"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear"
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Short little, 1000ish word oneshot. Yes, it's mushy and gushy and fluffy. And yes, I wrote it because I'm celebrating Christmas and can't quite stay focused enough to write for All that Matters. It's mostly James's thoughts of proposing to Lily. It's sort of funny, I think. Not as heavy as I tend to write stuff. If you read it – Enjoy and Happy Holidays. And this is my favourite Christmas-y song, though I'm really into the new Sarah McLachlan version right now, the Joni Mitchell one will always own all.
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It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
And then I'm going to quit this crazy scene
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry
He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh, I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh, I wish I had a river
That I could skate away on
I made my baby say goodbye
It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
Singing songs of joy and peace
I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.
"River", by Sarah McLachlan (Joni Mitchell).
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He thought he would propose to her on Christmas Eve. He had bought the ring in July and he was going to propose then, he really thought he was. But unforeseen circumstances arose and his best mate, Sirius, told him there were more important things in the world than finally tying Evans down.
"She's stuck it out with you this long, she's not about to jump ship anytime soon."
The ring stayed in his sock drawer, until she moved in with him. And then he kept it wherever she wasn't likely to find it.
People were dying and there were Death Eaters and attacks and James Potter wondered if he was a horrible person for thinking of it so lightly, so nonchalant. He couldn't help it, he reasoned with himself, because it was Lily's fault, really.
It was her fault for being so damned alluring. Her fault that every other thought in his head was about her and it had been that way for years. Years. His friends gave her credit for the change in him. For the deflating of his fat head and for him becoming a good person, a better person. James wouldn't say it himself but he knew it was because of her, too. He knew that she was the best thing that had happened to him, even before she began paying any attention to him.
Lily Evans is going to change my life, he recalled thinking when he was eleven years old and her hair was the reddest he had ever seen; her eyes the greenest.
It was the first thing he said to her, stating the obvious when he tugged on her long braid and pulled a face at her, "You've got green eyes."
She thought he was a stupid prat from then on.
And he was a prat, to be honest. He was arrogant and smart and thought he had complete control over it. But then she came waltzing in and he always ruined things when she was around. James always made a fool of himself and it was his fault that Lily had hated him for so long. His own stupid fault that he was a boy and she was a girl and he couldn't just look at her and say that he liked her. He tormented her to near death and then decided it was because he liked her such a frightening amount.
James could hardly remember how it happened, how she had finally succumbed to his advances. It was in seventh year, he knew that but he didn't really remember the exact date. He knew it was around the time the world started changing and things started going downhill – He knew that she grew very weary of all the hate in the world and decided to make-up with him, the Head Boy.
They'd been graduated from Hogwarts for over a year now and they had broken up a few times. They had broken up right after they had graduated and when he had to leave to fight some dangerous battles for the good side.
She often threw things when the two of them fought and he found himself provoking her fiery temper because he loved it so much.
He loved her so much.
"You're pathetic, Prongs," Sirius would tell him and Remus thought the world of Lily, so he was quiet about it and just let the two of them duke it out. Peter was decidedly impartial on the whole thing.
"Waiting on some girl who thought you were scum for six years. I have to admit it's brave of you, she could chuck you out as fast as she let you in."
Sirius had since warmed up to the idea of Lily and him. The only reason, James figured, they clashed so horribly was because they were each very stubborn and determined and relentless. Sirius and Lily had only found common ground because they both cared very much for James and he thought Sirius must've admired Lily for how much she grew to care for the Marauders.
He was heavy-hearted and selfish when it came to Lily -- Wanting her and needing her and brooding about her. She was a good girl and came from a good family and Christmas Eve, he thought in the month leading up to it – He'd get down on one knee and ask her to be his wife. A month ago it had seemed brilliant but now that it was the very day, he felt slightly sick.
It sounded absurd. They were so young.
But now-a-days young didn't really mean anything because the world could end. It was depressing and neurotic and pessimistic – They all thought it, though. They all thought they were fighting a losing battle and he wasn't going to lose it all without having Lily wear his ring.
They were young and awkward but so ready to jump in head first.
She was a Christmas Eve kind of girl, Lily Evans was. She liked the anticipation more than the actual day. She loved waiting for it and preparing for it and she loved the warm glow of a fire. Sometimes she was so simple and lovely that he often forgot of all of the times she was difficult.
Lily sent cards to their friends and relatives and she was classic and regal. Christmas brought out the best in everyone but especially her. She was infinitely kind and James loved when she touched his back, between his shoulder blades. It sent something through him that just confirmed everything he thought.
They slept together before marriage and she always told him she had morals, she had beliefs. Those all went out the window, he recalled with a grin, on a cold winter evening that involved too much Chardonnay.
He snapped the ring box shut when he heard footsteps on the stairs and shoved it beneath one of the pillows of the bed he sat reminiscing on. He turned to find her at the door.
She asked if he was all right and he said yes. Lily knew he became a bit reserved at this time of year. It was joyous and peaceful but James often felt withdrawn and distant when he considered all of the tragedy and loss in the world.
Lily forced him to forget of that, though. He was gracious for her.
James's hair was messy and black and his eyes some smoldering hazel. She had always found him handsome and it was startling to see how he looked much older now, more a man than a boy.
They climbed into bed and she wore red flannel pajamas and he laughed, scrunching his face up at her.
"That's the universal sign of don't-expect-anything-tonight," he told her, tugging at the sleeve of her pajama top.
She smiled brightly with twinkling eyes, "They're warm, is all" she told him as she lay next to him beneath the covers, one of her legs thrown over both of his.
It was just gone midnight and James could see out the window at the deep navy sky. It was clear and starry and it could have gone on for an eternity. Not a cloud, just the half moon and he felt her lips against his neck, and her "hmm?" questioning his absent-mindedness.
They kissed and his hands went to her waist, scrunching her top up until he found the smooth, bare skin of her stomach. Her skin was creamy and she was light and happy, cheeks rosy and she told him she felt so alive, playful.
With his thumb he held her chin and kissed her lips and she tasted like hot cocoa and marshmallows and tangerine – he imagined it more than he could actually taste it.
For a moment he drifted off and thought of nothing as she kissed his neck and she did it very well, in a soft, ticklish way. She was never whorish or outlandish, as often as he asked her to be, just simple and relaxed, at least when she wasn't being stubborn. She balanced him out very nicely.
He laid the box upon the pillow, near her head and when she caught sight of it she beamed, and he opened it up. He wasn't on one knee and there weren't any candles or rose petals. Just their bedroom, the lights still on and the clear, midnight sky looking down.
"What d'ya think?" James murmured to her and she just nodded and declared "Mrs. James Potter" did sound quite fetching. He told her he loved her and she said he hadn't since the summertime, since the last batch of attacks. It was hard to care so much for someone when there's doom impending, the possibility of losing that person. He was still a foolish boy sometimes who hated letting her in so close.
He wished her a Merry Christmas and all affection, asked her to take off her clothes.
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