Author's Note: This was a jokefic I originally wrote on Bulbagarden's test forums. Thanks a user named Ghost, I was able to recover it.
OKAY DIS IS A STOREE ABUT A GHEI EMBORE, SO ALL U HAMPHONES CHILE OUT OK!
Emboar sipped his coffee and read the paper, thanking Arceus he remembered to pick up a gift for his brother, Tepig.
His friend Flygon knocked on the door. Before Emboar could get up and let him in, Flygon opened the door and sat by Emboar.
"What are you going to do today?" Flygon asked. "I thought we could go see that Avachar movie."
"Which one?" Emboar asked.
"The Air Cutter."
"Damn, I so want to see that. But I'm going to my little brother's birthday party."
"Teppy? Aw, what level is he?"
"8, as of Monday," Emboar said proudly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower."
"Wouldn't the water be super effective?"
"So funny I forgot to laugh," Emboar said gruffly. "Don't drink my coffee, or I'll Flare Blitz you in the face."
"No promises."
Emboar drove into his parents' driveway. He popped the trunk and took out a large present - it contained an RC car and a GI Braviary doll action figure.
Tepig ran up to his brother and gave him a hug.
"What's in the box? What's in the box?" Tepig was jumping up and down like a Spoink.
"Something for me to know and you to find out," Emboar said. "Is it time to cut the cake?"
"...Present?"
"Cake?"
"Present?"
"Cake?"
"Fine. I'll tell Mommy you're here."
Tepig ran off eagerly.
Emboar's dad, a Vigoroth came out of the garage and tried to give his son a hug. He realized that he couldn't, since Emboar was still holding the present.
"Let me take that for you, son."
"No thanks, Dad," Emboar said stiffly. "I got it."
"So how is life? Seeing anybody?"
It was complicated.
"Not really," Emboar said. "How is everybody?"
Vigoroth sighed. "Not too bad; Teppy's getting B's."
"Wow, that's great!"
"And your mom's back went out a couple weeks ago. She's still a little sore."
"Too bad she doesn't have Limber, huh?"
"Ha. You know Stacey got married, right?"
"...No. But yeah, it's been almost three years, I can understand it."
Emboar felt rain drops fall on his head.
"Son of a Christ," Vigoroth hissed.
"Was it supposed to rain?" Emboar asked.
"No. Bet that jackass, Masquerain is letting his kid use Rain Dance again."
"We better get inside before the present and the cake get ruined."
BUT THEN THERE WAS A METEOR AND EVERYONE DIED THE END.