A/N: I realize at the end that Merlin's being a hypocrite, but I was going for romance and didn't want to make things more complicated.

Difficult Conversations

Arthur woke up one morning to find Merlin in bed with him. He sat up and found Merlin sprawled across him, an empty goblet in one hand. Arthur wasn't sure how this had occurred, but he remembered that yesterday had been his birthday. A great party had been thrown and as usual, he and his friends drank to celebrate. Only they must drunk more than usual for Merlin to end up passed out on top of Arthur. What bothered Arthur most of about this situation was that he didn't mind having Merlin on top of him. Arthur felt a stirring inside of him, one that usually came only when he was in the company of his true love, Guinevere. He ignored it, dismissing it as an effect of the hangover he now had. He pushed Merlin onto the floor, and the young servant's eyes fluttered open. "Arthur?" he said, groggily, "Why am I in your room?" Arthur was amused but feigned anger. "I don't know, Merlin, why are you in my room? Did someone have a little too much to drink at the party last night?" Merlin wasn't going to let Arthur get away with that "Well, sire, I don't think you would have allowed your manservant to fall asleep in your bed if you were completely sober." Arthur grimaced " Nevermind that, just get my clothes" Merlin smirked. Merlin -1, Arthur-0. Arthur felt every move of Merlin's hands as they secured his armor on. That was strange, it have never bothered him before. He banished it from his mind. Arthur smirked at Merlin. "I think I want to go for a hunt." He knew Merlin hated hunting, and a good hunt was just what Merlin needed to learn not to fall asleep on top of his employer. Merlin scowled. He never understood the need to kill helpless animals. "I'll prepare the horses."

Arthur decided to just take Merlin with him, his knights were almost certainly as hung over as he was. He just needed to kill something. He was tormented by Morgana's turn against the family and his father's depression. He needed an escape. The party had only temporarily banished the troubles from his mind, and they were coming back. And as stupid and clumsy as Merlin was, his manservant always knew what to say to make him feel better and wasn't afraid to voice his opinion. He hated to admit it, being a brave and powerful Prince of Camelot, but he needed Merlin. He walked out to the stables and found Merlin there, brushing the mane of his horse soothingly, muttering kind words to the mare. Arthur sighed, and thought of how kind Merlin could be, how wise, how... He was quickly jolted back to reality by one of his knights, Sir Leon. "Good Morning Sire, might I ask where you're going?" Arthur didn't feel like having this conversation. "Just on a short hunting trip, no need to bother yourself with it." Leon looked worried anyway. "But Sire, Morgana's men are all over the woods, maybe we should go..." Arthur put up a hand to stop him. "There's no need. I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself, and I have Merlin to carry my things. I'll see you in a couple of days Sir Leon."Leon still looked concerned but bowed and went back to the other knights that were rubbing their temples and squinting to avoid bright light. He laughed under his breath at the hungover knights and walked towards Merlin, already feeling the tension slipping away. Merlin greeted him cheerily enough, and the two left the castle in search of some good prey.

Unfortunately, they found nothing, and had to stop to make camp at dusk. Merlin made a fire while Arthur brooded by the edge. Arthur had no real reason to brood. The hunt had been pleasant enough even if they hadn't gotten anything. Merlin had been so happy that they hadn't killed anything it made Arthur happy as well. Merlin had made a snarky comment and given Arthur his signature dorky grin, and it had made Arthur happy. He just now noticed and realized that every time that he had gone hunting with Merlin and it had gone sour for him but well for Merlin, he had been happy. He didn't understand. Why did it make him happy? Maybe it was because he loved to see Merlin's smile, loved to tease back and forth with him, loved the way Merlin looked while running through the forest, purposely scaring off deer, raven hair slightly damp with sweat, the muscles of his thin but strong frame bulging slightly, the way he tripped over himself, the way... Ugh, Arthur was so confused. He had never noticed any of this before this morning. Why did Merlin have to fall asleep on top of him? That could be the only explanation for these sudden feelings.

Merlin looked into Arthur's eyes. They were deep in thought, not even noticing the contact. He watched the Prince's eyes with great curiosity, until Arthur suddenly came out of his trance and looked at Merlin angrily. "Why are you just sitting here, Merlin? Go and fetch some firewood and make yourself useful." Merlin was slightly taken aback and hurt by Arthur's cold manner. He got up wearily and stalked out of the camp. He muttered to himself on the way, angry at Arthur. He had just set about grabbing firewood when he felt a cold blade slide up to his throat. A gruff voice spoke quickly and fiercely in his ear. "One cry for help, and you'll never see the light of day again." Merlin stood still.

"Good, you're not a complete idiot. Now, I have intelligence that suggests that you know where Prince Arthur is, I'd love to know. The Lady Morgana wishes to see Arthur and dispose of him herself."

Merlin struggled to get out of the man's grasp but the blade was pressed harder to his throat, threatening to cut.

"I'm sorry, I missed that?"

Merlin lied. "He's a mile to the South."

The man let go, to Merlin's relief and he was about to mutter an incantation when he and the man both noticed the smoke floating up from the campfire, swirling in the light of the moon. The man could see it was to the East. He growled and grabbed Merlin's tunic." So you think you can lie to me, Merlin? Yes, I know you, and so does Lady Morgana. I doubt she'd mind if I killed you myself, but I'd be failing in my duties if it was done fast ." Before Merlin could even react, he felt a hand on his shoulder and a searing pain as the cold blade ran through his torso. The man pulled his blade out of Merlin slowly, Merlin in too much pain to make a sound. His mouth was frozen open in agony, his eyes wide with shock. The man sheathed his sword and laughed. "I have to fetch Prince Arthur, if you'll excuse me." The man let go of his shoulder, and Merlin collapsed. He couldn't think anything but the fact that Arthur was alone, and their might be more men. He laid on the cold forest floor and watched as the heat of his blood turned to steam against the chill of the night air. His vision went blurry and he silently said goodbye to Arthur as he slipped from conciousness.

Arthur was beginning to get worried about Merlin, he had been gone far too long for collecting firewood. He knew he had been a little harsh to Merlin, and thought maybe Merlin had stayed to cool off in the woods for a few minutes. He knew he was being harsh because of these new feelings. He was confused and conflicted. But Merlin didn't know that. Arthur resolved to apologize He had sat worried by the fire for several minutes, finally deciding to go after him. Before he could, a man sprang out of some branches, and tried to hit Arthur over the head with the hilt of his sword. Arthur dodged the blow, grabbed his sword and met the man's sword before it could deliver the next blow. Arthur dodged a thrust of the sword and stabbed his opponent in the abdomen. He watched as his opponent sank to the forest floor. He was breathing shallow breaths. Arthur bent over the man. "Who sent you?" The man coughed/laughed and a drop of blood flew out. "The Lady Morgana."

"Where's my servant?"

The man laughed weakly. "It's too late for him, lying brings consequences." The man kept laughing weakly. Arthur was blind with rage and he stabbed the man through the chest. He stopped laughing and laid still on the ground . Arthur ran through the forest, looking for any sign of Merlin. He finally saw Merlin in a small clearing in the trees and ran towards him, hoping the man had just knocked him out. He was sorely disappointed. Arthur ran to Merlin and as his knees hit the ground, he felt a warm puddle of what he knew was blood. He looked at Merlin, who was breathing shallowly, his skin as cold as ice. Arthur put pressure on Merlin's wound and tears filled his eyes as there was no sign of movement. He looked at the peaceful face. "Don't you dare leave me, you clumsy servant. Don't you dare. You mean too much, I can't lose you." Arthur's tears fell onto Merlin's face. The boy stirred slightly and Arthur laughed with relief. "Thank god." He picked Merlin up, with a cry of pain from the boy and carried him back to camp. He got onto his horse and gently put Merlin in front of him, the servant's head resting on his shoulder. Arthur knew that he didn't have long to get him to Gaius. He decided to send men back for Merlin's horse in the morning and drove the horse as fast he could back to Camelot.

Merlin woke up in a bed, his bed. He didn't remember how he got there, but a slight movement reminded him. He turned his head and found Arthur there, asleep in a chair. He looked to the other side and found Gaius, standing over him with a look of relief.

"Merlin! I'm so glad you're awake! you're lucky that it was so cold last night, or you would have been a corpse on my table."

Merlin was happy to see Gaius but he was also perplexed as to why the crown Prince was passed out in the chair next to him. He pointed to Arthur and Gaius smiled. "He's been here since an hour after he brought you to me. He only left to change out of his armor." Merlin was touched. He winced as he sat up, making the bed creak enough to jostle the Prince from his sleep. Arthur sat up and gave Merlin the biggest smile Merlin had ever seen on Arthur. The smile slowly faded and was replaced by a tearful, guilty look. Arthur gently took Merlin's hand in his own. "Merlin. I.."

"What's wrong Arthur?" Arthur kept his position for several minutes, neither speaking to or looking at Merlin. He had a faraway look in his eyes, and tears that threatened to fall lurked in the corners.

"Arthur?"

Merlin's voice jolted the Prince back to reality. He let go of Merlin's hand, coughed and got up. "Good to see you're not dead Merlin, it was touch and go for a while, but you'll be cleaning my chamber in no time." He then walked out of the room, completely serene, leaving a shocked and confused Merlin sitting in the room alone.

Arthur stood outside his chamber door, leaning against the wall. He was furious with himself. He had been a total prat. He was so close to telling Merlin how he felt about him, then covered it up with a cold and impersonal remark. What a daft fool he was! He couldn't believe it. He had cried most of the way back to Camelot, whispering to Merlin how sorry he was, how much he loved him. But Merlin had been unconscious during the trip and didn't know any of Arthur's had realized in the forest that Merlin was far more than a servant and friend to him. He had looked into Merlin's blue eyes and seen his future, a future that wouldn't happen without Merlin. He saw, he saw... things a Prince shouldn't see. That's why he couldn't tell Merlin. Because all of this would never be allowed. Arthur didn't want to hurt Merlin or himself. But all he could see was Merlin's face, those beautiful blue eyes, that raven hair, that slender awkward form that fit him just right. The way Merlin grinned when he and Arthur shared a joke. Arthur couldn't stand it. He had to talk to someone. Gwen! But she wouldn't help him, he was supposed to love her. Arthur was in a state of panic. What should he do? The idea of him loving another man, let alone his servant was disgusting to the people of Camelot, especially Uther. He'd have Merlin's head chopped off even if he was depressed. Nothing cheered Uther up like a good beheading or burning at the stake. He couldn't deal with that. His heart had felt like it was being wrenched open the night Merlin almost died. What if he had died? Arthur cringed at the resolved to go talk to Merlin, it was the only way he could relieve himself of this burden.

Merlin was back on his feet, but he hadn't talked to Arthur in almost a week. Ever since that day he woke up, Arthur hadn't even looked him in the eye. Today was the day to change that, he was going back to work and he would ask Arthur to explain himself. He walked confidently up the stairs, smiling back at the other servants who were happy to see Merlin up and about again. He reached Arthur's door and knocked lightly. Arthur answered. "Come in, Gwen." Merlin forgot Gwen had been taking care of Arthur while he was ill. He walked in and scared the living daylights out of Arthur. The young Prince jumped about a foot in the air. Arthur scrambled to his window and tried to compose himself. It didn't work. Merlin walked in, laughing. Arthur quickly got angry. "Good to see you're up and laughing at me Merlin." Merlin tried to stop laughing. "I wasn't laughing at you, sire, the kitchenmaid just told me the funniest joke. "

"Hmph." Arthur sat down out his desk. "I want breakfast and a bath, Merlin." Merlin nodded and walked away, aggravated that Arthur was still being distant and cold.

Arthur was scared witless. He had never expected Merlin to be well enough to work this soon. He had been short with him again because of it. He was unprepared. Maybe when Merlin got back he could share his feelings. He sat at his desk and this time didn't even move when Merlin opened the door. He started to fill the washtub and went back for more water. Merlin made the trip several times and until the tub was full, Arthur didn't even dare look at him. At last it was unavoidable. He got up and walked over to the bath. Merlin was bent over it, testing the water. Arthur felt himself starting to get hard. Merlin looked so.. vulnerable and ... sexy. He tried to think about something else, but all the thoughts that came into his head were definitely not helping. He couldn't possibly get undressed with Merlin there... he would see the lust in Arthur's eyes, and his quickly growing erection ... and oh, god, Merlin would probably be disgusted and scared. He was half-crazed with desire now. He had to get Merlin out. He sprinted behind the changing screen with some discomfort. Merlin stood up. "Arthur? are you all right?" Arthur couldn't handle it. "Yes! now leave me!" Merlin pressed him. "Are you sure you're alright, Arthur?" Arthur snapped. "Yes, now get the bloody hell out of my chambers or i'll run you through the way it should have been done the first time!" Merlin felt the words cut deep. He flinched and sulked out of the room, muttering "Yes, sire."

Arthur knew he had gone too far. He had just told the man he loved that he should have died that night in the forest. He felt awful. He needed to stop snapping at Merlin just because he couldn't express his love. He was going to lose him. He hastily took his bath and made sure he calmed himself down. He got dressed and leaned his head outside his chamber. Gwen was walking by. He stopped her. "Gwen, I need to talk to Merlin. Can you get him up here?" Gwen smiled sweetly. "Of course." Arthur closed the door and felt even worse. Gwen was unknowingly helping Arthur confess his love for someone other than her. He now had two people to apologize to. Arthur paced back and forth nervously, trying to plan wha to say. He heard a gentle knock on his door. Arthur gulped. "Come in." Merlin walked slowly into Arthur's room, head down. He was clearly unhappy. Arthur stood up in a Princely posture and looked at Merlin. "Merlin." Merlin looked up. His bright blue eyes were watering. Arthur went to take a step towards him, but thought better of it and backed up. Merlin had enough. He picked a piece of Arthur's armor and threw it. Arthur flinched, but made no move to speak. "God damn it Arthur! Why won't you talk to me? It's not my fault I got stabbed on our hunting trip! And it's not your's either." Arthur took a step towards Merlin again, and actually advanced. He stopped in front of Merlin. "I know that." Merlin wasn't satisfied. "Well then why won't you talk to me?!" Arthur stayed silent. Merlin muttered under his breath and turned to leave. Arthur grabbed his shirt and spun him around. Merlin was shocked when Arthur leaned down and touched his lips to Merlin's. Merlin was scared and angry and confused at first, but then something clicked. Like all that he had wanted was in that moment. He relaxed and kissed Arthur back. Arthur whispered in Merlin's ear. "I love you Merlin, I wanted to tell you that, but I couldn't find the courage." Merlin pulled away, and smiled at Arthur. "You've never been good with words, you prat." Arthur smirked and pulled Merlin in for another kiss. Merlin pulled away. "Just no more hiding things from me, alright?" Arthur smiled and kissed Merlin playfully. "I just have one condition."

"And that is?"

"Don't throw my armor."

Merlin laughed. "Deal."