Prayers Of A Mafioso
"I battle, I scream, I forgive, I pray. Tonight I cry."
When Hayato is three his mom disappears. They say she left. They say there was another man. Someone once told him that she didn't love him. Hayato spits in their face and hides in a closet. He cries himself to sleep every night for a month.
Hayato likes closets. They makes him feel safe from the grappling hands that try and reach between the coats. He's sitting in the back and he can hear his dad pounding on the door, pleading with him to come out. Bianchi tells him it's futile and after a few more muttered profanities he gives up.
Sometimes Shamal will sit with him in his closet. It's the only quiet place in the mansion where he can sleep off his hangovers. On rare occasions, when Shamal isn't moaning in agony, he'll squeeze Hayato's shoulder and tell him that everything will be okay. Foolish as he was at the time, he believed him.
When Hayato is eight he learns that his mom died. She crashed into a ditch and smashed her skull on the wheel upon impact. He's so young and yet he feels like he's been alive for a thousand years. Hayato doesn't cry anymore. He's shed all his tears. He's frozen over and it will take more than the fiery burn of dynamite to warm his heart.
"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna's worried voice draws him from his thoughts.
"Yes, tenth?!"
It's amazing how quick he can snap to attention for Tsuna. He almost hates himself for being so eager.
"Oh, haha, you just seemed a little distant."
Hayato met Tsuna at Nammimori Middle School. He was viciously suspicious of him, assuming he would make a terrible Vongola heir. He still reprimands himself for judging him too quickly.
"I apologize for worrying you, tenth." Hayato bows his head.
Tsuna flushes and shakes his own head.
When Hayato is fifteen he stops believing in God. Any spiritual figure really. He says that it's because of personal experience that made him stop believing. God didn't let his mother live. Hayato may say God isn't real, but every night he kneels down and holds his hands together and prays.
Hayato prays for Tsuna. He prays for Reborn and Bianchi. Sometimes if he remembers he prays for his dad and Shamal. Heck he even prays for Yamamoto and the dumb cow. The girls, and shy little Chrome. That creep Mukuro, and the blood lust self proclaimed carnivore, Hibari. Hayato prays for octopus head too. He even extends his thoughts to Shimon and the other Arcobaleno. More importantly, he prays for his mother.
He's seen more battles than he has strands of hair on his head. Hayato is much older now. He has faced the Varia, Millefiore, and Shimon. He's fought with the Vindice and many other no name mafia's. Hayato has battled with the Vongola and Tsuna. Hayato has even battled with himself.
He battles, he screams, he forgives, he prays. It's a cycle. Hayato is only partially listening to Tsuna now. He's muttering the same thing he has heard since they became friends.
"I'm going to end the mafia."
"Yes, Tsuna."
The reaction is the same as always. A roll of the eyes or a laugh. They don't believe him. Hayato does. Of course he believes him, they say. Hayato believes Tsuna because he knows Tsuna. He knows Tsuna is an honest man. He'll keep his word no matter what. He proved this to everyone countless times, hasn't he? No one thinks twice about it when Tsuna says such things.
It's a chilly evening this night. Hayato snubs his cigarette. Tsuna stands next to him, staring off into the distance. God is not real, he tells himself. God is not a whole person because he comes in many different forms to many different people. Hayato thinks Tsuna carries a piece of God in his heart. The impartial judge.
Hayato bows his head. He has battled, he has screamed, he forgives all who have wronged him, and he prays for the final time. It's been so long since he cried. Years and years ago when he was a foolish little kid in the closet, crying because he thought his mother didn't love him. Crying because he thought his world was ending. Hayato allows a tear to slip down his cheek. Hayato prays for himself. Tsuna destroys the mafia that night.
FIN