Author's note: Before I start, I'd like to thank my beta, 'Gerald the Puppet', she helped me a lot! Both gramatically and plot-wise. I'd also like to thank my bestfriend, who has helped me with the plot and the idea for this fic, and supported me while writing this piece. Enjoy!
"Are you just going to keep staring at the food, or are you going to actually eat it?" Katie's brassy voice echoed throughout the dining room, and silenced the room. Emily was torn from her plate of food, at which she had been gazing for the past thirty minutes, and raised her head to look at her twin sister. Katie's newest idea of fashion was to dye her hair blonde and dress like some kind of an office lady twat.
"Katiekins, don-"
"I don't know, Katie, you know, because the thought of my dead girlfriend isn't exactly appetizing, now is it?" Emily cut in over her mother's words.
"Well I'm tired of this, Em! It's been four months! You're going to get kicked out of your fancy uni in New York, then you'll never find a job, and if you keep starving yourself you'll end up dead just like her." Seeing as she didn't get anybody's support around the table, Katie cleared her throat and looked into Emily's eyes. "She wouldn't want you to be like this, and it hurts me. No, it hurts everybody to see you fading away." Emily replied with nothing but a cold look and some fiddling with her food. "Oh, fuck's sake!" Katie murmured before standing up. "I'm done."
Katie threw one last glance at Emily, who still wasn't bothered enough to try and eat, and as her expectations failed to be satisfied, she left the table and went upstairs, muttering out loud.
"She doesn't mean to hurt you," Jenna offered Emily a faint smile. She was trying, Emily would give her that, but it was a bit too late for that. Emily returned a smile just as feeble, and left the table to follow her sister. As soon as she left, Jenna let out a silent sob. Rob wrapped his arm around Jenna in a hug.
"Oh, sweetheart, they'll talk this out. Emily just needs some time, love." Rob tightened his hug.
"It's just been so long since I've seen her happy," Jenna snuffled quietly, "Like she was with that Naomi girl."
"She'll come around eventually. She has to, she's a Fitch."
"Mind not being such a tit all the time?" Katie grunted when Emily entered their room. Instead of the countless posters that used to decorate the room, there were now elegant pictures and graceful paintings that Emily had brought from New York. Emily ignored her sister and approached her bed. Katie was packing her clothes.
"You're leaving already?" Emily asked.
"Well, unlike you, I'm trying to get a real career, so I have to leave. Besides, I'm tired of being here and waiting for you to reach a miraculous realization that you're being an actual moron, because obviously, that's not happening any time soon."
"Oh sorry, I didn't know that making coffee for businessmen counted as a 'real career'."
"Well photography doesn't count as a real career either, so get over yourself!"
"At least I don't have to screw my boss to keep the job!"
"At least I pay my own rent! Remind me again, what did Naomi do in London while Effy was working her ass off? Oh, right, she was too bothered being a fucking standup comedian for free!"
Emily let out a roar and slapped Katie. "You fucking cow!" she shouted, pushing her twin sister with gritted teeth.
Katie growled and pushed Emily back. "For once, Emily, just once, don't fuck everything up. We're all trying to help you, even mum!" She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed, "We care about you, Em, and we just want you to get better."
"Better?" Emily's voice cracked, and she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She inhaled deeply, "If you want me to get better, why don't you invent a time machine so I can go back in time and never leave Naomi's side, can you do that? Do you even have a clue how I feel?"
Katie took a deep breath and bit the inside of her cheek, "Em, I'm sorry." Katie tried to hug Emily, but the twin pulled away and shook her head.
"Leave me alone, Katie." Emily replied flatly and left the room.
"Bitch!" Katie called after her sister, who was too far to hear her.
"That stupid twat!" Emily muttered as she made her way downstairs. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, clearing them from the tears the fled them. "That stupid, fucking arsehole! How dare she talk about Naomi?" Emily grabbed a coat from the hanger near the entrance door, clumsily as her hands were quivering with anger. "Like she's so fucking perfect!"She headed out of the house and let her feet lead the way. It wasn't very cold, but the wind was blowing somewhat hard. She walked past streets, buildings, parks and roads, all of which she knew like the back of her hand, to eventually be led to Naomi's old place in Bristol. It hadn't changed much, but a large pride flag was hung over the front door. The house was sold a while after Emily and Naomi headed off to London and was bought by a young gay couple.
'It must be all the oils in the bedroom, attracting homos and lesbians to our petite piece of heaven,' Naomi's voice infiltrated Emily's brain. For a second, it almost felt like she was right beside her, intertwining their fingers and sharing a laugh. She could almost feel it, she nearly reached out her hand – only to remind herself that the love of her life was in fact dead. "Jesus Christ." Emily had to shut her eyes tightly to get rid of the memories that haunted her and the shivers that ran up and down her spine.
She sat, her back leaned against a large willow tree, in the yard across the house. Being there felt bittersweet. Memories from both being with Naomi and from fighting with her rushed through her head. The tears trailed far down her cheeks, and Emily felt rather useless. All she could do was sit there and stare at what used to be her life. She felt even more useless as Katie had a point; if she didn't pull her life back together, she'd be kicked out of the university to which she tried so hard to be accepted.
"Emilio, I think you reached a new low. I mean, that's not even a couple of girls shaggin' in there," The voice came from behind her. Emily hopped up on her feet and took a few steps back. Cook was standing there, his upper body resting against the tree. "Oh come on, babe, don't be scared, it's just good old Cookie Monster."
"What the fuck happened to your face, Cook?" A malicious smile crept upon Cook's lips as Emily spoke, making the bruises on his cheeks stretch slightly. She approached him and fluttered her fingers against the wounds, causing Cook to twitch slightly. Taking a single step back and a second look at him, Emily realized that somehow Cook managed to get bigger, and more intimidating than he used to be.
"You like it?" The smile was now a grin.
"God, no!" Emily smirked, then sighed.
"You sure? Because I heard that them ladies like a man with scars." Cook's voice was obnoxiously smutty.
"Yeah, well, it probably doesn't include gay ones."
The smile slowly faded from Cook's lips. Something in the friendly environment was broken. The silence that fell on the two felt heavy, as though the memory of Naomi Campbell attached additional weight to both Cook and Emily. Cook looked up for a few seconds, as if he was examining the clouds, and when he looked back down at Emily he shifted closer to her.
He reached his hand towards Emily's face, his fingers touching her cheeks ever so gently. "Heard you weren't doing too well, Ems, want to tell me what's going on?" Emily sighed and shrugged, once again the tears getting the best of her. Cooked wrapped his arms around her in a hug, kissing the top of her forehead. Her arms return the hug.
"I can't believe that she's gone, Cook, I need her here so much." Emily snuggled her head against Cook's chest. "I miss her so, so much."
"I know you do, kid. I know you do." Cook exhaled heavily, holding onto Emily stronger.
"She was so sick, she didn't even have the strength to fight it anymore." Emily was crying. Cook remained silent, not saying a single word. A few seconds passed, followed by a few minutes, and eventually Emily calmed down. It felt rather odd, simply standing in silence, wrapped in Cook's arms. It was always so loud around Cook. She pulled away from Cook, gently, and wiped the tears off her face. "Thank you, Cook."
"No problem, muff monkey," he replied, ruffling her hair. Emily elbowed Cook, who replied with a chuckle. They tussled a little, mainly tickling each other, and found their way to the grass. They both sat, breathing heavily, yet feeling somewhat better. Cook pulled out a fag and lit it. As he inhaled the smoke in an exaggerated manner, causing the smallest hint of a smile to appear on Emily's face, an idea seemed to have popped into his mind. "Hey, Ems, I'm going to this party later tonight, yeah? You should come."
"To a party?" Emily grabbed Cook's fag. She inhaled the smoke and returned the fag. "Do I look like I'm in the mood for partying, Cook?"
"Well, no, but that's exactly why you should come. I mean, you don't drink because you like it, right? You drink because you want to feel better, and partying will make you feel better."
"I really don't think so."
"Oh come on, Ems! Don't be such a pussy!"
"No! And besides, how's partying going to help anyway?"
"There's gonna be a ton of shaggable girls at the party."
"I'm not exactly looking for a shag at the moment, Cook, but thanks for the kind offer." Emily's words oozed with sarcasms and Cook replied with laughter.
"Suit yourself, kiddo. I know that if I were you, I'd be all over the fucking city looking for a bit of fun like that, you know what I mean?" He spoke with the fag still in his mouth. Emily snatched the fag out of his mouth and inhaled the smoke, exhaling in his direction.
"Well I'm not you, I handled a long-distance relationship with Naomi without shagging half the girls in uni." Emily examined the cigarette in her hand, the way it looked between her fingers. It would look rather nice as a photograph, she thought, and inhaled once more before returning the fag to Cook. "Did you know I haven't smoked one of these in a long time?"
A cheeky smile spread on Cook's face, and he looked rather entertained. "Going down the drain, are we?" Cook threw the fag away with a smug look. He got up and helped Emily to stand up on her feet. "Come to the party, Ems!"
"I'll think about it, Cook, but I really don't feel like it," Emily replied dryly.
"For old time's sake, for me, for her." Cook moved a strand of Emily's hair behind her ear. "I think she'd like to see you party with me." Once more, the devilish smile struck Cook's features.
"Yeah, right," Emily smiled at Cook as she started pacing away.
"Think about all the shaggable girls you're missing!" Cook raised his voice so that Emily would hear him. Emily laughed in reply, raising her thumbs up in the air as she kept walking. Holding his fists up in a victorious manner, Cook shared one last glance at Naomi's old house, and walked away as well.
After taking a shower, Emily was sitting on her bed with an album full of photographs from her and Naomi's trip to Goa in its accustomed place on her knees. She passed her fingers against the pictures, examining them and finding Naomi gazing back at her from the photographs. She was smiling, her blonde hair was messy due to the wind, and there was a spark in her eyes. She looked perfectly healthy, like not a thing in the world could put out the fire in her gaze.
"Katie shum."
Emily must've been too focused on the album to notice her twin sister enter the room. Emily took the picture of Naomi she looked at out of the album. She closed the album and put it aside, folding the picture and putting it in the front pocket of her bright yellow shorts, scooting a little to the side so that Katie could sit next to her. "It's just that I sometimes forget the reason she's not here. Like, how shitty everything is for you right now, and seeing you like this is really hard, Emily!" Katie took Emily's hand in hers and squeezed it. "I'd do anything for you, you know that, right?"
Emily nodded her head, "Yeah, I know."
"Then help me! Do something! You can't stay like this, Em, and I can't stay here forever, but if I leave you here all by yourself, mum's gonna go all mental!" Somewhere along the sentence, Katie started giggling at the thought of Jenna Fitch desperately trying to help her daughter in every way possible, buzzing around her like a bee. Emily chuckled quietly and looked into her sister's eyes.
"I'm going to get better, I promise." Emily squeezed her twin's hand back reassuringly.
"You better!" The sisters sat in silence for a few seconds, feeling relieved. "I, uh, got to go, Em. My boss invited me to this fancy dinner with other employees tonight."
"S'alright, I can handle it," Emily offered Katie a smile.
"If you say so." Katie inhaled deeply. "I can ask him to do it another night if-"
"No! Go, Katie. You need to loosen up a little, I mean you've being a real fucking twat lately."
"Okay. If anything happens though, just give me a call," Katie got up on her feet and approached her wardrobe, going through it and pulling out two dresses. One had a leopard print on it, and the other was black and sparkly, and looked like it would show quite a lot of skin. "Which one?"
"The black one, definitely the black one. I mean, come on," Emily got up on her feet as well, grabbing the leopard print dress and tossing it away. "He's going to be all over you.," Katie smiled at Emily with gratitude and Emily returned the smile before she exited the room.
"I knew you'd change your mind, muff monkey!" Cook's cheeky smile was nearly audible through the phone. Emily rolled her eyes, but a smile took place on her lips.
"Well, I guess you just got lucky, Katie's out tonight and I'm not spending it at home with my lunatic of a mother." Emily bit down on her lip and took a deep breath."Where can we meet up?"
"How about Freddie's shed in thirty minutes?"
"Yeah, okay, I'll be there." Emily hung up the phone. Sneaking out of the house wasn't too hard of a mission, seeing as Jenna and Rob had another one of their stupid fights over whose fault it is that Emily wasn't getting any better yet. Just as Jenna pulled the Naomi card, Emily muttered quietly and got out the front door. That stupid bitch just won't learn, she thought. They all think they know how I feel, and blame Naomi for everything that's wrong with me.
It was a chilly night and there weren't many people outside. Emily hurried up, all trembling and her skin covered with goose bumps, both because of the cold and the anger she felt. A couple of posh-looking men whistled as she passed by and exchanged dirty looks. She shivered in disgust, trying to walk as far away from the two as the sidewalk allowed. The two started to follow her, walking faster to catch up with her pace.
"Who's the bloody idiot that let you out on your own?" They were clearly drunk. Emily ignored them and picked up the pace. "Oh come on, don't be like that, peachy!"
"Fuck off," she hissed at the two, feeling rather uncomfortable. They seemed to not be convinced and refused to leave her be.
"I know you want this, come on, s'just a little cock, nobody ever died from th-"
"Get lost, would you!"
"No, you come here!" One of the two, who seemed to be slightly more drunk, grasped Emily by the arm. He pulled her closer to him violently, his body grinding against hers. She tried to push him away, nearly weeping with revulsion.
"Leave me alone!" Emily screamed at the one who grabbed her, now completely started to unzip his pants, still holding onto her. She kicked him in the groin. Twice. He let out an odd combination of a shout and a moan, let go of Emily, and fell to the ground.
"You bitch!" The other one yelled, trying to catch her. Emily spat in his direction and started running. "You fucking bitch, come back here!" The man immediately started to chase Emily down the street. She was faster, but he was much taller, and a single step of his was worth at least two of hers. He was a few steps away from her when Emily heard a loud thumping sound.
She turned around to see Cook sitting on top of the man, punching him in the face. "You fucking pussy, picking on a girl?" Cook was shouting, grabbing the man by the shirt and lifting his upper body, just to punch him several more times. The man seemed to have lost consciousness.
"Cook, stop! He's done!" Emily kneeled next to Cook, resting one hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in an attempt to calm him down.
"No one messes with my friends, you hear me?"
"I don't think he can hear much of anything," Emily whispered. Cook let go of the man, whose head hit the road with a thud, and looked at Emily, wiping sweat off his face with the back of his arm. He was breathing heavily.
"You okay?" He asked, getting off the man onto the ground, sitting with his legs spread forward and his hands supporting his weight behind him. Emily replied with a shrug. "Fucking wankers," he fumed, and kicked the unconscious man.
"Come on, let's go," Emily mumbled.
"You absolutely sure? You were just attacked, Emily, it's okay if you don't want to go."
"I'm absolutely fine, Cook,"
Cooked weighed the options in his head for a few seconds before speaking. "We're going to Freddie's shed."
"What? Why? I want to go to the party!" Emily protested. Cook shifted his weight and leaned closer to Emily, resting his arms on her shoulders in a soothing manner.
"Because I care about you, and if I let you go right now, Naomi would punch the living shit out of me. You know that, Em."
Cook supported Emily as they walked through Freddie's garden and towards the shed. It looked very small on the outside, and it wasn't very large on the inside as well. They entered the shed, leaving the cool evening outside as Cook shut the door behind them. Emily sat on the floor with her back to one of the couches.
It was silent for a few minutes, and Emily had the chance to review the past events in her mind. She was overwhelmed, but mostly she was just worn out. She was tired of feeling sad, of doing nothing and waiting for a miracle to happen, of lagging behind. She rested her head on Cook's shoulder, and felt his torso heaving and returning to its previous position.
"I miss her too, Em," Surprised by his suddenly candid words, Emily pulled away to look at Cook. "I sometimes felt like she was the only fucking person on earth to understand me completely." He took another deep breath. "We both felt like useless pieces of shit, like a waste of fucking space, her and me both." Cook's features were full of pain; he was trying to fight the tears. "And we always fucked everything up."
"No, you didn't!" Emily objected, reaching her hand out to Cook's shoulder. He smiled at Emily and started chuckling.
"You're too sweet for this fucked up world, muff monkey." Cook shifted in his place. Emily took her hand off his shoulder.
"Can we just go to the fucking party?" Emily's voice was barely audible.
Cook nodded his head, and the two headed to the party. The place, although a normal house, had a shady feeling to it. It was a two-storey building that looked rather tacky, and there were a lot of the people inside of it. Loud, upbeat music came from inside the building. The guard at the entrance threw an examining look at Emily and Cook, then he nodded his head and opened the entrance door. "After you, madam." Cook gestured with his hand towards the door. Emily entered, and was soon surrounded by many people, grinding up against each other, and music.
Emily shut her eyes, taking a deep breath. It'd been a while since the last time she attended a party and she was on the verge of a panic attack. She felt someone taking her hand, leading her forward into the center of the party. She opened her eyes to find it was Cook, helping them make their way through the dancing crowd. She was suddenly reminded of the time he danced with her the night Katie found out that she was gay, not judging her. There was something calming about Cook's presence, a sense of protection.
"I'm getting us some drinks, you stay right here, alright? Don't want nothing bad happening to ya when I'm not around." He tilted her head up slightly with his hand, and Emily nodded in reply. As he headed off, Emily began dancing to the rhythm of the music, eyes closed, thoughts shut. She let the music take over her mind, ignoring everything else. It wasn't long until Cook was back with two drinks in his hands. He handed one to Emily, who finished it all in one shot, and returned the petite shot glass. "Impressive," he said with a grin, finishing his drink and putting it aside, and started dancing with Emily.
It wasn't long until Emily felt the effect of the alcohol. Her head became somewhat fuzzy and she didn't mind all the people dancing close to her, occasionally running into her. She felt free, like nothing had ever happened at all, like it was just her and the music, and Cook, guarding her state of mind. She was dancing, enjoying herself for the first time since Naomi's death. A part of her wanted to do something insane. Something that she'd do to get back at Naomi when she found out about Sophia. Something to get back at Naomi for leaving her all alone. Forever.
The two had a few more drinks, and kept dancing on the dance floor, unbothered by the masses around them. Cook was behind her, grinding against her, running his hands through her body. She smiled and kept dancing, too focused on the music and the overwhelming sensation that has taken over her to mind it. She didn't want to mind it, she didn't want to think at all. She felt Cook shifting even closer to her, kissing a trail up her neck. She nearly gasped, but forced herself not to think, not to care. She knew that thinking would mean remembering that Naomi's gone.
He was holding her, supporting her in a way, not allowing her to fall apart. He was the only thing she had left in Bristol that didn't make her want to punch a wall. Or throw herself off a bridge, as some things did. Being with Cook meant not thinking, not thinking meant not hurting. She turned her head to his direction and kissed him. He returned a kiss and moved to face her. She felt like she was surrounded only by Cook, like there was no one else out there. Their tongues brushed against one another somewhat clumsily as they were both fairly drunk.
It seemed like the amount of people kept growing bigger and bigger, and it wasn't long until Cook had too little space to dance. He pushed away some of the people around him, trying to clear some space for him and for Emily, and they pushed him back. It wasn't long until Cook was fighting with some of the men. He drifted away into the crowd, and Emily kept dancing, not caring for the people that tried to dance with her. She tried to call Cook, but the music was too loud for him to hear her.
She pushed her way through the crowd, searching for Cook. He was fighting a group of about five people, and it seemed like one of them was in charge of the security. He threw his fists all around, kicking and cussing. Emily took a deep breath, a wicked smile appeared on her face, before she pushed herself against one of the people who were fighting Cook with all of her weight. The man fell, and Emily started laughing hysterically. The man pushed her aside and attempted to get back up on his feet to help his friends fight Cook, but Emily latched onto his legs. He fell over and groaned with pain.
"Fuck off, you whore!" the man barked, and kicked Emily. She grunted with pain and curled over her stomach. The fighting seemed to have gotten worse and the pain in Emily's stomach wouldn't go away.
"Come on, kiddo!" Cook picked Emily up, and carried her through the dancing crowd, escaping the angry mass that was set on hurting him as much as possible. The two were out of the club, and Cook helped Emily to stand up. He kept holding onto her petite frame so that she wouldn't fall. She was giggling, although the pain in her stomach wasn't gone yet. "Em, you alright? You been hit?" Emily shook her head.
"No, I'm fine," she said in a husky voice, breathing in and out heavily.
"I got an idea, let's go." Cook took Emily by the hand, and she followed him without saying a single word. They weren't walking very fast, seeing as they were both exquisitely drunk. They eventually reached a tall building. Emily stopped.
"What is this place?" she inquired.
"This is where my flat is." Cook stopped for a second, glancing at Emily to see her reaction.
"Oh fuck it, why not." Emily jerked her head towards the entrance to the building and the the two went inside the building. Cook's apartment was on the top floor, so they used the elevator. The silence in the elevator, and the adrenaline rush that coursed through her veins amongst the alcohol, sobered Emily up a little bit. It was a small elevator, and it didn't look very safe. Looking in the mirror, Emily noticed the blood on Cook's shirt and face, and the wound that spread along her left cheek. "Jesus Christ," she whispered.
Cook started laughing loudly. He was looking in the mirror as well, exchanging gazes with Emily. "This is fucking insane," he smirked, looking closely at the fresh wounds on his face which added onto the previous ones. The elevator door opened, and Cook led the way to his apartment.