Smoke and Fire
AN: Italics are from the song "Smoke and Fire" by Sabrina Carpenter. Awesome song, head over to youtube and give it a listen while you read. And of course as always the boys belong to CW.
"Our love is running into a burning building. Our love is scattered ash with a burnt up feeling….You know you saw it coming. But the memories are still in my mind, burning like smoke and fire."-Sabrina Carpenter in "Smoke and Fire"
Sam came awake gasping for air. He could still see the outline of flames on the inside of his eyelids. He could taste the soot in his mouth and smell the smoke still clinging to his clothes. He glanced at Dean, seeing his older brother fast asleep. The last thing he needed was Dean questioning him about his nightmares. It was bad enough to see Jess go up in flames and not be able to do a thing about it every time he closed his eyes. He didn't need to get the third degree about it. Normally, Sam was all for sharing feelings, but he didn't want to relive the worst day of his life by talking about it over and over. Giving up on going back to sleep, the younger Winchester stared at the ceiling waiting for the sun to rise. Finally, just as dawn was coating the room in light blues and grays Sam drifted off remembering the aftermath.
"Rumors spread like wildfire….I've been burning down cause it's like fire is all I hear about."
Sam saw sad and pitiful looks from the doctors and nurses as they checked both he and Dean for smoke inhalation. He knew they had seen the burns. And because they were testing for smoke inhalation, the staff at the hospital knew the brothers had been in a fire. They may not have known all the details, but by now surely most of the city, at least anyone in the vicinity of campus had to know about the fire.
Sam heard the nurses mutter amongst themselves speculating about why he and Dean were in the hospital. It only fed the rumor mill to have the cops waiting outside the exam room to question them. The younger Winchester didn't know exactly how they come to be in the hospital after Dean had pulled him to the car. Sam had been in a state of shock and had been unable to process information, but he was able to listen to the theories being thrown around. He wasn't sure what story Dean had told the staff; he had been in such a daze. But piecing together what nurses and other passing staff members were saying, Sam was able to figure out what Dean had told everyone. Basically he had come in and seen Sam and Jessica's apartment on fire, he had only had time to save one of them as both Sam and Jessica had been unconscious. Following his instinct, Dean had gone for his little brother. Sam had been closer, and Jessica had been trapped in another part of the apartment, possibly the bathroom. Dean had gotten Sam outside then tried to go back for Jess, but by then it was too late.
He slammed his eyes shut attempting to block all the different chatter. "I heard they were college students."
"I heard there was an electrical fire."
"I wonder if it was arson," Sam heard before both his brother and what sounded like one of the older nurses shushed the culprit.
"Poor kid. I wonder if he even knows his girl is gone."
"I can't imagine what that's like losing almost everything."
Sam tuned out the rest of the comments, focusing only on his brother, letting the exhaustion of the ordeal was over him and take him to sleep. Not knowing that would be the last dreamless sleep he would have for a while.
Back in the hotel room he tossed and turned feeling phantom heat licking at his body. He knew he needed more sleep than the few moments he had exhaustedly fell into at the hospital. Between the hunt and the fire, including the questions from police and fire authorities and the hospital visit, the brothers had been going non-stop. This was the first time the younger Winchester really had time to take hold and assess the situation.
As he dozed Sam listened to the TV noise in the background, "The fire that recently took place in the vicinity of Stanford University campus at the home of two students is being investigated as an accident. Right now authorities are investigating all possibilities from electrical wiring to faulty appliances to a school prank."
Sam heard the click of the remote as Dean changed the channel, which was airing another news story.
Before Dean turned off the TV, Sam managed to catch a few snippets of the second newscast. "The fire is being investigated as an accident as there is no evidence of foul play. The apartment was being leased to a young college couple both enrolled at Stanford University. Names are being withheld until the investigation is complete." Abruptly the story stopped as Dean grabbed the remote once again and silenced the reporter's voice. And instead of the TV, Sam drifted off to the sound of his brother's putterings.
"Secrets in a small town, they always get around. But the flame has been put out, and I am hearing all the small talk they whisper as I walk in a house that's bordered up. "
As they walked back toward the apartment, the blockades finally removed replaced by a bit of police caution tape, Sam could see neighbors and various other people he recognized from his classes or from just around campus standing scattered across the sidewalk, the grass, or peaking out of windows. He couldn't believe the fire was still such a big deal. It had been four days. But then again he could, Jess had been friendly and known tons of people all over campus between her job, various organizations she'd been a part of, and years of living in the dorms and apartments.
Sam could see groups upon groups of people he had believed to be his friends huddled together whispering, watching as he and Dean approached the apartment. People peering out from behind curtains pretending to not be paying any attention when Sam would look, but he could feel their eyes on him the minute he turned his head. He could see one of Jess's study groups circled together on the lawn near the apartment, heads bent together with the occasional point in his direction. Based on the news broadcasts, nearby neighbors, and the central location of the apartment building, the accounts of the fire had spread, pun not intended, like wildfire. And speculation about what really happened, Sam assumed was spreading just as quickly. Different theories he assumed were popping up around campus just as they had on the news.
Theirs had been the only apartment in the entire building with any damage. As though even before the fire department had arrived, the fire had been contained. Jess had died while Sam had come out mostly unharmed. Sam's brother had just happened to be in the area right after the fire started. The younger Winchester could only imagine the rumors and gossip being passed around, the embellishments being added to the bare newscasts, especially since the broadcasts had mentioned everything from faulty wiring to a school prank. People's minds were going to run wild. Especially since in a few days, the fire report would be made public along with Sam's answers to questions like: "Were you home when the fire started?" and "Why didn't any alarms go off?" and "How did Jessica Moore become trapped?"
Taking a deep breath, Sam followed his brother pass the flapping yellow tape through the splintered front door to see what, if any of his belongings had survived the inferno.
"I'm no firefighter. I just need to breathe tonight…And now it's over. I'm getting colder. I'm so tired of burning like smoke and fire."
It had been just over a week, and they were finally leaving Palo Alto.
They had been to Jessica's funeral, left contact numbers for the fire investigators, gotten as many of Sam's belonging as were salvageable out of the apartment and purchased some new items. Because unlike their house which had been able to be repaired even if their dad didn't want to go back, an apartment was a tinier and much more confined space, meaning most of Sam's Stanford life and even some of his pre-Stanford life had gone up in flames…consumed by smoke and fire.
Despite feeling he was abandoning Jess by not doing more investigating; nothing had turned up in a week: no demonic signs other than the leftover sulfur smell in the apartment, no omens, no messages from their father besides the coordinates to Blackwater Ridge. And the younger Winchester needed out. He couldn't stand being suffocated by his friends. It was as if he could taste the smoke crawling back down his throat, smell the sting of sulfur in his nose and feel the heat of the flames every time someone asked how he was doing, every time someone tried to comfort him, every time he heard someone whisper wondering why he survived and Jess hadn't.
The fire investigation was still ongoing as per Jess's parents' request, but the initial investigation had come to an end determining the fire had been an accident caused by some faulty electrical hookups in Sam and Jess's bedroom. The only reason Sam had survived the fire was due to his being located in another room. It had been determined that Jess had gotten trapped in the bathroom and been blocked in as the fire started in the bedroom. No one's fault. Just an unlucky accident, but Sam had been lucky his brother had waited outside to make sure he returned to the apartment safely and had been able to call fire services and rescue his brother, in spite of how unsafe the second decision may have been.
The chaos was all getting to be too much: the questions, the accusations, the sympathy, the guilt. Sam was ready to get away, and Dean was ready to make that happen. It didn't matter where they were going. It didn't matter what they were doing: hunting or just taking a break. They just need to get out, to get away. The younger Winchester smiled at his brother, a wan thank you smile. Thank you for saving my life, for being there for me, for getting me out, it said. Dean patted his shoulder, and with that Sam leaned his head against the window, a vain attempt to get some sleep before the nightmares assaulted him with smoke and fire.