I really have no idea what to say at the moment. its so hard to even think about it but it kind of helps to write it. I'm going to start with telling you guys how I found out Cory Monteith passed away.

I remember waking up on Sunday at my sisters, doing the same thing I normally do is have breakfast and watch tv. I was watching the television when my brother in law said 'Did you know that the guy from Glee called Cory Monteith was found dead in a hotel?" From the kitchen. The first thing I thought was that he was lying because he normally tries to annoy me or joke around with me But then I kept thinking 'why would he randomly come out with that so I quickly ran upstairs and grabbed my phone and typed in his name in goggle ad that's when I saw it. 'Cory Monteith found dead in hotel in Vancover.' I just sat there completely shocked by what I saw. So many emotions came through me at once, I just couldn't believe it. He was dead at 31! He was my first crush on tv and favourite actor and now he's gone. I just didn't want to believe it, it was just too hard. I still think it's a dream and I'm going to wake up soon but I don't...

I tried to act happy and have fun but I couldn't. It was a nice, hot day and my niece and nephew wanted me to play with them but I just couldn't get into it if you get what I mean. Then I went onto Twitter, that became one of the more hardest things to do. The people who were tweeting about him, it was heartbreaking. You could just tell how sad people were. And then I listened to Keep Holding On and Stand By You which made me cry for the first time. It just bought back memories and it broke my heart that one of my role models is gone. I wish he was still here with us, but he isn't and that hurts Knowing that I won't be able to hear him sing on glee or see his amazing smile or his awkwardness. People might think I'm stupid because I never met him but I really don't care because he was such an amazing guy who was late to events because he would sign people's pictures and I know I'm not the only one out there who feels the same.

i really hope he has found peace up there and I hope he is watching over his beautiful girlfriend named Lea. I Kind of feel better writing this and if anyone wants to talk about this then send me a message I'm here if you guys want to talk. I'm not a huge Gleek and it's hurting me badly so I can't imagine how one of the big Gleeks must be feeling.