101 Things For Artica Not To Do

by ArticaChan

I've got this O.C. named Artica and I might do more with her... Like some Shifu and Artica drabbles. Some of the stuff is from 101 Things Tigress should not do...

In case you have no I dea who my OC, Artica is, she's on this link:

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And here she is in her Winter Feast Outfit:

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Warning! I'll never own Kung Fu Panda...

I, Master Artica, do hereby swear that:

1. I may not stick my tongue out at Shifu when he's not looking, no matter how annoying he's being

2. I may not pretend I'm blind just because I saw a lady on Barney who was very blind

3. I may not sleep in the Jade Tortoise and say Mantis did it even if it is true

4. I may not use Viper's mascara to write "Tigress Rules!" on any and all reflective surfaces

5. I may not scream like an ass when Shifu kills me for using Viper's mascara to write "Tigress Rules!" on any reflective surfaces

6. I may not hide Master Shifu's flute so I can watch him storm around, trying to find it

7. I also may not break his flute on purpose for fun

8. I may not tell Po how to drive Shifu crazy

9. I may not tell everyone that Viper is secretly a twighlight fan and that's what she has fangs

10. I may not bring a purple dinosaur in and have him act like Po so I can watch Po freak out

11. I may not use Crane's calligraphy inks to dye everyone's clothing in a tye-dye fashion

12. I may not walk around with an eye patch and say that I'm a pirate

13. I may not give Po fake directions to a gingerbread cottage in an enchanted forest, and then tell him to use Monkey's almond cookies as a trail so he doesn't get lost

14. I may not use Mantis' acupuncture needles to pin him down while I try to dissect him

15. I may not tell Zeng that Master Shifu needs a message read to the Valley that says, "Does anybody know where I can find Selena Gomez?"

16. I may not sing "Love Potion #9" while Tigress sells Viper's perfume in the Valley, saying it's a love potion that no one can resist

17. I may not try to look inside Oogway's shell while he's wearing it to see if a toilet is, in fact, in there

18. I may not buy some comic books in the market and then sell it to Po for ten times the price

19. I may not tell the story of "Why Shifu and Oogway are Idiots" to the Furious Five or the bunnies while they clean my room

20. I may not get a protein rush from my meal replacements and get Monkey so fasinated that he'll drink one too

21. I may not kiss a Haruhi Suzumiya cosplayer

22. I may not go skinny dipping in the Moon Pool when it's hot out

23. I may not run around singing "Hare Hare Yukai" at the top of my lungs

24. I may not post a picture of Master Shifu wearing makeup in the village square

25. I may not say "fuck" to Crane and then use the excuse, "Po did it."

26. I may not spread the dust from Snoballs on the floor and say I'm shedding

27. I may not paint Master Shifu so that he looks like RJ, my ex-boyfriend, who was a raccoon

28. I may not seduce men that I know are attracted to me so that I can Wuxi Finger Hold them

29. I may not trick Po into thinking he's doing a special training ritual every morning by making him do "Knees Up, Mother Brown" dances

30. I may not freak out when Po sneezes

31. I may not hide a clown in Tai Lung's room

32. I may not dress in a full length ball gown, slippers, and a tiara and say that I just found out I'm a Disney Princess

33. I may not read the Bible, no matter what God says about hurting his feelings if we don't

34. I may not sing I Love You in english, spanish, porteguese, german, greek, czech, hebrew, chinese or korean. As a matter of fact, don't sing it at all!

35. I may not paint Tai Lung's spots pee colored when he's asleep, then warn him that he may be drinking too much apple juice

36. I may not make the Five sing these ridiculous songs and burn all the songs on CD-R's so that everyone in the village buys a copy

37. I may not beat up Mantis for "no reason"

38. I may not cry when Tigress gets blamed for something Tai Lung did

39. I may not spread rumors about Tigress picking her nose during her free time

40. I may not fill Po's shoes with Jell-O

41. I may not watch Sesame Street when wer'e suposed to be training

42. I may not put itching powder on the floor of the Hall of Warriors so that when Shifu goes to meditate, his feet and legs will itch to no end

43. I may not switch around the stuff in everyone's rooms so they think that they're in the wrong room

44. I may not laugh at Monkey when Tigress spreads hummus on his face to trigger his allergies or watch him sneeze every two seconds and cry for three hours

45. I may not sing "Happy Birthday" to Tigress when it's not her birthday and I know it.

46. I may not turn the Jade Palace into a dance club and install a disco ball, then explain that I needed to exercise my right to party

47. I may not take Crane's hat and use it to play Ultimate Frisbee

48. I may not establish a credit card account under Master Shifu's name and max it out to see what happens

49. I may not invite Alvin and the Chipmunks or any other all-male singing group to perform at the Jade Palace and then try to mate with them

50. I may not pierce my nose and dye my fur black and tell everyone I'm going goth

51. I may not cover all the floors of the Jade Palace in sand and say that I wanted to go to the beach

52. I may not play "Poop Wars" or "Pee Fights" with any of the boys by peeing or pooping on the floor

53. I may not be a Disco Martial-Arts Golfin' Queen

54. I may not put a chest of chocolate coins in Po's room and then tell him he's rich and should go shopping and get me lots of presents for my birthday

55. I may not quit the Furious Five to go to school

56. I may not sing an annoying song called "Our Friend Sensei Has A Face, E-I-E-I-O"

57. I may not "Crack That Soulja Boy"

58. I may not shout "WHO HIRED THIS CREW?" when all six of the masters mess up, esspecially Po

59. I may not write a song called "We Are Po and the Furious Five" which is the exact tune to John Jacob Jingleheimer Shmitt, another song I'm not allowed to sing in the palace

60. I may not create a fake message from the Emperor that requests that Master Shifu sends an autographed nude photo of himself.

61. I may not be nice to all of the Furious Five only because I read that one of the members could have been taken out

62. I may not laugh at Shifu doing radio excercises

63. I may not "find it, the Rainbow Connection," especially when Lord Shen threatens the very existance of kung fu so not only can I search for hope that I can protect the valley, but everyone can

64. I may not spank Po's butt because he acted like an idiot today

65. I may not set Viper up with a blind date with the Adversary

66. I may not paint the Adversary purple and pink

67. I may not accept a lilly of the valley from Kio-Chan when I protect the villagers because Po has hayfever. Shifu doesn't CARE if it means "Happiness Returns"

68. I may not convince Po that he is actually in a dream and watch him try to wake himself up

69. I may not distract Crane so that he flies into a wall and gets his beak stuck

70. I may not paint my room purple or any color for that matter

71. I may not compete in an Azumanga Daioh singing contest with the Furious Five and/or Po and win to make Miss Yukari mad and blame Shifu for such talent

72. I may not rip pages out of Viper's diary and make her go on a scavenger hunt to get them back

73. I may not put black fabric over everyone's windows so that I can sleep in

74. I may not toot-toot

75. I may not keep Mulan products in my room

76. I may not use extra strength hair gel to spike Wo-Hop's fur during the night

77. I may not be a very special guest star on The Muppet Show or be their penguin polisher

78. I may not play the piano while Tigress sings, "I dream of the Jeannie with the light brown hair" in her Princess Jasmine costume

79. I may not replace the gong with an MP3 player that only blasts Alvin and the Chipmunks music

80. I may not grease the floors of the bunkhouse so that I can watch everybody slide around and fall

81. I may not enter the Winter Olympics and win a gold medal in figure skating

82. I may not adopt a kitty so I can watch Shifu sneeze a ton of times due to allergies

83. I may not tickle torture Tigress just because i want to hear her laugh

84. I may not grade everyone on their kung fu, and if they fail make them eat tofu instead of their normal dinner

85. I may not enter a salsa making competition

86. I may not win a salsa making competition

87. I may not kick Mr. Ping for saying that "Laughter is the best medicine" to me when I'm stressed or "Gesundheit" when I sneeze

88. I may not name myself supreme god of the universe and make everyone bow down to me

89. I may not wear a school uniform and a wristband, pretending to be Haruhi Suzumiya

90. I may not have "the best of both worlds"

91. I may not ask "Why do you think your mommy and daddy always call you a lazy peice of shit and they can't wait until you're eightteen because they had enough of you?" to anyone, especially to the bunnies

92. I may not kick Po down the stairs to impress the bunnies or just for laughs

93. I may not assume Po has hayfever and hold a grudge over it all day

94. I may not switch my clothes with Tai Lung's so that I can laugh at him walking around in women's clothes

95. I may not hit Po for singing "On Top of Spaghetti" in front of the bunnies

96. I may not give Master Shifu a tattoo when he is sleeping

97. I may not write "Property of Master Tigress" on the Dragon Scroll so that Po will give it to her

98. I may not walk around in a French maid outfit to make the males at the Jade Palace drool

99. I may not laugh at Crane's skinny legs

100. I may not run away with Kyon and right before we get married say, "Sorry, you're not my type."

101. I may not video tape any of the previous activities and post it on YouTube

So from this day forth I will never do any of the things mentioned above.

Signed,

Master Artica-san