Homecoming
Once upon a time, a green lady and a scarecrow lived in a castle.
"This is ridiculous. I always thought that your family only had two castles."
An innocent blink. "Whatever gave you that impression?"
Elphaba rolled her eyes at that. "Because normal people don't even own one castle, let alone two, let alone more than two."
"What can I say? I've always been special."
"Stop trying to change the subject, Fiyero. I'm trying to tell you that I don't want to live in this castle."
"You want to go back to Kiamo Ko?" His burlap lips twitched into a faint frown. "I don't know, that might be a little risky, my love."
"Oz, no! I just want a small, cozy cottage somewhere, with just enough space for the two of us, and maybe a plot or two of farmland."
"But why?" He swiftly arranged a suitably horrified expression on his face, his tone beseeching. "I've been a prince all my life, I have to live somewhere grand!"
"Well, you know why." Her brows were raised, expression merciless. "If you want to stay, I only have one condition."
"But I'm a scarecrow now—I can barely even walk in a straight line!" he whined. "You can't just expect me to pick up a broom and sweep the floor, even if it is a magic broom!"
"Just you wait until I find the right spell to turn you back into a human," she threatened, the dangerous spark in her eyes promising immense pain if she didn't get her way right then and there.
Unfortunately for Elphaba, it was difficult for Fiyero to summon up much fear in the face of her wrath when she was the love of his life. "It's just going to be the two of us. All we need to do is keep our bedroom and the kitchen clean. And the bathrooms too, I suppose," he conceded. "Why bother with the rest of the place?"
"Because," Elphaba hissed, beginning to look rather fed up with the whole discussion, "I refuse to live in a place that is covered with dust from top to bottom, even if it's out of my sight. And because I'm not the one who wanted to live here, so I shouldn't have to be the one doing most of the cleaning."
"You didn't have a problem with the dust back at Kiamo Ko," the straw man mumbled mutinously under his breath, only to wince under the force of the green woman's glare.
"Well, I wasn't planning to live there for the rest of my life, was I?"
There was really nothing he could say in response to that.
Moments later, a broom was thrust into his unwilling hands, and it was with exaggerated unsteadiness and ceaseless mutters of discontent that Fiyero attempted to begin his spring cleaning project.
To his credit, three whole rooms were left spotless and dust-free by the end of the day. Unfortunately, Elphaba conservatively estimated that he had another hundred and two rooms to go.
"By the time you're done, it'll be time to start all over again."
They found a quaint little house to call their own on the outskirts of the Vinkus the very next day.
"You want me to go and work in the fields? Out in the sun?"
There was simply something in Fiyero's nature that refused to rest unless he was being as contrary as possible.
"Would you prefer to cook instead? You could throw yourself into the stove when the firewood runs out."
And there was very little that Elphaba couldn't solve with a little acid in her tone.
Still, through all these ups and downs, the green lady and the scarecrow somehow managed to live happily ever after.
("For Oz's sake, I'm trying to cook here, Fi—mmphh."
Dinner that night was burnt.)
Kind of.