" a total stranger one black day
knocked the living hell out of me "
- e e cummings
...
her catalog of feelings toward James Cook in chronological order -
like, hate, like, hate, like.It's like the cycles of the moon, the same pattern over and again. He makes her angry by doing something stupid; she keeps to herself for a few days; and then he finds some clever way to apologize without actually having to say the words I'm sorry. (In one case sending a singing telegram to her frontdoor while she was having Easter dinner with her family. That went over well.)
But, really? It wasn't the ridiculous gestures that made her forgive him - after those days of solace, she'd miss him. And when she saw him pulling up in the driveway, smiling that lopsided smile and heard his infectious laughter, she'd decide to forget about the fight. For now.
But that's how they work. Cook is always fucking up and finding some way to get back into her good graces. And then things would go back to normal. Well, not normal - because they aren't really friends in the way most people would understand, and they aren't having sex either. They're just Charlotte and Cook.
..."oh Lotte!"
she hears him call from outside of her window, as expected on a Friday night. She listens to the familiar click of pebbles on the slate, and pulls open the screen.
Her house had always seemed to her like it was engineered for sneaking out - the flat roof, the wide ledge and trellis that was placed directly outside of her house. And as long as she didn't fail any classes, her parents didn't care. It was the routine.
"Your carriage awaits." he says, leaning down and gesturing to his back.
she hops on and carries her to the party.
...he closes the door behind them, and the door vibrates from the music that plays loudly in the other room. The party was a bust, but the night wasn't over and that was the last thing on her mind.
the door locks, and they fumble to make contact in the dark. She asks "what is this that we have?" he doesn't answer, just runs his finger down the curve that goes from her cheek to her chin. It makes her shiver, but she tries not to let him see.
It's all a mistake, but one they'll make again and again. It must be chemical, because they don't even like each other half the time. "we're barely even friends." she hopes that if she says it out loud, it won't sound like such an excuse.
"oh, shut up." he says plainly
and kisses her.