This is dedicated to DragonFire44 who's work inspired this one-shot.
Disclaimer: I definitely do not own Naruto.
It all started when Kisame entered the kitchen with 5 large casks of sake and announced that since it was his birthday, everyone was going to get drunk with him... or else. Hidan cheered while Pein and Konan groaned. Kakuzu muttered that it was a waste of money. Itachi just sighed and began transporting sake cups from the cupboard onto the table. Zetsu blinked and grinned creepily. Deidara looked at the drink, but wasn't terribly interested. Drinking was fun, but he couldn't create good art when he had a hangover. And Tobi...
"Yay! Tobi gets a drink too!"
...was a little too enthusiastic. Deidara sighed. This was only going to make Tobi even more irritating. On a normal day Deidara could handle at least 50% of Tobi's craziness, but a drunk Tobi? So not looking forward to that, he thought.
Tobi glanced over at Deidara and saw an unpleasant look pass over his face. He chuckled quietly to himself. It's just so much fun to mess with his 'sempai'. But he was looking forward to the sake. He hadn't had a good drink in a long while.
Konan noticed a slight shaking in Madara's shoulders and, while worried about whatever evil plot she assumed he had just come up with, decided to ignore it.
Soon after, Kisame had poured his celebratory drinks out to everyone and all the members of Akatski were drinking heavily. Deidara kept trying to see Tobi drink, but it seemed that one moment he had a full cup, the next it was empty. It was extremely frustrating. How does he do that!? Soon Deidara found himself becoming more and more obsessed with seeing what was under Tobi's mask. He started to wonder, unknowingly echoing the thoughts of three leaf genin. Terrible scars? Fish lips?Buckteeth? What on earth is he hiding under there?
Meanwhile, Tobi noticed Deidara's staring. He was quite obviously squinting at Tobi's mask. He looks so cute, Tobi thought to himself, I just want to eat him up. Tobi licked his lips. The alcohol was making his brain a bit fuzzy, but he could still acknowledge that Deidara likely wouldn't want Tobi anywhere near him. If I drink a bit more maybe I can forget that he hates me. Tobi pouted and poured himself another full glass.
A few hours and many more cups of sake later, people began retiring to bed. Kismae had passed out on the table and Itachi had decided he had stayed long enough. Deidara gave up on figuring out what was beneath Tobi's mask by staring at it and staggered back to their room. Not long after he collapsed on his bed, Tobi entered, also looking very drunk.
Deidara immediately sat up and pointed rudely at Tobi.
"Take off your mask, un!" He demanded, his voice slightly slurred.
"No!" Tobi pouted, "Deidara-sempai is mean, trying to get poor Tobi to take his clothes off!" I wish, Tobi thought, grumbling.
"No!" Deidara exclaimed, "I can't take it anymore, let me see, un!" Deidara's voice was getting awfully close to whining.
Suddenly an idea popped into Tobi's mind. Normally he would never have even considered it, but in his drunken haze it seemed like a brilliant plan.
"Well..." Tobi began, "Maybe Tobi could … if Sempai did something for Tobi …"
Deidara grinned, his cloudy mind not finding Tobi's words as suspicious as he should have.
"Sure! Anything you want, just take it off, un!"
Tobi smiked while wondering how on earth he found Deidara's speech impediment adorable. It really should be irritating...
Tobi was suddenly on the end of Deidara's bed leaning over him.
"Sempai needs to give Tobi a kiss and not just a peck, but a real deep kiss!" Tobi declared.
"What!" Deidara exclaimed, a dark blush spreading across his cheeks. But before he could say anything else Tobi swooped it, tossing his mask across the room and capturing Deidara's lips between his. Deidara gasped and Tobi's tongue sneaked in.
Deidara closed his eyes without meaning to, but he had never been kissed before and it felt so good... Wait! Deidara suddenly realized a flaw in his plan once his eyes snapped open, it's too dark to see Tobi's face! The sneaky asshole! He tried to pull away to complain of this fact, but this only lead to Tobi attacking his neck with love bites. Deidara groaned. Maybe Tobi's face doesn't really matter, he thought to himself... succumbing to the feeling of Tobi's lips across his skin...
The next morning Deidara woke with a killer headache and little memory of the previous night. I knew I shouldn't have drunk that muck sake. Damn that shark-asshole. Suddenly, Deidara realized there were arms wrapped around his torso and someone's face was nuzzled into his neck. He struggled to open his eyes before looking down and seeing a stranger curled around him.
Deidara screamed. "What the hell, un!" Who the fuck are you!"