Greetings readers. I shall present to you a re-novelization of Paper Mario 1.
Paper Mario is owned by Nintendo and Intelligent Inc
Hello readers. Today, I shall tell you the tale of the Star Spirits, Star Haven and their precious Star Rod. Somewhere in the sky, beyond the clouds, there lives a place called Star Haven, home to many star people and of course, the Star Spirits. The 7 Star Spirits live in some huge, sparkly sanctuary, where inside, they keep protection of the Star Rod, preventing it from falling into the wrong hands. The haven was at peace for a long. But one day, some tragedy befell the haven, and...
Uh, who placed POOP on this page of the storybook?
Magikoopa: HOW DARE YOU! I'm the loyal and most beautiful Kammy Koopa.
?: GWA HA HA HA, AND I PLACED HER IN THERE!
WOAH! This wasn't part of the story. Some giant enormous koopa known as Bowser showed up in his Koopa Clown Cart.
Bowser: I'll be taking this Star Rod, if you don't mind.
Eldstar: You can't do that.
Bowser: Why?
Mamar: It's being guarded by some force field.
Bowser: Oh. Kammy Koopa, break through this force field!
Kammy Koopa: Roger that!
The force field was then broken.
Skolar: Ack! what's going on?
Muskular: Beats me.
Bowser: Now I can use this Star Rod just so I can beat up and trounce Mario! GWAH HA HA HA HA!
Misstar: That's not right.
Bowser: Whatever. I know what to do with you freaks.
Klevar: What would that be?
Bowser: TURN INTO CARDS!
Bowser then waved the Star Rod in circles and the Star Spirits were turning into cards.
Kalmar: Nooooooo! I haven't had any speaking roles yet!
The complaining Kalmar and the other Star Spirits then turned into a deck of c-
Bowser: OH BOY! POKER ANYONE!
As I was saying, before Bowser rudely interrupted my sentence, the Star Spirits turned into a deck of cards.
Bowser: Kammy! SEND THESE SEVEN CARDS TO EACH OF MY ASSOCIATES!
Kammy: GOTCHA SIRE!
Bowser: Time for phase 2 of my evil scheme. GWAH HA HA HA HA HA!
Bowser and Kammy Koopa then took off from Star Haven with the 7 cards with them. This is bad.
MEANWHILE, IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM
It was a quite day in the Mushroom Kingdom, but we're focused on the house of the Mario Brothers. Suddenly, a Paratroopa of some sort approached the mailbox. He looked really scared and stuff. He delivered a letter directed to the Mario Bros. He then took a breath and then shouted.
Paratroopa: M-M-M-M-MAIL CALL!
The paratroopa then flew away before someone decided to attack him. Luigi, the younger brother, then approached the mailbox, and grabbed the letter that was in there. He went back into the house.
Luigi: HEY MARIO! WE GOT A LETTER FROM PRINCESS PEACH!
Mario: ALRIGHT! I'M COMING!
Mario, the older brother then approached Luigi.
Luigi: I'll read it to you, okay?
Mario: Go ahead.
Luigi: Let's see...
Dear Mario,
I'm throwing a party at my castle today. Lots of food, party, dancing, and hopefully no Bowser barging in to this party like he did last time. You and Luigi should come on over and enjoy the fun.
Yours Truly,
Princess Peach XOXO
Luigi: It's settled. Let's get going.
Mario: Let's go!
The Mario Bros then left their house, and stroll through Toad Town, and made their way to the castle. Once inside, Mario then went ahead and gone to find the Princess somewhere. Eventually, Mario made it to her private headquarters, and saw the princess in the distance. She noticed Mario and had a happy smile on her face.
Peach: Hey there Mario. Glad you could come.
Mario: Hey, I did it for you.
Yeah readers, ever since that one rescue in Super Mario Bros, Mario and Peach got into a relationship.
Peach: You wanna go out to the balcony and have a kissing fest.
Mario: Yeah baby, I would love to.
Peach: Okay. Let's go.
They started heading to the balcony when suddenly, an earthquake occurred. The castle then started lifting up into the sky, underneath some scary castle. Eventually, the two castles were up in the sky to where there were stars. Peach noticed this scenery.
Peach: Hey, is it me, or am I seeing stars already?
Mario shrugged his shoulders, when suddenly, two figures crashed through the window. They were none other than... BOWSER AND KAMMY KOOPA!
Bowser: Hey Mario and Peach, long time no see.
Mario and Peach: BOWSER!
Bowser: THAT'S RIGHT! YOU READY TO FIGHT MARIO!?
Mario then noticed Kammy Koopa.
Mario: Whose the piece of poop over there?
Kammy Koopa: HOW DARE YOU, FAT ITALIAN PIG! I AM THE ONE AND ONLY KAMMY KOOPA!
Mario: Whatever. Let's fight Bowser.
Bowser: You asked for it now, tough guy.
Then suddenly, they charged at each other, starting a battle sequence.
-BATTLE SEQUENCE STARTS-
Mario: HP 10/10 FP 5/5
vs.
Bowser: HP Unknown
Mario used jump. Does 1 damage.
Bowser: OOOH! DARN YOU!
Bowser did claw swipe. Does one damage.
Mario jumped again. Does one damage.
Bowser: Grrr...
Bowser does another claw swipe. Does 1 damage.
Mario jumps once again. Does 1 damage.
Bowser: Alright, enough of this. Meet the wonderful Star Rod from Star Haven.
Mario: Huh?
Bowser pulled out the Star Rod and used its magic. Becomes invincible.
Bowser: Now see my true power.
Bowser Claw swipes. Doe 3 damage.
Mario: WOAH!
Bowser: How does that feel?
Mario: Grrr...
Mario does jump. Does NOTHING WHATSOEVER!
Mario: WHAT!?
Bowser: GWAH HA HA HA HA HA!
Bowser does claw swipe. Does 3 more damage.
Mario jumps again. Does 0 damage.
Mario: You cheater.
Bowser: Whatever, time to finish this.
Bowser does flamethrower, doing 10 damage and taking out Mario in the process.
-END OF BATTLE SEQUENCE-
Peach: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MARIO!
Bowser: I DID IT! THAT FAT ITALIAN PIG IS NOW JUST HISTORY! HE'S DONE FOR!
Kammy: Good job sir. Now what should we do with Mario?
Bowser: I'm glad you asked Kammy. Watch this.
Bowser then shot a lightning bolt from the Star Rod at Mario, sending him flying out the broken window.
Peach: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! MARIO!
Kammy: GUARDS! GET THE PRINCESS!
Guards: YES SIR!
Two Koopa guards then went to grab the princess.
Meanwhile, Mario fell from the sky, and gone beyond the clouds, and this is only the beginning…
Man, what a horrifying start. Next time, Mario will be introduced to a family of a certain species and will make a new friend while at it. What is the species? It's of a species that has constantly appeared in the series. Of course, stay tuned.
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