As they ventured deeper into Castle Dracula, Helsing kept Mina close, holding her hand tightly within his. He led the way cautiously, trying to keep his mind on the mission and not how much he wished Mina didn't have to be there. This was not the time to focus on his feelings. Knowing how much danger he was in didn't faze him; he wasn't afraid of Dracula. To be more precise, he wasn't really afraid of anything – what did he have to live for? Roseanne was dead, and Mina would never love him. She had a young, strapping boy to love. She had Jonathan – her husband. But knowing that his feelings would never be reciprocated, and that he shouldn't be feeling the way he did at all, didn't keep him from doing so.
No, he wasn't afraid for his life. He was afraid for hers. The place that they were creeping through was dangerous for any living soul to enter, especially so for the current object of Dracula's affections… No, not affections. Interest, that was the word. Or obsession. Vampires cannot love, he reminded himself. They only care about themselves, their hunger, and their need to take advantage of innocent humans. Innocent humans like Roseanne… And Mina.
He must have tightened his grasp on Mina's hand involuntarily in his anger, for she let out a tiny gasp of pain. Loosening his grip immediately, Helsing felt even more angry now, but with himself. How could he take his anger out on Mina, no matter how unintentional? His thoughts of self-hatred were interrupted, however, when Mina spoke.
"Is everything alright?" she whispered timidly. He chanced a glance back at her; fear was showing clearly in her eyes. Those eyes begged him, pleaded with him to relieve her of that fear. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and kiss her, hold her and tell her he loved her. But he would not. She needed reassurance, needed him to be strong in her hour of need. And he'd be damned if he wasn't going to try.
"Yes, dear Mina. I was only thinking," he said, keeping his eyes forward. He saw her nod uncertainly out of the corner of his eye.
They continued on, Helsing constantly on the lookout for any vampires. He knew that the others were trying to find Dracula, but he also knew that Dracula was very clever and would most likely evade them very easily. Not to mention those vile wives of his, they were sure to be on the prowl tonight as well.
All of a sudden, Mina doubled over and let out a choked sob, stopping him in his tracks.
"Mina?" He asked, turning to face her. She had gone very pale and was trembling, squeezing his hand tightly for support. Her eyes were far away, unseeing.
"Quincy is dead," came her broken reply.
"Are you sure?" She looked at him then, her eyes full of pain and sadness.
"I know it."
His heart broke for her. He had been through much pain in his life, but couldn't imagine what she must be feeling. Lucy had been turned into a soulless, bloodsucking beast, and then had been slain. No matter how necessary the slaying was, the necessity could not have taken the pain of losing one's best friend away. And the very man – no, not man, creature – who had damned Lucy to her fate was now manipulating Mina into believing that she actually wanted to be damned to the same fate. Manipulating her into thinking that she loved him, needed him, couldn't live without him.
Despite all of this, they had to keep going. If they stopped in one place for too long, Dracula would surely find them. With one last long look into her beautiful, tortured eyes, Helsing turned back and began to walk again. Mina stayed where she was, tugging his hand to make him stay, too.
"I'm frightened," she whispered, voice laden with unshed tears. Helsing squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"I know. But we must not stop; he will surely find us if we do. I promised that I would keep you safe." Again he turned to keep going, and again she tugged him to a stop.
"Please," she pleaded. "Please don't make me do this anymore."
"Do not fear, dear Mina. I will protect you. I would die before I would let anyone hurt you." She brought her hand up to his face, caressing his cheek lightly with her fingers. It took everything Helsing had not to close his eyes and lean into her touch.
"I know. And he would kill you without a second thought," she replied sadly. "I could not bear to lose someone else. You have been so kind to me, and I am so grateful. Please, go on without me. Leave me here, so that I may fulfill my purpose." Her voice broke as the tears began rolling down her cheeks. Helsing was horrified that she would even suggest such a thing. He brushed her tears away with his thumb, hating to see her in such emotional turmoil.
"What purpose do you mean?" he asked, his own voice nearly breaking.
"Only I can stop… D-Dracula. I fear that no matter hard you try, you will fail. Let him find me. I will sacrifice myself before letting anyone else die." Helsing's jaw dropped. After all that she'd been through, and the fear she was feeling, she was still so selfless. She would give her own life to protect his. Gathering his wits, he replied.
"I cannot let you do such a thing. I will not. Your life is too precious to be wasted. You say you will sacrifice yourself, to save others. No. Never. But I will sacrifice myself to save you." Mina turned her downcast eyes to his. She knew that he cared for her, and that he had vowed to protect her, but was taken aback by the conviction in his words.
When she looked at him, Helsing was suddenly overcome by a wave of emotion. All he could think was, What if he finds us? He'll kill her, and I will live with her blood on my hands. I will never see her again. I will never kiss her, or tell her how much I love her. I will never have the chance. His breath hitched with another thought, a realization. This could be my last chance. And then, before he could think about how it might affect her, or what the consequences may be, he bent down and kissed her.
Mina stiffened, shocked at his actions, and didn't respond. But she didn't push him away, either, and all that Helsing could focus on was how her lips were so soft and warm against his, and how they felt more exsquisite than he ever could have imagined. He wrapped his arms around her, desperate to touch her while he still could, desperate to make sure she was actually there.
Once Mina regained her wits, however, she pushed him away, afraid and upset and terribly confused. Helsing immediately let go of her when he felt her resistance, stepping back as the reality of what he had just done set in.
"Mina, I apologize, forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking, I should not have done it…" He trailed off when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks again, heart wrenching. "Oh, Mina, do not weep. Please, do not weep because of me." She stared at him through watery eyes, and asked one simple question.
"Why?" Helsing blanched. He didn't want to tell her this way, he didn't want to tell her at all, but he knew he could not refuse her an answer. Opening his mouth to speak, an apology written all over his face, he was relieved when Mina took back her question.
"No, don't tell me. I do not wish to know. My heart cannot take anything more. Jonathan is my husband, and I thought that I loved him… And yet, when Dracula is near me… I cannot resist him. I feel more passion in his presence than I ever have in Jonathan's. My heart swells and I feel as though I could never love anyone more than I do him. Jonathan loves me, and yet I have been unfaithful to him, in so many ways. I do not deserve him, and yet he protects me as best he can because he still loves me. And now this. You kiss me and speak as if you feel the way about me that Jonathan does. I cannot bear it."
Helsing longed to wipe her tears away once again, but he knew that he could not, for these tears were his fault. He had no right to touch her, no right to be in her presence. But he needed to reassure her, to set her straight.
"It is not your fault, what you feel for Dracula. He has manipulated you, twisted your own mind against you, like he did to Lucy. The emotions and…" he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he realized exactly what had happened the night they had saved Mina from Dracula's grasp. "The emotions and… passions which Dracula evokes in you are false. They hold no substance, and as soon as he is vanquished I hope that you will realize this." He had avoided her eyes throughout his speech, and continued to do so until Mina placed a hand on his cheek, turning his head and forcing him to look at her.
"I do not blame you for your actions. We are all under great stress and I realize that you fear for my life. But please, I beg of you. Leave me here. Find the others and do what you can." Helsing looked into her pleading eyes, and suddenly an idea struck him. Fishing in his pocket, he pulled out a vial of Holy Water.
"I am going to enclose you within a circle of Holy Water. If you do not step outside of it, you will be safe." Mina nodded, her eyes wide as she watched him pour the circle. Helsing looked down into her eyes one last time. "You must not step outside of it," he repeated. She nodded.
"I understand," she said in a trembling voice. He took her hand in his once more, bringing it up to his lips and brushing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "Be safe," she whispered. "Be safe for me."
And then, against his strongest instincts, Helsing dropped her hand and walked away. He didn't look back.