An Inseverable Bond
With difficulty the woman bent over to cut the last of the wilting rose buds. Only few were still blossoming; soon the season would be over and the bush would remain dormant till next spring. For a moment she interrupted her activity, her hand hovering in mid-air. The change of seasons, the most natural of things, taken for granted by the young and cherished by the elder; suddenly it filled her with melancholy.
No matter how trying life had been in the past, never had she doubted that she would see next spring, that she would live through another winter. But with the same certainty she knew that next year she would not be here to witness fresh buds reveal their scarlet treasure. With a small shrug of her now fragile shoulders she shook the sadness away; she was still a practical woman and there was no use in dwelling on things that were beyond her power.
She continued gardening for another half hour, occasionally pulling the small woolen cape tighter around her shoulders; despite the fairly warm weather she got cold easily lately, another sign that she no longer possessed the strength of her younger years. She was grateful when her work was interrupted by a familiar polite cough and she looked up to see young Oscar staring down at her, his face full of a politeness that failed to hide the concern in his dark eyes.
'Miss Scarlett, Clodette has sent me to ask you at what time you would like to have your supper. She also would like to remind you that you were planning on finishing your correspondence this afternoon.'
Scarlett smiled faintly; all too aware that her servants were kindly reminding her that she had been outside far too long for their liking. A few years ago she would not have stood for anybody – let alone her servants – telling her what to do, no matter in what civilized manner, but now she felt comforted by their concern just like she felt comforted by their mere presence. With Wade residing in London and Ella keeping her visits to a minimum she could do with the company of the younger people, no matter if they were paid to be in her presence. The few people left of her own generation were hardly likely to liven up these autumn years; most of them bored her already when she was still a young girl and they had not improved with time.
She stumbled a little when she tried to get up but Oscar was quick enough to hold her in his firm grip. She laid her hand on his arm for support and the feel of the young man's strong muscles under her fingers suddenly brought back a memory that she had almost forgotten. A memory about another man with equal strength, a man she had loved. Loved with a passion that only he had recognized in her. Loved and lost before she fully understood what he meant to her.
'Are you alright, Miss Scarlett? Do you want to sit down for a moment?' She looked up into Oscar's face and like always she could see Pork's features in his own. Friends and family had deserted her, but she had been surrounded by faithful servants all her life and she was intensely grateful for that.
'No, I'm fine, Oscar. Ask Clodette to have one of my nicer gowns ready and tell her that I will be down for supper in half an hour. Better wash this dirt out from under my nails first.' Her face cracked into a smile and Oscar smiled along sheepishly. The old miss had mellowed in the last few years but he still had memories of his first years in her employ and he never fully felt at ease with her when she was in one of her gentler moods.
In fact Scarlett was very fond of Oscar. On contrary she had never managed to warm up to Clodette. The girl had been in the service of her late husband and had spent a long period with him in France which had given her airs that Scarlett found unsuitable for a black servant, despite the fact that Clodette was fair-skinned compared to Oscar. An objective observer could have guessed that Scarlett's dislike for the girl stemmed from the fact that the woman knew more about Rhett's life in his last years than Scarlett ever would but since Scarlett was never an analytical type of person she just knew she did not care much for the woman and acted accordingly.
After supper Scarlett had a sip of brandy in the parlour, as she did every night. She sat in the old chair that had been her husband's once and whenever she rested her now thin frame against the back of the chair – a plaid snuggly assembled over her lap – she felt as nurtured as she had once been by his strong chest.
She wondered if she would get a visitor tonight. Not the kind that came knocking at her door every so often – to spread the latest gossip or to complain about something one of her employees had done in the store – but that other visitor that had decided to keep her company of late. That visitor that should have frightened her when she first laid eyes upon her but who she had subconsciously been expecting instead.
She was about to close her eyes – the afternoon in the garden had taken more out of her than she cared to admit – when she heard the familiar rustling of skirts. She opened her eyes wide– still bright and strong in a face that had been otherwise marked by time – and smiled when she saw the expected visitor approaching.
'How are you, my dear?' the lady's gentle voice said while moving forward to plant a soft kiss on Scarlett's cheek.
'Old and tired, Melly. Old and tired…'
'It won't be long now, dear,' the other woman answered and the words did not frighten Scarlett as much they should have.
The old Mrs. Butler could not pinpoint when these visits had begun but she had known from the beginning what they signified. Still she relished in the fact that she had the opportunity to spend time with Melanie the way she should have when Melanie was one of the only two people in her life she could always count on.
On most nights they only shared memories. Some good, some bad, but the fact that they both lived through them and were able to share them was giving them joy beyond comparison. They never really addressed the things that Scarlett was secretly curious about. Like every other person on this planet she wanted to know what it was like; was there a heaven and hell? Would all pain and sorrow disappear and make room for a place so peaceful and beautiful that it made all the suffering on earth worthwhile? Or were there fires of hell, if only for some? There was no doubt in Scarlett's mind that nothing evil could happen to Melly but she was not so sure about herself - or others who had meant the world to her in the past.
This particular evening they addressed one of their blackest memories. An event most horrid but at the same time an event that had opened Scarlett's eyes to what strength Melly possessed. They talked about the Yankee that had come to rob Tara and had planned to steal Scarlett's virtue in the process. Strangely enough they both giggled when they recalled how Melly – in full action mode when it came to covering up the bloody evidence – had at the same time almost been too shy to bare herself in front of her sister-in-law.
They spoke in hushed voices but this did not ease the worry of the two people who stood on the other side of the parlour's door. Oscar and Clodette were listening to Miss Scarlett's prattling in disbelieve. This was not the first time that they had heard the old lady speak to herself but lately this seemed to occur more often and not for the first time Clodette asked Oscar if they should call for the doctor.
'No, Clodette, we won't. It is not that unusual for old people to mumble to themselves. Besides, what can the doctor do for her? They will only put her in hospital, or worse, in one of those homes. You have seen how frail she has become lately. She won't survive that. Besides, I know it won't be long now till she…'
'Oh, don't say that, Oscar, I can't bear it!' Clodette cried while she covered her ears as if to block out the unwelcome message.
Oscar grinned, his white teeth making a sharp contrast with his dark skin and making Clodette's heart race at the same time. 'I truly don't understand why you care so much for her, Clo. Ever since you came to work for her she has been cold towards you, cruel even at times.'
' Yes, I know, but she still took me in when I arrived at her doorstep, unannounced. I know Master Rhett had always told me to go to her whenever his time had come but they had been separated for more than a decade when he did and even though he left me with enough money to take the trip back home, I did not really expect to find employ at Peachtree Street. But she took me in, just like he had always said, and she treated me as family - the unwanted niece, I'll give you that - but she always made me feel that I had a home here nonetheless.'
She sighed deeply.
'Oh, Oscar, what will become of us when the old lady kicks the bucket? Where will we go?' For a moment her eyes – big and trusting – looked straight into his.
'I will marry you and you will give me five strong boys and a beautiful little girl just like yourself.'
'Oh hush now, why can you never be serious?'
'Well, there is no need to worry, Clo; I know Master Wade and he will look after us, he won't turn us out on the street like that. Now shall we leave the old lady be and return to the kitchen? If you make us some of that hot cocoa of yours – you know which one I mean – I will let you tell me that story again of how Rhett Butler took you in after your mother turned you out in the street without as much as a decent dress and I will even let you sing his praise endlessly. I know how much you like to do that. Now don't look at me like that,' he chuckled. 'From what I hear of Rhett Butler he never did nothing that did not benefit himself too but tonight I won't hint at anything untoward between you and him and let you ramble on as much as you like.'
For a moment Clodette looked furious but Oscar just laughed and she could never stay angry with him for long.
Meanwhile in the well-furnished parlour of the Peachtree Mansion Melly had lifted the curtain somewhat on what it was like in the afterlife. To Scarlett's astonishment she told her how she had feared to meet the man whose remains she had disposed off so efficiently.
'I was so sure that I had to pay for that sin by looking the man in question in the eye and acknowledge what I did but it is not like that, Scarlett. You don't have to be frightened.'
Immediately Scarlett's chin went up; nobody would ever assume that Scarlett Butler was frightened at anything. And if she was she would not own up to it. Well, not to just anyone…'
Melanie smiled gently. 'What I mean to say is that we leave all burdens behind on earth, Scarlett.'
Now that Melly had set the door ajar, Scarlett could no longer contain her curiosity.
'Do you think that people like him – people who are evil – go another place, Melly? A less, er, pleasant place?' Suddenly Scarlett's heart started racing. She had not been afraid of dying, not anymore, but what if she was sent to such a place. Or worse, what if Rhett had been sent there …
Melly gripped both Scarlett's hands in her own and again Scarlett wondered how her touch could feel so real when she knew consciously that she wasn't. 'But Scarlett, surely you must have realized by now that no man is made of pure evil. Everybody has some good and some bad. And that Yankee soldier might have been exposed to the most horrible things before he ended up on our doorstep. Who says that he started out a thief and a rapist? Life can do terrible things to us, Scarlett; I don't have to tell you that. And unfortunately life can change us. Change us into something we never wished for. '
Scarlett frowned. She definitely knew firsthand how life could change a person only she never had considered that it could apply to somebody like that Yankee that still signified a black page in her personal history.
'So we all go to the same place, no matter who we are or what we have done?' Scarlett asked.
'Scarlett, I am sure that God knows that whatever you did, you had good reasons for it at the time,' Melly said to reassure her friend.
A burst of panic made it impossible for Scarlett to speak momentarily; there had been no good reason for trying to steal Melly's husband from her, what if Melly ever found out… Or had she already?
She studied her friend but she could see nothing but loving trust in her grey eyes. 'It is not me I am so worried about Melly, it is… It is… Rhett,' she whispered finally. Saying his name out loud after so many years made her feel strange.
'Have you seen him, Melly?' she asked before she gave her friend the chance to respond to her first remark.
'Captain Butler?' Melly said. 'No.' she simply said. Disappointment was immediately written all over Scarlett features.
'Tell me, Scarlett, what happened between you two?' Melly then asked, to Scarlett's astonishment.
'You mean… You don't know?' she stuttered.
'Well, Ashley told me that you were no longer together, when…'
'Ashley is with you?' Scarlett said; the joy evident in her voice. If Ashley had returned to Melly then maybe…
'Yes, he is, of course he is,' Melly answered making Scarlett reflect bitterly that such dead certainties were not given to everyone.
'But he never divulged much information on how and why things did not work out between you and Captain Butler. And I did not want to push him for it either; the subject seems to make him very uncomfortable.'
If only you knew why, Scarlett thought, astounded that even in the afterlife things between man and wife did not seem to alter much. A discouraging thought.
'On my deathbed I told you to be kind to him,' Melly said gently. 'I know you grieved for Bonnie too but Captain Butler, he…'
'Yes, Melly, you don't have to tell me how Rhett suffered when we lost Bonnie.' Scarlett said, meanwhile pulling her hands out of Melly's grip. She could see her friend getting upset but ghost or no ghost, Scarlett could not care. Nobody had to tell her what effect losing their baby girl had on her marriage. She still lived with the pain everyday and she was certain that so did Rhett till his dying day.
An awkward silence filled the room for a while until Scarlett decided to be honest with her friend. As honest as she could be since she could not reveal Ashley's role in all this. She is dead and I am still protecting her from the truth, she silently laughed to herself.
'Melly, you will never understand what revelation your last words were to me.' Melly looked at her incomprehensibly. 'When you told me that Rhett cares so much for me.' Scarlett explained but her friend looked even more baffled at those words.
Scarlett took a deep breath.
'You see, Melly, you always thought that Rhett and I got married because we had loved each other for years and I let you believe that lie because… Because the truth was too painful to reveal. Yes, one of us loved the other one very much. Though I have to say that he had a funny way of showing that – to me at least. But I never did love him, not on our wedding day at least.'
'But, Scarlett, I have seen you together, even in the early days, when we were reacquainted with Captain Butler at the Bazaar. There was always something between you; you seemed to be drawn to each other like magnets. I mean, I never saw a man that could make you laugh like he could.'
'And you never saw a man make me madder than he could too, or have you forgotten that?'
'Yes,' Melly said hesitantly. 'Yes, I suppose that is true but I just assumed that is how it had to be between you and him. You both have such strong personalities, I would not have expected you to be content with a relationship like… like Ashley and I was having.' To Scarlett's surprise Melly, ghost and all, managed to blush at that moment.
'Well, I have had many years to reflect on those early years, and yes, Melly, maybe you are right, maybe I was attracted to him from day one. Even…' Scarlett hesitated, if she revealed to Melly that she had gotten to know Rhett a little bit better than the other girls did at that infamous barbecue she might have to explain what was the cause for that and…
'To be honest, he made a big impression on me at the barbecue at Twelve Oaks already but I was so young. I had no idea that what I thought was instant dislike was actually…' Now it was Scarlett's turn to blush.
'You said that one of you loved the other for years, so you knew at least that Captain Butler was more than fond of you?' Melly said, sidestepping Scarlett's awkward remark.
'No, that is just it, Melly. I did not know. He never told me as much. In fact he made me believe the opposite. It was all… It was all very confusing. And exciting at the same time. Well, it was for a while until real life started happening.
'Yes, but then you turned to him during the siege, surely you had to admit to yourself then that he meant more to you than you originally let on.'
'I don't know, Melly. Was he not the only person I could have turned to? I mean, who else was strong and bold enough to get us out of there? I was just being practical.' She huffed, suddenly not certain herself if she had turned to him for practical reasons. She remembered crying against his strong chest that same night, feeling so utterly comforted and protected in his big strong arms. Rhett leaving gentle kisses on top of her hair…
'You don't know this, Melly, but he kissed me that same night. I mean, really kissed me, for the first time. Right before he left us alone on that godforsaken road, he kissed me like no man had ever kissed before.' She started sounding a bit breathless, as if that kiss of so long ago still stirred something inside her.
Melly smiled, obviously forgetting the distress they were in at the time, and thinking this the most romantic gesture.
'So as from then you knew that he loved you,' she concluded, her own eyes dreamy now.
'No!' Scarlett cried. 'Oh, don't look at me like that, I know it sounds utterly silly now but I really had no idea. He did tell me before that kiss that he loved me, but my mind was so full of worries that I did not hear him properly. Besides you know how derisive he can be. Or maybe you don't. He always behaved like a perfect gentleman towards you.' Scarlett said, bitterness still chewing at her when thinking about that aspect.
'I really thought he only took advantage of me because… because… well, simply because he could. I figured he was enough of a scoundrel to do that to a lady.'
'Oh, Scarlett!' Melly exclaimed, revealing that she did not share that opinion of Rhett.
'Well, you don't know what he was like, Melly. You really don't. You had no idea what kind of vile things he said or did when you were not around!'
'If that is so, why did you keep seeing him then, Scarlett?' Melly retorted.
'Because he was the only exciting man in a 25 mile radius, Melly! Because I was bored and tired of this whole war. Because he provided some welcome entertainment, no matter how much I often despised his ways. Because… Because… Because he brought out something inside me that I did not know at the time I possessed. I think that is also the reason why I married him in the end. He was the only person that knew me through and through and still managed to make me feel at ease with him.'
'Is that a definition of love?' Melly asked.
'Maybe it is, but I did not see it like that at the time. Why didn't you tell me sooner that he loved me, Melly? We could have had a chance, while now…'
'But Scarlett it was so obvious, I had no idea you were in the dark about this. I wish you had opened up to me more then, I might have been able to help you. Oh God, that poor man…'
'What about me?' Scarlett said, her green eyes blazing in her pale face.
'Yes, you too, but he seemed to suffer more over it at the time. I mean, after you lost the baby, he…'
'He what?' Her tone of voice made Melly stop mid-sentence. 'He told me much much later that he waited for me to call for him when I was on my sickbed. But I was certain that he did not care for me anymore by then. He had been so cold and distant. Leaving me, taking Bonnie along, after…' She stopped herself in time.
'Oh, he was so confused then, Scarlett, so terribly confused. He kept blaming himself and saying…. Well, like I said he was very confused. Maybe I should have intervened then but I did not believe it was my place. Besides, you seemed to live together pleasantly enough after that whole ordeal, with Captain Butler making a big contribution to the community and you seemed content with running the store.
'Well, anyway', Scarlett said, after reflecting on Melly's words for a bit, 'I only truly understood what I felt for him that night that you… after you told me how much he loved me I finally realized that I must have loved him for some time. On that darkest of darkest nights I ran home, believing that something wonderful could come out of this misery. That I had finally found the one person that could make me feel safe. Make me feel loved. Oh, Melly, I was practically ecstatic when I arrived at the house but as soon as I saw his face I knew it was too late. Much, much too late.'
'Maybe you should have given him some time,' Melly said.
'He did not even give me that much, Melly. And I understand that now. I didn't at the time but I do now. He was thorn; he wasn't the same man anymore. Bonnie's death had altered him forever. And so he went away.' Tears started bubbling to the surface and Scarlett made no effort to wipe them away.
'He stayed for your funeral and then he was gone for months. I did not know where he was. I only knew that he had promised me to return 'to keep the gossip down'. And I held on to that. All those months at Tara, then here in Atlanta, stripped of my two best friends, I survived only because I knew that he would keep his promise. But when he returned he seemed a stranger. A kind, polite stranger, not the man that had managed to stir my passions in the past. To be honest, when he left after that first visit I even felt kind of relieved.
'Oh, Scarlett', Melly sighed sadly.
'This continued for some two and a half years and I went along with the charade because the other option was even more unbearable. Then Ella had an accident, she got under the wheels of a carriage and Rhett happened to be in town then. We both suffered hell those days; not knowing if she would make it or not but at least it made cracks into this exterior of cool politeness that he had presented to me for the longest time. Waiting outside her bedroom door, not knowing what life had in store for us, we came closer to each other. I never did see him so vulnerable and he clung to me as a scared child would cling to its mother. Then when Dr. Meade told us that she would live, that she would continue living without any serious handicaps we were ecstatic. Rhett opened a bottle of champagne and after that a bottle of brandy and well… After that night we started living like husband and wife again.'
Scarlett witnessed the joy on her friend's face and she hesitated telling her the rest of the story.
'For two weeks I was in heaven. In absolute heaven. I truly believed that life had given us a second chance. That it would never be like it could have been when we first got married but that we would grow old together, would see Ella and Wade grow up together and possibly raise another child together. And even now I wonder if things would have turned out differently if I had gotten with child as easily as I did before.
Because after the first two weeks the problems started. Wade could no longer hide his resentment towards Rhett, and they started rowing constantly, unpleasantly reminding Rhett of his own father's failures. Then the house started haunting him, or more accurately, the absence of Bonnie in that house began to eat away at him again. He started drinking again. And with the drinking came the accusations. All my wrongdoings of the past, who I believed were forgotten, resurfaced. We had terrible rows. For three months I tried to save us. I suggested a new home which he refused, I sent the kids to Tara to give us some time together but too much had happened in the past and in the end I did not recognize myself anymore. I knew that if I continued this relationship I would lose more than him; I would lose my sanity.
And so he left me once more. This time there was no bitter speech on his part, nor were there tears on my part. The month after he left I kept hoping for a miracle. I kept hoping for a child. Another child by Rhett who I would love more than anything else in my life. But when that hope was dashed I accepted that it was not meant to be. We would always be at cross purposes.
He soon moved to France, occasionally returning to see the children and see to his business. Gradually we managed to talk to each other without feeling all the pain. And the last time I saw him we had supper in this very house, and I swear, Melly, we talked and laughed in the same way we had done those first years when he came to visit us at Aunt Pitty's house. I have held on to that memory these last years, hoping that maybe…'
'I am sure you will see him again, Scarlett. Maybe you did not know who you belonged to all these years, but I am sure the higher power was not that blind.'
Then Melly got up, signifying the end of the evening. Scarlett, knowing that she could disappear in thin air any moment, rushed after her.
'Please, Melly, tell me. Will I… Do you think that… Do you think at least Rhett and Bonnie are together?'
'Who else would she be with?' Melly laughed. She had not finished speaking or Scarlett found herself once more alone in the room.
She looked at the clock, it was after midnight already, and she was surprised that all this time Oscar had not knocked on the door to ask if he could extinguish the lights. She moved to take on the task herself, her hand shaking when she picked up the snuffer. While she concentrated on the task she reminisced about her conversation with Melly. No matter if Rhett and she would not reunite after death, she could count on the fact that he was with Bonnie. In a space in time where nobody could take the little girl away from him ever again. Somehow this idea gave great pleasure to her, and she was surprised that somebody else's happiness could make her feel this way.
When she stepped into the hallway, she could hear Clodette's laughter coming from the kitchen. It was soon joined by Oscar's deep voice. So that is why they forgot about their mistress, Scarlett thought. For a moment she was angered by this. Then she remembered how she had caught Oscar staring after Clodette yesterday morning when Clodette had been serving breakfast and Oscar had been called to her to deliver a message to the Kennedy store. Had Rhett once stared after her in that way? He must have; she often had caught him looking at her like a cat looking at a mouse hole. So Melly and probably the whole of Atlanta had known that he had been in love with her while she was so much in the dark about this.
When she ascended the large staircase with increasing difficulty – her bones were aching– she wondered if God would give her the chance to do one last thing on this earth. If by providence she woke up tomorrow morning she would have a word with Clodette, who seemed to be as oblivious to Oscar's feelings as Scarlett had once been, and if she could manage to open the girl's eyes to the happiness that was waiting for her she would get over her dislike for the girl and leave enough for them in her will to set them up in a nice house somewhere. She knew that Wade and Ella, despite the fact that they had both deserted their mother at the first chance, would feel as responsible towards house servants as she had always done herself.
She undressed herself – thank heaven she had declined wearing a corset this evening – and got under the covers. Feeling quite pleased with the philanthropist attitude she had suddenly adopted this evening.
Before she turned around and let sleep claim her, she glanced at the little miniature of Rhett and Bonnie that had been placed at her nightstand since the day that she learned of Rhett's passing. The single candle lighted the frame sufficiently enough to see it clearly; Rhett looked so young in the picture and her Bonnie so very beautiful.
'Soon, my darlings, soon,' she whispered before she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
THE END
A/N: Sorry that I was not in the mood to write something a little less gloomy. Good luck with the exams.