(A/N): I totally just realized how FREAKING TRUE this is.
Do you know why I draw so much attention? Why I am always doing things to force every eye to land on me? Why I can never go out with a fizzle, but with a bang? Why I'm always making such a spectacle of myself?
It's so that you won't look away. Whenever you look away, bad things happen. Whenever there's no one to see, I have no control over any of the terrible things that occur. Whenever you ignore me, I turn on myself.
I need the attention. Whenever I'm all alone, these occurrences happen. I only allow myself these guilty and painful pleasures when I'm devoid of attention. I hate these pleasures. I try to force myself not to do these things, and I do this by never letting myself be alone.
I joined football so that my dad would watch me more.
I joined Glee so that I would be noticed for a talent, and I would spend less time alone.
I tried to get Finn to live with me so that I would never be alone; be tempted.
But all attempts have failed.
Do you know why I do such horrible things to myself? Why I am always in such pain? Why I'm such a masochist? Why I choose to inflict so much pain on my heart and mind?
It's to draw attention. When people notice that something's wrong, they look at you. When I start to cry, you'll see me. Whenever I get bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, people will ask about it.
I need the pain. Whenever you're in pain, people notice, and they care. I only draw attention when I've done these horrible things to myself. I feel so alone when no one's looking at me, so I do these things to myself.
I make slits in my wrists in hopes of someone seeing them, and taking care of me.
I cry myself to sleep in hopes that my dad will hear and come down to see what's wrong.
I sing sad songs that are so blatantly obviously about death and pain so that others will finally see me, see me and my pain.
But all attempts have failed.
And so the vicious cycle continues.
(A/N): Yeah, it really is vicious, and nearly impossible to break out of.