From the author:

This story is based upon the characters of Charmed especially one Cole Turner. I do not own these characters and am just borrowing them for my own creative purposes. This story takes place sometime in the future, everything that happened after and including Cole's death in season five never happened in this story. Cole and Phoebe got back together after he came back from the wasteland and had a daughter, named Amber, shortly after. That is all the back-story you are going to get the rest will come to light when it comes to light.

This story is told thru a series of letters or journal entries if you like, that Cole is writing to his estranged daughter. The circumstances that led to them being estranged will come later as will the reasons as to why he is writing them. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

So it goes,

Mandy Turner

It is only after we lose everything that we are free to do anything…

-Prologue-

It was eight years ago when it happened, when my life was changed forever. She was the most beautiful person I had ever met, and not just physical beauty she had a soul that emanated beauty. I can still remember everything about her, every little facet of her personality, every wrinkle or bump on her body, everything that made me fall in love with her so many years ago. She taught me everything about love and life, how to live as a human, that I was even capable of loving and being loved. She turned my heart which so long ago had become cold into a radiating prism of pure love. Phoebe was my whole life my reason for being and everything I always wanted.

Her family too, they were my family or at least I like to think of them that way. Piper the mother I never had, and maybe never wanted always nagging me but in a loving way. She understood mine and Phoebe's relationship, she didn't condone it but she understood after all it was somewhat like what she and Leo shared. It was epic, nothing could come between us, or so I thought, how naïve was I.

Paige, I don't think ever really liked me but we agreed to disagree and after a while we became like brother and sister. Arguing, bickering and on occasion working together to piss off Piper.

Leo, god he could be so righteous sometimes but I knew he meant well. He loved his family put all their needs above his own and that is the one quality I always admired in him. I would like to say we were friends but that might be stretching it a little too far. Friends are supposed to understand when you have to do something, not judge and Leo god help him always judged me.

But these people were my family for better or worse and the only family I have ever known, the only people I ever cared about until you came into my life. There are reasons I can't be there for you now, and I hope someday you will understand and maybe can even forgive me for. Scratch that I don't expect your forgiveness because I can not forgive myself. So I left you with this family hoping that they could raise you right and with love, something I never had. I couldn't be a father to you; you would not have wanted me as a father. Let's face it I am a demon not someone to be proud of not someone to bring to school and show off to your friends. So, that is why I am writing this to you, a diary of sorts I guess, so you can understand why I did what I did, and know your mother like I did and know that no matter what I have always loved you and been there in the shadows watching to make sure you are safe from harm so that the same fate would not come to you that has come to everyone else who I ever loved.

With much love and regret,

Cole Turner

-Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End-

Every true story ends in death and this is no exception. But that will come later first I guess the best place to start is in the beginning.

I met your mother, my future wife a long time ago, I guess it was eleven years now. Unlike other fairytales it was not love at first sight. She was a member of the infamous charmed ones, the greatest force for good ever known sworn to protect the innocents a thorn in the side of demons everywhere.

I am hoping that you will understand this, that Piper and Leo have told you some things about good and evil. I know the charmed ones are no more and demons don't attack the manner anymore but hopefully they have told you some things about your past. But I would not be surprised if they just told you about your mother's past and not mine, a demon heritage is not something to be proud of.

Like I was saying your mother was a charmed one and I…I was a demon, a killer, a mercenary who killed for money, fame, and power. I was sent by the triad to kill the charmed ones, to score one of the greatest victories for demons everywhere.

At first I did my job, learned their weakness and used them quite proficiently to exploit the charmed ones. I started to seduce the youngest Phoebe the most naïve or so I thought. It was working I had her right were I wanted her, ripe for the picking. If I could have killed her than the charmed ones would be no more, without the power of three there would be no charmed ones. But something in me was changing I couldn't explain it; I had never experienced feelings like this before. Every time I had the chance to kill her I couldn't do it and I couldn't explain why, so I tried to runaway from her, from my feelings, and from myself. I just couldn't stand to sit around and watch her and her sisters die even if it was at my hand, on my orders; I guess I have always been a coward.

As the charmed ones bond as sisters broke Phoebe came to me crying and I sent her home to fix it, to put back what never should have been broken. Then in a single confusing night everything changed. The demon possessed me and went after the charmed ones. It was vanquished with ease but not until the charmed ones had cut off a piece of Belthezar flesh, Belthezar was me Cole Turner in my demonic form that I will delve into later for now lets just stick to how me and Phoebe met. With a piece of my flesh the witches could brew a vanquishing potion and that is exactly what they did.

After bleeding for some time and noticing the gaping wound in my stomach I felt myself being pulled down deep down into the underworld. I knew who it was only the Triad would want to see me and it was not for a congratulatory chat, it was to execute me. Pain, sorrow and regret were the only emotions coursing thru my body; the words of the Triad were nothing more than that words without meaning. The last thing I heard was one of the dark hooded figures say, "you are allowed to make one final statement," and I knew exactly what that statement was.

Anger rose from my body all the times of being used by others came boiling up to the surface all the emotions I was not allowed to feel as a demon all the torment that my childhood in the underworld brought me raged through my body. It was like a haze feel upon my head and when the fog finally cleared all that was left was me, like always after everything is done it is just me, alone forever alone.

I had killed the Triad and I felt no remorse for it all I felt was peace. I thought then that I had done what I had to, I had survived like I always had before, and nobody could doubt that I was a survivor. And just as suddenly as the peace had come the realization that I was now a fugitive came even faster. I was to spend the rest of my life on the run, running from the only family I had ever known. That is a funny thing considering demons as your family. I guess I did not really even know what that word meant at the time family, uh guess I still don't really know what it means.

But the last thought that crossed my mind was of her, the woman I had given up it all for, the women I had gone against everything I ever knew to be true for, the women I loved….oh hell I love her, can I love, is it possible, LOVE, I don't even know what that means, so many questions whirled around inside my head, but I was about to find out the hard way that love hurts.

In one last scream of agony and regret I left my old world behind and started a new voyage, a voyage that would take me into a place I had never been before, a part of my soul that had never seen the light would now show through…my humanity was about to make its grand appearance.

Like William Shakespeare wrote in Julius Caesar, "There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life. Is bound in shallows and in afloat; and we must take the current when it serves, or lose the ventures before us." I was about to take the current and ride it into that wonderful unknown, the future.

I was hurt and on the run but I knew it would not be long before I could see her, I just had to find someplace to heal, to get my strength and my courage up, so I could confront her. She did not know my secret and I hoped she would never have to know, but hope is just that hope, the fact is everything comes to light sooner or later…and my secret was about to be revealed for better or worse.

This is all I will leave you with for now, someone is close and I have to move fast. So for now you know how and why your mother and I met, next I will tell you how we feel in love and then how that love was violently ripped out of our grasp. Until next time my darling…

Looking back and never ahead it hurts less that way,

Cole Turner

Please review and let me know if this sucks or I should keep writting this is my first try at this stuff so be kind, but if you can't be kind at least be honest...

Thanks,

Mandy