Chapter 1
AN: This is only my second fanfic and my first one with chapters so reviews and critiques would be welcomed. I already know where I am going with this story so hopefully there will be continuous updates.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee
After talking with Brittney I just felt so lost. There I was pouring my heart out to the girl that I had been in love with since eighth grade and she just rejected me, telling me that she was with Artie and was going to stay with him. After everything she still wants to be with him. I just can't wrap my mind around it. She pushed and pushed for me to analyze what I was feeling for her. Hell she even convinced me to go talk to Ms. Holliday and sing Landslide in front of everyone. Then she just crushes me. What was the reason behind all that? I was dealing so well with the whole situation. I had been able to repress my feelings for her, and then she goes and makes me think I have a chance with her if all I did was face my feelings. Well we see how that all played out.
After Brittney flat out rejected me I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to be around anybody and let them see my weakness. Skipping school for the rest of the day was the best way for me to be able to start coping with everything. Granted my coping abilities aren't that great. It usually involves some form of torture on another living being, preferably one Rachel Berry, but I can't find it in me to say one word to anybody. What I do find me doing is falling. Something I had promised I would never do again. I never wanted to fall back into that pit, that dark place with the feelings of inadequacies, loneliness, despair, and the worst, uselessness. Brittney was the one thing that had kept me out of that hole, of course, once I lost her I would fall without something or someone else left to catch me.
When I finally stopped and looked at where I was I couldn't believe I was already home. Not only was I home but I was standing in front of the mirror. The image that was looking back at me was shocking. The person looking back at her was not the person who had left that same house that morning. That person had been confident, self-assured, hot, and fully in charge of what was going to happen to her. In essence the person who had left that house was the HBIC. That was not the person who returned and was looking back at her in the mirror. This was a girl that Santana had not seen in years. This was the scared, insecure, lost, and quiet girl that had been contemplating dark thoughts. This was the girl that I had thought that I had been able to get rid of.
Not being able to stand looking at the pathetic creature that I had turned into by being rejected by some silly girl I left the bathroom for the favor of my father's liquor cabinet and the vodka that was in it. Taking the vodka straight to my room I just jumped in bed turned on my iPod and started drinking straight from the full bottle wallowing in what had become my life. Here I was without a friend to my name, my dad never around because he is a doctor and is always at the hospital, my mom leaving us for another guy, and the one person I thought would be by my side no matter what had just rejected me to be with some cripple. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night.