This is my contribution to the BigBangBigBang 2011 over at LiveJournal. We had to write a fic of at least 15,000 words, it had to have a character from The Big Bang Theory be a main character, we had to have a beta, and we had an artist work on the fic as well. My good friend Amber (amtrak12) claimed my fic and has done a wonderful job with the art. A link will be provided, either in the final chapter or on my profile page within an hour of the fic's complete publication.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory or its characters. Most of the people in this fic outside of the main ones do exist in the TBBT canon and therefore are not mine.

I sincerely hope you enjoy.

"And then we just decided to be mature and pretend that it never happened," Howard finished. "So, as you can see, the situation unfolded under many extreme circumstances that happened to occur at the same time. If one of those had not happened, the event in itself would never have transpired either. I think we should all agree that it is not a laughing matter and just" – he put his hands up – "leave it at that."

The room was silent for a few moments, and then Penny, who had just heard the full story for the first time and was still staring incredulously at Howard, spoke. "You slept with your cousin."

The rest of the guys burst into laughter again, and Howard put his head in his hands. "Guys…" He groaned.

"Aw," Bernadette said, sliding an arm around his shoulders. "Poor little engineer."

"Is that a children's book?" Amy asked.

"No," Penny said, shaking her head. "It's a true story." She smirked.

"Not the story of the Wolowitz Incest," said Amy. "That I firmly believe to be absolute truth. I was referring to the Poor Little Engineer."

"No," Bernadette said. "Not that I know of. It was just a term of endearment."

"Ah. You use those." Amy nodded slowly, and then turned and smiled at Penny. "That's why you're my bestie."

"Penny uses terms of endearment," Sheldon pointed out.

"Really? You're gonna go with that argument instead of 'bestie is a term of endearment'?" Leonard asked his roommate.

"You defend your girlfriend," Sheldon said, "And I will defend the homo novus equivalent. I know that Amy referring to Penny as 'bestie' is a platonic remark…"

"That's debatable," Bernadette said, smirking as she remembered the sleepover.

Penny glared at the other waitress while Sheldon pretended as if he didn't hear. "…whereas Penny's alternate names for Leonard, such as 'honey' and 'homunculus' have sexual undertones."

"God!" Penny and Leonard both said in disgust.

"And even after growing up in a Christian household, I've now managed to associate even that word with your insistence on having coitus with a disturbing frequency."

"Why don't you just say 'romantic' undertones," Leonard suggested.

"Yeah," Penny agreed. "Then everyone's happy."

"I'm sorry," Sheldon said. "How would that make me happy?"

"I suggest that you give in, Sheldon," Amy suggested.

"Why?" He asked.

"I sense it would make this conversation a lot more pleasant."

"Is that the goal?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Sheldon cocked his head, as if the thought never occurred to him. "Well then. All right."

"What would we do without you?" Howard asked Amy.

"I assume you would function much as you had before you met me," Amy said. "Most likely at the point in time just prior to meeting me. Sheldon as he was the night you told him about your impersonation, Rajesh and yourself as you were prior to contacting me under the façade of Dr. Cooper, Leonard as he was when he walked through that apartment door on the day of the first web chat I had with Sheldon, and Penny in the car on the way to that 'date' that she somehow decided that Sheldon and I needed to have." She cocked her head and looked at Penny. "Ironic as you are now my best friend, but you met me long after the rest of this room's populace did."

"Penny's late to the party on a lot of occasions," said Leonard.

"Example or examples?" Amy asked, looking at Penny. "And just so you know in advance, I prefer the latter."

"Um…" Penny sat down her food and thought, slapping her knees as she thought. "Well, I met them four years after they knew each other…I certainly wasn't a geek…"

"Nerd," Leonard said under his breath.

The voice distracted Penny. She stared into space for a second, and then looked at Leonard. "What?"

"Nerd. We prefer nerd."

"Sorry, nerd. Um…" she thought. "I…"

"We knew everyone's families like they were our own," Leonard said. "We still don't know about yours."

"You've met my dad."

"Yeah," Leonard admitted, "and I spent the entire time in a pointless ruse that was your idea. You heard him yelling at me."

"And we never met your dad," Howard said. Raj leaned over Bernadette to whisper something in Howard's ear. "Of course we're not speaking of that, Raj, did you hear me start to speak of that?"

"Raj, get off me," Bernadette requested. Raj leaned back into his original seat.

"Your families are interesting!" Penny protested. "Mine is a drug addicted brother, a father who hated me because of my gender, a mother who wouldn't stand up to him…"

"Hey now," Leonard protested. "Your dad's a nice guy."

Penny raised an eyebrow. "Of course you'd say that. He loves you."

"Wooo!" Howard managed sarcastically, pumping a fist. Raj leaned across Bernadette to jab him. "That's not what I was talking about."

"Raj," Bernadette said calmly, "if you do not stop flattening me against the back of this couch, I will voice what you don't want Howard to talk about."

"Uh – oh," Amy said.

"How do you know?" Raj managed to blurt out in a panic before slapping his hands over his mouth.

"I just read it on the Twitter account of the woman. She attended one of my lectures and threatened to kill me. So I follow her to see if she's come up with a plan."

There was silence. Everyone stared at Amy. Bernadette broke the silence. "What?"

Amy held up her phone. "Val Emmette, aka neurobabe1980 on Twitter. She's quite the gossip."

"She told you about…"

"The accident, yes."

"See?" Howard said. "It was an accident. Just like the incident with me and my cousin."

"You slept with your cousin!" Penny said, still appalled.

The guys started laughing again.

"Why would Val Emmette care about your incestuous romp?" asked Amy. "She is referring to the car crash that took place less than one hundred feet from this building. The roads are blocked. Hence my 'uh – oh'."

There was more silence. Raj and Howard shot relieved looks at each other. "Oh."

"Looks like we're not getting out of here tonight," Bernadette said, getting up and walking over to the window.

"Before anyone makes plans," Sheldon said, jumping up.

"Give it a rest, Sheldon. Where else are they going to go?" Leonard had gotten up and peered out the window alongside Bernadette. "Road's blocked up, all right."

"Before anyone makes assumptions," Sheldon clarified, glaring at Leonard, "as I was not going to argue everyone staying over – it appears practical and I'm sure you could defeat me with brute strength – but rather I was going to state that I only have one rule."

"Go away?" Howard asked.

"No liquids after eleven P.M.?" Penny guessed.

"Okay, two rules," Sheldon said. "What Penny said, and no coitus in my apartment."

"It's my apartment, too," Leonard pointed out.

"Right, sorry," Sheldon said. "In that case, Leonard, roommate meeting. First order of business, I move that we forbid Howard and Bernadette from copulating in our apartment."

Leonard's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, you meant them. Seconded!"

Howard rolled his eyes. "We don't have sex when others are in the same place. We're courteous." He glared at Leonard and Penny.

"We were in his bedroom and remained unaware that you snuck into the apartment," Penny said firmly.

"Everyone," Amy said, "you are treating this as a tragedy. You will be pleased to know that I have put a positive spin on this event."

"How?" Bernadette asked.

Amy smiled. "We're having a slumber party!" There was more silence. "Smiles and enthusiastic words would be appropriate here," Amy said. She grinned, a grin that would rival Sheldon's Joker impression. "Slumber party! Wow!" There was still silence. "Oh, I see," she said. "It's not as exciting when the men are around, is it?"

"No," Penny said.

"Yeah," Bernadette said. "Yeah, as in, 'I agree with Penny'," she clarified.

"Oh." Amy looked disappointed. "Well, we'll have to make the best of it. Who is up for a spirited game of truth or dare?"

"Ooh, I'm in," Howard said enthusiastically.

"I move that all truths and dares be PG – 13 or below," Penny said, glancing at Howard.

"Seconded," Sheldon said.

"Okay," Leonard said. "But after Truth or Dare, we're playing Klingon boggle."

Amy sighed. "All right, but I find no challenge in that."

"I do," Penny said. "We'll be a team."

Amy smiled broadly. "Okay!"

"After that," Sheldon said, "let's play counterfactuals."

"Sheldon," Amy said, "I'm finding no challenge in that game anymore." She glanced toward Penny. "But she, without a doubt, does. Bestie, will we continue being a team?"

Penny sighed. "Sure."

"You know, if this gets too awkward, the girls can always go next door, can't we, Penny?"

"Oh yeah," Penny said. "I'll provide an escape."

"Escape from what?" Sheldon asked. "While our first slumber party activity is a game in which I find little entertainment value, it appears to be a favorite among the female members of our little group, and all activities after that are much too exciting to need escaping from."

There was another silence. "We may be joining you away from him," Howard said to Penny under his breath.

Penny glanced at Sheldon, and then back at the engineer. "I understand," she said solemnly.

"Who wants to start?" Bernadette said in a loud voice, trying to focus the group's attention.

"I will," Leonard offered.

"Truth or dare?"

"Um…truth."

"In terms of research and contribution to their respective fields, which parent do you find more successful, and why?"

"Um…" Leonard thought. "I guess I have to say my mother."

"Defend," Amy said.

"This isn't Counterfactuals," Leonard said.

"I didn't say it was," Amy said, looking at Sheldon. "Sheldon, did I say it was?"

"You did not," Sheldon said. Both members of the Shamy looked at Leonard with raised eyebrows.

Penny nudged him. "You're supposed to say why."

"Oh!" He laughed. "Right." He explained a few research papers and studies that each of his parents had completed. "Is that good enough?"

"Adequate enough to move on to the next player," Amy said, glancing at Bernadette for affirmation.

"Yeah," she said.

"Okay, my turn then," Penny said. "Dare."

Leonard cocked his head. "Tell us a story about your family."

"I chose dare!"

"And he dared you to tell the story," Amy said. "Just as Bernadette dared me to tell a dirty story."

"When did she do that?" Sheldon asked.

"While you were in line for the Indiana Jones movie," Amy said.

"Oh."

"Penny?" Leonard prompted.

"Um…one day, my brother and I were out playing catch and I found a baby robin."

Howard gave an exaggerated yawn. "That doesn't count." He looked at his girlfriend. "Does it?"

She shook her head. "A real story, Penny. A long one."

"How long?" Penny asked.

"Tell us The Story of Penny."

"She's already told that," Sheldon said. "She's from Omaha, came to L.A. to be an actress. We heard it the day we met her."

"That's more like a movie trailer," Leonard said. "As I posed the question, I choose the depth of response. Penny, we got the trailer years ago. Now, we want the movie."

"That's so long for one turn!" Penny protested.

"Leonard, may I?" Amy asked. Leonard shrugged, so Amy continued. "You tell us part of your story, and then we'll move on. Next time it's your turn, you tell another part. Or, you can be tied to Sheldon for twenty four hours."

"What?" Penny said.

"No!" Sheldon said.

"I don't mean that in a dirty way," Amy said. "Just by the wrist, with a piece of rope."

"Like in Big Brother?" Penny asked.

Amy looked confused. "Sure."

"Then no," Penny said. "And it's Leonard's dare."

"I like her idea," Leonard said mischievously.

"Why do you guys want to know about my Nebraskan life so badly?" she asked, feeling a little irritated.

"Because you've been hearing our stories for years, and there's no one to blab yours for embarrassment's sake because none of us knew you until a few years ago," Howard said. He looked around the circle. "Are we in agreement?"

Everyone nodded. Raj gave Howard a thumbs up.

Penny sighed, sliding her hands along her legs. "Fine."

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