It's over.
She's too popular and likes too many people. We didn't work of course, and I knew we wouldn't but for some reason I still hoped it would turn out okay. With a family that hates all mentioning of gay people and anything related to it, I don't understand why I thought we still had a chance. She loves her family too much and cares about her reputation with her friends.
There was just no way…
I smiled softly and closed my sketchbook full of pictures of Kairi. They were all beautiful but none of them fit her perfectly. I doubt they ever will. My somebody left and now I'm alone. Swinging on the swingset I thought about how she cried so hard that day, the day I had kissed her and said 'I love you' and then right after she told me all the reasons we can't be together.
We lasted a while, I'll give Kairi that. It also helped that we had been best friends for so long, awkward silences didn't last long since all someone had to do was mention a funny memory or an annoying teacher. Life was easy with us, and then one day it seemed like she was against us… for a long time it seemed like she hated me.
I jumped off the swingset and began to head home. I need to move out of the apartment and lose all my ties with Kairi. If she's going to drag me along then I have to say sorry. She cries each time I mention leaving and never coming back. I can't just hang out here and pretend like nothing happened, while I continue to be her best friend. I want to be more than that!
I got my stuff together and began to move out of the apartment. You'd think that she'd be the one leaving but oddly enough it's me. I want to be with her and I probably could if I tried hard enough but… I think I'd just wind up saying sorry every day of our lives together. When I got my last box into the moving van, Kairi got home from her last class of the school year. She'll be graduating college soon.
When she saw the van her eyes filled up and she began to cry. Seeing her crying… I just wanted to say 'I'm sorry' then go on with my life ignoring her existence. I need to leave before she breaks me completely.
"I'm sorry." I said softly and got into the car and began to drive. I saw her chase after the car but I did nothing, I didn't turn around or cry. Nothing happened and for a moment… I almost stopped the car to run back and get my heart. I need it back…
I left it with her and decided that that's where it belongs anyway.
When I got to the house I had the moving guys bring my stuff inside and begin to unpack for me while I sat on the curb and looked up at the sky. I'm pretty sure I left my sketchbook full of her pictures, they don't belong to me anyways.
When I was beginning to wonder what my heart looks like, a boy sat down beside me. He had brown hair and blue eyes but for some reason he looked too happy to be real, not where I'm at right now. I guess he must be a somebody too.
"I'm Sora, your new neighbor." He smiled and held out his hand. I took it and soon I felt a bit better. He's so innocent in a way that there's just no way he'd understand a nobody like me. "What's your name?" He asked making me look him over.
"My name is Namine." I informed him and watched his eyes widen.
"Pretty name." He grinned and then helped me up from my seat. I stared at him trying to understand why he's bothering. Suddenly he kissed my cheek. I shoved him back a bit and stared at the ground in shock.
"Sora I'm gay." I said quickly in a scared tone. I don't want to apologize to him too… I can't turn straight for- wait… I… was okay with the kiss. But why? I've only ever liked girls. Sora's eyes were wide but still understanding.
"Are you taken?" He asked quickly looking a bit annoyed and pouty. I laughed and shook my head wanting to keep someone like him in my pocket so he can cheer me up when I'm upset. It'd be nice to have someone around who can do that, but I'm pretty sure he'll be expecting something he can't have from it.
"I just got out of a relationship." I informed him kindly wanting to get out of this conversation. I guess it's because… I can see myself with him. Loving Sora seems easy and he already has an interest in me and hasn't given up just because I'm gay. What kind of an idiot is he or is Sora a hero who is willing to do what he needs to in order to get what he wants? I'm not sure which I'd prefer.
"Do you want to try going out with me for a while? You are so beautiful and I want to know… I know this sounds stupid but it seems like you want to say sorry, for everything, even existing. I just want to let you know that I don't want your apology. I just want you to be around for a bit. I'm corny, ignore me if I start bugging you." He smiled scratching the back of his head.
My eyes were wide and soon tears were falling down them. Taking a step forward I kissed Sora on the lips and felt the world fall with me. I'll be with a boy who wants me to stop saying sorry. Will that be okay or will I be spoiled? I think I'm just so tired of being alone… without anyone who cares enough to let people know about me.
I want somebody to look at me!
And he did.