Sasuke,

I don't expect you to rejoice at the knowledge that I'm still alive, nor do I expect you to fully understand the entire contents of this letter. You are still so young and, in light of recent events, you probably have no desire to ever think of me again. All I ask is that you read my words (whether you do so now, next week or even years down the road, it is up to you) and remember them.

It will not be an easy read and to say there are parts you will not like is a grave understatement. But I am hoping with all my heart that you can look past it all, because this is not just one of those mushy love stories you hate so much. This is my story. And maybe, in the end, you will understand why I had to do what I did.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with Uchiha Itachi. Unlike the majority of girls in our academy class, it was not the first time I laid eyes on him. When he first walked into that bustling room on the first day of class, causing practically every female in the vicinity to cease all conversation and stare longingly, I was too busy hanging my head on my desk, trying to control the nervous flutter in my stomach, to notice his entrance. When I finally did look around and notice him halfway through class, my only thought was that he looked incredibly bored and then I promptly forgot about him. He was nobody to me.

Nor was it the first time I saw him display his godlike brilliance in battle. Growing up watching my parents and older brother train, I thought I knew what a shinobi looked like. It wasn't until I was assigned to spar with your brother that I realized how naive I had been. No amount of observation could have prepared me for the deadly beauty that was Uchiha Itachi. As I stood confidently across the practice field from him, I never could have estimated that it would take him a total of three seconds to rid me of my bō staff and pin me, defenseless, to the ground as I stared shocked into his impassive eyes. I was near the top of our academy class, but he had taken me down as if I were an infant. Following that, I could only feel small and insignificant and perhaps a little frightened.

And it definitely was not the first time he saved my life, although, as he later revealed, that was the moment he began to take notice of me. For my part though, it took me months to forgive him for stopping me. You might recall, all those years ago, innocently asking me why I never spent time with my family. You were four at the time and much too young to understand the alarmed look your brother shot me. I told you they died in the line of duty, but that wasn't the full truth. My brother, Atsuo, was killed on a mission in Suna. My parents, however, were not.

After Atsuo's death, my father became obsessed with finding the killer. He spent endless nights tracking the man down with the intent of killing him. But by the time he did, he was too far past the edge of insanity and was easily killed in battle. When my mother got the news, she impaled herself on my brother's katana, selfishly leaving me to fend for myself. And so, to my eight-year-old mind, my only option was to follow my mother's example. I made the decision to jump off the tall maple tree near the southern border of the Uchiha compound and into the Nakano River. But mere seconds after I dove from the limb, I was jerked by the impact of hitting, not the water below me, but another body. Your brother caught me in midair, returned me safely to the ground and listened silently as I unleashed weeks' worth of tension and fury on him for "not minding his own business and just letting me die". He never told me why he was at the river and I never asked. At that moment, the only feelings my fragile mind could comprehend were embarrassment and overwhelming rage.

It's possible that it all began six months later, when we next met. Ever since my failed suicide attempt I had been slipping further and further into a state of depression, spending the majority of my time locked in my home crying. He had been sent to fetch me and bring me to the Hokage. When I opened the door and saw him standing there, I was once again overcome with tears and tried to slam the door in his face. He managed to slide past me into my apartment before I could lock him out and handed me a handkerchief without a word. When I finally got the courage to ask him why he had saved me six months ago, he quietly replied that it is a shame to cut off a bud before it has a chance to bloom. Intrigued by his answer, I silently noted that it was the first time he spoke directly to me.

Or maybe it was two years later, Sasuke, the first time I saw you. Although Itachi had already passed the chuunin exams, I had only recently achieved the rank of genin. It was in the middle of one of those typical genin missions (I'm sure you remember having to catch that damned cat) that I accidently stumbled upon the two of you in the forest. He was showing you the proper stance for throwing shuriken and I couldn't help but watch from the shadows. It was obvious to me, the bond between the two of you; the admiration on your face and the pride in his eyes when you finally got it right. His devotion to you touched me and I began to wonder if he would ever be able to find space in his heart to love anyone else half as much.

Perhaps it was the first time he asked me my name. I had been in the mood for ramen but couldn't persuade my teammates to join me. And so he found me sitting alone at the bar practically inhaling the meal. He sat down next to me as if he owned the stool and I tried to ignore him as he silently watched me finish the bowl. I forced myself block him out until the bowl in front of me was completely empty. When I finally turned to him questioningly he simply continued to regard me with that smirk of his and eventually asked my name. I was surprised at first because he already knew my name. We were in the academy together after all and he had been to my apartment, if only once. But I played along anyway and told him, asking for his in return. His smirk grew into an honest smile as he replied and after that conversation flowed easily. I later realized that awkward first encounter was his attempt at starting a friendship.

Of course, the obvious and most cliché moment would be the first time he kissed me. By this time, Itachi and I had been spending a good deal of time together, as you know. We had steadily gotten closer over the past two years and, without me realizing it, our friendship had turned into something else. But then it all began.

You probably remember just as well as I, the sudden change that overcame your brother. He distanced himself from both of us and, while you were too young to do anything about it, I was not. I confronted him one night as he left the Hokage's office and begged him to tell me what was wrong. Of course, he wouldn't. He simply looked at me with those blank eyes for a good minute and then it was almost like something inside of him snapped. For your sake, I'll spare you the details but in our brief seconds of contact I could feel every emotion bottled behind those impassive eyes. Your brother was terrified, tormented but about what I couldn't ask because I knew that he would never say.

I could never stop myself from wondering why he chose me. I was never anything special. I think it all started from your brother's ridiculous notion that, since the death of my family, I was a damsel in need of saving. Whatever his reasons though, I will never complain. Thanks to Itachi, your parents and even you, little Sasuke, I had a family again. I had a future.

But I left you. I left you at the time that you needed me the most. I was the only one left who knew the pain you were going through and I abandoned you. And I will never be able to make it up to you. I wish I could say I'm sorry, that I regret it all. But I can't. I didn't know at the time what made me leave but I knew that I had to find him. And so I packed my bags and left without a second thought.

I hope you understand now, my actions. Although I don't know when it happened, it did happen. I fell in love with your brother harder than I ever dreamed would be possible. My life is now forever tied to his. Where he goes, I must go. When he dies, I too will die.

I'd like to say that I found him right away; that I just walked out of the gates of Konoha and there he was, waiting for me. As you can probably guess, it didn't happen that way. But I know he's out there somewhere and I will find him. We always seem to find each other, for better or for worse.

Please look after yourself. I know it's what he wants. No one can fake the look of adoration in his eyes whenever he looked at you. I don't know why he did what he did. I don't know if what he told you was true or if there is something deeper and more sinister behind it. But whatever the reason, I figured out what I didn't know before.

It took all of my power to piece it together, but what I've learned is that a great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. And you can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient and you hold still, maybe, just maybe, it'll come to you.

I just need to make sure I'm somewhere that he can find me.

With Love,

Hisano

Okey doke, so I realize this isn't the next chapter of Near To You, but I just wanted to get this out of my head first. It's kind of vague and seems a little incomplete but...I dunno. I might decide I don't like it and take it down or maybe I'll someday write a full length story about it to kind of fill in the holes. I guess it depends on what you all think.

As much as I would love to take credit for that last part about memories, alas, I cannot. It is paraphrased from the latest episode of the web series Red vs Blue, spoken by the character Leonard Church, one of my many loves.

Anyway, let me know what you think because, honestly, I'm not sure what I even think.

-Sil