Doug Breaks Bad

"A Breaking Bad Parody"

By Desertpunk

Insert the breaking bad theme where you see a (X) for dramatic effect. (find it on youtube)

Episode 1

"Pilot"

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Now in his Senior year Doug found himself in a very different Bluffington, Gone was the childlike wonder in which he once viewed his town. These days his parents were divorced, his mom and baby sister lived back in Bloatsburg while he lived with his alcoholic father. School was an after thought, hope of college long gone, his life becoming more hollow each passing day.

As he walked into his backyard to visit the grave of his best friend Porkchop he raked his fingers across his face sobering up for the day ahead. He was now very much a different Doug than most would recognize just a low 3 years ago. His hair was longer, he had a faint stubble of beard from forgetting the shave again. His attire was that of a man who did not care anymore, baggy jeans, and a green jacket much the same shade as favorite vest, now too worn to wear.

He began his walk to school, the glaring sun gave away that he was already late, soon it'd be 3rd period. Yet he could care less; he only went to keep the truant officer at bay anyhow. As typical he stopped at Skeeter's garage to see if he felt like going with him.

Skeeter once had an brilliant mind, but drug's hit him hard. Skeeter was fine on pot but when it came to the harder stuff it seemed to fry his brain. Doug often wished Skeeter would sober up but he would never preach to his friend in such a way.

Doug knocked on the door and found Skeeter in no shape to go to school. He was jittery, mumbling to himself, Doug knew instantly it was meth. Doug had seen a lot of it lately and not just with Skeeter, it was becoming a real problem in town.

"Damn it Skeeter, you on that shit again?" blurted Doug.

Skeeter jumped near out of his skin "What the fuck man don't sneak up on me like that, Honk Honk...O shiz school hold on I'll get ready"

"I don't know Skeet maybe you should take the day off."

"Nonsense I am wired like a microwave today, let's go at it!"

So the day began, they went to school, same lack of effort, same indifference from the teachers. Doug spent much of the day wondering why Patti had to move away, had she stayed who knew how things might be right now. He spent most the day that way, just like every other day. As the teachers droned on about this class and that class he couldn't give a damn. Why had so much changed, why was his life shit, why was the world this way?

Once home Doug caught his father awake, as he stumbled to talk to Doug and ask him how School was he suddenly fainted and blood came out of his mouth. Doug rushed to his father and soon they where riding an ambulance to the hospital. Doug was angry at his father for letting his mom leave but he didn't hate him, his dad was one of the few things he had left from the happy days. He was sure it'd all work out, I mean what more could go wrong he thought.

After some time in the ER the doctor came to Doug, he had bad news, Doug's father had cancer.

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Doug stayed late into the night, his father passed out from the medication. His father would have to stay for a while, but Doug had to go home. It was around 2 AM when Doug went down the lobby, the nurse had called him saying someone was here for him. His thoughts raced, maybe mom, maybe Judy back from college. He rushed to see who is was and was delighted to find . had moved uptown now that his wife was Mayor and didn't see Doug so often but the hospital had called him since he was listed as Doug's dad's emergency contact.

"Hiya there Douglas" said just as he always had.

Doug and talked for awhile and despite what had happened to his dad Doug even smiled again thanks to Dink's company. Once home Doug was faced with a silent and empty house, asked if Doug be okay and Doug told his old friend not to worry. hesitated but agreed and soon left, now Doug had to deal with day's events. Everything raced through his mind, another kick in the teeth from the world, why couldn't he catch a break? Why couldn't it all go back to how it was for fuck sake, why?

The next couple day's buzzed by, Doug was almost in a trance, doctor after doctor, case worker after case worker telling him there was nothing that could be done. Doug didn't have health insurance and neither did his father. Soon his father would be kicked out of the hospital and sent home to die. Doug couldn't believe how callus it all was, how no one gave a damn. Yet he swallowed his pride and gritted along.

While sitting at home racking his brain over how to come up with 200k in medical treatment alone there was a knock on the door. Skeeter had come over, still tweaking on meth but genuinely concerned for Doug and his dad.

The two bullshitted around for a good while and Sketer seemed to be more his old self. However after a while Skeeter told Doug he had a business deal to take care of. Doug know what kinda of business Sketer was talking about and just agreed with it rather than argue again.

"Where do you get the money for all of it anyway Skete?" Doug blurted out not realizing he had spoken out loud.

"Ah man I got a deal, I carry some of it and I get a taste, Honk Honk."

"They trust you to carry it?"

"Not really, it's sealed, if it was broke on arrival i'd be screwed."

"You carry that much? How much money would that go for anyhow."

"It depends on the type, but a pure pound of the bad shit would run about...75k, and preimo shit would be even more."

Doug was dumbfounded, that was a lot of money for so little. As Skeeter left Doug kept thinking 75k for the crap...high quality would be double, maybe triple...How would you even go about it? How's it even made?

Doug snapped out of it, he realized he was being crazy, he wasn't a drug dealer. He came to his senses and realized he needed to call his mother, she hadn't been around at all these last couple years but she had to help now.

Doug dialed the number and as it rang and rang it went to the machine. The message played...

"We're not home right now, if you want to speak to Theda of John please leave a message."

Who the fuck is John Doug said instantly...Doug was pissed, first she more of less gave up on him now she's got some new guy while his dad lay dying in the hospital. Doug slammed the phone down, and stormed around the house angry. Suddenly it rang and the ID showed it as his mothers phone. In a fit of rage Doug pulled the phone from the wall and tossed it against the wall.

He fell to a sitting position and sat there for what seemed like forever. Finally calming down he started to get up when he noticed the unopened mail on the floor. He started going through it and eventually found the hospital bill for his fathers ER care. As he opened it he laughed to himself "$3,758.67".

Doug sat at the kitchen table staring into the distance as if nothing was there. As his eyes refocused he shook his head and muttered to himself.

"Everything I do from this point on...I do for my dad."

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