A/N: I was going to make this one of the chapters in Catch Phrase but I couldn't find the proper quote to put it with. So instead I decided to turn it into a little one-shot. I just happened to be browsing the internet while watching the Anthony DiNozzo, DiKnows Best Marathon on USA and found this Bing Search about stars who changed their names. And none other than John Wayne and Cary Grant were one the list. Which means STORY!

PS: I did my best to fit this in with the whole "mid-life crisis" plot line of the last episode. I thought it was fitting.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. I simply express the odd muses in my mind.

Stage Names

"Did you know that John Wayne isn't his real name?"

Ziva peered across the bullpen, caught a little off guard and slightly confused by her partner's random outburst. "You mean the one you commonly refer to as," she paused for a moment, recalling her memory, "The Duke, correct? Is that his real name?"

"Well yes, I mean no," Tony stuttered, shaking his head. "His nickname is The Duke, but he is more universally known as John Wayne; a real class act."

Ziva looked at him quizzically, "I do not understand. If he is known around the world as John Wayne, how is that not his name? It sounds like a strong, American name to me."

The senior field agent sighed as he crossed his arms and leaned forward onto his desk, inching closer to his partner without physically moving his form. "Yes Zee-vah, but that was not the name his mother gave him. The great John Wayne actually entered this glorious world as Marion Morrison. He changed his name as a kid. Cary Grant did it to. Archibald Alexander Leach. Doesn't really quite fit the profile when you talk about North by Northwest, His Girl Friday, and She Done Him Wrong. And can you imagine the headlines for An Affair to Remember? Deborah Kerr stars with Archibald Alexander Leach."

"Okay, I get it," Ziva inserted herself quickly, before his rant gets completely out of hand which has been known to happen on numerous occasions. "What I do not get is how this relates to you, Tony. Aside for the usual movie references of course."

"Well, I thought maybe I could use a change," Tony nonchalantly explained.

Before he could utter another word, Ziva swiftly made her was across the short space between their two desks. Hands on her hips, she stared him down warily. "I thought we were over this whole mid-life crisis, or crazy, ordeal? Why are you bringing up such silly ideas, Tony?"

Tony was taken aback by the fierceness and fight in her yet exasperated voice. "Ziva, when it involves The Duke or Cary Grant it is far from silly."

"Fine Tony, I apologize for insulting your on-screen idols, but why on earth would you even contemplate the idea of changing your name?" The Israeli, former Mossad officer pried.

"Because," Tony began to provide a much needed explanation but Ziva cut him off again.

"No Tony, there is no because. You cannot even come close to providing a logical, rational, Gibb's-worthy explanation for pulling this little stunt. I cut you some slack with the Brenda thing; that I could understand. It was an emotional experience and I could understand how that would wreck havoc on you state of mind. And for that I excused the lack of practical jokes, slime-ball comments, and pop culture references. But I thought we had come to an understanding when we had conversed in the interrogation room. And now you go and conjure up this idea. This I will not stand for. You will not over my living body, change your name. What is wrong with you, Tony?"

Letting the American idiom slip, Tony merely offered her a smile as he stood from his chair. He walked around and placed a gentle kiss to her cheek, "It's nice to know you care, Sweet Cheeks. But I was just kidding. How could I ever find a better name? You have to admit, nothing rolls better off the tongue than Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo."

Turning on his heels, he exited the bullpen and quickly made his way down his stairs leaving an awestruck Ziva David in his wake.

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