I Love You
Hermione smiled in greeting to the Weasleys as she settled down on the Knight Bus. Soon, so soon she would see him again… So achingly soon…
She let her head lean against the cool window, ignoring the jumps and jerks of the bus as nothing but a pair of grey eyes that had seen so much filled her mind.
The bus finally stopped, and her heart began to pound with anticipation, until Mr Weasley announced, to her dismay, that they had to walk rest of the way. Minutes, precious minutes lost…
She trekked along behind Ron, her face downcast. Ginny, at her side, was chattering endlessly about Harry but Hermione couldn't bring herself to listen, couldn't bring herself to care.
They finally stopped in a non-descript square, a dull, lifeless place it seemed to Hermione. She was too desperate to see him again to be amazed when a house appeared from no-where. They all walked swiftly through the main door, Moody eyeing each of them with distaste as Mr Weasly kept looking furtively over his shoulder.
When at last the locks were fastened and all the appropriate security measures were taken, only then were they finally, finally allowed into the heart of the damp house.
Wearily, they all headed into the kitchen, welcoming the warmth of a just lit fire and each taking in the slight smell of smoke and alcohol mixed with something else. Belongings were dumped carelessly as everybody gathered round the table.
Hermione couldn't help but sneak glances at him, heart-racing that little bit more every time. He was leant casually on a chair, tipping it back slightly as his now silky raven hair fell just short of his eyes, nothing like the matted mess she was used to. His body had filled out since she'd last seen him and his black turtle-neck seemed to enunciate this.
She felt herself blush slightly and returned her focus to the cup of hot-chocolate clutched between her hands. She half listened as sleeping arrangements were made, registering she would be sharing with Ginny before going back to glancing at him secretly.
"When will Harry be arriving?" She asked suddenly, speaking to no-one in particular.
It was him that answered her. "Soon. But Dumbledore says we can't tell him anything." His tone was bitter and his eyes clouded but he smiled reassuringly all the same.
She smiled back uncertainly, her stomach a bundle of nerves.
.x0x.
Hours later and Hermione was still awake, sat with her back pressing against the cold steel headboard, her eyes straining into the darkness.
Her mind refused to stop, refused to shut down. All she could see was him…His eyes focused on her and only her…
She curled back under the duvet and attempted to sleep again, but she knew it was no good. Her body was aware, so aware that he was only rooms away.
And she ached to go to him.
.x0x.
When she finally deemed it an acceptable time to be awake, she stumbled down to the kitchen, pushing open the door only to stop with a surprised squeak.
"Morning Hermione!" he called cheerfully, ignoring her blush and the fact he wore nothing but pyjama pants.
She tried to stop her eyes from roaming his chest. Tried to stop herself from smiling ever so slightly in appreciation. But her eyes snapped down automatically and her lips twitched in response.
He lifted one elegant eyebrow and she smiled back sheepishly, hurrying to busy herself with the teapot.
"Let me help you with that," he whispered in her ear as a pair of arms snaked around her waist and a warm body was pressed against her back.
Her heart hammered and her breath hitched, every nerve on fire. She lent against him, taking a deep breath to steady herself.
But before she could do anything, the door was pushed open and he sprang away.
"Morning," Ginny yawned.
Hermione smiled back tightly in reply as both Tonks and Remus stumbledin too, slumping down at the table next to Ginny.
Remus was studying his old friend with a light frown and he raised an eyebrow slightly; Sirius looked the other way in reply.
"Cleaning duty today," Remus started conversationally, "Molly's strict orders are that everybody must help and Padfoot, if I were you, I'd go along with it. She's threatening to castrate you if you don't."
"Ouch," Sirius pretended to grimace as he winked at her.
.x0x.
It was just two days later and she still couldn't sleep, he occupied her every thought, her every action.
She tiptoed down the stairs, listening as one of the newly-fixed clocks chimed midnight. Going into the kitchen and stifling a yawn, she stopped dead.
Sirius was sat in a chair facing the doorway, his eyes locked with hers. He climbed out of it with ease, walking towards her like a panther stalking it's prey.
Her back hit the wall and his arms went around her waist once again. Fear. Lust. Desire. Nothing was more important to her right now than him.
"You tease me Hermione," he whispered to her.
"As you tease me," she found the strength to retort.
"I'm old enough to be your father."
"But you're not." The glint in his eyes grew as did his smirk.
"I'm Harry's godfather."
"Harry would get over it," she replied breathlessly , his lips getting closer.
"I'm an escaped convict."
"You're a bad boy."
Their lips clashed together at last and then-
Then she was flying. His lips, his hands, his face… all so rough against her perfect skin. Rough but oh so sensuous to her.
They broke apart, their lips swollen, their eyes sparkling.
"Goodnight Hermione." He kissed her hand and left the room, leaving her more confused than ever.
.x0x.
Sat at breakfast the next morning, she was happily munching on her toast when he walked and slipped into the chair opposite her. She looked up with a heavy blush, catching his eye.
He smirked at her, teasing, tempting…
Making sure the others were otherwise preoccupied, he leant over the table and murmured, "Library. Ten minutes."
She nodded and looked up but he'd already left.
.x0x.
She edged into the room apprehensively, the door clicking shut behind her.
She was trembling… Shaking…
Then he was holding her again, starting up their game, "It's against the law."
She had to snort at that. "You're in bigger trouble already."
"You'll be at Hogwarts."
"I can write," her arms rested around his neck.
"Ron wants you."
"But do I want him?" She let her lips ghost over the exposed skin of his neck, a thrill of anticipation tickling her spine when he shuddered in response.
"…Molly will disapprove."
"Since when do you care?"
"I need you."
"And you can have me."
She smiled predatorilyand he couldn't help but smile back.
.x0x.
Two weeks, two blissful weeks, passed and then it was time for Harry to arrive.
When she woke her arms were wrapped loosely around his chest, her hair brushing his skin. She sat up, smiling down at him, marvelling that somebody so perfect… so broken could love her.
She kissed him lightly, waking him from his shallow slumber. "Harry's arriving today."
She smirked, "And we aren't going to stop."
He smirked back. "And we aren't going to stop," he confirmed, entwining their hands. "What do we do if he finds out?"
She hesitated, stroking the back of his thumb absentmindedly, "… Has anyone else?"
He shook his head, smiling softly. He pulled her down to kiss him but she broke away quickly, rushing to get dressed. "It's eleven," she explained, "People will be wondering where we are."
"Or more accurately, you." She laughed once in confirmation before slipping from the room, edging it open to check for peeping eyes.
He sighed and flopped back down onto his pillow. What was an old man like him doing with a girl like her?
.x0x.
They sat together at lunch. Her hand caressing his thigh and nobody suspecting.
"I expect that Harry will be angry, so just be easy on him." Mrs Weasly was looking at her and Ron seriously; they both nodded.
"He'll probably shout when he comes," Sirius muttered in her ear, ignoring Remus' searching eyes.
"Well I've dealt with that before," she replied, smiling back at him innocently.
.x0x.
It was the Order meeting, just hours before Harry's arrival.
Remus was sat next to him, alternating between glaring and smiling happily at Sirius. Finally getting annoyed, Sirius nudged him with his elbow. "What!?" he mouthed.
"Something I should know?" Remus answered in an undertone, his tone accusing whilst his expression remained amused.
"Whatever do you mean?" Sirius leant back in his chair, trying to appear casual yet forgetting how well Remus could read him.
"I've seen the way you look at her."
"And I've seen the way you look at Tonks."
"Touché."
"Would you care to tell everyone what you're talking about or can we continue with this meeting?" Dumbledore's amused toneput an end to their conversation.
.x0x.
He was sat in the library much later on, running his hands over old, dusty tomes. He was half-listening to her tale of Harry, half worrying if they were so very obvious or if Remus had simply found out because he knew Padfoot better than anyone else.
"-he was so angry!"
"Imagine if he found out about us?" He said it playfully, yet his mind tugged at the words.
"But he won't," she reassured him, claiming his lips for her own.
.x0x.
She laid in his arms, sweaty and breathing hard.
"I'll miss you when I'm back at Hogwarts," she said quietly and he held her tighter, both shirking at the idea of being separated.
"Promise me you'll write."
"I promise," she insisted solemnly and they simply held each other for a while, both too afraid to sleep.
.x0x.
She was just about to step out of the front door when she was pulled roughly into another room. He embraced her tightly, kissing her passionately. "I love you. Never forget."
"I love you too," was all she had chance to whisper before she was called and it was time for them to part.
He hesitated, knowing the danger he was putting himself into, then transformed into Padfoot, bounding after her.
Let everyone else think it was for Harry.
.x0x.
She was sat writing a letter to him when she felt a shadow fall over her.
"What you doing Hermione? It's half term, not time for essays." Ron slung himself onto the chair opposite her, frowning as she scribbled hastily.
"I'm writing a letter," she said briskly, twitching the parchment away from prying eyes.
He scoffed, "A novel more like."
"Who's it too?" Harry asked, munching on a chocolate frog and watching her with interest.
"Er - Viktor," she lied as her cheeks tinged and she instantly felt guilty. They could never know.
She finished it with a flourish, rolling it up with a satisfied smile as Ron suddenly snorted with laughter.
"What's so funny?" she snapped, impatient to get the letter sent.
"You signed that letter; I'll love you forever and always, Hermione."
"And?" She sighed loudly as the two boys started laughing at her, "Honestly you two are the most insensitive warts I have ever met!"
She strode from the Common Room with a dignified scowl at them.
.x0x.
Stomping her feet on the doorstep, she hurriedly slipped into the house, snowflakes dotting her hair. She was back where she belonged. She was back with him.
Pausing in the kitchen doorway, she smiled to herself when she saw Sirius slumped over the table with a bottle of Firewhiskey clasped despondently in his hand.
"Missed you," she kissed his neck as she wrapped her arms around him from behind.
He stiffened beneath her then twisted to face her, hugging her tightly. His eyes were finally alive again, so happy to be with her. "Missed you too," he said gruffly, his voice taut with so much emotion.
They kissed gently, her chapped lips feeling unfamiliar yet so delicious, moving in sync with his.
They heard the door shut quietly and Remus chuckling as he leant against it. "Oh don't worry, I won't tell." He paused, his eyes fixed on Sirius with a slight glare. "Harry's still sulking upstairs by the way."
Hermione immediately rushed from the room, feeling guiltyfor so easily forgetting her best friends.
.x0x.
Christmas day approached all too soon and they spent the night entwined on a rug in front of the fire.
She wore the silver heart pendant around her neck that he had given her and he wore the inscribed watch that was her gift to him on his wrist.
"Merry Christmas," they said together and then laughed together, a perfect harmony.
She twisted one hand in his hair and snuggled closer to him under the blanket they shared, letting herself drift peacefully to sleep, trying not to think about the goodbyes that were fast approaching.
.x0x.
The holiday was almost over when she awoke in his arms once again. She could already feel the panic of saying goodbye, a dark shadow lurking within her.
"I'll always love you." He said it as many times as he could, whenever he could.
"I know and I love you too." Just like she always replied.
.x0x.
She clung tightly to him, not wanting to let go. Not wanting to leave.
Her heart was aching… Painful… So, so painful..
She wanted to hold onto to him, to hold on and never, never let go. She wanted to be held in his arms forever and ever.
"I'll be here when you get back. Don't worry. I love you and I always will and I will never forget you," he whispered over and over again as she broke down into quiet sobs against him. He patted her hair, wishing Remus was there to help deal with the tears.
"Don't make me go. Don't make me go," she kept whimpering, the lump in her throat stopped any other words -It constricted her breathing - Tightened her chest… Made everything ache…
He kissed her for the final time, then forced himself to prise her hands off him. "You have to go back to school. Believe me, I would give anything for you to stay here, anything. But Harry needs you, he needs you more than I Hermione, he can't live without you."
She nodded dejectedly, wiping her eyes hurriedly with the back of the hand. She took a deep breath and strode towards the fire, forcing herself to look forward and nowhere else.
"Goodbye. Love you," she whispered as she disappeared from view. "We'll be together soon."
.x0x.
"Writing to Vicky again?" Ron asked mockingly as Hermione sat penning out a long letter to Sirius.
"Yes." She clenched her teeth as she continued to write.
"I can't describe in words how much I miss you. Every second of every day I yearn to feel-," Ron read slowly, his face dropping to a slight frown.
"RONALD WEASLEY!" Was all Hermione had shouted before he had disappeared from the common room.
.x0x.
"Voldemort's got Sirius."
The words sunk into her mind and a sudden panic gripped her, terror trickling down her spine. No… No.
"But - but where? How?" She was deathly pale, scared, so scared.
No.
It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. He had promised her he wouldn't leave the house.
No.
He would be fine. She just knew it. Sirius always was.
No.
He would be fine. He had promised.
.x0x.
He was running through the Department of Mysteries, focused on saving his Godson. His body was ready for the fight, was welcoming the fight.
But he came to a sudden halt as familiar bushy hair caught his eyes.
"Hermione?" he shouted as he dropped to his knees beside her unconscious form. He was barely aware another girl was talking, his frantic heartbeat was drowning out all other sounds. "Hermione!?" he called desperately, touching her face.
"Sirius, we've got to go," Remus touched his back gently, tugging him.
Right. Harry.
Sirius pressed a kiss to her lips and whispered in her ear. "I love you. I'll be back for you. I promise."
Then he took off again, following Remus with a new determination to kill the bastard responsible for hurting his Hermione.
.x0x.
Everything around her was black and hazy. She felt like she was trying to walk through a waterfall, but it kept pushing her back, the force of the water too much…
When she finally, finally regained her senses, she blinked slowly in the sudden light. Something important… Something so very important was playing around her mind… What had she forgotten?
"SIRIUS?!" She bolted up out of bed, her ribs screaming in protest. "Sirius?"
Harry was watching her with a confused frown, mouth poised to question. But she didn't have time to answer… "Where - where is he?" But part of her already knew, part of her was already aching from a pain so much larger than that inflicted by the Death Eaters.
Harry didn't reply and she sagged back onto her bed, strength draining from her as the empty thud of her heartbeat became too painful to bear.
"No…No…No…" Her eyes were pinned on Harry searching for some evidence he was playing a cruel and twisted joke, evidence that it wasn't true. Sobs choked her throat as Harry merely bit his lip and looked away. "No…," she was sure, so sure that he wouldn't break his promise, "He promised me… He promised."
.x0x.
Just hours later Luna came to see her, though to Hermione it felt like days, weeks, months of an agonizing pain that ran so deeply…
The two girls and Harry sat in silence for a little while, Hermione trying not to break down, trying to be strong for the sake of her best friend.
"He stopped at the Ministry you know," Luna said dreamily, seemingly ignorant to the way Hermione's head snapped up, "He stopped to kiss you and then - then he said he loved you and he promised he'd be back for you."
Her breathing was nothing more than short gasps, her throat so dry, the lump too tight. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks. Her heart felt shattered, as though it no longer existed.
She was dimly aware of Harry putting an arm around her, though she knew he didn't understand, she knew that he would have his questions.
She tried to speak, tried to make something resembling a word, but her mouth wouldn't work, her throat refused to unlock. But eventually, after some time, she finally managed to choke out, "So where is he then?"
Big thanks to HallowedInk for beta-ing!
Review xD