Title: Irretitus
Category: Books ยป Harry Potter
Author: AineRose
Language: English, Rating: Rated: K
Genre: Angst/General
Published: 10-01-10, Updated: 10-01-10
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,354
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I don't own anything, it's all J.K. Rowling's!
i
It is a grey April evening when Sirius and Remus burst into the Potters' little house, wands outstretched and wide-eyed with fear and sure that James and Lily have been attacked.
In fact, they destroyed the house in an argument, hexed each other and broke windows and set the curtains on fire.
It has been years since Lily and James have fought.
She sits on the couch, numb and pale, while the boys-and they were only boys, all of them, and she just a girl- search the house for James and later retrieve him from the pub down the village. He is drunk and messy and bellicose. They clean him up and send her to bed and restore the house to its usual appearance and leave that broken house and do not ever understand what has happened.
ii
Dumbledore tells them that their baby may be the one to vanquish the Dark Lord or die trying, and she wants to laugh in his face. Laugh obnoxiously and bitterly and abrasively, like Bellatrix Lestrange might laugh at Dumbledore.
Without any compunction, without giving them time to process such information, Dumbledore has moved on to predictions and precautions and consequences. Suddenly he is telling them that he wishes to be their Secret Keeper, because Sirius, their Sirius, is suspect.
James listens impatiently, demanding explanations and brusquely dismissing any concerns regarding Sirius. Lily doesn't hear a word, simply feels her heart burning and her strength rush from her body as it sinks in. The world swirls around them. When she stands, her legs are weak and can barely support her. She hasn't the wherewithal to cry. Not yet.
Through the entire time they are in that office James' hand never leaves her belly.
iii
In her seventh year, Lily and her sister part ways forever. Her friends console her in vain, tell her that she is better off and that it is good riddance. Lily thinks she must be telling the story wrong. Her sister cut all ties with her, because of what she is. A Freak.
She turns up to patrols with puffy eyes and in a moment of pitiable weakness she shares her pathetic story with James Potter. He pats her on the back a bit, apparently fearful of aggravating her by touching her too much. He tells her all the things she has come to expect of him, that she is great and wonderful and anyone would love her. But, most importantly, he doesn't launch into a long-winded berating of her sister. He tries to understand.
The next day, he sends her a petunia in the post. She supposes if you absolutely have to pinpoint the moment she started to fall for him (even though she doesn't believe it really happened so neatly and chronologically) then that petunia, right there, is it.
She puts it in a frame and resolves to try and understand him a bit better.
That was the beginning, in one sense.
iv
There were only two Slytherins who never attacked Lily Evans, or at the very least threatened to attack her. They were Severus Snape and Regulus Black. The latter treats her publically with disgust and disregard, but she sees, every once and a while, a gleam of doubt, a flicker of confusion, and she thinks that maybe, just maybe, Sirius has had some influence after all.
Of course, he calls her a Mudblood and sneers at her and James, but he is passively disrespectful of her position of authority at prefect meetings where his cronies are vocal and aggressive.
Sometimes, when they pass in a deserted corridor, he nods ever so slightly to her, and she can plainly see the battle inside him raging across his face.
v
It is not that they do not want Peter to be their Secret Keeper; they trust his loyalty absolutely. It is just that they would prefer Remus, because he has always been good at keeping secrets and is braver than Peter (Peter shakes when they even say the name of the Dark Lord). They cannot pick Remus, though, because they cannot catch him these days, cannot locate him from one week to the next. Lily and James hope he is on secret orders from Dumbledore.
Sirius fears worse.
vi
They begin to dread visits from Dumbledore, who appears more and more often to speak of prophecies and traitors and the deaths of comrades.
He has become too much a general, James fears, standing back while they are sent to their deaths or to sacrifice their unborn child.
When he voices these concerns to Lily, she says nothing, just sits at the end of the bed, still dripping wet from the shower. Her face, so open, so passionate, is always sad now, drawn and scared. He believes his is probably no different.
vii
It is Regulus Black who tells them they have a spy in their ranks, whispers it to Lily as she duels him and then allows her to escape. She never tells Sirius who told her. He would twist it into something less admirable, less honourable, less brave.
viii
They leave Dumbledore's office in trembling silence that lasts all day, each lost in their shock and unable to help the other.
Neither is sure how it happens, but they find themselves fighting, really fighting each other. Screaming and bruising and duelling. They cannot hurt each other; Lily is in her second trimester and James' ribs never fully healed without proper medical attention, so they turn their wrath onto the home they created together.
Hours later, maybe, they find themselves sitting on the couch, shaking and exhausted. James stands up, runs his hands through his hair and walks out the door.
The liquor burns and it doesn't make anything any better.
That night, after Moony and Padfoot have sobered him up, James lies in bed beside his wife as she weeps. He gathers her in his arms and cries too, in fear and desperation.
ix
She wanders around her cramped hiding house in Godric's Hollow with funeral drums echoing in her head. It is the house of a dying person, but they do not know yet who is dying. Perhaps it is all three of them.
"Never underestimate," Dumbledore advises her upon Harry's birth, "the power of your love for him. It is a power of which Lord Voldemort understands nothing."
James is restless and cagey, like a trapped animal. She is lethargic and weary, but within her burns the resolve to go to any means to protect her family.
There is not even a record player in this mausoleum, only a barely functioning television. She watches it all day with Harry on her lap and pretends she is a Muggle and this is just a horrible dream. Thank Merlin for her son and husband; they keep her spirits up.
She hums requiems as she goes about her daily housework. James sings 'Flight of the Valkyries' which he heard when she rented out Star Wars in happier times. She thinks it may be the best demonstration of their differences she could ever find.
x
Death is her first ride on a broomstick; bone-shakingly
terrifying at first, but when she is up there it is peaceful and calming. And
unlike her first time on a broomstick, James does not throw a Quaffle at her face.