Title- Circles
Author- Me
Characters- The Doctor, Jack, Donna
Words-884
Rating- G
Spoilers- If you haven't seen Journey's End you obviously live on another planet. That being the case, don't read this.
Summary- He got it so he would never forget while she can never remember.
Warnings- Here be angst. Ye be warned.
Disclaimer- As if this means anything to anyone but here goes- The Doctor and Donna do not belong to me, obviously. If they did I would have given them a happy ending not the crappy one RTD gave them. (bitter? you think?) Oh, Jack isn't mine either.
A/N- Written for Week #5 drabble challenge at doctor_donna on lj. Prompt for the week was tattoo.
"It's getting late, I should head back to the TARDIS," the Doctor says as he stretches his arms high over his head.
"Here's all the information you need." Jack passes a folder to the Doctor. As he reaches for it the sleeve of his shirt hitches up exposing his wrist. Something catches Jack's eye.
"What's that?" Jack asks the Doctor pointing to the inside of his right wrist.
The Doctor hastily pulls his arm back. "Nothing," he answers pulling down his sleeve as he gets up to leave.
"No," Jack continues, "I'm sure I saw something on your wrist, some kind of tattoo." Jack grins. "What, you get drunk one night and end up at some alien tattoo parlor? See what happens when you don't have a companion to keep you in line."
The Doctor sits back down head bowed. When he finally looks up the look on his face is enough to break Jack's heart. His face is etched in pain and misery and Jack can see unshed tears in his eyes. He can't believe one small tattoo could cause such grief.
"What does it say? It sort of looks familiar."
The Doctor is quiet for some moments. When he speaks the pain on his face is evident in his voice.
"It's Gallifreyan." The Doctor pulls up his sleeve and runs his fingers over the intricate design of small circles. All the circles intersected with one another either by another circle or by a line. "Do you know why I don't travel with a companion anymore?" The Doctor doesn't wait for Jack to answer.
"I'm tired of getting my hearts broken. I know it's selfish of me. I can't expect them to be with me forever no matter how often they promise me. It's physically impossible. But I think I deserve some happiness after all I have done." He continues to caress the circles on his wrist. "I try not to care more than I should but," he pauses heaving a great sigh before he continues, "but sometimes, sometimes I can't help myself."
Jack doesn't say anything. He has a feeling as to what this is all about. The Doctor has always had a problem dealing with guilt. He never really shares his emotions with too many people, himself included. And it didn't end well with the last person he let himself get close to.
The Doctor gets up from the chair he is sitting on and crosses the room to stand by the door. After a few moments he turns to face Jack.
Jack can see the unshed tears he saw earlier are now making twin trails down the Doctor's cheeks.
"I," he starts, "I got it not long after. I got it so I would never forget while she can never remember."
Jack is somewhat taken aback. He had assumed the Doctor was upset about what happened between him and Rose. No wonder the Doctor was so upset on the Crucible and why he seemed aloof to Rose when she tried to comfort him.
"She begged me to let her stay, to not send her back to her old life. She had my mind. She knew what I was going to do, what I had to do to save her life."
He had told her he was so sorry. Hollow words for what he was about to do to her.
"She'll never know the pain I went through burying her memories of our time together, her memories of us, of what we meant to each other. She will never know, can never know." The Doctor's anguish evident in his voice.
Jack is surprised. He watches as the Doctor leans against the door to his office then slumps to the floor. Jack walks over and sits beside him. He wants to take him in his arms to comfort him but doesn't. His relationship with this Doctor is not as familiar as with the previous Doctor. He thinks it would make the Doctor uncomfortable so he lets his mere presence be, he hopes, a comfort.
When the tears stop Jack finally speaks.
"Did you love her?" The Doctor is again caressing the tattoo on his wrist.
"More than I thought was possible." He looks Jack in the eye when he says the next words. "More than I have ever loved anyone else." Jack gets the meaning behind the words.
Jack asks him the question he didn't answered earlier. "Doc, you said that it was Gallifreyan. What does it say?"
The Doctor takes a deep breath then lets it out.
"It's our names, Donna's and mine."
"The Doctor and Donna?"
"No, Donna and my real name." The Doctor looks at Jack expecting him to ask the question. Surprisingly he doesn't for which the Doctor is grateful.
Both men get up from the floor. The Doctor turns and reaches for the doorknob. He opens the door but doesn't walk through. Instead he turns back to the man who has been a friend to him. He has not always treated Jack kindly. He surprises the man by giving him a brief hug.
"Thank you." he whispers to him then walks out of the door.
Jack stares after the Doctor. He's not sure what the Doctor is thanking him for but if he was able to help him in any way, if only as a sounding board, he was glad to have done so.
A/N #2- I don't ascribe to the notion that the Doctor wiped her memories. If that was the case there would be no danger in her remembering their time together. She wouldn't be able to for she would not have the memories. So I believe he locked them away where she would not have access to them. Think of a strong box somewhere in her mind that when he figures out how fix things so she doesn't burn up if she remembers he will be able to unlock the memories.