1Title: Dancing In The Fire
Author: SomeoneElsesDream
Rating: Uhh...rated T for tissues and tears
A/N: The title is from a Melissa Etheridge song of the same name…I thought it was apropos
Disclaimer: All I own is debt . . . you can take that anytime you like.
Summary: Couldn't stop myself wondering who Sam talks to when it all gets to be too much…when the ghosts that haunt his soul wander a little too close to his heart…and what might he have to say in the dark
I think my heart was designed to fade and lose color
To turn inside out and wash in the rain
It loses all perfection in cold water
So the desired look is obtained
She was nothing like Jess. It was the only thing she had to recommend her, and tonight it was enough. He had been drinking, probably passed too many a round or two ago, but the ache in his pants was nothing compared to the one in his chest. His brother left with some blonde almost an hour ago saying something about not being back till morning, so he knew there would be no questions. He maneuvered his lanky frame through the crowd, catching her eye as he reached the door; she smiled and slipped off her stool to follow him into the night.
And it rises higher and higher
Like this filthy heat above the city sky
And I feel like I'm going mad dancing in the fire
As if I'm only here to prove there are mountains I could move
As she stepped out into the misty dark, she was struck by his tragic beauty. Everything from the subtle hunching of his powerful shoulders, to the sweet smile that left his eyes still empty, tore a little bit into her heart. When he reached his hand back for hers, she found her pulse racing just a little. This was not something she did…ever. Getting picked up at the bar was something she watched her friends experience every Friday night, but there had never been any offers for her until tonight. Turns out that all it takes for her to turn hypocrite and rush off with stranger is a pretty face and a sad smile.
So love is spent dancing in the fire
Too high the cost and too quick the pain
And all that's left for the outsider
Is ashes from dancing in the fire
They walked back to the motel slowly, neither speaking to break the fragile bubble of understanding between them. He looked down at her small hand in his, once again questioning whether this is really what he wanted to do, and his heart seemed to beat a painful reply. His brother was good for a lot, but some things require a woman's touch, some wounds need a softer balm than whiskey and tears. Unconsciously he tightened his hold on her hand, drawing her gaze. There seemed to be an understanding there, a permission, and something he couldn't quite name.
I think my eyes were made for deception
Interpreting lovers will call what they want the truth
With all I have seen burning behind these mirrors
The reflection they see is all that I pursue
When they reached the door, he fumbled for a moment with the key before letting her enter first. He passed on the overhead light, preferring instead the soft, indifferent light of the bedside lamp. He tossed a glance over his shoulder at her as he turned on the little radio.
"Tonight I don't think I can stand the quiet" he said softly
She didn't reply, she simply held his gaze and gave a quiet smile.
He reached for her carefully, painfully aware of his size. She seemed so small and fragile as he folded her carefully in his arms. Leaning down he pressed a gentle kiss at the corner of her mouth, smiling to himself when she leaned into him like a cat. Going deeper this time, he bent and kissed her again.
And it rises higher and higher
Like this filthy heat above the city sky
And I feel like I'm going mad dancing in the fire
As if I'm only here to prove there are mountains I could move
The radio was almost drowned out by the incoherent murmurings and frantic breathing. Neither of them noticed the sound anymore. Both were well past needing anything but flesh. When she gasped against him, her head falling back onto the bed, he let the moment shatter him as it would, trusting the refuge of her body would be enough to protect him. They lay intertwined, skin flushed and damp, quietly undone by the painful intimacy of the moment. He couldn't bear it anymore, the weight of silence on his heart, so he did the only thing he could think to do. Turning to cradle her into his chest, he waited for her breathing to still before speaking.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore"
So love is spent dancing in the fire
Too high the cost and too quick the pain
And all that's left for the outsider
Ashes from dancing in the fire
When he received no response but the tilting of her head, he continued, words pouring out without thought or design.
"Nothing makes sense anymore. Not since my dad died." He snorted humorlessly "Not that things made much more sense then, but it was like we had a purpose then."
He considered his brother for a moment
"I wish he would just talk to me, but I'm afraid of what he'd say."
And voices get louder
And the air's too thick to breathe
Still I lie awake and I wait for the unknown power
Dying for want of sleep
"All I do it lie. Every day another name, another story. Do I even exist anymore underneath it all? Do I still want to?" his voice caught a bit at the end, but she didn't notice.
"What if, underneath it all, I really am a freak?" a small sob caught in his chest "What if I'm a monster?"
She pressed her small hand against the steady beat of his heart, a single tear on her cheek for his pain.
I think my life line was stolen from a movie
The one where they are trying to solve the crime
But this prisoner is always one step before them
And everyone's running trying to stop me in time
On and on the words came, until the first lights of dawn pressed against the window, and finally he was spent. Sometime in the storm of words she had fallen asleep, soothed by his tragic lullaby. Breathing in the clean, sweet smell of her hair, he finally allowed himself to sleep, to slip the fragile bonds of waking strength and give in to the quiet.
And it keeps rising higher and higher
Like this filthy heat above the city sky
And I feel like I'm going mad dancing in the fire
As if I'm only here to prove there are lovers I could move
She slipped soundlessly from the room, pausing at the door to take a final look at the man she was leaving behind. They never bothered with names, they wouldn't have given real ones if asked. All she had of him was one beautiful night, the smell of his sex on her skin, and a single tear. As she crossed the parking lot, his brother pulled in, glancing for no more than a moment at the unremarkable woman with a haunted smile.He smelled it when he walked in the door, but like all the other times he kept silent. He wished his brother would just talk to him, but he was afraid of what he might say.
"Oh Sammy."
Oh love is spent dancing in the fire
Too high the cost and too quick the pain
And all that's left for the outsider
Ashes from dancing in the fire
A/N: Damn . . . I wasn't going to do another one . . . but Sam called and demanded it. The sex was his idea too . . . something about being jealous of Dean getting all the action. Might do one for John if anyone's interested . . . something about Whisky and Ghosts . . . hmm.