(February 11, 2012)

"Eh, Calvin….man, are you sitting down?"

I was busy getting ready for a flight. I was going to take my children to my parent's house in Jersey the next day and we were all going to spend a few days together. Then I had some unfinished business to take care of with a very special person in my life. My future was finally starting to look bright again and God was setting me up for something great.

I immediately stopped looking for my suitcase in my closet once I answered and heard my older brother Brian's shaky voice on the other end of my cell phone. He sounded extremely upset and was breathing kind of heavy.

"No, why would I need to sit down for? What's going on? Is it mom or pops man? Are they alright?" The worst thoughts were popping up in my head about my parents' wellbeing because they were both getting up in age.

"No, it ain't mom and pops Calvin….." he seemed to be hesitant to say anything else. I took heed and sat down on my King-sized bed. "Brian, I ain't got time for the guessing games, so you need to tell me what news you have." Brian let out a deep, shaky sigh as I held my breath in to anticipate what was next. "It's Nip man. Whitney, Calvin. I just got word that they found her in her hotel room….." "What?" I asked. "What do you mean they FOUND her in her hotel? I mean, is she okay? Is she in the hospital?" My heart began to pound out of my chest. Brian's silence quickly began to say it all. "Are you telling me that Whitney's dead? Huh?! Is that what you are telling me?"

"Yeah Calvin. They found her unresponsive in the bathroom. She didn't come out of whatever happened to her." I immediately turned on the television and turned it to CNN. Lo and behold, Don Lemon anchored the news that world superstar Whitney Houston had died at the age of 48 years old and that the cause was unknown at the moment. I sat as disbelief, shock and denial crept inside of me. "Naw man, naw this can't be true. I just talked to her yesterday. I just talked to her yesterday," I kept repeating. "I'm so sorry man, I'll be over there in a few." Brian sounded like he was about to break down before he hung up with me. I immediately dialed Mother Cissy's number and some other family members, but there was no response. I then dialed and texted Bobbi Kristina with no avail either; she almost always answered or responded to me.

I then knew something was gravely wrong. And that CNN, or my brother's information were not the usual rumors that swirled around Whitney's life.

My best friend of 40 years was dead and I had no idea why. Worst of all, I wasn't there to do something about it.

I don't remember what happened next, as I allowed myself to fade to black.