I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I don't own the lyrics. They belong to MSTRCRFT. Based off of a true story~
you're in my mind
you're in my heart
i wish i knew right from the start
We fucked that first night.
It wasn't uncommon for him to throw his arms around me in a hug sometimes. It wasn't uncommon for him to spread his legs across my lap whenever we were sitting together. It wasn't uncommon for him to perch himself in my lap if all the seats were taken.
I remember it well, clearly aside from the haze of the lust that we both felt so strongly. I guess I knew it all along, it seems like it's been forever and a day that we've been together. Not just together sexually in flurries of passion, but together. As in a couple. Though I didn't like to date much, I never really had any interest in it.
Not until him. He changed all that. I guess I knew all along, I guess I wanted it all along. In the back of my mind, it was always there. He was cuddled up against me after a night of wandering the town. Sore feet, achy legs, damp clothing from hopping into the ocean. He was laying against my shoulder and our fingers were linked together almost shyly. My arm was around him and his other one was laying across my chest.
I remember looking at him through the tired haze of booze and weariness. Peering down at those big blue eyes that were staring up to meet mine. I wanted him, I knew that much. I figured it out pretty fast with the way he squirmed and cuddled against me. Trying to find a comfortable way to lay against me without making me uncomfortable.
I watched the ceiling as if it held all the answers. The basement of Kairi's house on a bed in the corner. The roof exposed, the long lines of wood and wires strung everywhere. Exposed pipes with pieces of string and dust and whatever other shit that had been put up there in the years she had been living here.
I kissed him first.
I felt his body against mine tense. With anticipation? As if he knew what was coming because he felt it too. His lips were soft and he tasted like the morning after of a night of light drinking, the ash of fireworks and the salt of the ocean. I'm sure I tasted like cigarettes and cheap candy booze that Kairi had shared with me. Or maybe I tasted like stale tobacco and sour alcohol. I hoped for the first one, I liked the smoky idea better than stale bitterness.
If I tasted stale, he didn't seem to care. That hand slipped to the back of my neck, fingers tugging at my hair as he pulled me close to deepen that kiss. A hurried frenzy as if he was worried that I'd pull away. I'd sworn to myself just before I kissed him. Fuck it. Just fucking do it, stop waiting for the right time. If this wasn't it, it would never happen because I knew myself and I knew that it was easier to just ditch what was hard and do what was easy.
When we pulled away, we said nothing. Both caught up in the electricity of our lips meeting for the first time. I could feel his breathing, it was heavier than normal. I'm sure he could hear the beating of my heart hard in my chest. Thudding against my ribcage like an animal trying to get out. Fast and uneven as I tried silently to catch my breath. I wouldn't let him know that I had let the kiss wind me.
The next kiss was harder, stronger. He pulled me to him, pulling his upper body up and leaning against my chest as I let my hands wander. We were alone down here, everyone else was still sleeping and we ourselves had probably only slept for a few short hours. I suppose then that I would taste stale.
The guy in my arms didn't seem to care, he was ready and eager for my lips and my wandering hands. Running across his body and trying to find those little sensitive spots. The ones that would make him squirm, his shirt had been riding up and I ran my stubby fingernails against his protruding hips. He squirmed in the most delicious way, and our kisses became softer, less hungry, as if we both realized that we have the time to waste. No one would be up at this hour, we were safe.
He shivered when I dipped my hand lower. Pressing lightly against the warm bulge in his shorts. Inhaling softly at the feeling of my calloused hands against him, even through all that fabric.
There weren't many words. Just passion that had been riding on our shoulders for who knew how long. I just didn't want to be caught, how could I explain my hand down the front of Sora's pants in someone else's house? His fingers tangled in my hair when I pinned him down on his back, tugging off his shirt and tossing it to the side as he went to work on undoing mine.
His warm hands pushed hair behind my ears, then to one side of my face. Trying to keep the long strands away so they wouldn't get caught between our lips. He would only chuckle, pull the hair away, and lean in for another.
His lips were soft, bruised from kissing. Mine felt numb, it had been awhile since I'd kissed anyone. Let alone kissed someone like this. As we lay there, there was no one else I wanted to kiss. Not ever, no other pair of lips would be so soft, so sweet, so perfect against mine. He was warm, and I asked him what he wanted to do. If he wanted my hands or if he wanted the same damn thing that I was itching for.
He squirmed, pulled me in for another kiss, and there was my answer. Easy as shit and warm and hot and messy.
We fell asleep again after, our night of fucking and passion and heat led to another sleepy embrace. His fingers twined tightly with mine, never letting go, not even in sleep.
The next three nights in a row, we did it again and again. It hasn't been that long now, but we've done it everywhere. His house, my house, the back of my car, Kairi's house (mostly, because we spent so much time there because her parents are never around) and even in the little shack on the islands we used to go to when we were younger.
Sora just didn't think it was a good idea to tell Kairi. He had liked her back in the day, but back then, he had been too shy. Too timid. He knew she still had something deep down there for him - so telling her that we were suddenly together could just make things awkward. Break up our little friendship that we had going. I just didn't know anymore.
But he was firm, and I didn't care.
But I did tell him that I loved him after a week.
But hell, it was another one of those things that we had both known all along. After everything we had been through, after every single night we spent together, every trip to the store, every time we met up in the daytime between work and sleep and everything else.
Quickly, we took up the hours that no one else wanted. The time between two or three to at leave five or six. Those hours that no one else wanted to be awake for, the hours that we spent together, fooling around, or just cuddling.
Cuddling always led to more, unless it wasn't possible.
I loved the goofy kid. Always have. Probably always would - funny thing was, this felt totally natural. Completely normal, we were at ease together and we just clicked. We fit together, and no one seemed to notice anything different because we were always together like this. We were always this close. There's nothing new. There's nothing left for us to do.
We sit together on the roof of my house, his body is curled up against mine and one arm is wrapped around him. My other arm is resting behind my head. We understood each other.
I guess that's the bottom line. Understanding. Knowing that love doesn't need to be spoken all the time. Besides, it seemed too cheesy for someone like me to spew 'I love you's like skittles from a fucking rainbow. Though I could see Sora doing something like that, he didn't. He knew, he understood. We knew how we felt about each other, we didn't need to tell each other all the time. I like the shit I try to talk about to have meaning. To have some kind of power behind it. We're not clones, we're not just empty shells.
I was much taller than him. That made it weird. I had to bend my neck and he had to stretch upwards to kiss me properly unless I was saying good bye to him on the stairs. His fingers would slide through my hair and I would melt at the touch. Those hands knew what they were doing, though I was sure that he didn't have much experience.
But I was good with my hands, that much was obvious. Sora could get kind of vocal when he wasn't trying to keep from alerting the world to what we were doing.
Everyone knew, that much was certain. Kairi seemed to not care, but there's always a thin line between knowing and actually fucking knowing. That was the line she didn't want to cross, unless she was over him and had found someone new to dote after.
Hell, I was just happy that Sora chose me. That I hadn't chickened out. I'm not a chicken, I'm a strong and powerful person and if I want to kiss my best friend for years, I will. Because he's deep in my heart now, he's everywhere. He's what I breathe.
I kiss Sora's forehead, he smiles against my chest.