A/N - Okay folks, just to give you a little bit of background to this. I was in Italy recently, with some of the family. It was the vacation from hell for me. ME Wofford thought it would be a good idea to channel the whole bitter experience constructively. This is the first in a set of three stories which have been a somewhat cathartic experience to get the whole "BORED! BORED! BORED!" aspect of my vacation out of my system. The vacation involved numerous cultural and religious experiences as well as long hours filled with nothing...AND NO DAMN INTERNET ACCESS!!

Good reviews, may help ease my pain.

Oh, one more thing. I've given this a go concentrating purely on the dialogue. Let me know if it works ok.

PROTECTION DETAIL: THE ART GALLERY

"NCIS is covering two rooms here in the East Wing, the remaining two being covered by NSA and the CIA. Tony and Ziva you're in the Romantics Gallery. McGee and I will cover the Impressionists."

"Is that like painting pretending to be paintings, so you get this landscape that actually is a portrait or a portrait that's actually a lan….OW!"

"DiNozzo, if you and Ziva don't get into position now so help me!"

"On it boss. Come on Zee-vah you're with me….we are going to the 'lurve' gallery."

"Agent Gibbs, is there any way, I could go with McGee?...okay, okay, I get it….go with Tony."

"You into art Ziva?"

"I can appreciate some art. I think I like modern art more than old paintings. I like sculpture."

"Ah, you like the whole 'art that is made out of tins cans', or is a painting of basically three different shades of blue that's been painted by an elephant."

"Can we please just sweep the room and have less of the art appreciation?"

"Do you know what I don't get about these paintings?"

"What?"

"They're not very romantic. For a start that one has three women and a guy in it, which in reality is probably quite a hot situation. But look at the clothes, there's at least seventeen layers on that blonde chick alone. I mean that is going to take that guy at least five clear minutes to even get to first base."

"Tony."

"Yeah?"

"Stop it."

"What?"

"There are over twenty paintings in this gallery. If you give me a running commentary on everyone I may have to kill you!"

"You know when you get really angry I get weird thoughts in my head. When I say weird I mean like 'weird' and right now I have thoughts around chocolate body paint."

"Grrr...is that all you can think about?"

"No, sometimes I think about nature and climate change and how the world is getting hotter….much hotter….and…..huh….yeah…that's all I think about….sorry."

"Look, why don't you stand at one end of the room and I'll stand at the other?"

"There's no-one in here Ziva, that's going to look pretty strange."

"Ok. I'm going to clear up in here. You go stand in the corner and….protect."

"This one is called 'Winged Angels of Persecution' which is basically fat teenage girls with wings."

"Angels are not fat teenage girls Tony."

"Certainly not the ones I dated in High School!"

"Hey Ziva look at this, is that guys hand where I think it is?"

"I'm not looking!"

"It is! If you look really closely you can definitely see……oh wow, that is practically pornographic. I didn't know art could be so…….revealing, although I can't see why she doesn't have a smile on her face!"

"Tony, I'm not listening! I cannot wait for this detail to be over!"

"Relax oh uptight one, chill and enjoy the beauty adorning this room, and take a look at the paintings too."

"You are insufferable……hey! What is that you have in your hand?"

"Come over here and find out, my little cultured ninja!"

"Tony!"

"Relax, I'm doing this for the benefit of the art world."

"You can't!"

"Officer David, as your Senior Field Agent, I am ordering you to breathe and be calm. It's all right, I know what I'm doing. I took art classes at college, for a couple of weeks, still life class, one of the best freshman classes I took."

"Tony, stop there's a cam…..do you know what, go right ahead."

"Do you realize how cheap a packet of colored pastel chalks costs these days?"

"No. I think you missed a spot."

"Where?"

"Where you drew the mustache, you've got one whisker slightly longer than the other."

"It's supposed to be that way, it's called 'character' it's 'art' in case you hadn't realized!"

"No, it's a fake mustache and glasses you've just drawn on a painting worth over 20,000 dollars."

"They'll never know it was me. They'd never suspect me, a Federal Agent."

"Oh!"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm going to sweep the room again."

"Good idea Officer David, that way Tony can explain to me why I just caught him on camera vandalizing a painting."

"Hey boss, you seen any colorful pieces of expressionism with Probie Van McGogh?"

"DiNozzo, unless you want the colors black and blue painted on your ass I'd hand over those damn crayons and keep your brain on the job!"

"It's pastels boss, not crayons"

"Don't push it, you are in enough trouble as it is, perhaps a stint on Saturday painting the fence in my back yard might be a more creative use for your artistic talent."

"Aw, come on Gibbs, I've got plans this weekend!"

"Yes you have got plans DiNozzo, painting my fence! Do you realize I'm going to have to spend the next three hours trying to kiss the Directors ass to get your little stunt sorted?"

"Boss, don't do this to me, that fence of yours goes on for miles!"

"Saturday morning 0700 hours Tony or else you're ass is history!"

"Boss?"

"What the hell is it DiNozzo?"

"You're not going to have me hold the brush a particular way and then teach me karate are you?"

"What?"

"Karate Kid…….'sand the floor'…….Mr Miyagi….you really need to get out of that baseme…OW!"

"DiNozzo, if you do not get back to work, I swear I will take a paintbrush and stick it so…"

"Gotcha boss!"

"Aw, my little hairy butt, they do say that some artists suffer with their work"

"That is a statement about art, I think I can appreciate. I think the 'old master' is about to paint me a very bleak future!"

Coming Soon...Protection Detail: The Church!