familiar scent, a mix of bergamot, lavender, jasmine and a hint of citrus notes. A perfume that, despite its luscious aroma, sends shivers down my spine reminding me of that eventful day in the field eight years ago. It was a visit from the Volturi.
Whoever owns that scent is heading towards my direction fast, and that means I have to make my move. Then another bouquet wafted in the cool evening air. I turned to stare at the direction where it came from. Slowly, a figure moved out of the shadows and stepped into the dim light that filtered through the treetops.
He stopped about a dozen yards away, looking at me ruefully. I gazed at the smooth contours of his torso, remembering how it felt as my fingers grazed his shoulders. My heart stuttered as a rush of heat flashed across my skin.
Instinctively, I looked up to see his face, only to realize that he was smiling, as if he could read my thoughts and took pleasure in what it contained. He raised his right hand and beckoned me forward. I shook my head in disagreement to whatever he was thinking. I turned to my right and sank into a crouch then launched myself forward. The trees around me turned into a grey wall as I whisked past them, in a pathetic attempt to leave my worries behind. Just like any coward. It ended the same way it did the past few nights. I got knocked out and dragged into the darkness. My muted screams added to its horrifying effect.
My eyelids flew open and I'm faced with the pressing darkness of the room. A cold hand caressing my forehead made me twitch.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?" my mom asked anxiously.
"Nope, you didn't," I sighed, wrapped my right arm around her waist and snuggled close to her.
"Edward told me you're sleeping but you were also thrashing in your blanket that's why I came to check."
"Mmm… I'm glad you did. I had a nightmare," I admitted before I let out a big yawn and buried my face into her cold chest.
"You can tell me about it if you want. But in the meantime, you need to get back to sleep."
She leaned her cheek on top of my head as she held me closer to her. Downstairs I can hear the mellow sound of the notes of the lullaby that my father created for me. In less than a minute, I dozed off.
I woke up to the sound of heavy downpour pounding on the roof. I found my mom sitting on the club chair, her legs curled up on the seat, reading a book. She looked up when I moved towards the bathroom.
"Is 'good morning' a good greeting for you today?" she asked. She's obviously worried about the considerable tossing that I did in my sleep plus the shadows under my eyes, which stood out against my pale complexion. I fancy what she has in mind right now.
"Good morning will work just fine," I chuckled then marched into the bathroom.
I scrutinized my face as I dried my hair. The annoying purple circles made me look haggard. All the extra efforts that I've exerted in dodging the troubling visions dogging me around, wore me out. Ooops! That hit me and had me laughing. The idea that the visions trespassing my thoughts are about Jacob and the fact that it is dogging me around was out-and-out hilarious.
I went back to my now empty room to get dressed. I realized Bella turned off the alarm clock sitting atop the bedside table. I turned to my closet, instead of fussing over my clothes, I just pulled a plain white v-neck t-shirt and black pants out of the closet. So failsafe and something that would earn a disapproving look from Alice. I grabbed my backpack and my favorite black crumpled jacket before hopping downstairs.
The rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. Edward and Bella were in the kitchen whipping up something that would satiate my growling stomach. I already told them they don't have to do this for me because I can fend for myself but they said they were doing it not only because they want to pamper me but also for the sake of doing something. The idea of not having to do anything for a long period of time can be dreadfully boring so I let them be.
"Good morning," I squeaked, a little too enthusiastic especially on a rainy day. I perched myself on one of the chairs in the breakfast nook.
Bella's lips stretched into a bright smile and she handed me a cup of warm coffee. "Here's something to perk you up."
"Good morning too, my dear princess and here's your breakfast," Edward said cheerfully as he slid the plate in front of me.
I laughed heartily. "Thanks dad. I do enjoy basking in all the love and affection that the family and Jacob, I winced when I mentioned his name, can give because it makes me feel special. Unfortunately, I'd rather not have my classmates see that because that will be the end of me," I teased and made a face of mock horror.
They burst into a melodious laughter. Bella reached across the small table and stroked my hair. Feels like nobody's about to burst the bubble by mentioning my restless sleep or even my panda eyes.
I started on my breakfast. After I popped the fourth slice of waffle into my mouth, Alice appeared beside me wearing a scowl on her face. I grinned and said, "Hello."
"Reneesme, don't you love me?" she asked sadly. It caught me off guard. I never thought I would offend her like this.
"Aunt Alice, you know that I do love you-"
"Words!" she spat.
Uh oh, she really is mad. I threw frantic looks at my parents. Edward looked serene as he stared outside the window. My mom was leaning her head on my dad's shoulder with her eyes closed. They've abandoned me, much to my surprise, to have a taste of Alice's wrath. I looked back at her. I tried to swallow the lump on my throat but to no avail.
"Aunt Alice, you know it's raining buckets today. The rain would probably ruin the pretty clothes that you gave me if I wore any of them today." I said, stating the obvious as my defense. I tried to figure out if the storm's about to end.
"Alice, don't be too hard on her. She's been wearing some of the clothes that you gave her, when the weather allows her," Edward said to my rescue.
I grabbed the opportunity to finally calm her down. "I can show them to you, to prove dad's not lying." I touched her cheek and the memories flooded through me.
"I'm glad you like the floral dress that I gave you last summer," she said, evidently placated.
"Well as long as I can keep most of my skin to myself, then I would be glad to wear any item of clothing that you give me. It's difficult enough to get the boys off my back so I don't need to flaunt my assents on them." I told her grudgingly. I wolfed down the remaining waffle and kissed them goodbye.
The morning rain didn't show any sign of slackening as I pulled up at the parking lot. Right after I slammed shut my door I spotted a Volkswagen Rabbit five cars away from me. There's no mistake, it was Jacob's car. The wolf charm dangling from the rear view mirror was made of coiled and twisted copper wires. It was a product of my own bare hands, when I was searching for an outlet to vent out my excitement over our homecoming.
After four years with the family and have me cooped up in the house, Bella and Edward decided to come back to Forks. That decision was hugely influenced by my waning growth spurt and my longing for Jacob. We've been away from each other for a long time and I terribly miss him. I gave that small gift to Jacob when we finally made it back here.
Instead of the Rabbit's owner, I noticed it was Paul sitting behind the wheel. I made a beeline for the car, stopping on his side as he rolled the window down.
"What a surprise. So what brings you here, Paul? I asked. The first statement was true to its words. It could've been less of a surprise if it was Seth or Quil or Embry. As for my question, I had a hunch on what the answer would be but I wasn't ready for the reaction that he was about to lash out on me.
He burst into loud guffaws, taking me by surprise. "Nessie, are you for real?" He was shaking his head and another roll of laughter shook him. "When was the last time you've been with Jake?"
"Last Saturday," I answered automatically and that's the truth.
"And the last time you talked to him?" he asked in the same teasing tone.
"Uhm, the same day I guess." The direction that we're heading with these questions proved my hunch was right.
"You see, it's almost a week since you've talked to Jake and you never returned any of his calls, and now you're shocked that one of us came here to see what's going on," he mouthed the words slowly, highlighting the incredulousness in his voice.
I gripped the handle of the umbrella tightly while I stood there in the rain considering his words.
A quiet moment passed between us while I strung my thoughts together.
"I'm sorry. I've been extremely busy this week. The teachers have gone sadistic, piling works on us so I have to do double duty. I planned to call Jake last night but I dozed off right after I set my pen down," the words came out of my lips easily and glibly. "Tell him, I'll call as soon as I get home later, I promise," I added and pushed the corners of my lips into a thin smile.
"I sure will so you better keep your promise kid," he guaranteed whilst prodding my forearm. "I almost forgot. Jake asked me to give this to you." He held out a folded piece of paper, which I took and slid into my jacket pocket.
"Thanks man. Look, I have to go now. The rain's picking up," I said and waved goodbye.
What's going on? Why haven't you returned my calls? I'm worried sick but I know you'll be mad if I pop in front of your school today so I asked Paul to take a look. I don't know what's going on but you will still come to La Push tomorrow, right?—Jacob
I opened Jake's letter while waiting for our second period to start. It's Spanish class under Mrs. Goff, who wasn't able to hide her shock during our first meeting. "I don't believe Edward has a teenaged daughter. Hija, he's still so young, don't you agree?" He's still so young. I had to bite my lip to smother my laughter over that one.
I looked at the letter again. Jacob asked me three questions, questions that need to be answered. They have to be, right? At some point I will have to face a conversation concerning dreams. That reminds me of Edward. I know he knows about my nightmares but why hasn't he said a word about it? At any rate, this is going to be a difficult conversation.
I had a little trouble keeping my mind on the lessons that day. For a change, it wasn't because I felt drowsy rather it was because I was having an internal debate as to how to solve my nocturnal problem.
Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes earlier. I have a very strong feeling it has something to do with his buoyant mood, which worked incongruously to the damp and dismal weather. All the while, his face contorted into a smile which made him look like a piece of bread left inside the bag.
I clambered onto the car and shut the door immediately as great drops of rain beat on the car roof.
I fished out a silver phone from my bag and punched in Alice's number.
"Hello," Alice's silvery voice greeted me and I can imagine a smile on her face.
"Er, are you done for today? I was thinking if we can go out and have some girl bonding since it's Friday," I said. I was still battling with myself whether I would talk about this with them or better not to.
"Sure. Where do you want to go?" Her voice chimed with enthusiasm.
"Where are you now exactly?"
"Esme and I are still in Olympia but we can meet you in a jiffy," she offered.
"I'll meet you there. I think I need some city vibe after a stressful week. I'll have to make some calls though then I'll be out of here."
"Okay. Call me when you're in the city. Bye."
"Bye," I said and dropped the call. Immediately, I pressed my father's number.
"Reneesme?" Edward asked, surprise leaked from his voice. I rarely call them from school so he must be worried something wrong happened.
"Um, I asked Aunt Alice and Grandma for some bonding moment and we've decided to meet in Olympia. Besides I have to make up for what happened this morning with Alice."
"Have a good time then."
"Thanks," I said and pushed the button to end the call.
It's time to make that call for Jacob. I sat there for a while twirling the cellphone in my fingers, organizing my thoughts and fervently wishing he isn't home yet. I took a deep breath and dialed his home phone number. Nobody's picking up maybe nobody's home. Lucky me. I left a message.
"Hey Jake, it's Nessie. Sorry I was out the whole week. I got busy. Hope you already heard from Paul. I'm going out tonight with Esme and Alice for some bonding. Don't worry much, I'll behave. Bye."
There, I called him as promised but I haven't settled anything yet. I still need to think of a way to clear up the crazy mess I'm in. First things first, I need to talk with Alice and Esme since I can't seem to handle this on my own. I cranked up the engine and felt it come to life, within seconds I was flying out of the parking lot.