The Avengers
*I do not own the Avengers, or anything from the MCU universe, or anything else.*
*This takes place post-Age of Ultron.*
Tony was messing around in his lab in a top-secret safe house, brooding. After the whole Ultron debacle, he had been advised to "lie low" and "keep his head down." Never mind that he was terrible at both those things. Never mind that it was all just code for "you f***ed up big time, now go away so we don't constantly feel the urge to punch you in the face." Never mind that he had almost destroyed the world by accident – and just after he'd gone and saved it, too! Sure, he saved it again, technically, but that was just cleaning up his own mess, taking responsibility, something he'd learned the value of in years past. Where had it all gone wrong? He'd certainly meant well, but you know what they say about good intentions and roads to hell. Rogers had compared him to dictators that tried to enforce peace by ruling everything with a –heh- iron fist. Maybe he had a point, maybe-
Knock knock!
Tony was pulled out of his sulk by a knock on the door, which was strange, to say the least. Only a couple people knew this place existed, even fewer knew he was here, and the amount of people who would knock, well, it was negligible. Cap was busy with the new Avengers, and probably still a bit mad at him, same with Natashalie, Barton was back at his *snort* farm, and would probably just barge in anyway, Thor was back on Asgard, or off with Jane Foster or something. Pepper was off on business, but she never bothered knocking anyway, due to his penchant for loud music, Bruce had learned that lesson as well, after coming to Tony's secret lair to hide from Black Widow, who he had jilted after the big battle. It could be Fury trying to be ironic, but he probably had better things to do. At this point, it occurred to Tony that perhaps he ought to answer the door.
"Hello?" He asked, peeking out the door in case it was some vengeful Norse god, or his estranged robot son out for revenge.
"Hi! Are you Mr. Tony Stark?" A bubbly voice asked, sounding positively chipper. Tony opened the door to find a tiny brunette clad in black grinning up at him, clipboard in hand and wielding a red mechanical pencil.
"Who's asking?" He narrowed his eyes, suspicious. He didn't know this girl, how the hell did she find him?
"I'm Joanna King, but you can call me Jo! I'm here to induct you into the ILOVE! The Interdimensional League Of Villainy Everywhere!" The girl –Jo?- smiled like she'd just won a daytime Emmy. Tony was so appalled that he was almost struck speechless – almost.
"Okay, one: Is your name really Jo King? Are you joking? Sorry, I had to. Two: Who the hell names their league of evil 'ILOVE'? That's a terrible name, not imposing or threatening at all. It sounds like a society for enthusiastic hobbyists or fanfiction writers or something. Awful. Three: If you're from some villain club, why are you talking to me? Not sure if you've noticed, but I'm kinda a superhero?" Tony rattled off his questions, counting off fingers as he went.
"Yes, my name is Jo King, my parents had a terrible sense of humor, as themed villains often do. I'm just lucky they didn't call me Jester. I'm not the one that came up with 'ILOVE', I just work there. Really, it makes it easy to talk about in everyday conversation without people at the coffee shop looking at you funny. Plus 'The Interdimensional League Of Villainy Everywhere' sounds a tad pretentious don't ya think?" She gestured to Tony, who nodded in agreement. It was a bit of a mouthful anyway.
"Anyway, I do know you are a superhero! However, everyone knows that the line between superheroes and supervillains is pretty thin. After all, with great power comes great destructive capability! There are plenty of League members who are also heroes, or have been at some point. Take the Winter Soldier for example, he used to be a sidekick, but now he is a big-time villain. Got a movie and everything!"
"What movie?"
"Sorry, different dimension. Anyway, you have been on our watch list for a while, but once you turned hero, you stopped being just a heartless industrialist, and moved into the super-person class of society, making you eligible for the League!" Jo seemed rather excited by this, bouncing a bit on her heels. Tony furrowed his brow.
"I'll admit that I wasn't the best person when I was younger, but I didn't have any malicious, take-over-the-world type plans. I was just a naïve kid with more power and money than was good for me. Anyway, if I was so 'eligible,' why didn't you come then?" Tony is frankly a bit pissed. Who was this girl to come into his home and interrupt his brooding?
"Oh, well you hadn't really done anything 'villainy' since becoming a super, but recent events have allowed us to finally extend an invitation! What with Ultron and all, and the whole 'armor around the world, peace under my rule, blah blah blah.' We were able to get you in under the 'Doctor Frankenstein' clause!" Jo King giggled. Tony glowered.
"Ultron? Is that what this is all about? Also, I think you've got a misquote there – it's 'peace in our time'" Tony hated being misquoted. It made it all sound so … sinister. And it wasn't like that, not really…
"Whatever, same dif, it's the classic megalomaniac villain ideology, just with different vocabulary. 'I know best, It's progress, my ideal dream world is perfect and could be possible if I only had control over the Earth, blah blah blah.' Anyway, you created one of the best genocidal murder robots we've seen! Truly astounding work! We never knew that daddy issues were inheritable by technology! Ooh, and the way he spread through the internet and took advantage of humanity's reliance on technology – brilliance!" Jo enthused, babbling in excitement.
"See, I feel like I should be offended, and I can't tell if you're subtly insulting me or if you honestly believe these are good things." Tony snarked.
"Oh no, they're bad – but great! Great and terrible, like your wrath! Mwahahaha!" Jo didn't actually laugh, but articulated the classic mwah-ha-ha-ha tagline- obviously something she'd done before. Tony raised an eyebrow.
"Is that really your best evil laugh?" He expected better from a representative from a league of villainy.
"Oh, no, I just find that villains tend to dislike it when I show them up in the evil laugh department – big egos tend to come with the territory." She shrugged apologetically. Tony grimaced – one more category he fit the bill for.
"So anyway," She said, "I need you to fill out some information for your profile, and introduce you to some of the perks of the league membership! We could've just asked our hackers to get the information, but considering your reputation, we figured we should try the direct approach first." She grinned and tried to hand over the clipboard. Tony scowled, he hated being handed things.
"Wait, wait, wait. I still don't see why I ought to join this League or whatever – Also, what's the Dr. Frankenstein clause?" Tony bit out acerbically.
"Well, I see that our normal pitch isn't gonna work on you – I doubt you're interested in supervillain team-ups or exchanging torture advice with psychopaths across the galaxies…" Jo bit her lip thoughtfully, "Well, a Dr. Frankenstein clause is based on the Mary Shelley novel Frankenstein, which is about a brilliant doctor who wants to spurn the natural order and create life from death, but instead of a beautiful vision of science, he creates a monster, which he then abandons in despair. While the creation is generally viewed as the monster, many people agree that the creature was just naïve and misguided, uneducated in the ways of humanity, while it was the doctor who lost his humanity and in his selfishness became the true monster of the story. You can see the similarities, right?" Tony cringed, suddenly very self conscious.
"I didn't ask for a book report." He fell back on his usual defense mechanism – humor. "And as depressing as that analysis was, it still doesn't tell me why I should join your stupidly-named organization."
"Well, technically you're already a part of it, it's just up to you whether or not you participate or acknowledge your membership. Hawkeye, for instance, never returns our calls about the Evil Archers Annual Reunion." She pouted, seemingly offended.
"Okay, pause, Barton is a member of your merry band of thieves? What the hell did he do?" Tony was shocked.
"Oh, he used to be a thief and assassin before he worked for SHIELD. Did he not tell you? It's all on his profile… Which you can access as a member!" She tried to nudge him with her elbow, he neatly dodged it. "Actually, a lot of the Avengers are part of the League. Black Widow was an assassin, obviously, and she still uses the League forums to gather info and exchange techniques occasionally. Thor has a looooong list of crimes to his name, most recently attempted genocide."
"What? Genocide?"
"And of course Dr. Banner and the Hulk are both members on the clause – similar to the Dr. Frankenstein clause, destructive alter ego, yanno the drill. He is actually a pretty active member, goes on the forums, attends parties, ect. Actually, why don't you talk to him about it? He's probably got the best chance of convincing you." Jo King flipped out her cell phone and dialed a number.
"Listen, Ms. King, I really doubt that Bruce is an active member of the villainy community-" Tony was cut off by Bruce Banner entering his lab, phone to his ear.
"Oh, hey Jo, Tony, so what can I help you with?" He asked, looking totally straight-faced. Tony was thrown – if Bruce was really – but then –
"Are all the Avengers but me secretly villains? How long has this been going on?" Tony blustered.
"Well, no, Captain Rogers isn't, but, um, that's pretty much it. Oh, wait, War Machine, the Vision, and the Red Falcon aren't either. Maria Hill maybe? I'm not entirely sure, I'd have to check." Bruce continued, totally calm.
"Okay, let me reiterate – why are you an active member of – ILOVE? Is that what it's called? Seriously?" Tony raised an eyebrow at Jo, who nodded enthusiastically.
"Ah, yes, that." Dr. Banner ran a hand through his hair, seemingly abashed. "Well, first you have to understand that the League's standards aren't at all exacting –there are plenty of good people in it, and bad people, and everyone in between. Also, it's an Interdimensional league – meaning that it spans different realities, timelines, worlds – scientifically I find it fascinating. I've been able to talk to alternate versions of people I know, people from our universe who live galaxies away, people whose worlds are works of fiction in our world – it's pretty cool." Bruce grinned in spite of himself, obviously enamored with the idea. Tony narrowed his eyes, thinking.
"Wait, have you- have you met Darth Vader?!" He shouted, pointing one finger accusingly at his so-called science buddy. Bruce grinned.
"I totally have! He said that he would get me a light saber at the next reunion party!" Bruce fangirled shamelessly while Tony practically squealed in excitement (not that he would ever admit it.)
"Okay, I want a light saber. Imagine Iron man, but with a light saber! I'm so in." Jo's jaw dropped at Tony's announcement.
"Really? That's all it took? I could've pointed that out ages ago!" Jo King huffed and crossed her arms.
"Come on, let's get you all fixed up, Tony. I'll introduce you to Moriarty and this guy called 'The Doctor' on the Misunderstood Genius forum." Bruce lead Tony towards the couch, tablet in hand.
Epilogue:
"Alright, who the hell gave Stark a light saber?!" Steve Rogers yelled, dodging flying debris.
"Just roll with it, Cap." Tony flew off in the suit, wielding a blue double bladed light saber with a red and gold handle.
"Frankly, I'm surprised Rogers even knows what a light saber is." Bruce commented.
"I love my job." Smirked Jo King, daughter of Harley Quinn and the Joker.