Paper Mario's Diary: An Epic(?) in Eight Chapters

by Herman Tuttle

Paper Mario's story as retold through Mario's diary, but not how you'd expect. Filled with incomprehensible humor, deliberate spelling errors and inside jokes. Read at your own peril.

Mario's Diary

June 17th, 2010/February 5th, 2001

One day I woke up and heard mah brother weegee say, "Hey, bro, we got a letter from Princess Peach". Nao I thougt this was liek wierd cuz she's a royalty.

Wiggy then said "I'll read it to you, OK?". This was evil because it is not OK but I have a speech imperiment and wiggy knows. Wiggy always knows. He read the letter like this.

" All right, let's see... I'm throwing a party at my castle today! Mario and Luigi, I would be honored if you both could attend." Peach always calls weegee Luigi.

"Many guests from distant towns are hoping to meet you."

"There will be tasty sweets and all kinds of entertainment! I hope to see you here soon! Sincerely, Pirncess Pich" wiggy sometimes sez her name rong.

It was weird hearing this in weegee's voice, but we went returned to castle anyway. Weegee said somethin, but i was noticing how different the cassle's layout was frum last time. It seems diffrent every time i come here. Iz wierd.

Wiggy decided to mingle, so i explord. 2 of the doors doesn't seem to open, so I notisd that 1 of the gards has a Shiny Spear. I span & spun & span til he wuz all dizzy, then took his Shiny Spear. Even with, the doors doesn't seem to open. I proseeded to the next room.

Minister of Princess Peach's Castle has a big mustache. He also sed that the futur of our kingdom looked bright, but I hav a hunch about weegee...

There was a guard guarding peach's guarded room (by that guard). I bugged him.

"This is Princess Peach's room, but I'm afraid she isn't in here at the moment."

"Huh? Oh no! Absolutely not!" "I don't think it's very polite to go into her room without asking her first, Mario!"

"I said NO, and that means NO. You are simply not allowed to go in there!"

He reminded me of a cricket.

The guy guardin the princess was just a trainee, sir so I went to see her. She offered to stay and chat, just the two of us, even though, she knows i cant talk to her. I nodded. She new i wud. shes evil like weegee.

At about this time, the castle got bigger and a face. We also went into spas. Ive always wantd to go to spas. I hope to go to spas at least once more in my life. Maybe five more times. Anyways, was nice.

Peach didn't think so. She thought it was also still on grounded castle. She's could be more smarter.

As I was thinking this, Boozer stupidly smashed the window, thus, depleting, the air. He and kammy was fine and so was peach (their all evil, that's why). I managed to jump on him a few times, and easily took his punches. He also lookd like he wuz invinscibable, but that was just silly magic trick.

But in the end, he used his flame breath on me. This took all air remaining and i fainted. To add injury to insult, he lightninged me out the widnow. Not nise.

Prologue

A Plea from the Stars

Close to tomorrow, which is Friday

I had a weird dreem where stars with a bow, an arrogant look, a book, a string, a nice hat, strange glasses, and a mustache that's almost as big as Minister of Princess Peach's Castle's. They complained about me, but said i wuz they're only hope, like in that movie i watched. Then they sprinkled me with tickliness. and evaporated. they were pongy. I then felt dragged.

Goomba Village

Star with a huge mustache said his name was eldster (sounds like eldstar, i call him this) and told me to go to Shooting Star Summit. He says the reason for this is becuz he needs to tok adn not here. I'd complain, but i didn't. Everyone must no. Peach and wiggy told teh noozpaperz, prolly.

Toad (GV-TH) tells me mah eyes were not opened 4 days & days & days & days & days. They should hav opened them wif finger strength.

I walked outside to find I was in a Toad House. I will call these THs, THis will help me with my th's.

i talked to everyoney. The goomama said land sakes. The goombario said he was a biggest fan of mine and that I dont know what that means. I do no wut that means. the goombaria said she found me. there was no goombella. Maybe next time. Before talking to the rest, i rote up to here in Mario's Diary. Any other time I do dis, ill say 'SB!'. This will help my skateboarding.

The goompapa said I cud rest in hiz hous. i wantd to leave and he wuz in front of the gate, so i waved my hand at him so hed no i wanna leave. wavin a hand is a form of telepathy. Im getting bettr. He sed id hafta wait until a jiffy had gon by, 4 he needed to fix the fence. i went in the house of Goomba.

The Gooma said ho 8 times. Iz a noo recerd. I went out to the balcony, where i met goompa. He sed many things, such as, but not necessarily limited to: isn't it?, Ooh, yes, Mario, you startled me, and Hm. He then sed he wuz fixin the veranda . i find this to be a complexicated word and prefer balcony or taco.

Anywhy, i left the house and the goombario told me the goompapa was done fixin thae gat. All these goom pas and papas r fixin stuff... verandas... gates... balconies... one was even fixin a taco.

I was just checkin on the gate (which shud be open by now) when i herd a 'Heee! Yee hee heee!'. I suspected this to be weegee but it was Kammy Koopa. Goomaria's expression looked like

\ |

Oo

I dunno why. kammy said laughable (but she pronounced it log-habe-el) and then smushed the gate. this maed the goompapa anger.

My telepathy's geting wurs. Last time, the goompapa said what once and he sed it trice dis time. he then told me to get a hammer from teh goompa. Hes on the veranda. i went to the balcony, but did not arrive at the balcony. Instead, i fell. 4 it was gon. And so i survievd my 2ond fatal fall thusly.

Playing with Baby Koopas of Violence

the goompaa had also taken this fall with great fury i nca tell cuz he sed his bak wuz poor. Nyways, there was a block there. i tried to crush it with sheer strentgh. Tis didnt work, so I suggested the big hammer. The goompapa couldn't find The Hammer az he cals it, so I took it . permenentely.

On the wai out, I stumbld across someone named master jr troopa. He looked liek dis:

lol hed look better wif wins & a spik. Mah doodle:

bettr. Nyways, he didnt liek meh so i debeated him but i lieked his muzac. after, the goompa wagered and tehn i smushed teh blok.

i hit a nearby tree and mush fell out. idunno how ti got up there tho. After that, I sprang into a flowr. it smelt fried. After that, i found some goombas. a wize man once sed...

THE BACK

OF YOUR

HEAD WAS

MADE FOR

THE ARCH

OF MY

FOOT.

but their wuz 1 that i jumped on and it hurt my to. i used Hammer on him. the goompa also at one point sed his advise wuz gud & i shud rememember it. u shouldnt sai ur own advise is gud. After that, i found a shiny. i proceeded to enter the village (iz rilly just a hous).

The Overgrown Path to an Overgrown Goomba

the goompapa called me a kids and then unloked the gat (1). i then gave the goombaria dolly, that i found in the woods. she gav me a shiny and hart. The goombario sed he had big muscles and told teh goompa we rappinged. also sed i cud beet boozer wif 1 hadn tide behind my bak. Iz tru.

the goompa then gav me a badge that went as hi az my noze. wuz wierd. i put it on & evaporated. the goombario then joined me in ma adventures. nao he iz not the goombario. Hes my goombario. lol.

i hit a tree & got nut. then msushed blok blokin gat (2) & departed 4 toad town. Or tt. callin it tt improves my kartin skillz.

the first thin i saw on teh Goomba Road wuz a sine. i red it wiht passion, only to c a goomba cum out of it. it lookd liek this.

wuz a ferocious battle of the century. Nywayz, I eventually came 2 another sine, adn red itwif passion, only to c a mush cum out of it. it lookd like this.

It took ours to debeat, but did. i also encountereded enenemies such as

they went down liek tiny but slow spiders that feel liek small rabbitz. but soon I caem across goombas that donot drop liek tiny but slow spiders that feel liek small rabbitz. Instead, of that they had lots strentgh. took many hits to debeat dem and even then they just ran awai. Lookd liek dis.

wen I debeated teh first 1, red sed (lol) "Blue, Blue Goomba!" also had big half bone comin out of left nostril that just wiggled til he stopped talkin. wuz wierd. Nywayz, i proseeded til found a goomba king. He looked lik a toad wif wierd i's & pants.

i saw a tree that angryed me so i whacked it. this seemed to hurt ppl, but idunno y. i then jumped on king's hed. he wuz pongy. i den debeated him & he sed wh...wh...what!? even tho ididnt say nything. wuz wierd.

i hit the tree agen & got nother shiny, then found a ! in the grass. still filt with fury frum teh tree, i wacked teh !. this made strange things which made King Goomba blasting off again happen. a bridg also happend.

I crossed the bridg and got a super mush, meanwhile my goombario tried to set a new air speed record of staying in midair wo assistance & not blinkin wile doin so. he wuz short 1na half secs. A shame. i proseeded further, but herd a kammy noiz.

The Sound of Bowser

I stood iin 1 spot a long long long long long long long long time 4 i herd boozer muzak. i also herd kammy tell boozer he cud debeat me wif 1 claw tied behind hiz bak. dis contradikts a pervious statement in dis book, as shown here.

"the goompapa called me a kids and then unloked the gat (1). i then gave the goombaria dolly, that i found in the woods. she gav me a shiny and hart. The goombario sed he had big muscles and told teh goompa we rappinged. also sed i cud beet boozer wif 1 hadn tide behind my bak. Iz tru."

dis meens we cud duel 4 millinea wif hadns tide behind our baks. i also herd wierd koopaz, but dey wer 1337. sed kool things liek 'Here come the Koopa Bros.!' and 'wimpola'. Dunno hoo koopa bros is, tho. they also sed they cud debeat me in secs flat. not nise. i then herd boozer sai...

'Ooh...OOOH!'

my powerz of telepathy's then ran awai.

A Familiar Town

on teh wai to toad town i found a tree with a giant sping the size of a bigger me. i Hammered the tree, teh sproing fell out, i spruang atop a roof, opened a chest up there and got a Hammer Throw badge. wuz teh siez of half of me. This raises several questions.

How did the spring get in a tree?

Why was the spring in the tree?

If someone put the spring there, who put the spring in the tree?

How could one Hammer strike get that spring out of the tree?

How could that spring get me all the way onto a roof?

Why did a chest get put on the roof?

Who put the chest on the roof?

How did this person get the spring?

How did the spring get transported here? I can't lift it.

Nywayz, i entered town and Toad (TT-WE-R-NG) by the entrance said bedlam. idunno wut that means. i saw a shiny but was behind fence, so i cudnt get it. i then went to vist russT and he said, i cud ask him nything. but he didnt tell me nything and i didnt ask him nything. this is evil. Wiggy mustv told him, two. I was starin at teh wierdos blockin teh door to teh dojo toad, (TT-WE-B-NS&D), told me, that Weegee mist me. so i decided to visit him.

Wiggy wuz sayin I wonder what my brother mario is doing right now... exsept he sed mai name May-ree-oh. he didnt even no i wuz there. This may mean he rilly duznt no mai nmae and lower his evilness by 2%.

when i showed up out of the pipe in frontyard. but wen I showd up all he did wuz cumplane he wuznt wif me. wen I went in my hous I found a suspicous flour panel!. but even the pryer bar didnt open it so i left.

i nao decided to see Merlon so i went to his hous but when i nocked the door Merlon said, somethin. I knocked a series of time, with difrent 'sponses.

"Merlon is out!"

"I said Merlon is out, so he must be out!"

"I'm telling you, Merlon is out! Ouuut!"

Eventually, i gave up & went to shooting star's summit. Here, i found Merluvlee and , with difficulty, Merlow. to find merlow, i had to go up a long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long olng long long long long long long long long longlo gn long long lojng lo ng lol long long staircase that had 2 many steps that were hi and I had to jump. Pparently, this wuz just s hous so i went to find the real summit that is shooting star's. but first I looked at super chest

i went to out of this spiritual cushion & found a shiny and eldster. eldster was actually a hologram sent in by the highest level of hand wavin. he informd me of wut wuz hapnin.

"We are the 7 star spirits and grant people 's wishes but only if their gud."

Now i thot this wierd cuz only selfish people wish and their no gud.

"Boozer stole or awesome rod and was pongy..."

Sorry, i got that part wrong.

"Boozer stole or awesome rod and was an hiz-own-wish-granter."

"We are not jumpy enuf, so you, Jumpman, must debeat Boozer!"

I did not liek their geting mai nmae rong.

"Sadly, Boozer's way stronger then u."

nao their insultin me

"if u free us all u can debeat Boozer 4 us!"

i dun wanna, but i didn't say nythin. Wiggy can't get to shooting star's summit, so i think peach told them.

"were only here thru telepathicy, mangz"

i already new this

"you are our last hope... and we will..."

they're then evaporated. i guess i must save dem. Bother.

The Sound of Peach

i then herd peach sai sniffle. Wen in sniffle, i dun sai sniffle. after she complaint a long long long long time, boozer came in. i enjoied hiz muzak, but he sadly left purty quickly. boozer wuz even pretty nice to peach, too, but peach just wined more.

I nao herd nockin and a Huh? and then muzak id never herd. a voice then sed hiz nmae wuz twink. Peach asked for sum stupid things but eventually it wuz desided tink wud get me a Lucky Star n him ur exact wurds. mai telpathic then run out.

The Return Trip

twink hurt my hed adn sed to thank teh starz he found me. i cud nao tell this stra wud b irrationally self-important, liek a anglerfish i found 1nce in a lockr. he then sed to take teh "Lucky Star". nao that i saw someone els do it, i cna talk in red. lol.

just then, a magickammekoopa (or sumfin) sed stpid things in a stpuid ryme. annoyed, i debeated it. he then called me a deer adn departed. my goombario sed he wuz brave, but i tink he wuz moar liek an yello cricket.

wen i came bak, a tode sed Merlon & eccentric so i translated that to mean go bother melon some more. Soi did. merlon wen i meeted him went from oh to maybe to no to yes to it must be to your mario. inside, their wuz a crydtal ball with a star in it lookd liek dis.

((((((((۞)))))))

soon i wuz a sleep. and that is all that matters.

Wen i went to the s part of town, i found woods in teh street. my jump hite is hier than the woods, but cudnt go. so i tried the towns e exit but they're were kool todes dare. but blokd path. I went to c Merlon. to inform him about this. i did this becuz the todes sed not to and were suspicoius liek that flour panel.

wen i told him, he sed such a thing has never ben herd of even tho he herd it just now. wuz wierd. Nyways, he told me to follo him, but i got to hour destination faster then him. merlon lightninged all the toadz and they turned into koopas with eyes liek (X). they sed 'a' 14 times. then ran awai liek sacred raccoon.

Merlon gav me 1 last profesy. to go find a blue koopa in koop avillage. my doodle of how it mite look.

my imagination haz only been rong 8 times. Nyways, I proseeded to teh e.

Chapter 1

Storming Koopa Bros. Fortress

Monday the 23rd of June, 2010

lol.

The Road to Koopa Village

On the 1rst part of teh path that i didnot find pleasent, i found a badge dat maed me dizzy and jar with a uturn sine on it. wuz boring.

In teh next part it wuz a ded end. but i saw a blu pole lookin at a tree. This infuriated me, so i noked the pole. this did nothin so i Hammered the tree it wuz lookin at only to find an ! To wwhack. this maed bridg. wuz a shiny but i, cudnt get it.

i soon came to a blue pole that always watched me. i lol made it spin. Then forund three bloks. i Hammered them with the sekret technique: LEFT...RIGHT...MIDDLE!

then i went to village.

Fuzzy Infestation

here I found a koopa that wasnt ninja/sunglass-wearing and revised my imagination of wut teh blu koop awud look liek.

wile i wuz imaginationing, a black thing (self-proclaimed as Meeeork) took the koopas shell. i then desided to rescue all shellz.

wen i did a blu koop thankd me for gettin her shell bak from the meeeorkz den we beet em. blu koop sed her naem wuz kooper and she joint my party n nao i kick her n stuf.

i took my noo koop up teh stares and den thru teh stairs of teh blue polez wen a bad koop mambushed me from the side! . 1nce ded I got litnin found a sine dat sed "No entry allowed, Mario! Yours truly, The Koopa Bros." They're poltieness wuz nice but still angryed me so so i entryed nyway.

Turtles With Too Much Pepper

as i entryed a blackoop startled. hiz tung went out liek scared lizerd. inside i beat alotta koops n 1 had a kee, so i uzed it on the door. i went thru a room with lots O gaiz named Bob that lookd confuzled wen i left into a room ware I saw a koop and a g ninjakoop havin a telepathyc chat. With their mouthz. I gotta lern that.

Their were a long amount of cells her one with a door n 1 with a boot1 key. Middl 1 has a suspicoius blak line so I kooped it. nothin happend so i ran into the blak line out of outrageous. I ended up inside the sell. the baj wuz nifty but nao stuk wif goom &koop outside teh cell. i hope they dun maek me work 4 boozer.

Day 2 in the cell

Teh darknesss slowly swalows me. goomnkoop hav left to fufill there dreems. i havnt had spagh 'n' meat for teh last 4 daiz. i wish their were a boo in here with me just to releeve teh boredum.

Day 3 in the cell

This mornin a koop confiskated my hat. Hope seems lost. I havnt used my pogostick in teh last 4 daiz.

The next day

Teh darkness almost swalloewd me but I got out byt urning sidewayz. my hat wuz rite outside teh sell. goom'n'koop have returned to my psosesion. I finally fownd the door to the next room.

i beat a koop and a ! fell from the skyling. Wen i wacked it, teh stares fell. wuz wierd.

went down and thru a a passage to a room, then teh doors fell up. Wuz wierd. Beat more koops and they raised down.

there are some spinny flamez here that r easy to get around. ppl used to call me Jumpman. didnt actua;;y liek it tho. i tink Weegee started it.

eventally i caem into a room with a long long long long long long lon glong ramp and pit in it. I saw yelloop up there makin a fake ? but i just cudnt resist smackin my tuna-shaped hat into. It maed me fall like teh tower. Yelloop came n sed bah ha ha ha ha u fell for it. i hate stupid puns.

I landed in a sell of bobs. 1 such bob sed he wuz a menace, joint my party n let every1e out. I dun get y he didnt do it 4 days ago. Nyways, baktrakd to Rampy Room and blowd up a wall for a flower, then wenu tp teh ramp and thru a door.

the next door wuz lockd and the guardrail makr did a bad job so i fell down. out of Frustration i went bak to the sells and blew 1 up. At least it had the ke yin it, but got dizzy goin bak up the ramp.

The door leaded to a top of the sell former w/ key. Their wuz a stupid puzzl but i just had to nock my koop around abit. Thoz ninjakoops underestimaet my lv. Of intelligince.

teh next door wuz lokd, to, but just had to hit a ! adn blo sum stuff up to get the key. thoze ninjakoops be gettin dumer with they're puzzls the time.

I hit anuther ! And sum stares rose frum the lake and made som koops go "Panic and fear! Panic and fear!". Reminded me of a tode i almost ate 1nce. Nywayz i killed em and a Bob, got a baj and went out the door.

The door lead outside wear the ninjakoops, whom i thot wuz kool, used Bullet William Blasters insted of they're shells. If ur gonna use cannons, at least maek them fire pidgits instead of wIlliams. Nyways, i used awesum tactics to debeat everything out here than open the door.

The Amazing Ninjakoopas

S- WHOOOAA. I forgot to get rid of the bold. lol. So liek I said, i opened the door, but when i got in the room the doors were biggr then before. I dun get it.

Nyways, blackoop said "You guys ready?!". At 1rst i thot he wuz tawnting me and that wiggy told him, but he wuz talking to his koops. After he ran awai, a stupidly contsructed Boozer on wheels came and sed he wuz the glory. I wacked him a bit and he fell a part, revealin bettr muzik. And sum koops.

Wile I wuz unphazed by there Super Spinning Attack, i wuz phazed by there muzik. After my koop made em dizzy I watched em dizz 4 a while before debeating em all. They left behind a card the size of a goomba on top of me, that i took it to free Eldster.

Mysterious Theater

Wen i picked up the cadr, i warped to a theater. They're wuz wite all behind me and hi lettrs that sed END OF CHAPTER! and saw wurds talkin about my adventer. Eldster wuz above my outreaching hands. I cudnt mov. Wwtf?!

The Sound of Twink

i herd peach n tink talkin about me and gettin out of this room. I then herd twik sai Oh! and then i think he sed Look! but im not sure cuz an apostrophey wuz interupting the 2cond lettr. Nyways, I think she went thru the fireplace or somthin, then peach sed ohhhh!.

After twin asked if peach wanted to reed a diary they found adn she sed yes (i told u she wuz evil) bu tthen twikn red it outloud. I thot she cud read but i gess not.

It wuz obviusly Boozer's diary but the stoopid stra cudnt figure it out rite awai. They cept reading until they found out wear teh next star spirt iz. Nao i no two cuz of telepathy but tiwnk iz gonna hunt me down anyway, lmost likly.

Afterarithmatic

Eldster kept tryin to Tut me but wudnt let him. After i headedback to toad town, but before i wuz done Jr. Troopa mambushed me. He asked me if a reremembered him and how cud I not with that awsom muzak.? Nyways, I killd him again and went back to town.

I herd a sudden Mario!. This hurt my ears. I new it wuz tin cuz of the muzak, so this raizes his evileness by 4%. He proseeded to tell me wear the stra spirt wuz, but i new that already.

the woods were gon so I headed s but wuz stopped but a ruff. He be a littl ruff. Littl ruff wuz really just a living advertissment, for a baj shop so but good. Nyways, I instigated the back of the newsboard to find many words including spiffy. This confuzzled me so i went to visti Weegee.

i found him chirping (wiggy chirps sometimes) ontop of a rock outside hour house. He wudnt talk to me so i had Bob blow his rock up. Weegee didnt say somthing intresting so I went in. Teh flour panel still wudnt open and I realised we dun hav a bathroom. Oh well.

So i finally went s and s to find a train. i liek trainz. But this 1 was blokd by a rok. (lol rhyme). So blew it awai and got on the train, that coinsidintally went to sum rugged Mt. That leads to Dry Dessert.

Chapter 2

The Mystery of Dry Dry Ruins

Soon after the start of 2001 just before the start of 2011

The Rugged Mountain

They call it mt rugged but the texture of the mt is pretty smooth. i wudv named it mt flattish insted.

Soon came to a silver blok that wen I tried to smush i wiggled. I stopped in the fear of wigglin myself into being wiggy.

after I herd a strang voice telling me to confound it. Confuzzled, i lookd behind me only to be bumped by a parakoop that sed The name's Parakarry. I deliver letters. i had a felling id be heering this alot more. Nyways, he sed he dropped just 1 lettr and that hed like it if i found it 4 him. Buther.

i slid down a slid i found.

Wuz fun.

doon sum moles started throing rocks at me. wuz annoying, so I killed em all. After that I found a lettr a bit awai frum me so kooped it. brot it to Parakarry and he sed he needed me to find him 2 more. Bither.

so i follod the red arrows stickin out of teh ground until ifell into a lettr and poking rock. i dun lik gettin poked either.

this wuz a ded end so i unfollod the red arrows stickin out of the ground until i slid into the air, wear i fell and huirt. i used a nearby sping to get bak up but just lead to another hurting slid. At least it got me to a lettr.

slid 1 last tiem but wuznt a hurting slid. Wuz fun.

Wen i took the lettrs to that parakoop he joint my party and nao he 'karrys' me places. lol. But as an down side he sed he lost lettrs all over everywere adn wants me to find them. Double bother.

i had my para karry karry me (i cant stop loling,) to a baj then to a toking flower (wwwtf?) then to a buzzerd who sed i looked suspicoiusly like Maroi. i dun liek ppl who sai my name rong, so i said that my name wuz Weegee and the only thing suspishus about me wuz my flour panel. He beleived me adntold me to go rite on ahed but i then revealed i wuz mario so he attakd me and i beat him up and arrived at Dry Dessert. Wuz a fun part uv my adventur.

Solving the Puzzle of Dry Dry Ruins

at the entranc of Dry Desert i met Kolorado, but my parakoop interupted hour conversattion by delivering a lettr. This angryed me but there wuz nothing in teh desert to wack except a tree and Kolorodo's tent wuz bloking it.

i embarked into the dessert. all wuz goin fine, but i strayed frum the path for a 2nd and got lost. but along with me hope wuz lost along with...

"Month Day X Fortune from disaster: the kindly sea washed us ashore. What strange irony that this island was our intended destination all along, no? And yet, we mourn. We have lost three crew members, including Admiral Bobbery. It pains me to think that they were taken by the pirate king, that ghostly thing... What happens to us now, ah? We may be lost without hope, stricken in the wilds..." "Month Day X We have made a semblance of civilized life here. The ship's floatsam washed in, and we now have salty bread and other salty things... We can live for some time on this salty bounty of the sea... But then what, I ask?" "Month Day OO We have built a few huts from the washed-up timbers... Ah, poor, sweet S.S. Flavion! At least the shanties keep out the wind and rain. We still have had no sign of Bobbery and the others, and my heart, she doubts... Still, despite my fears, we must continue to hope that they are alive somewhere." "Month Day OX Three days on the isle now, and the huts are all finished. We have carved a life out here, though we all dream of a return to Rogueport..."

erm, rong dairy. sory. howd that get in there nyway? oh well. Nyways, I got to dry dry dry dry outpost eventualy.

there were lots of turban dudes here and i wanted to wack em with a dusty hammer, and i was hungry too so i went to the shop but shopkeeper ran awai. I chased him in full pursuit to the shop where i bought a dry shroom and then a dusty hamer.

Shopkeep ran over to me and sed somthing about a mouse staff. i put my hand to my hed and opened my mouth and he interpereted that as my wanting to see the the mouse staff. He told me to keep going up.

Co nfuzzled, i ran around the red tree outside shop alot. this didnt help so i went thru a suspiciuos building and somehow ended up atop it. I then went from bilding to bilding until i found a door that led to the mystical mouse staff. turns out it wuz just a mouse in a turban tho. kinda dum.

he gav me a flashy stone thats supposed to help me find teh Dry Ruins. turns out it did.

the ruins rose from the sand liek a curious turtle out of a sideways cannon, it did. and so entered.

King Tut(an)

Bleeag, Blooooaaaagh!

I hear as I come in.

I'm the huge, scary Tutankoopa!

Remorseless king of the desert!

Then he told me id be disastered if i didnt leave but didnt anyway. Went farther insted.

there were spikd sideways coffins here that had pokers comin out of it. this wuz annoying but 1 of them had a baj in it. that let me immune from poks 4evar!1!.

the next room had a key that i took 7 used on the next room, that had a swich that dropped sum sand down to the last room where i hooped into a passag. wuz boring.

not as boring wuz Tut telling me id soon be a sand mummy. this sounded fun but i had a bizzy beetle to deal w/. i dun get y their called that, they dont sound very buzzy. Oh well.

so i had para karry karry me (roflmpo) to a bomb Bob bombed (loltnhfs) where I switched moar of a switch. I got the key and than a susupicouis room! but nothin in it. so I used teh key on anuther door.

teh keys here r calld ruins keys but they wurk fine even tho their ruined. wuts up w that?

this room had \ stairs and i hit a buttin and they were / stairs but didnt help. so i hit a ? and evaporated with coffin doors and the door's open. wuz scary but fine cuz im immune to poks nao. i pokd teh pokrs and a key lok showed up.

so i went into the next next room and herd an onimous

Uh...? Wait!

C'mon, don't go in that room!

this wuz7331 but then sed

… Ooops. Ahem! I mean...

Flee now while you still can!

If you continue...uh...you'll feel

a horrible curse!

that wuz bettr. The re were moar \/ stares so i maed them flip alot until i got on a rim. frum there eiffel to a bad baj that made me slo down. this sukd but there wuz a the Super Hammer!¡!1!. Nao gray bloks dun maek me wiggle into wiggy!.

i saw a gray 1 in the suspicous room so i went there and wacked it only to get mambushed by a chompainting. debeatin it got me a tryangle rok.

so i trakd bak to the room betwixt and between and went rite to a columnus chomp room where i herd

Turn back, thief!

Your time is running out!

If you do not retreat,

you will be in grave trouble!

like i sed before, i dun liek bad punz.

I do not lie!

You will regret it!

i went forword like he didnt ask (im so misshivis) n dropped down to a swich in a blok that gav me a key. then i had to go thru a long long long long long ljong long logn long hall to get to a sping. i didnt like it so had Bob bomb it, which reveeled a secret room!.

where i smushed a blok only to get bit. i tryed to bit it bak but it wuz apparently ston. i did debeat tho, for a shurikin ston.

went bak to columnus chomp room and used teh ruins key to get to columnus chomp room the 2nd. after sand siwrling they told me teh cod but no luna. so i got the luna ston frum nuther chompainting and used the cod to reveal lots uv stares adn sum muzac that reminded me of somthing weegee played 4 me 1ce.

they led to

This is your final warning!

Enough of this foolishness! Leave

at once!

so i proseeded onword to meet Tut himself. Bleah heh heh heh … sory, bit of a coff there. Nyways, he sed he wuz very scary and then i beat him with the help of mah new frend Chompy. Chompy desided to stay here, but at leest i got another stra spirt.

i had to go thru the the ater agen but used to it.

The Sound of a Library

Boozer wuz all liek ha ha-hahello. then he wuz nice to peach agen and peach hated him agen then sed hed use an invisible tub on me. this sounded like it wud hurt but oh well. then screemed that sum muskuler dude ran awai frum sum cassl. then peach went to the library and herd that the tub had a secret weakness dat makes him visible agen. this wuz nice, but nao tikns gonna bother me agen. wile i wuz thinkin this, i herd 1 a them koops say the word

Gasp!.

A Town of Toads

this stra, a creepy mummer, gav me a present and ran awai. i tthen proseeded to my good frend Kolorodo. he called me a smushin chum just liek i liek wen i gav him a dolly i found in teh ruins, then i escaped to tode town.

wen i went n anuther toking flower sed and i quot:

P...

Pppppppppppppppppppp...

PUFFFFFFFFFF!

den he sed hilo there and gav me seed cuz, he sed, i prolly lik flowerz.

i then went to visti my 'frend' weegee. he wuz ,i thot, not here, but i saw his chirps comin out of the floor near teh suspicouis flour panel. this maks it a very suspicouis flour panel! Nyways, wiggy's not here.

nao i suspected twnk wud be here about now but wuznt. unforchinitely, my ears hurt nyway just from imaginationing a painful Mario!. at least he sez my name rite, i gess.

so i went very e wen i herd sum creepy muzac (that i am fond of) and an

Aaaaaaaagh!. this wuz wurse then the abominable twik, but at least i saw a ghost. aaaaaaaagh man (A.K.A. EG-G) asked me if i saw it and wen i replied it shod up agen. i wuz confuzzled about y it had its tung out wen the gard thot i didnt c it. it then appeered behind me agen bihg with a tung. i new that as long as i didnt turn round it wud stay and i cud look at its silliness with a happy moustachio out of my I corner. then it went to teh forest where wen i follod it invited me to dinnr.

Chapter 3

The "Invincible" Tubba Blubba

The Night Before The Night Before The Night Before Christmas

befor i new it i wuz in 4evar forest a scarey scared place full of scarys. i keep hearin a wolf but i cant find it, MAAAAAAAAAAAN!. i think there are 2 ½! help me, man! there r green meorks in her and the only thing familyur r plants w/ teeth!.

i kept going round n round n round teh circl until sum flowers shrinked! i got scared and ran awai.

Here i found a wilted s0n1k with double monikles on that asked me wut i thot i wuz doin. i told him nothing but he explaned things i new nyways. i thinked weegee told him for 1 min but then i realised Wiggy's 2 chikan 2 cum here. nyways, he sed I had to go bak and um-kay and that i cud pass. Wuz wierd.

There wuz a tree with i's ,amn!1

so then there were there lippy flowers. flowrs. With lips. WWTF?!

i found anuther toking flowr that wuz all liek heh heh hm hmmf shud i or not welllll, then there wuz this tree that wuz all

\-/ \-/

0 0

\/\/\/\/\/

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa' sed my goombario. i agreed so ran.

next up were sum blu mushes that did a jiggy 4 me. i cud get used to this.

so i kept goin and saw theze flowrs that didnt shrink. im liek WhOOOAAa. sum1 hit me with a tranq thats messed up. but no 1 did so fleeed.

there wuz a sine that sed i shud go that wai but i went the wai the laughign rok sugjested insted.

that just led to a baj so i went bak the wai sine sed.

Some Boos' Haunt

teh bootler (lol i just made that up) sed welcum sirs n madame. it wuz nice of him to adress my koop so sespifically but than he sed to go to the hi room and looked hard.

i tink this manshin wud b bettr with sum merry go round muzac.

i sat on the chair and fell of the chandeleer. wuz wierd.

then a canvis sed help me ill help u mwaah haah hah. i dun get it.

wen i tryed 2 open the door Big Boo came out but went in nyway.

this had a nise wordrobe so i opened it and wuz crushed. this angryed me so i opened anuther 1, but this just maed pete fall off teh boat. (crushed agen) in response i opened the last 1 & got sumthin on vinyl. wwtf?

teh next room i exfound had a board boo in it (he sed he wuz boo-ored [i hat stupid puns {only liek gud 1s like bootler}]) so i played him sum vinyl. he dansed overere and i got his wait.

the last dore i went thru gav me my muzac but took awai lots o mah bitz. freakin out i ran awai.

confuzzled, i sat down but just ended up on the chandeleer agen. wuz annoyin so i put the wait on it so the chair wud just tak me to 2f instead (not as bad). after that i saw a door i unsaw b4.

there wuz a chest here that shandeleered me. i dunno hao that works.

i went downstares and angry, at the trap triks here, i bomed the wall, wich revealed a sekret room!1!. but had nothing but crats and a monicle boo i cudnt get.

so i went into the next next room wear teh door turnd into a wall and i got sum rlly Super Boots. but wut rlly came out wuz boos so i wuz expectin it to say "U got teh Booz" but didnt. o well.

they sed i had to gess who had the boots but didnt. i just watched like i watched that meork that 1 tiem. ive got interplanetary eyesight skills. they then sed bow wuz gonna flip on em but flippin isnt so bad.

i spun the panel, then the !, then the ! That fell then the ! That fell after thatr.

with new spinning powrs i span to the monicle boo. then put it in the canvis and told me to jump in the painting. this wuz not my first tiem. 1ce i had to jump thru paintings moar then 72 times to sav peach. Nyways this 1 lead to the 3d f.

i herd a sudden Gwah hee haha! Sed the ladybow. Bootler then sed his naem wuz Bootler. im liek wtth. Bootler than ran me down w stra spirt infor. they gimme him if i beet up tubba. ladybow then sed shed join my party, and, Bootler's 1 of his i's ran awai and ladybow crooly sed she wanted to see tubba with her own TWO i's. after a wile ladybow sface went

0 0V

\/ \/

\/\ /\/

wuz wierd. she then request politley if it wuz ok if she joint my party and that she wuz doin it liek it or not.

Doo-Dah-Dee-Dah-Dool...

bored, i went back to 4evar forest wear i herd...

Nooooo! Wa,aahh!

Bugs! Get 'em off me!

S-s-so s-scared...

i went to instigate and it turned out to be Jr. Koopa, of who ill never forget the name.

Eeeek!

he sed az his 3p1c muzac started. he then sed 'o mario, o thank ah HA'. wuz wierd. He then spawned wins. like i sed, my imagination has only been rong 8 times (10 nao, i gess) so hell prolly get a spik next. Nyways, i killed him agen agen and returned to teh manshin grounds.

here i did find a gat leadin to a sandy place with a shiny under it.

Big Incisions of Bigger Turtles

i came to a big widmill wen my goomba sed hyper goombas were unsivilised. this means he thinks most gooms r sivilised. Nyways, i came to Bootown wear i herd Herbert wuz eaten (poor soul but at least not body... i gess i shudnt lol) and saw Stanley get ate. tubba sed he wuz tangy. tubba seemed like a nise guy actually. mebbe i shud try a boo sumtime... i liek tangy...

so i traveled thru the gustiness of this gulch till i got to a large cassl in wich tubba prolly wuzza. lol.

in this wuz a massiv cassl hous thing that had air- jelly fish with fuses on they're hedz. They tryed to jelly me but i used my mysterious boo-power on them. to hallway!

teh next room i found had a sping that hurt my hed.

teh next room i found had tubbas dairy but the words were siz 957 so i cudnt read it.

the next room had a very big table the siz of 29 x 33 (iz 957 [i gess tubba must b a siz 957 2]) and the next 1 was a siz 478.5 starecase. it led to a key for here and sed how he wuz rlly invisible like every1 sed and that he mite not b so i shud(nt) rid the place of him. wuz confusing. also i dun get y ppl keep calling him invisible i cna c him fine.

so i uesd the key on a big door in the big big big big big room 7 led to stares. they led to a balcony/veranda/taco (c prolog, section 1, paragraf 6) (lol w that kinda riting ud think i wuz riting a anotatey). it led to a hall.

teh next room i found led to the sping but didnt hurt my hed there wuz a baj.

teh next room i found had spiks n key.

teh next room i found had a clok i recignized. it led 2 nuther wurld last tiem. i figure it wud this time 2 so i shoved it, unconceiling a bed that led (lol bedled) to the wurld. it had a baj. last time i found crazy stuff 2 bobs a swomp 128 coins and 7 Powr Stras. this b lame.

the key ledt o anuther 478.5 sizd starecase that led to a hallway that led to the 1 7 only invisible tub that i c fine. there wuz a door past him that led 2 a hall uv turts with gray hair, clubs adn bubbls comin outta they're noses. it wuz scaryer then tub but got a key out of it.

the key led to a Small Hall between big hall and the tub's room. It had some restorizationizers in it and no matter how long i waited, the tub didnt come. i then reelized this wuz becuz he wuz bein invisible so I ran awai to his room and hid behind his bed where there were chest.

He then entered. visiblized, to sleep. he did so while I wuz sniffin the back of his bed. asleep he looked like how i remember boozer looking like when he wuz a baby but big blue and spewing pongy bubbles out of his top of topper lip. I also saw a window half hidden by a wardrobe wich is dum cuz then you cant see out it and besides the window wuz just lookin out to another room.

so after riting in this 4 a while a decided to open tje chest. Out came yakkey teh key. Mah doodle of yakkey.

F]

O

,.;

Im just kidding this is my doodle.

Nywayz, he described himself as magically chatty adn sed somthing about that windmill. mebbe he the key to the windmill. after he yelled theif then he said the letter e over 10 times and tubba woke up with his eyes half closed and there were minifireworks coming out of his face. He said somthing about his mom and took chase after me, but I wuz already on a big table I found. It had a shiny. Wuz gud.

Sum jawsome muzak started.

nywayz tub broke his taco and I left his house. sum boos blocked the door behind me and 1 of them called the windmill the Windy Mill. i hat bad puns. tubba sed grruuuurg and wined like peach duz. i ran fast as a cleft to the windmill where I went into.

I span into some goombas of whom I beat cuz they were interupting the muzik. There wuz then a sign posted that sed no entry but they prolly just meant it 4 weegee so i kept going. the next sine sed really no entry. Wiggy must b in even worst behavur then usual. the final sign sed Absolutely! No entry allowed! that did it. I left to confont weegee.

The Luigi Confrontation

I went back thru the halls of the mill, back to boo manshion, through the trecheris 4evar forest and back to its entrence. Here i found Jr. Troopa talking in large text and almost kissin the ground even tho that can've given him Lippy Antitis Syndrome. I then went back to my house to confront wiggy on assulting the mill.

he wuz still chirping frum beneath the flour panel but i nao new wut to do. i spun that flour and landed next to weegee. while I wuz rite next to him, he sed 'I wonder how ol' Mario is doing in his quest.'. This wuz annoying cuz

I'm right next to him.

I am NOT old.

He pronounced my name May-ree-oh again.

He then turned around and sed 'Ma... Mario!'. This wuz annoying cuz

He's never mistaken me for his mother before.

He pronounced my name May-ree-oh again.

then he sed 'Uh-oh... I mean, never mind.' (but he minded, dairy!) 'How did you find this place?'. little did he no id been suspicous of the flour panel for almost a year now.

he then sprang awai, and i think he hid a book he had laid out on a desk here. i then gave chase. He simply asked me if anything wuz rong and if there wuz anything suspicious in the basment (he always sez suspicis rong). he new i wudnt sai yes. Cuz, as ive sed, wiggy nose I have a speech imperiment.

Frustrated i wuz on my way back wen I saw merlon drooping. He had reseeved a profisy. he sed that if you go round and round and round and round the red tree gud stuff will happin. merlin then sed I shud find out wut it means cuz he cant sleep just cuz he cant no wut it iz.

This frustrated me even moar cuz id only seen 1 red tree since my frend Kaysen died and it wuz in the dessert. So I decided to go to the sewers. It wuz the only logicil thing to do.

Hardcore Plumbing

it wuz a danp place with pipes coming out of everywhere except my big, tuna-shaped hat. I smushed a silver block with my the Super Hammer to get to a room with pipe spots. As I wuz walking about I herd a nefareiusly bloopy

BLOOPER!

a companied by some very short but 1337 muzik. A squidopus then came down from the sky/ceiling/skyling? that wuz the size of a me lying down atop two mes holding the lying me up. he squirted me with pollooshin so I debeated him. He then turned into a !. Wuz wierd.

Pressing it made 3 pipes arose from the ground. 1 of them led to Dry Outpost, which is where I did see that red tree!!. So I ran around it until a guy scolded me and told me to go spin merlin's floor. I wuz very happy to do this, but first I had to explor some more.

the next pipe took me to a village of koops that id been 2. I still remember getting that meork from that tree. Nyways, I went to c an old koot I visited here last time, and he asked me to get a The Tape from the goompa in the goomba village.

Luckly the next pipe led just there. Wen I brought the The Tape up with the goompa he made it sound sinister. Makes me think that Weegee made the The Tape. Nyways, I went back to the sewers and to merlon's house and span like a dradle at christmas. It got me a baj merlon wuz keeping in his attic.

But I wuz not done yet in the sewers. I span a flour panel that wuz especailly suspicouis cuz there weren't any floor panels anywhere else. Srsly. So it led to a sewage lake I cudnt cross but wuz a passage.

The passage led to purp koops that I killed. Killing them got me a ! that I did smack promptedly. and a pipe did appear that I did enter and it did take to the Boo place, it did. Hoo-hah! (diary, I b feelin fidgety.).

Confronting the "Invincible" Tubba Blubba

Back at the gulch, it wud seem Tubba Blubba is still in his house. I proceeded into the windmil past, the 3 signs telling Wiggy not to go past them and met a red thing with a blindfold on that had yello i's taped to it. Wuz fuzzy.

It asked hoo I wuz and I waved my hand out of annoyance frum his not recignizing teh famous Mario Mario. I forgot about the telepathyc part of my hand and he new I wuz mario. He then sed himself to be the 1 controlling the tub and that he wuz just a shell and that cudnt let me out wen I new the secrit of his ""invisible"" body (these fidgeots all think hes invisible still) and that we wud have to duke it out to the doom.

He then sed he wuz gonna do a supremely dandy attack and that it wuz not possible to avoid. I cudnt dodge it, but it didnt hit me. Ha. Ha. Ha.?!¡¤¿º. I proseeded to debeat him but ran awai at 5HP. I took chase and he ran into himself and he ate him (wonder wut I taste like...) so he wuz a tub not a hart.

He then assaulted me, but I used supreme ninja skills to take him down in 1 hit from me. My ladyboo did a hit 2 but it wuz really all me. Iz tru. The tub then complained about being "not invisible" Tubba Blubba again while crying wich is wierd cuz I never didnt c him. He then revealed he wuz a nice man (I new that from the 1rst time I saw him) and then he regurgitated all the boos he ever ate. I prolly spelled that rong. Nywayz, wuz gross.

My ladyboo then sed "Gwaaa ha ha ha.". U shudnt laugh or talk big and than use a period.

She then gave decided to be my ladyboo 4 longer not just until now and Bootler came out of the sky gave me a stra spirt that sed he wuz a scholer. Real scholers carry books with em. At least his ability seemed nifty. I then headed back to Toad Town, city of... shiggies? No thats just a sickness I got 1nce. Toad Town, city of ppl w/ masks.

The Sound of Kammy

Yet again did I hear peach and tikwn decide to evesdrop, and depart for the fire. however wen she got to boozer's room, boozer and kammyk were there discussing how I debeated the invisible tub, when wut shud happen but peach comes into boozer's room.

They then dis cussed wut I hate. Boozer then noticed peach with a sudden 'unh...?' and a less sudden 'Gaaaah!' and then they asked peach wut I hat. He asked her if I hated a goom clubb or a mush most. Insted of answering goom, wich is wut I like best, like a good fruit, peach answered clubba wich I dun like. She then ansered Hammer bro instead of meork, and koopatrol insted of super soda. This farther proves her evilness. my telepathys then did get tranqed.

Shy Guy Town?

Do to my 1337 plumber skillz I got to toad town in less then 1 min but found the muzik had changed. To find out y, I talked to a tode. He sed rapscallions, wich wuz intresting, but he also sed all the shy guys came from the rest. Shyes?

I went s to instigate, where I found a little red man running around the rails. Angrilied, I debeated him. Since the toad sed they were comin from the w I didnt THINK it wuz weegee, but I thot id better make sure so I headed n towards my house. on the wai, a shiggy stole tasty's pan. Unphazed, I kept going n. next I saw a shiggy take ralphy's calculater. I think tru mathers dun need em so I did not take chase. Next I saw two shiggies running round a empty gate on flowrs. I debeated them both.

Hearing strange things frum bildings as I went to my house, I reduced the shiggy in the toad hows to a shy piece of red fudge smeared on the bed. teh toad thanked me. also wuz a shiggy in the post office but left not right. Come to think of it, id only been in the post office 1nce be4. The parakoop in here had sum very agitated wins.

Next I went to the shop, wear there wuz a shiggy just standin there. He sed

"tee hee hee. Welcum to shiggies's shop. 2 bad im not gonna sell u nything, Maroi!"

if he rlly thot it wuz too bad he wudve selled me something. That wuz annoying but he also sed my name rong, even if he did cap the killed him. he sed poor me and evaporated. Shopkeep then came from the left part of the screen and thanked me w/o givin me anything and advertised. This wuz annoying 2 but I finally made it 2 my house. But not after some wurds mocked rusty.

Here I found wiggy wining cuz there wuz a shiggy afoot. I put it out of its happiness and weegee wined that he wuznt w/ me. I wud never let him travel with me. Nywayz, I spun the flour panel agen out of suspicoun, and what did I find, but Wiggy's dairy? Well, a desk, but that's not important rite now. In the first page of it he mostly wined. In the 2cond he sed the truth wuz and I quote: "Yaaaah!". He tehn wined moar. On both pages he also talked to the diary as if it wuz a person. Can u believe that? Srsly, can u?

The shiggies clearly werent weegee's doing since there wuz 1 bugging him, so I went w to instigate. As I arrived wer, I herd a loud my name. Wuz tik. Im used to him hurting my ears by nao, but he sed my name 3 times this time. he then sed something about a toy box and ran awai, that vast herd. Say vast herd fast, my good feller.

A shiggy then ran awai with the w shops storage room key, but that wuz kinda boring. Wut's more important is that I saw a very fat fellow with eyemuffs, a potato for a nose, and he had a pom-pom on. He seemed like a trustworthy sorta person so I bot his stuff.

Suddenyl my stats were gone.

GAME OVER Onoz!

I loaded from the nearest shaqpoint and hid in a bilding in the w part of town and made me invisible to hide my shame when a shiggy came and sed

" "

" "

then he opened the wall. Wait, lol?!. I opened the wall and found a toy boxa nd a sping. I got on the sping and it spoinged me into some

Chapter 4

Trials in the Toy Box

Over 100 hours into my adventure

I landed in a vast land filled with colors and toys. Spinning wheels and graffiti on the walls with a broken railroad track between me and the wall, a map that's simply a circle with 4 dots on it, and a blue train station with toy blocks spelling out the word STATION, and with a spinning arrow atop it, this was a strange place indeed. There was a red switch and a pink switch at the station, along with two men in strange uniforms. With only two exits and a red spring, I was all but lost...

I hired sum gai to rite that last paragraf. Pretty crazy stuff, rite? Btw, wut r men?

Blue Station

I headed left and fount a black shy that sed the tresure chest was HIS wen it wuz clearly Mine. He then sed "dun mess with me! " wich wuz weird cuz he meant it to scare me but used a hart. I then decided to fight him. he told me i wuz nuts, but im not a snack so I sed fight. He then sed "What!" and then he gave another hart after a min and then

GAME OVER shuckie darns!

Angered, I tried agen. Using extreme coelacanth tactics I debeated him. It involved lots'a help frum a certain mummer.

I kept going w until I jumped into a invincible block, cept it turned visible wen I hit it. After that I flooroped (instead of a wallop, lol) sum cake mix a mush and a roasted flower and a calc, 2. Nywayz, none of that helped so I went very e.

I herd kammy make a clubba and say nyeah then the clubba sounded confuzzled. Confuzzled sounds like "Nyoy?".

There were some boxes here that when I span them they stuck they're toungs out at me. my doodle.

Just imagin it in a box. Nywayz, it leaped me and I adventured to sum apartments, but they didnt have any houses in them. Wuz dum. After there wuz a clubba that introduced me to his fine club wich wuz fine cuz im immune against pokes. After I took his chest, it had a key in it. I then decided to go shopping.

I took the sping out of the toy box. Glad the lid wuz open.

I then went to the store and use the key on the door. He yelled at me and thanked me, then sed I cud use anything in the storeroom, wich is dum, cuz the storeeroom is there so I wont. But I will. There was a traine, a snow man and some other things in there.

B4 I went back to the toys, I gave ralphie his calculater back and he gave me a baj. w00t.

B4 I went back into the toys, I gave them the train.

Then I went bak into the toys and hey ho whaddya know, there was a humongous train in there. I rode it pinkly., but not before a "Yaaaahoo! " from 1 of the toads.

The Ride

As I rode between the blue and the pink station, some sort of coughing noise came from the train. It was terrible!

Pink Station

there wuz a chest here with a bag in it, but other then that it was pretty much the same. I headed w.

after a while I got a really fat shy guy that didnt seem shy at all. He asked 4 some fudz and I gave him some syrup and he wuz like nono and i wuz all liek WEll, ArEn't YOU a picky LIttle DAnDYlion?!. Nywayz, I went e.

I herd kammy make a confuzzled hammer bro. Soon after I found a shy guy held up by balloons. Another one was in a heli. Ballon man isnt doin' it right. Nywayz, I sed to them 'You will see your last pony tonite' (wuz epic) and then killed them both.

I got a baj and then went thru a block wall wen some1 else did and got to hammer bro. He wuz like 'nyuck yuck yuck you'll taste my hammer here it cums!.'. I then killed him. His chest had a pansear in it. I then decided to go get a dinner.

I took the train-sping out and went to visit tasty. She made me a cake, but i dun like cake. Cake tastes like bugs in orange milk. I then gave the bag to the postperson and went back to the toy lair.

I needed to do something with the cake, so gave it to the Fat Guy. He then went "ga-ga" like tasty sed he wud and ran awai like obscure hedgehog. This is an under stating, tho. he ran on the cieling he was so goo-goo-ga-ga. Nyways, he left behind a book about matre delish and a gate that eventilly led to a switch that let the train go to

Green Station

Supreme segways ftw.

In a twisted turn of events, there wuz only 1 exit here: e. Wen I went such a direction I herd a confuzzled koopatrol be created.

Here I spent about an our riding the fun spinny arrows b4 invisibling thru the wall, wear I beat up some shiggies that sed to hit some wierd blocks I found in the order yellow green red blue. B4 doing this I explored some more and got to the koopatrol after finding a shiny. He sed he wuz gonna be famous and then I killed him. Poor feller.

His chest had rusty's dickchinary, but be 4 giving it back to him I hit the weird blocks in the right order. After I did the tracks fell and I went back to London to give rusty his book. He also red the note that sed to hit the blocks. He thot I didnt understand it. I wudve stopped him but I didnt. Theres no doubt he nos. Wiggy defnitely told him.

Red Station

there were 2 exits here: e and w. insted of going ew I decided to go we. st. but not down a st, just w. After some enjoyable ferris wheels I met the ghost of a hill I sent a castle flying it into its forehead once, except its a ghost now. Mustve killed it. It has a lantern now, 2.

Doodle of hill:

Doodle of, erm, big lantern ghost:

Ananyway he wuz all like wee hee hee and wen I beat him he dropped his lantern and the light was a creepy baby dude. farthermore, it joint my party. Wwtf?! His name wuz watt and he wuz all going hm hm hee hee. I think he picked it up from the Hill Ghost.

wen I went e, a shiggy jumped almost as hi as could be compared to my brother weegee's jumping. Wiggy cud just jump up to Boozer's cassle and save peach but doesnt cuz he's evile. Nywayz, I followed the shy to lots of shys. 1 tripped. I wish u better luck in your next running awai, dismal shiggy.

The shiggies then did mambush me in the dark. I lighted and they ran awai again. None tripped. Gud job. Nywayz, they made a hole, so I followed.

The One-Diamond General

As I entered the large room I wuz ambushed by sum muzik that wuz truly wunderbar. Also by a

"So, you came, did you?".

Wuz a 1337 general. He sed theyd do wutever they wanted and that I wuz rude. Bad anti-logik. He then told me to prepare to face him. I did so. He then sed Taste defeat! in size 128 text and bouncing. I wuz unprepared agen, so he sent me a swarm of shiggies as a warmup.

"Mercy, he beat 'em all up!

That surely isn't good..."

then he sent me some paper stiltmen.

"[bouncy]Grrrrrrrrr![/bouncy]

Unbelievable!"

Unaware that I was warm by now, he sent in some stacked folks and he pitied me.

"..."

"Gah! Grrrr...!

Fine! I'll beat you myself!"

He then snuck into the innards of his tank. Then I debeated him and warped to tode town, muscular dude in hand.

The Sound of Gourmet Guy

Peach called Boozer a major bonehead and escaped to the dinner area, where they met the Bloated Guy. Apparently he ga-gaed all the way into spas. Then he called the cassle's kitchen 5-star. Duz it make the food itself? I dun get it.

then he spat a key into peach's hands and told her to make her cake. Peach then fleeed to the kitchen to mak cak.

But didnt make it to the kitchen. They found a tode 1rst. He hopped and sed oh noo. Use 3 o's, silly person, not 2! Iz how the kool kidz do it. then he went back into the closet.

She then found the kitchen. Then they made special strawberry cake. But it sucked, so Gluttonous Guy spat it. They made another 1, he went ga-ga 2, presumably, teh moon. But then he came back 7 told them there wuz a stra spirt on Mt. Lavalava on Lavalava Island and now twi is gonna come running to me agen. Boother. Ooh, that wuz an accident. Some time I gotta get behind Weegee and go

BOOther!

.

Back Home for a Short While

Muscular, who has a smile like t. he sed behold and then the that self-important yellow-cricket-ish tik came down from the sky, but not after hurting my ears with another Mario!. Muscular then ran awai like small duck assaulting a liger and tik's muzik started. he then told me wut I new and sed I wudnt believe what she went thru to get that info. It wuz making a cake. I bet she did that everyday back wen Boozer wasnt lord of the plains.

After this I went to visti Wiggy, rlly just out of habit at this point. Tofay weegee wuz in the house. As I went into are room he scurried away to the table. He wuz riting in his dairy, wich is y he scurried. There's 2 new pages in it about how he found a shy guy in his bed, an n64, and asking whether id noticed his fp had increased by 3 cuz he ate a nut. I hadn't.

Yesterday I conversed with a french reptilian. Wuz fun.

Board, I went to the dock. Where I found Kolorodo, who says wurds like diabolical and sea and hes going to lavalavaland, 2. mebbe we can carpool. Nywayz, we didnt no how to get there, so I stomped on a huge tuna out of frustration. Readin my mind Kolorodo than called it huge just like me. nywayz, the great tuna seemed to have a bit of a bellyache, like something was bouncing it.

L

Erm, anyways, he ate me.

There was a boat in here, which very much disturbed me.

it turned out to be my nonbro fuzzypede, which looked suspicisly like a meork. He sed "I'm ornery as all get out!" (really, he did), then he challenged me to a traditionil duel, but I didnt have a gun, so I just stomped on him until he ran awai like a helpless fish, at which point kolorodo called me a tuna tamer and the tuna took me myself and kolorodo to lavalavaland.

Chapter 5

Hot Hot Times on Lavalava Island

My Past Tomorrow

Fresh Fishy Feast

Kolorodo very hurriedly scuttled away from my grasp. There were many flowers here, some were hearters along with musicers, one span me into the hites (wuz scary, man) one led to nowhere helpful, and one was a stopwat- lolwut?

No sooner did I hear a sudden

Yaaaaaaargh!

Help, I say! Heeeeeeelp!

Then did I hear it. wuz kolorode, being attacked by a yello meork. Oddly, the waves of the beach bounced in time with the meorks. Nyways, I saved him and proseeded to Yoshi Village. Here I got stuck ontop of a tree for a wile, but I got over that. I also met a fearsome 5. they wanted to do epic jungle mingling but there wuz a meddlesome cheep so cudnt. I hammered the cheep for a while and then left. After saving Kolorodo again (Yaaaaaaargh! Yeeeeek! H-E-L-P!) and finding the volcano was unobtainable' the fearsome 5 were gone. O ya, kolorodo sed sticky wicket, 2. lol. O and he lied, 2. Not nise. Sed enemies were attacking him. Werent, so I attacked the closest thing: a certain mustachiod turtle in a hat and mustache! Um, anywhere.

While the yoshes were in panache, I decided to rest at the 5-star bed.

While the yoshes were in panache, they made me go find they're kids. Bah.

Well, there screaming wuz annoyin me so I did just that. First I went n. Here I found a plant that did squash me into sideways, a plant that had a mouth and let me jump on it with relative ease (like lifting boulders, man), some that let me thru to the e, and 1 attacked me but indifferent.

I then herd a treefish yelling at some invisible grates. He then told me to get him out of the tree. Well, meddling was just wut I was in the mood for eatin', so I whacked the tree until that fish came down and joint my party. Ive never felt my adventure was so cheap before. Ho ho ho ho ho .

Yoshi-Go-Seek

As I was exploring, I herd an unown entity utter a buh boo huh hoo. Both uh sounds were clearly exxagerations. Going to instigate aiigh man, I ran into 4 bushfolk (sp?). A Star Storm killed them all. 1Nce it was followed by a shell. Nyways, wuz a yosh. He ran awai like a scared yosh in the jungle.

As I was exploring, a flowerer ate my lower me and spat me into the ground, where I had some mhystery time. then I swum over to the flower that span me up to a guy that wuznt shy at all and then I unbushed some and then went down mhystery pipe. It had a dark cave with a yosh in it, that, when I turned the light on, ran awai like scared yosh in dark cave.

When my fish attacks, its face iz like

/-\

Wuzzup with that?!

As I was exploring, I came across a stump. It appeared to be 957 yrs of age b4 it died a horrid fate. Angered that it stole my favorite #, I whacked it. It then did the opposite of wut fisicks would suggest. It popped up and made a bridge leading to a wuh-huh-waaaaaaa!-ish blueish yosh that ran awai like a scared yoshi trapped on an island. How it got off the island will remain 4ever a mystery.

He asked me to be it. Now even the fearsome 5 r telling me to go find the fearsome 5 4 them.

As I was exploring, I came across a suspected area! But was nothing in it so I kept going e, where I found another logtreestumpbridge and eventchilly, some1 hoo sounded like kolorodo. but it wuz a yello yosh between some piranha plants. I killed them with grate ferosity and yellow yosh ran awai like a tortured dinosaur on the run.

As I was exploring, I was awoken by some loud snoring. Sounded like a clubba, but it was a blue yosh. I woke him up with a combo of a hammer that was mine, and he walked away slowly like someone who had enjoyed his time in the jungle but was now done with his excellent nap. My nap wasnt so nice, u evil yosh.

Epic victolee muzik effects, mangz.

Venturing to Mt. Lavalava

The yoshi chief thanked me and sed hed get me to Mt. Lavalavalavalav. Then he sed to follo him. We took a few steps and he scratched his stomach for a while, saying he thought it was around there. I was about to leave when he gave me a raven statue.

ALL HAIL TEH RAVINS!1!

He sed to put the raven in a raven so I cud meet a raven. Shortly after Sushi sed sum stuff. Wuz prolly about cheez. Sushi likes cheez. I told him with my hand that I had a princess to save so he desided to stay with me til the end. Wuz creepy.

Well, the suspect had a raven in it, so I put the raven in it, and whaddya no the raveen ran awai from a path so I took it. It led to a puzzled that made me swish into the heavens. Btw, diary, y r the heavens so full of dragons & antlermen? Nvm.

Soon I came to a Grraahahahoho!. This hurt my ears, so I hurt them muchly. After that came a big tree. Wuz a tree. Adn big. I went into the tree and around the tree and out the tree and around the tree and got a baj and turned around and went into the tree and around the tree and out the tree and out to a raven's nest.

Here I met raphie-L, who had a 1337 raven squad. hax0rz. But to call them he had to make himself an angry red potato for a sec. Oh well.

C? Angry red potato. Nywayz, they made a hi-technicaaaaaaaal path to the volcano for me. Had clothinglines and stuff. He gav me a shiny orb, 2. Well, in I go.

Well, I was really too shy. Kolorodo ended up dragging me into the volcano.

As I entered, Piranhabot 1440 identified me as Mario reported to boss and sed alert 3 times. Things r getting rlly srs.

Into the Depths of the Volcano

Kolorodo jumped into the lava, stopped the pain, and THAN said Yaaaah!. get ur orders straightened out, old chap. (im inhabiting sum of his speech).

I traveled across the bobbing rocks until I reached another clothes hanger. I then rode it to a POW and a ULTRA. And sum flames. Nyways, I made my way to a fancy pink blok that made me wiggle like the slivers used to. Prolly need a new hammr. Knowing Boozer's minion's supidicy, iz prolly in this volcano, 2.

I used another zipper slipper to go down, but accidentily let go and fell into a baj. Hurt my patooshki. Nyways, I found my way to a lavafall that a parakooped over and blocked and then I went and got my new HAMMRE!1!. Let's see Sammy do THAT!.

The hammer gave me access to a chset that helped my stompin tactics. My feets r now 26% pongier!

Kolorodo I met by the blok and he didnt no how to get by it but I wuz in a smashing mood so that helped lol. Kolorodo then fell off a cliff. I fell 2 but at least to a gud blok. After that climed back up and went to a passage. A Thwomposaurus Mark VII then fell from the ceiling by unown means and chased after me until I left the passage.

After some more dangerous trialjes, I came to a series of many blocks blocking a Thwomposaurus Mark MCVII. 1107. Srs busniss. But cudnt reach any so ignored and kept going to where kolorodo found me. He sed with an open mouth that the treasure wuz just past the wall next to us. Then he kept his mouth open. 4 a long long klong lgon lgon long logn long long long long looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. 4 Srsly.

There wuz also a blu blok here that I pushed over to the bloks bloking Thwomposaurus Mark MCVII. I crushed each block and invisibled wen the Thwomposaurus Mark MCVII was about to crush me. Kolorodo cudnt invisible so crushed. Wall crushed too, but...

Poor feller.

Poor feller then scurried past me at full velocity with cries of tresure and simply mad. I folloed him. Thankfully he didn't scratch his stomach, but it was a ded end. I went bak and down the stairs, then went left wen I met up with Piranhabot 1440 agen. He wuz boring, but this dude wuznt.

wwtf?!

THIS ALL CAPS-ISH FIEND HAD TEH BEST MUZIK EVRAR. HOWEVER HE WASN'T TOO HaRD tO Beat.

Then he got a flame mohawk and his muzak got even better. Now he was getting hard. Kolorodo then came to the rescue and beat his butt. Not rlly, he just ran into the lava, but iz thot that counts, am i rite?!

1nce I beat him, I obvyisly got the stra spirt, wich looked sorta like a starfish. Her name wuz mister even tho shes not a dude.

The Sound of... an Eruption?

The volcano's erupting! Im risking my life to erupt this. No, rite this! I shud be throwing it into the lava out of panic! O well, better diary than no milk! Gooby!

The Sound of Mr. Hammer

Peach sed something about sum ministers or sumthin. U must remember that while im listening to all this while im in the air falling towards the terra having ben shot by a volcano.

Peach quietly chattered over to a quiz or sumthing, where they had a Q & A. And some koopatrol sed Boozer wears a wig. Whoa. Hardcore. I did hear enuff of it to no I have to go to go to Flower Fields thru the Flower Gate in the Flower Garden and I herd sumthin' about flowers, too. O ya, and I herd a crazed Q.

Question 10!

Where is Princess Peach's Cassle now?

A: On Bowser's Castle

B: In the Ground Water

C: Farthest Shiver City

Im not making those up. Seriously, I'm not. If anyone besides me is reading this, I'm really not making that up.

She got a Snooty Parafall, too. Or something. Remember the whole volcano thing. Ooh, lande.

Semi-Salvation

Kolorodo wuz very upset that he was saved by a blooming great starfish. But we all had something. Kolorodo 4 instince had a seed that I very much wanted. I noticed he wuz keeping it in his shell while he wuz looming over the bushes. Once he calmed down, I took his seed in exchange for the volcano's treasure, wich I secretly stole while Kolorodo and the "blooming great starfish" weren't looking. Hee hee heh. Onoz, I must stop that or ill end up like Wiggy. Mum always sed I wud...

Kolorodo sed I wuz teh cat's meow (nuh-huh. Wuf!) and then we left . Meanwhile, Jr Troopa wuz perfecting his 1337 swimming tactics. x68.

Once we got bak to tode town, jr. troppa finished his swimming. He challenged me to a duel. Now I HAD bot a gun at the Yoshi Mart, but dropped it in the ocean. So just stomped him a lot.

May I just say that I, for once, disagree with kolorodo. Tuna-ferrying is one expereince I SHALL do agen.

Weegee complainmented my new hammer cuz wuz shiny and I broke the block he wuz on. His diary complained about how he hasnt rode a tuna like I (4 1nce, a just wine) and about how he hasnt seen yoshi kids like I. All he ever rites in his dairy r complaints. Wine, wine, wine. MY diary is so much bettr. I wish wiggy were niser...

Wanting to feel plesenter, I went to the plesent path, where kolorodo was standing and complaining about another sticky wicket. The wicket turned out to be a bloated turtle with nerdy glasses on, and it was stuck to the plesent path. My solution to the classic sticky wicket problem: put a bomb by the wicket and run like crazy. I used a similar method to solving this predicimint.

Next I went to the post offis, sinse the plesent path, as always, did not make me plesenty. My goombario had a lettr from the rb gooms sucking up to him, a fruity 1 frum the goompa, and 1 frum the gooma saying how proud she was of my goombario's tattling. I cud go on, but basicly there was 0 lettrs 4 me. I decided this was cuz I have a house, so I went there. My lettrs were all boring.

Well, wen all else fails...

Plant flowers! Wuz hard: my specailty is plucking not picking, to, plant?. I hired someone to do it for me. Once I planted them akk, tho, a gate opened to... a tree's mouth?

Chapter 6

Dark Days in Flower Fields

January 1st, 2002

Wuz sum tree names Wise Westerwind. Wierd name for a tree. Bettr names: Einstein, Newton, or Sgt. Fuzzyboots. Nywayz, wisterwizard said I must be Mario, but he pronounced it "Mauryo". Mayreeoh is weegee's work, but ive no idea who got that into his head.

Monty Moles and Magic Beans

He said I need to find a Magic Bean so (chomp chomp chomp) I can go climb cloudily to a huffy-puffy sort of fellow that's holding the great stra spirt captive. I can only guess in wut. Mebbe a card?

Sed the bean wuz held by Petuni, who I presumed to be a deranged puny. Punys r deranged rags. Nyways, headed e like he sed and there were 3 trees. Used secret reverse tactics on him:

Middle...Right...Left!Iz the same as sekret tech I used bak b4 I first met the meorks, but srdowkcab. (lol, backwards backwords). Wen completed, my flowrs got happy.

Petuni wuz having a mole problem. I killed the confuzzled 1 first, followed by the jerk, the teazy 1 (he wuz all xP), and finally the wicked jormpy 1. There wuz a flower I killed, 2, even tho petuni sed not 2. Petuni's :[ went :] and then :} wen I talked to her and then it went back to :] wen I took her thing and then went to :{O. Lolwut? I dun rememember a mustache. O well. Freaky. It happened wen I sed I wuz gonna plant it.

Then I went to a well. I threw it a berry, it scolded me and tossed me a flower. Oro? Back to senter!

Beyond the Red Flower's Gate

Soon I found a red flower that wanted some fudz. I gave him a stinky herb, and he wudnt let me thru. I gave him some disguisting berries, tho , then let me.

I wuz not enjoying this. Yello berries, yellow flower. And the yello flower gave me something to make my nose longer. I already cant c my stomik, y make it longer?!. But I used it to make planting grounds 4 my bean. I went to the well agen and gav it a yello berry, but just gav me moar flowers. I dunno wear to put em all. Back to senter!.

Restoring the Pool's Wetness

A yello gat garding flower?. I think im starting a trend here... ۩ I gave him sufficient bribery and off I went.

I crossed sum spiks that were actually lava (same effect, same noise, same constint lv.), then had a fun daisy-killing marathon-sprint, then got blue berries and a shiny, then I took a bath in an empty pool, then my fun wuz ruined by some1 that wuz a melodramatic lilypad. Not a comparison. 4 Srsly.

She insulted me and asked me a favor. I nodded. Such a mean thing can only be explained by her noing. Peach mustve told her, this plase is all flowery. So now I gotta go find a stone and bring it back here to restore wet to the pool.

In my hunt I went to the blu flower (water's blu, stone's blue...) and gave him succulent seafood and he let me pass. Well, was rlly just a sea-berry.

Path led to a maze and some laks ambushing me with attacks. Well, not really an ambush. They blabbed lots 1st. I beat them in a way that would bring no promising flavor to there cloud's eyes. Then I navigated the non-toxic maze and got to a rose that wanted something purtiful in exchange 4 the stone I wanted. So I gave her a pic of Boozer with a mustache scribbled on it and we were gud.

So I went back to lilypad man and give her the stone. She told me to put it in teh littl hole. Exert urself a little! Nyways, I did and pool got wet and used its invisible spoutspot to hurt me into the ground. Lily sed gangbusters, I stoook some water 4 future purposes and found sum berries to. Bak to senter.!

O ya, i gotta make the sun come bak, 2.

Lester

in 1 last attempt at the well I gave it a blue, bubbly sorta berry. It didnt like that either so I gave it my just blu berry. I saved my flowers. Yippe?

"hi my names bubble plant." I suspected it wuznt a bubble plant, but rlly a daisy. "Ill tell u y ig u gimme a buble bury." I make a splleing errer evry nao & agen, but every word in the sentins? Cmon. But still was curious so gave it a bubble and it sed "Hrrrrrrrrrr..." and then I was floatin awai in a bubble. Over sum spiks. Due to contrary belief, I loved this exp..

I soon came to a lak that was 2 hi up 4 a mortal man to reach with a jump. Indeed it wud require the jump of my bro wiggy.

Shortly after that wuz a rok I had my bom bom. I hadnt had him bom anything since boo's haunt. Woa. Led to a pit that was holding up some flowers and baj. Soon after I came to the sun, my goombario sed he liked sunshine and then wore the blessed sun like newspaper hat. Srsly.

The sun sed some gloomy moony things and then I ran awai to the laks sept they were gon wuz just 1 lak had wierd green hare and shades and sed he wuz "lakilester..er,no,it's michael...no,um...oh,ya, lol...iz spik. Yaya im spik. Well w/e. Nvm." then he did sum cloud talking. No, srsly, he toked 2 his cloud. Then he tried to get beaten up, but I ended up beating him up.

He called me tuff as nails, wich is wierd cuz ive got a hammer and beat him up, then lulu came and saved him frum my rath. Er, I 4gived him. then lakispik? asked me wut I wuz fiteing 4. I replied, "y spik?.". He essenchily replied, "imma join ur party now, mangz.". Now I can ride my spik? across the spiks.

With a cloudperson in my clutches (in my clutches in my clutches) there wuz only 1 thing to do. I went bak to tode town and went down the pipe to...

To The Sewers

Only seemed senical.

So I went down the pit when I noticed Whoa, man, there's a lake here!. Mah goomba thot I wuz dum 4 not notising last time, but me and my fishie went for a swim, wehn suddenly I herd a sudden.

BLOOPER!

Wuz sudden.I killed the noise, then the squidopus, then the ! Cuz it looked mad at me, then the Pipe that appeared cuz I 1nce had srs issues with a stag named Tubular, then proseeded onward and across the ^^^^^^^s (spiks) and out to infinium until got noo shooz.

Shiny red.

my spinnin's now 8.86459843689659326598437% spinnier!

I went proceded e to many hi bloks that needed ultra spinnin, then jumped across to a door that's is securely locked from the other side. Wuz blu. Not 1 fast 2 give down, I jumped down to a pipe instead. Thru it wuz a ded end. Not 1 fast 2 give explosion, I blew up the dead end and killed it, bringing the path back to life and a rip cheato that gave me a shiny 4 a mere 64 coins. Wai bettr then 1024 coins. Ive never had 1024 coins ever in fact. Not even 1000. Ive gotten 999, tho. Wussup w/ dat? Nyways, I used the nearby pipe and arrived in the mysteryous house of tode town . I used the key in here to get out and unlok 4evar, like the forest. Now that I wuz bak in town, I decided to go 4 a swim in the w entryway. While I was swimming, me & my fishie found a shiny and a pipe that led 2 a super blok that helped the fishies grow happier. After that I hid behind the flowr door and let mah fishie try 2 find me but cudnt so leaped out from under the bushes and yelled to my delectable littl fishie: "SUPRISE!". U no, I remember wen I had trouble spelling suprise, but now ive been to the jungle. Quite often, actually. The lord works in mysterious ways. Or mebbe the stra spirts do. I dunno, man. U no, if I keep riting like this my fudz gonna get cold. Brb. K bak. Lamas r nise and all, but sometimes I mistake them 4 camels. Lamas have bak bumps, rite? O well. Y duz the newsboard say im on fire? I dun even hav pants on. They're trousers, man, trousers. Or were they overalls? That reminds me of a movie I watched once. Spking of, dun u usually sav the wurld or the princess or sumfin in movies? O ya im doin that. O snap! I gotta go send huff and PUFFFFFFFFFF bak to the clouds of wich he came frum. Ive ben riting this paragraf 2 long. O snap! This paragraf is 2 long!. O well. I gotta go sav teh wurld n stuff. c ya.

Destroying the Puff-Puff Machine

Back in flowr fields, I went and solved a spik puzzle and killed sum puffs and went thru a visible inwall to get to a sping that spung me to a super blok, then I went a bit eer and vwala! There's the puffer!

I chatted with the puffffffffffers and they assaulted me. Not nise. I repayed them by killing them all with gusto. Mebbe. Depends on wut gusto means. They sed I beat them but good. Did they think I wuz gonna beat them, but bad? I dun give mediocre beatings. So I gave the puff-puff machina a zeroth-class beating. Iz beatier then first class.

My telepathy's then activate and the sun did something indiscribably creepy. In fact, wuz so creepy I hafta describe to me. Lol, who else is gonna b reading my dairy.?. The sun started munching the very air with extreme rapidity and went "Wow!". and his little sunrounders went back and fourth... back and fourth... but at least iz sunny nao.

Cloudy Climb

I then planted my Magic Bean, wich wuz twitching as if to say "Plant me this instant!". Item god's words, not mine. Well 1nce I did it to perfection, it grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew and grew. Wow, that would've ben so much easier if I had a way to copy and paste that over and over.

Treeman wined about a lack of sunniness.

So I climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and khaaned and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed the bean up to the cloud climb(ed[?]). Up here wuz a baj and a rather large cloud that, wen poked, poked back. Hadr.

It asked me if I did or did not break one Puff Puff Machine. I wuz gonna replie "nuh, I breaked 2 prepare to duel" but im not a very tokitive sorta person. Then he sed a man of my intellect wudnt understand how epic his cloudy plan wuz. Iz tru. Planz 2 stupid 4 me. Then he got killed in a rather anticlimatic fashion that didnt give his music a chance to blossom into a byootiful art. The clouds were bouncier wile I wuz fiting him, tho, wich wuz wierd.

The Sound of a Clubba

Mean, peach wuz escpaing her comfy room to explor her dark cassle. Soon she wuz a perfumey koopatrol. Proseeded up to some1 who gave hem (all koopatrols r dudes, common sense) a key and wanted to go find a clubba 4 him.

soon s-he found clubba and wuz. Went up 2 koopatrol waiting for sim (clubbas r all dudes 2) who sed hse wuz on thin ice. Pebba went up onto the roof wear kammy identified cluach as smelling 2 nise and turned that green abonacler into peach. That wuz pointless.

To Shiver City

"My name is clever."

sez the new stra spirt. I beat he ment it made a clever pun. But he wudnt tell me wut it wuz. This angered me into merlon's house, dun ask how. There was a ninja man in there that sed to go c merlon's son, who's in a hard to get place. Grr. And apparently iz behind the door I cudnt open b4. Grr.

Back at the residence of Mario Weegee, no Wiggy Mario, no Mario Mario but Weegee Mario was on a hi blok. I crushed it with my exitable hat. He complainmented my boots just like he did my hammer. Grr. His new pages in his allegedly secrit diary werent as winey as usual tho so thats nice.

So I went bak to the blu door and opened it and led to a pipe that led to frozen place. Wuz a super blok her. Now I tired to go thru the other pipe, but wuz frozin. I had to thaw it out with water to go thru it, but wen I did...

Chapter 7

A Star Spirit on Ice

8:52

Icoud kick mice elf! I should have used lava on that pipe not water!. Oh well. There's always Scotland.

The Freezing City

BUT FIRST...

/\

/ \ A mice elf

/ \

0/ O O \0

\ \-/ / \

- | |-MG

\-/

/ \ / \

Looks moar liek munkey.

As I was saying...

the greeting penguin sed this shivery cityy wuz a burg. Wut? Confuzed, I took the ? to the mayer, but he didnt anser me cuz his i's were x's. I believe he fell. Quite definitively. The others, however, thot it wuz a penguin murder mystery. Wuznt. He fell. They dun care. They think I "did it". I fell him? That dusnt even make sense. The instigater told me to, as any gud instigater wud, instigate the crime in place of the instigater so he cud have some cocoa. He sed I had 2 cuz I was the prime suspect, therefore... I shud do it. Mebbe im "unbiased" cuz I "did it".

Awesome mystery muzik then begin to played.

I went into a nearby bilding to take shelter frum the oppositioningly intimidating pengy's outside, but there was 1 here 2 so I went out the window, jumped across to the next awning, and went into the window there. This house had no one but me my pardners and a baj. But I cudnt b comfy here either with that chest looming under me...

I went to the city pool, but it was frozen so I had to use lava to thaw it out (I got a bucket of it from mt. Lavalavalavalav), but 1nce I did I went in and even got a key frum it, but the water made my but burn it was so hot. 2 much lava, I gess.

I used the key on a warehouse wich led to a sping wich led out the chimney wich led to another roof, where I had to go into the chimney thru. I didnt like this. It brought back memories of santa. When I was a wee hatman, I met santie claws as he was coming down the chimney.

Startled, I pounced him with vigor that almost rivals the viger that lets me write this in you, my dear, dear diary. He got angry and whacked me with that giant sack of toys of his. I couldn't move, but I herd him say "Cursed child!You're a very bad boy. In a second you're gonna wish you were eating lint..." and then he stood over me and poured the entire contents of his bag onto me: it was all coal. Wiggy only got treated a little worse. Now every year we spend Christmas Eve setting up traps. Its 1 of the only things me and weegee enjoy doing together. Perhaps that was our real gift from santa... thnx dairy.

Besides that, tho, the chimney made me sooty.

Me pic:

Oops, rong me pic.

thar we go.

"y r u in mah fireplace?" sed the pengy with the mustachey eyebrows.

He sed he wuz a novelist and soon we were on our way to the mayor's. I gess im a diarist, huh? Nah, that cant b a real word.

Back at Mayor Pengy's, I decided that the twitchy foot of above (left?) said penguin solved the mystery. Told u he fell. "Oh, my aching... Ouch...". Personaly I dun have an ouch, but I gess it WOULD ache if it did.

"My husband's returned!

He's a ghost! Eeeeek!"

Baka.

He gave novelman a present that the wurld will never no wut it is, mayor sed ruckus, and let me go e.

Starborn Valley, and the Journey Thereto

The jerney thithertowards, as the title phrases it, began with a startling

"Hey hey hey hey hey!"

It was E-Z like cardbored boxes to tell who it was cuzza the muzik. It was the trooper himself.

"Brrrraaah ha ha ha! Brrr!

Ive ben waiting 4 u,

Marioooooooooo!

Ive ben here 4evar!"

This seemed hard to believe, but we fot anyway. He was all u like magic triks? i wuz all like ya man he gos u wont like this 1 but I did. it tickled my mustachio.

I beat him and eyes spun like hamster on a roller coaster. Soon found a tree thjat was magikaler than jr.. I whacked it and part of it flew straight up and not comes down. Repeat 2ice 4 mail. There were snowmans here, 2. 1 wuz missing a hat 1 scarf. "Haha!" I heer a frendly pijin sai. Not nise.

"Boooooaaaaahhhh!"

"Imma eat'cha, mangz"

I turned bak and it looked happy about it.. orite u dunno wut it is. Me neither. On 2cind thot it doesn't look 2 hard to beat. So I fought it and attackattack dont turn bak, it dropped easy as a cockroach. They turned out to be a star. No it turned out to be a stars. w/e

here I now arrived in star valley, wear I met merl. He gave me a scarf so I could go to a palace and, I hope become, king of, it. He sed to get nuther 1 from shiver sity, wich is wear I was. So I went bak to the city 7 and asked the mayer for 1, but he didnt help at all. Just gav me a stupid buk1t.

Back at snowman's land, I gave them their hat and scarf cuz sum snowmen not getting frostbite is moar importint then some palace I don care wut that pidjin thinks!.mmmThey thanked me and said they would tell me a sekrit. Didnt. Insted they let me go to the, erm, shiver mountain. Isn't tht in some baby song? Nah.

Trials Before the Palace

There wuz some ice I had to use some lava on cept it burnt the switch. Soon after that wuz a blok that didnt have anything in it. This angered me (its not like thered be a hidden blok above it) so I took it out on the ! that I hid to koop anyway. Productivety.

2 koopers came bak. I wuz thinking "heys-heys-yays!1. I got 2 nao, x2 battley wonderflonium tactics!" but then I herd a "listern moron, u hav to hammer us.". So I hammered the moronier 1. A battl then ensued between me and 2 duplighosts, even tho there WAS just 1. Herm... why isnt my kooper blinking...?.

After that wuz a super block, sum columns that crushed ahead of me (they were no problem I still have 9 ½ buckts of lava) and then I fell to a bomb crack I had to bom and then I had to go thru the wall (

3|O1( ) and I then encountered a wild Madame Merlar. She sed hm hmm hm ho oh. She then told me a bedtime story and I fell asleep.

And that is all that matters.

She gav me a straw that made a loooooooooooooooooooooot of stairs that led to a sort of stompy thing, and an onooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooz I felllll... to a shiny! then I climbed back up and arrived at just outside crystal palace where there was some ice but I cud c thru it and it wuz identical on thother side and stuff.

No. Znot a mirror!.

Crystal Palace

IVE FINALY FOUND IT!1!. Soon I cna rule the wurld w/ iron gloves! Cuz soon ill hav a palace!.

But I must conker it 1rst. Wear's that king?

I tried the first door, it led to a many swoopers. They led me cheerily towards a blu key. Then they gnawed on me. I had to punish them. :::D

the dore wuz red so I made blu and went thru. How duz u liek mah rimes?.

I blew up the wall but it didnt behind the mirror. I told u I cud c thru it. Wait, then who's me?

I went thru the mirror, wear I wuznt, and blew up the wall and looped around through to, where I wuz. They were sheets. I killed them both and kept goin left to a cave with a shiny in it. Went bak and thru the door and fell to another hall of swoops. I swept up the swwoops, tho, so is all gud. Nyways, led to a lame baj.

So I went bak up and thru the door and thru the hall to a shooting star. Faro ut.

I went all the wai back to the other side of the mirror and thru the door and sooooooooone-kata! There wuz hole. I went down it and thru hall to a bomb wall. Bomed, but 8 bazillion boms came bak. The 1 that sed hed never forgiv me if I hit him scarred me, so I didnt hit him. Gess wut, diary? Wuz bombette! Now I ca...

Wiggy...

Don't read my diary!

...n reast easy. Nywayz, led to a red key.

Dore wuz blu so made it red insted. I still got it!

I went thru the hall and met a white clubber that asked me who I was and that the great and honerable crystal king sed not let anyone thru and that I wasnt gud so id have to be hurt. But u no who got hurt? Kooper. But, um, the clubba didnt do so good either.

The next 1 sed

"I wont let you I wont and I wont and I wont! U cant!"

Wont let me wut? O well, I have to kill him no metter wut it is I cant.

A premium shipment of tomatoes can help spice up the local greenery! -Mario's Thoughts #9

"Hey, didn't you hear me? I said

I'm not budging, you got that?"

But he didnt say anything before... o well. at least his hed wuz pongy 4 my feet...

this made sume statues behind the mirror evaporate, so I went past them and thru the door.

Here I had to use hammer thro on a ! to get it to spin a platform I was on. But b4 that I blew up the wall for no apparent reason and got a baj out of it. Thru the next door was the room with the baj, but instead of a baj wuz a door.

Mirror me kicked mirror my koop through a little hole in the wall over and over. And Im like I CAN DO IT TOO MAAAAAAAAAAAN! and I did and out came kooper kooper and koopa koot kooper and kolorodo kooper and goompa kooper and weegee kooper and goompa kooper sed no one but him looked like kooper.

Meanwhile behind the mirror, stupid mirror me was still kicking that darn shell into the hole in the wall.

It was pretty easy to tell who the real kooper was, I mean only 3 were even koops and 1 mustache 1 cane.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Giant rhino statue the size of a bigger then a larger then life boozer!.

I hard mirror me kick kooper into a switch and then looped around to mirror rhino room. It had a rhino statue the size of a small then a tinier then life boozer, so I shoved it, releaving a hole I fell into to a door.

It led to a clubba and nuther sucky baj, but I looped round to the giant rhino dino man and there was a pit under former him, TWO! It led to a key x1 to the power of over nine thousand!. Iz a key.

I used the key 1nce on two doors. Lol?

Now I had to shove some dino rhinos around. Wuz kinda fun. They were also a bit... albino. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho. OMG! New ho record! X9! 1337! 957! sry.

The air formed a carpet door to a HP place. After skateboarding a while, I went through the next door to meet the Crystal King and overthrow him. He sed he was gonna give Boozer an iced Mauryo gift. Westerwood and Kingy have ben chattin' up. Nyways, he didnt. But I gave him a gift of eternal... chaos!. Calm down, M. Mario, calm down.

Wut else to say about him... um, he wuz just close. But he had eyes and he grinned even tho no mouth. Faro ut. His music was pretty good... Puffffffffff puffffffffff was harder... um... ya... I got the last star spirit... yai...

O ya, I got a palace! w00t!

The Sound of Your Cuddly Old Bowser

After a while of peach wining and tink lying, boozer came in and said he wuz cuddly, and, after a while, "Mar—i—ooooo!". And then after a while longer, boozer finally noticed ti.

"What is this whining little glittering thing? Confetti? Gah! Buzz off!" *bonk*

YAAAAYYYYY!

Go Boozer!

Back to Toad Town

"My name is calmer.

Mario,"

My name is plenty calm, thnx 2 u vry vry mich! Gooby u offensive stra spirt!

Parakarry had his work cut out 4 him, : he carried me all the way bak to tode town. Back at my house, wiggy commanded me to rescue peach, wich I wuz doin anyway. His diary contained 2 new pages that were a bit sillier, but im two lazy to rite them. sry.

On the way back I notised a dojo. Here I desided to fite. The first challinjer wuz a beetle with a ponytail comin outta his shell. "her cums chan the man!". Here comes maroi the dechaner.

Master man gave me a silly looking card after I dechaned the chan man . I then fot a fancy carpet made in suprisingly bad taste. It had googly i's and stuff. "i bet u hav nevar seen a move like this b4!". (he transmogrifies into mah ladyboo) I have.

After I beat him master gave me a slitely less silly card and sed hed duel me. Hes a wheezy old man that goes hack wheeze snortleytootin. Yet wuz suprisinly epic. Music ratin 87.6/99.4. "To battle!". Hardcore quots. Didnt drop too too fast. But did.

He gave me a kinda nise card and challinjed me agen. "Mario, you will fall!". Apparently he wuz holdin back last time. So was I. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

He gave me a dandy card 4 beating him agen and sed to fite him agen agen. I did. He gained yellow aura of angerment. Eeek! No, I must say strong. "Kwaaaaa! Behold my fury, Mario!". I attacked him. "Hm! You have great hidden strength for one clothed like a plumber.". Iz tru.

"Now...it is time I stopped being so merciful". Oh, that can't be good.

"Hyaaahhhh!

Mario!

Survive this if you can!"

Whoa. So I did and killed him. He was the second hard thing I ever killed. He then called me noble and gave me an honorable diploma of leet shininess with a golden star on it and sum wurds I cant make out and it had red borders and sed Mario is the strongest and I AM A #1! and diray this is just so cool and im giddy lol. I havent had such a challenjing fo since that bottomless pit!. I need to calm down. I need to go to the sewers.

The Plumbing Finale

Ive never gon e here. Ill do that now. It led to a yello block. Wow. I remember those! Eventually I got to a ch

BLOOPER!

est? This blooper was the size of Mt. Huowhreijdu!. I had to stay in the air for 12 seconds before landing on the squidopus' ginormously wide-eyed and pointy head(?)!. After a wile it gave birth in front of me. How rude. Actually it looked like it just pooped them. Or mebbe threw em up. Thats ok then. Then it turned red flashy. It was nao hyperinsanityed. Thankfully it died soon. The chest had a lame jumping baj in it.

Now I went w. Soon I got to some rising platforms that mystified my very cardiovascular system. They went up and evaporated. Then another...then another..nuther...nuther...uther...ther...ther...t er...her...er...rrr...r... … then I got on one and used teh pipe.

Going wer got me a hammr baj. Iz gud, I dont have enuff of em.

Next I went eer but fell to a pipe. But it got me supper so iz all good.

I went bak up the stares and eer but didnt fall. Flying around here got me a shiny, and moar platforms that made me fall up got me to fall down to a super blok. Only 1 place left now... I went there and got something. Yiipe! Now left sewers.

Star Road

I left for shooting star sumit where the stra spirts of holyness made me a teliwarper. Led to the star road.

Im in spas!

I never imagined stars to be so... bouncy.

Wuz a not perilous expidition full of embers. Wuz purty and boring. Purty + boring = purty boring, but wuz purty 2. That means it wuz purty purty boring, but srsly it was purty.

It led to a town of stars, all of them more bigger than the star kids I was seeing before. 1 of em sed he lost it and that he thot the wurld wud end and that you never give up hope. Oro?

Soon I found the STar sPirits. I cud tell cuz there music storted. They gave me a tingly sensation and silly duckboat. They told me to get in so did and it levitated and started accelerating at ludicris speed.

"Princess... come back.

Princess... come back.

Princess... come back" sez a little toade I shudnt b able to see/hear.

"Did you make a wish?

I hope it comes tru." Of course he made a wish, fooly tode mother, he sed it aloud 3 times!.

Soon the kartboatplane went thru Boozer's mouth. It was a wall in it, but it went right on thru. Wish it didnt, I dun wanna be ate.

Chapter 8

A Star—Powered Showdown!

How should I know? I'm in space!

The First Door

This appeared to be the landing mouth. Oopsiedoodles, I got used to writing in italics frum the !s.

I kept going out of Boozer's hed (wuz a hole-door thing near his ear, lol) and across the brij and into the fort. Here there was a koopa with armor that didnt do 2 well agenst my life size hammer. He gav me a key wich I used.

This wuz a brij of truly kool. Cept hot. There were gears, lots of em. Spinny spinny gears = +10 pts. Also crazy lava pouring machine back in the lava. +957 pts. Brij +8 pts. Gets a total of 9007 pts. In koolness. Iz better then unobtainium.

Boring hall but had blu flames. Hao, I ask? Went to that cave in oot.

"Bloooaaahhhhhhhhh!

Welcome, worm!"

Im not a worm. Iw tas Guard Door of Bowser's Castle. It asked me if I wanted to get to the other side of the wall. Didnt. Wanted to get to the other side of Guard Door of Bowser's Castle. Going thru the wall would be creepy.

He sed to get in front of him and I did fell. He sed hed let me thru if I got back up. Sounded fun. I blowed up the wall and escaped the pirson I was now in.

But b4 I left, I found Minister of Princess Peach's Castle. U no, the 1 with the big mustache that sed the futur of our kingdom looked bright so long ago!. Good times, good times. I had no idea that bak in peach's castle that I would eventually soon b in peach's castle... in spas!. Nyways.

Youd think lava wud burn a cloud rite up, but I rode 1 all the way to a baj. Wuz fun to see the cloud toil for me.

I did some hardcore platforming skillz to get across lotsa lava and I hit a ! and went by more lava and lavalavalava and there wuz a lavafall and I invisibled thru it (how that helped ill never no) and lava lava lava lava like a tissue in my belly and poof iz a machine.

There were sum koops up there that were sensibly scared of me, but a magikoop made em try and kill me wich didnt work so well for em. In fact they didnt hurt me. I then hit a mysterious !. Lava then evaporated.

I then finded a key and utilized it.

I then came to a big cavey room that reminded me of the Cave of Horrors that my bear-frend told me about. It tried to hinder my eyesight but didnt. Just hindered my attacksight. Wuz amazee area, but not as much as those dayzees so I got thru it ok.

Here I had to push a blok. Onoz! Lol.

Doorman let me thru. Insolent fool of a Doorman. If he wuz a faithful follower of Boozer he wudve sooner lied then let me thru. Grr.

The Second Door

Guard Door of Bowser's Castle led me to the foyer. Going de got me 2 another jail. I asked guard koop to open the jail 4 me, and he did... in his death. Im just kiddin he just sorta fell down sideways and nao I cant c him anymore. Nyways, the jail was kinda boring but I had a nice nap in there.

Going uw got me to a spiked goomber that wuz all

"Whuhhh?

Who're u, man?

"I dunno ur fas.

Mebbe mario.

Hee hee hhe. Joking."

Then he sold me his gudz. Wierd.

Going ue got me to a hall. Herm dee derm, i sez.

This room iz wierd. I use the spoinger and grab a loose chain coming from I dunno and the ceiling made a flushing sound and then wetness happened. Then I swam to a ! that made a sping I spung from to a wall. I blowed it up and hit a !, which made windows devaporate and I used them to get to another chain that flushed the room and made wetter water. Swam sum more and deflushed 2ice and used a key I found.

Boom! Boomboom! Cannins! Have ben destroyed by my the Hammer. Lots of them. Srsly, that was alot of cannons.

I had to push another blok, and another and another and got a key and used it and pof there nuther boozer door. He give me stupid quiz about how many feet Sky Bloopers have and if I got 5 rite I can pass and 3 rong and its a nono.

He called me an idiot twice and a pinhed once then he gave me my 'horrible reward'. 3 Anti Guys. I may not b having an IQ of 100 like some of us, but im gud at ruffing up those who need to b ruffed. He did not seem to happy wen I beat them.

Groooaagh!

Door #3

Epic brijes, but how is it foggy in spas? Come to think of it, shouldn't I be wearing a helmet? All these fire flowers I'm using can't be good either...

Another foyer. Even my bro's manshin only has 1, this place must b super fancy. Hey, why's the music got more epic alla sudden?

Another jail, another koop, another key, another nap. But cricket-man was in this cell.

Goin wu got me a maze and a ultra shroom. Shrooms...

Stares here. led to a ! I had to hit from a far. That got me a key.

Now I went bak down the stares and thru the door. Led to stares. Mini many stares. Stares staring into my frightened pupils.

UP DOWN DOWN UP DOWN UP

They seemed to be whispering into my eyes.

Ultima brij! Iz all black in the blackground (lol, blackground). Whered the stars go? Did the king of cosmos brake em all agen?

This is 1 of the wierdest parts of me adventure. Peach wuz standing rite there but blocking door and not letting me restore peach to the mushroom kingdom. No, peace!. As I walked away she slowly dragged behind like a dog holding a sea lion on his back. When I went to go get her, wuz a sheet! She then asked who cared about the ppl in her cassle, wich wud be me, so I hit her. She sed shed tell Boozer. Wut?

I hit er agen and she wuz all help me king boozer!1 and hit it agen and it was rlly a sheet and I assaulted it with the force of a moose attacking a crocodile.

Behind the door wuz another boozer door. And then there came the Koopa Bros.. Too badly, I didnt get to fite em and their muzik wuz interupted by some other gud musik. But b4 Jr. Troopa ran in and whacked them with 26614ness, they sed they were the Super Ultra Mighty Koopa Bros. The Great. 2 many caps 4 me.

But Jr. Troopa was here. How'd he get here, anyway? Oh well. I trounced him with my usual fox powers. But I will miss the yellow person. I hope he 1 day matures into some1 still in an egg. It suits im, u no?

Gosh!

Sez the misticil boozer door. Confuzzled, he allowed me to enter in a daze of anti-logic.

Princess Peach's Castle

Boozer's got sum kinda shiny music.

The tode I new was in there I opened his drobe and he jumped out and then sed nothin but close in here plz dun open wich is rlly stupid. Srsly dum. But he gave me a nap.

Lol menacing music in the kitchen.

Finally with cricket-man out of the way I can go in peach's room!. "These are cosmetics. Mario looks fine without them.". Sez an invisible person I can hear cuzza telepathy's.

You'd think her balcony would have a hidden item on it or something...

The library allowed me to put my dirty feets on some books and climb up to a tasty shroom of life.

The chairs here are wooden... you'd think they'd have more style at a castle...

O snap its Boozer and peach is on a dangly brown string!. "I'm inviiiiincible!" sez boozer. Then he sez "stop writing in that thing and let me squash you!". I'll write wenever I wanna rite, goshdarnit!.

Y duz his flames do less damage then b4?

He used that dum magic trick agen, but I used a bettr 1 on him. Hee hee hee hee heh heh hhe he.

Man, he's really fidgety when he gets vincibled.

I killed him and then he ran awai like happy-go-lucky aardvaark with access to hi-technicaaaaaaal missiles. He went to the roof.

The Showdown

I went up the stares to the roof where boozer chortles and ran awai. Then I found an dramatic tower with a long long long long long long staircase that led to a suspicouisly flat and out of place brij that led to a special arena for my defeat. Boozer then hit a ! and brij evaporated into... no, out of thin air.

Peach went "mario, b careful!". Helped like alec.

Wurld got spinny and boozer got the blue aura. If u want 99 hp, u need an aura. Its just how it works.

Dang, it's easy to hit him with spiny flip. He be humongus!.

Then he invincibled and I cudnt vincible him. "Oh no! Brave Mario!". Sez peach. Thnx, im brav indeed.

Twink then got peach outta her ropes by spinning her alot and then they killed kammy. I always thot she wuz more dangerous than that. Oh well.

The music then changed to a remix of "white christmas" and my stra spirts grew happier. They then vincibled boozer and I … well diary I killed him. With my fun little feet, I murdered that big turtle. It's hard to believe... I put my pants on both legs at the same time like every1 else, and yet I killed that huge turtle. Quite often, actually.

You almost feel sory 4 him. And then you dont. Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho.

Then we all asploded.

But the star spirts saved us but not boozer those meanies. If u save peach, y not boozer? Oh well. I gess I shud b happy im not asploded.

The stars sed something about peace and then they were just all "kthnxbai", but twink stuck around a little longer, but he almost cried an dhe made peach say stellar so that wuznt so gud either.

Then we in the castle fell down in the same fashin I did so long ago just slowlier. Then I suddenly teliwarped to my house and I finished tellin weegee my story and then wiggy activated evil telepathys and I saw all my former pardners. And herd wut wuz going on too, so the

Goombario!

Rlly hurt my ears. Then I got a mail from peach saying to walk over to her cassle. Wen I left, weegee fleeed for reasons more obvious then he suspected, and I left for castle on my own. Minister of Princess Peach's Castle sed something boring and peach came out.

Peach sed many things boring .

Parade

Whoa, wuts wiggy doin?

Trumpet ppl?! Whoa, bongomen. Never seen that flag b4. I don't remember the duckboat being that big. Well aren't YOU good with the baton.

Fireworks shudnt be able to come outta chuck's head. Poor koopa bros. Hey, it's the tuna!.

Hey, Chompy, I missed you!. Stop toking, rowf/mouse, you're stopping the parade!. Hey, when'd the buzzar get babies? Whoa, 3 Chompies? Tubba blubba can fl... oh booze r holding him up. I gess goomba king landed in a... oh, he got outta the tree. How more fake could you have made that island? Srsly.

YOSHI wasn't plastered on mt. Lavalavalava last time I chevked. Fearsome 5 return to beat Huff N. Puff! By eating him. So did fatso. Dupliking! Another 1! Y r kingg's crystals carrieing him off? In a battle between jr. and kammy jr. will always win. Between him and bowser, too.

Oh, roast jr.

Ice trees! St00pid penguins, you can't ice skate on pavement. Hey, iz pop chandelier diva!. Srsly, her names chandelier. Whoa, amazee dayzees. Fortune telling letness... in front of wisterwood? Those bub-ulbs centers hav ben taken out. Shiggy dance! W00t! Oh there gud. Hey, he tripped agen! Stop that!

Glow-in-the-dark-toades. Hardcore.

Hey its me! Howd I get in there? Im over here. Wwtf? O well ill just wok awai with peach. Purty fireworks. Too many fireworks. This is getting annoying. WHY WON'T IT STOP?!

*reset*

Signing off, this has been

Nose Man