Just Let Me Be In Love
By: Ktarra
The hanger on Yavin IV, usually a crowded, bustling area with the sounds of pilots, repairs and aircraft coming and going, was darker than usual. The lights had been turned down to create a more relaxed atmosphere, tables lined the edge of the room with what rations they could spare and music filled the air. The atmosphere in the room was the exact opposite of what was normal for the hanger. In the morning, it would return to its primary purpose as they would begin breaking down the base and relocating to Hoth. They had likely waited too long as it was, but the Empire was still licking its wounds following the battle at Scarif and the loss of the Death Star two weeks prior. Alliance leaders had waited for the heroes of Scarif to heal sufficiently before honoring them with awards and celebrations.
The surviving members of Rogue One had attempted to turn down the awards. They felt they simply did what was necessary. They certainly didn't do it for the glory or accolades. However, Mon Mothma had not become the leader of Alliance for nothing. Her powers of persuasion as well as those of Princess Leia had assured that Rogue One would eventually agree to the ceremony.
Earlier that day, the members of Rogue One along with Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and the Wookie, Chewbacca, had each been presented with medals. Where Han and Luke seemed entirely comfortable with the applause and congratulations, the members of Rogue One were not and had departed as soon as they could.
Princess Leia had made it clear that she expected them to attend the celebrations later in the evening. Jyn and Cassian had nodded in understanding, both knowing that arguing with the Princess was a losing battle. Besides both were aware that she was hiding the pain as much as they were.
The party was in full swing by the time that Jyn and Cassian arrived. They'd rarely been apart in the two weeks since Scarif. To all around them they seemed to be surgically attached at the hip. So much so that unbeknownst to them, talk had already begun to promote Cassian and assign Rogue One as his permanent team, under General Draven of course. General Draven wasn't happy about it, but he didn't want to lose his best intelligence agent because the officer in question would likely refuse to be separated from the woman he'd fallen in love with. Everyone could see it, even if Cassian and Jyn couldn't. Yet.
Cassian and Jyn stood as the entrance of the hanger. Jyn almost stepped back. Probably would have if not for Cassian's hand on the small of her back.
"I'm here. We can handle this," he whispered.
She looked up at him with a small smile, and nodded.
"I'd feel more comfortable if I didn't have to wear a dress," she finally spoke, fussing with the emerald green dress the Princess had had delivered to their quarters earlier in the day. She had tried to refuse the dress but was informed that as this was an official function she had to wear the dress. After seeing Cassian's reaction when she held the dress up, she finally grudgingly agreed thinking if nothing else she wanted to look nice for him.
"I'm sure, but you look amazing," he returned a bit shyly. They were still dancing around this thing between them. Sure, they had kissed in the elevator down from the tower and embraced when they thought they were about to die, but since their miraculous rescue they'd stepped back not sure how to approach each other. Their relationship forged on the battlefield was unbreakable but they were struggling with how to move forward. At this point, all they could manage to express was that they were a team. End of story. They and Rogue One would not be separated.
Jyn smiled a real smile at his confession. "Thank you."
"Come on. I see Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut. Hopefully, we can all hideout in a corner for a while before we can get out of here," he said extending his hand to her.
"Lead on," she responded taking his hand.
They carefully made their way over to the corner where their friends were gathered, each had procured a glass of whatever alcoholic beverage was being served as they progressed.
"Jyn! Cassian!" Bodhi called out as he saw them approach. "We were beginning to wonder if you two were going to show up."
"We thought about it," Cassian replied, looking around the room at the gathering.
"However, we had a royal edict to put in an appearance. It seems the Princess made it a point to tell us we had to show up," Jyn added.
Bodhi chuckled at that.
"What's so funny?" Jyn inquired.
"I was listening to some of the other pilots talking today. They were actually betting that Cassian wouldn't show up. He apparently has a reputation of preferring work to partying. Though there were some stories of when did actually show up…"
Cassian knew where that statement was headed. "Jyn, would you care to dance?" he broke in stopping Bodhi from sharing whatever embarrassing stories he heard from the other pilots.
"What?" she asked as she turned to him. She'd been listening to Bodhi and wanted to hear the rest of the story.
"Dance. You and me?"
"Umm. Yeah, I guess," she replied.
He took her drink and handed both of their drinks to Bodhi. "We'll be back in a few," he stated and turned back to Jyn and held out his hand to her. She took it and followed him to the floor. He was glad a slowish song had begun to play. Not that he couldn't dance. He could, and quite well. He was a spy. He'd spent time infiltrating some of the highest circles in the Empire for information, as well as other less savory missions he'd been assigned. He hadn't intended to dance this evening. He really wasn't in a celebratory mood, but he didn't want Jyn to hear those stories just yet. He knew she'd hear them eventually. No way she wouldn't, he just wanted a little more time before she did.
They made their way out to the middle of the floor and he spun her around and pulled her to him as they began to move around the floor together seamlessly.
"I didn't realize dancing skills were part of the espionage game." Jyn spoke softly.
"Well, I could say the same about a former Partisan."
"Yea, it wasn't my idea. Right before Saw abandoned me, they were training me for an upcoming mission. An Imperial admiral had a thing for young brunettes. I was to go in and get what information I could through whatever means necessary and then kill him."
Cassian tensed as he listened to her story. He was appalled that Saw would consider sending someone as young as sixteen for a mission like that. "Did you complete the mission?"
"No. Saw abandoned me before we made the attempt. Part of my likes to think he did it to avoid having to send me on that one. Kind of makes him seem a bit nicer. Probably wasn't his motivation though. He likely really abandoned me for the reasons he said. People were beginning to realize who I was."
Cassian felt himself relax at her revelation. He pulled her a little closer. He couldn't promise the Rebellion would never ask, but he'd be damned if he let her take a mission like that. She rested her head against his chest as her arms went up around his neck. He rested his cheek against the top of her head.
"I'm glad you never went on that mission, Jyn," he whispered to her.
"Me too," she replied."
They continued to move to the music as it continued through various tunes all slow in nature. It seemed that there were several other couples on the dance floor taking advantage.
Cassian's thoughts returned to the stories that Bodhi had heard. Most were true. Not all of them, but most. He knew the rumors going around the base presently as well. They were saying he and Jyn were in love. One of those battlefield romances that came out of nowhere. He had the sneaking suspicion that they were right. He'd felt the attraction the minute they'd rescued her from Wobani. He didn't know if it was the same for her. He hoped it was. Maybe one day soon he'd get the courage to talk to her about it. Maybe he'd begin to tell her some of the stories she was going to hear. Part of him wanted to keep her from hearing them at all. Like he told her before going to Scarif, some of the things that he'd done for the Rebellion had turned his stomach. He wasn't proud of it, but he done them because it needed to be done. For the good of the galaxy. Now, he worried that she'd decide that she couldn't tie herself to someone who committed some horrible acts in the name of freedom and the Rebellion. She'd spent her life just trying to survive. Whatever acts she committed she'd done to survive, not through choice to serve a cause. Somehow in his mind, that made her better than him.
He feared that she would leave when she discovered what a truly horrible person he was. But for now, he had her in arms. He was going to hold onto her as long as he possibly could and hope that somehow when she did hear the stories and find out about his past that she would stay. He wasn't sure that she would.
He'd never believed in love. Never really been in love before. Sure he'd had relationships but nothing like this. This feeling was new and terrifying and he wanted to hold onto it and her as long as the Force allowed. He prayed for this moment that the universe would just let him be in love.