Author's Notice/Basic Summary: After watching the movie 'Into the Wild', which has Kristen Stewart in it for a short period of time, I decided to attempt this fan fiction. A short summary of it is that Bella has left Forks in the middle of the night, on her own, supposedly to search for Edward. She left no information about her whereabouts. She didn't tell anyone she was leaving. She simply left. The first chapter is Jacob's reaction. It's violent and heart-breaking.
Where Are You Now?
Jacob's Point-of-View:
For those who knew her, it was inevitable that she would leave. She was too broken to survive in the very place where he had left her stranded. Each time I looked into her eyes, I saw that a piece of her was missing. Her soul was deteriorating and her hope was draining. It was inevitable, her leaving. It was inevitable that she would pack up her things in the middle of the night and just fucking leave. Walk out of her father's house like she had a god damn clue where she was going. God, she was so stupid. Did she really fucking believe that she could fucking survive on her meager savings? Did she really think that she could hitch hike across this God forsaken country in search of him?
I stopped myself with a rueful laugh, running a hand over my hair. Of course she really believed it. She was going crazy here. Day by day, I knew that her sanity was dwindling. I knew that one day she would snap or she would leave. Tears finally spilled out of my eyes and ran down my face; I wiped at them angrily, cursing her for being so god damn stupid. She left because she was too weak to handle the pain. Did she even realize what her leaving would do to those who knew her? Those who watched her break a little every moment of every day but hoped that one day they would see that smile again, they were the ones doing the real hurting now. Her absence was like a darkness enveloping me and whispering into my ear, never letting another thought process go through unless it was about her. That stupid girl with the long hair and the green eyes and the porcelain skin who stole my heart without even realizing it.
Wherever she was, I hoped that she was alright.
• • •
I woke up the day after I heard of her leaving. I left a hole in the wall of my bedroom. Dad told me, quietly so as not to upset me anymore, that he would ask Sam to fix it so that I wouldn't have to. So that I wouldn't remember why I'd made the hole; so that I wouldn't go bat shit crazy and do it again. And again. And again. Over and fucking over until this house was riddled with fist-sized holes and the jagged edges stained with blood from my knuckles. I glared at the hole, wanting to reach my fingers inside it and just pull. Pull the wall down. Pull the entire god damn house apart. Maybe then I would find solace. Maybe I would get a sign of how long she would be gone for. Maybe I would finally numb myself.
I stood up swiftly and grabbed the blue baseball cap hanging on the door knob of my door. Dad was gone. He was visiting Charlie, making sure he was okay. The man had run out into the early morning screaming her name. Her leaving because she was broken was now breaking him. I wanted to go see him. I wanted to ask if she'd left behind any signal of where she was going. I wanted to tell him that I would find her; for him and for me. I would find her and I would bring her ass back home before she got hurt.
Crack. Another fucking hole. I left the house before I could do anymore damage, the screen door violently smacking the frame behind me. I walked toward the edge of the forest that crowded our little red house. I took the skinny path that I hadn't taken since we had been kids. Since before she ever thought about love and before she ever thought about pain. I walked for hours, maybe in circles, no real destination in mind. I just walked. I walked and I walked and I walked until my legs felt like Jell-O and until I thought that she had left my mind.
CRACK. Shoooo. BOOM. I'd ripped a tree limb from its trunk, tossed it across the path, where it smashed into another tree and splintered into hundreds of pieces. She should have fucking told me! She should have waited for me! She should have picked up that fucking cell phone she never fucking uses and called me! I would've convinced her to stay. To stay in this worthless little shit town with me to grow old and get married and fuck and have kids. A normal life. A life where she and I were together and she wasn't broken inside and I wasn't so fucking angry all the time.
I tore through the forest that afternoon. Devastation made me feel calmer. My knuckles were bloody and my fingers were a mess of cuts and splinters. I'd broken tree limbs and punched tree trunks and thrown heavy rocks at the ground and screamed into the green canopy. I'd cried and I'd rocked back and forth and I pretended she could hear me when I begged God to bring her home. I went back to that little red house with the woods crowding in on it and the hole in my bedroom wall had been fixed, but the part of me she had torn open was still fresh and throbbing and bleeding. I lay down heavily and I closed my eyes and I pretended that my dreams weren't only of her.
Author's Notice: Very dark and fairly crazed. This chapter is full of grief and it actually made me sad to proof read it; to know that I can write sorrow better than I can write happiness. Give me your feedback – should I continue with this fan fiction? If so, where will I take it?