Summary: Imagine for a second that you're newest member of the Mew Mew crew. (Pretty cool, huh?) Now imagine that Kish decided to remain on Earth and is currently in desperate need for a place to stay. (Not that cool.) Who gets stuck with him? Why you of course! And, that's why the Mew Mew Actresses are here to help you with our guide on…How to Survive Living with Kish!
Caution: We don't own Tokyo Mew Mew or anything associated with it!
Note:
Narrator Talking- blah, blah, blah
Kish Talking: ("blah, blah, blah")
How To Survive Living with Kish
Let me introduce you to Kish. ("Hello!") Kish is an alien from outer space. His kind used to live here on Earth thousands of years ago, until a major shift in the weather patterns forced them to abandon it. Ever since then Kish and his people have lived on a planet that could barely support them. So, as you probably already guessed, they don't exactly like us humans. In fact, they're jealous of us. Yeah, having to sleep on sharp rocks every night can kind of make you cranky, So cranky that it would drive you insane. So insane that it would make you try to take over the Earth. And, so dumb that you would use smaller, jelly-like aliens as your main weapon. And, so super wimpy, so majorly weak, such a ("Okay, they get it!") wimp ("Thanks.") that you would be defeated by a group of teenage girls. ("Hey, they were preteens and you know it!") Anyhow, since this little guy ("Hey!") lost this stupid crusade of his, he can't really show his face around the underground neighborhood anymore, sooo he' decided to stay here on Earth and now needs a place to stay. This is where you come in… Kish is officially your new roomie and, if you want to keep your sanity, you'll read this helpful guide on how to survive living with Kish. Enjoy!
Kish Tip #1: Make him sleep in the attic.
Like everyone, Kish is going ot need his own bedroom. Nothing special really, just a little corner of your home where he can hang his tank-top and shorty-shorts, and get in the least amount of trouble. Now, I'm not saying that our dear old ("What are you talking about! I'm 200 years young!") alien pal is a gang member or something. I'm just telling you he's really stupid and he's really crazy and he's really curious… Basically, if you don't want him going through your underwear draw, you'll make him sleep in the attic.
Kish Tip #2: Put a GIANT master lock on his door.
Now that you've given Kish his own piece of paradise ("Help! There are mice in here!") you're going to want to help him enjoy it as much as he possibly can and what better way to do so then…putting a GIANT master lock on his door. I know this may sound cruel, but you must keep in mind that your intergalactic bff isn't the sharpest tool in the shed and that he's basically like a kid in a candy store when it comes to learning new things. Let me put it this way… After a long day of working a the café, what's the last thing you want to find when you get home? Perhaps, you Martian ("Hey, I'm a Cyniclon, and you know that!") roommate dancing on the neighbor's front lawn in Mint's, one of your Mew Mew pals, prima ballerina tutu?
Kish Tip #3: Make sure he's locked up when your best buddy, Ichigo, comes for a visit.
If there's one thing Kish loves more in this world than his bunny pajamas ("What's wrong with wanting to be a bunny sometimes!"), it's Ichigo. Now who's Ichigo you ask? Why she's only one of your bestest buds in the whole world! But, she not only that,…she's also Kish's so-called "girlfriend." ("What! She is!") Yes, from the moment he first laid his beady, amber eyes on her, Kish's been head-over-heels in love. Which, I might add, would be positively romantic, if Ichigo didn't already have a boyfriend and if Kish didn't stalk her. ("Come on, you cannot tell me that jumping on her and calling her 'Kitty-cat' every chance I get is not something every girl wants!") So, to help keep your "way-out-there" pal from being sent to jail, and becoming Bug Bubba's new "friend", you're going to want to make sure he's locked up when his "Kitty-cat" pays you a visit.
Kish Tip #4: Always have nuts in your pantry.
Now, this may come as a surprise to you, but just like humans Kish needs to eat too. The problem is, though, what to feed him. Well, that's simple…he loves to eat nuts, the bigger the better. In fact, the little guys can't get enough of them…he LOVES NUTS. Oh, and that's the only thing he can cook. ("I burnt off my eyebrows!") Therefore, it would be in your best intention to always have nuts in you pantry, unless you wish to have the new "smoky look" for your home.
Kish Tip #5: Keep all squirrels away from your house.
This may not come as a big shock to you, but due to Kish's nut obsession ("I love nuts!") you now have a squirrel problem. Yes, the population has grown at a startling rate and unless you enjoy hearing your roommate scream, "Help! They are trying to eat my nuts!", at all hours of the night…you need to keep all of the fuzzy rascals away from your house.
Kish Tip #6: Do not leave him alone with Tut (a kitten) and Sesshy (a puppy).
Though Kish has been able to fight off monsters and take over worlds ("I'm a very decorated general!") there is but two creatures he cannot defeat…King Tut and Lord Sesshomaru. Ah, but do not let their names fool you, they are but a mere kitten and puppy. So, why is Kish afraid of them? Simple…he's lost his touch. ("No, I can still feel things.") Therefore, he needs you to protect him ("I do not!") and that means NEVER leaving him alone with this "vicious" pair.
Kish Tip #7: Put a set of subduing beads around his neck.
As you have probably figured out by now, Kish is a very curious alien and has the tendency to get himself into trouble…A LOT. Obviously, the boy needs some discipline in his life and what better method to use than putting a set of subduing beads around his scrawny neck. What are subduing beads exactly? Well, they are a set of beads ("That is clear.") that are placed around the neck of a VERY mischievous individual by means of a simple summoning spell. Then while the individual is struggling to remove the beads, the summoner cries out a word or phrase of submission and the individual is sent crashing to the ground. Oh, and on a side note, the spell will repeat itself every time you utter the word or phrase of submission, and the phrase to use on Kish is, "Zee party hats!"
Kish Tip #8: On occasion, make sure to wrap him in pillows so he won't get hurt too bad.
Since you have decided to go with the whole putting a set of subduing beads around Kish's bird-like neck, ("Thanks.") you may want to consider the option of wrapping him in pillows. Why? Well, after about the first hundred or so times you do it, your spacey bud may begin to experience a little pain ("A little! I have two black eyes!") and, if you don't want Ryou, your boss, to go ape on you, the only solution is to turn Kish into the marshmallow man.
Kish Tip #9: Get him his own waiter uniform.
After living here on Earth for a couple of months, Kish has finally come to the realization that money is what makes the world go round. He has also come to the conclusion that to obtain such funds ("I want to buy more nuts!") he needs a job, so, in that nature of being a good roommate, you graciously agree to help him find one. Sadly, your search ends at Café Mew, your current place of employment, and now you two are not only roomies, but also co-workers. To top things off, Kish hasn't quite learned the dress of life and Ryou doesn't have a spare waiter uniform, so, after putting two and two together, Kish decided to wear your waitressing one. ("What's wrong with that? Clothes are all the same, are they not?) And, that is why you MUST get him his own waiter's uniform.
Kish Tip #10: Get rid of any plastic fruit you may keep in the house.
Now, that Kish has a job at Tokyo's most famous restaurant, he's going to want to learn how to cook, ("I merely want to help.") which wouldn't be a bad thing if he only knew the difference between real fruit and plastic fruit. See, Café Mew is noted mostly for their delicious desserts and out-of-this-world smoothies and since Kish isn't allowed to use the oven anymore ("Fire good!") he's going to go with making a smoothie. And by the way, you're his official taste tester, so is you don't want to have your stomach pumped any time soon, you'll get rid of any plastic fruit you may keep in the house.
Well, That's all of them. I hope these ten little tips can help you survive living with the universe's biggest pea-brain. And, remember to always smile, because you'll go crazy if you don't.