The door opens. I walk in, quiet. She looks at me. Worried.
"Thane", she whispers, voice soft.
"Siha, I..." I start, then stop, unable to continue.
"I have known I will die for many years," I try again, " I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You've helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs. I've spoken to my son. I should be at peace on the eve of battle." She gets up. Fingers brush my arm. Concern shows in her vibrant eyes.
"Stop, don't give me a speech," she commands, voice gentle.
"I'm... ashamed," I confide, gathering my courage to meet her eyes. She considers me for a moment. Her hand raises to my cheek. Comfort I don't deserve. I push it aside, turn away from her. Her eyes are full of love I did not earn.
Steady myself on her metal desk. The tears flow. She cannot see but she knows. I am nothing but a coward.
My fist slams the desk, blunt pain clearing my head.
"I have worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared," My voice is angry. Look back to see her disgust. She is.. Sad.
"I consider my body's death, and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me." My fingers shake. Frustration and fear. Cowardice. She comes to me, fingers cool and soothing as they clasp my trembling hand.
"Thane," she says, and I turn to her. She is gentle as she pulls me to her.
"Be alive with me tonight." Her voice is full of understanding. Affection. Love. Her lips meet mine. I can taste the salt of my tears. The sweetness of her breath. Soft skin, supple as my fingers glide over her arms.
"Siha, I am not worthy," I mutter into her neck, my forehead on her shoulder. I pull away, prepared to leave. Her grip tightens, soft but firm.
"I love you, Thane," she whispers into my ear, fingers tracing up my back. I shudder, the weight of her words confounds me. I cannot speak. I pull her to me, pressing my lips into her jaw, working my way to her lips. I show her my love the only way I can, by allowing myself to be vulnerable. We explore each other's bodies, and my fear vanishes. All that exists is her and me.
Later, she dozes on my chest. We are naked under the sheets. She is spent, exhausted. I brush her short hair out of her face, wanting this memory to be clear.
"I love you, siha. Thank you," I whisper as I lean over to kiss her forehead with a gentleness I had forgotten I had.

Kepral's Syndrome is not gentle like this memory. It pulled me from my reverie with burning intensity. I could not quiet the coughing for several minutes. Pain was nothing new to me, but incessant pain that finds me even in my thoughts was surprising. Seeking distraction, I turned to the screen beside me, where the current news flashed. Earth was burning, as it had been for weeks. The Reapers had decimated many cities, including Shepard's. I did not know if she has crossed the sea, but a more consuming pain engulfed me when I thought about it. Better to be lost in old memories than to think her lost.
Kasumi had visited me, kept me company while I coughed and sputtered or while I lived in my memories. She understood, I believe. She lived inside Keiji's memories as well. Something called a gray box. A human equivalent of my mind, I supposed.
She visited these memories while I relived mine, but I often saw her smiling through her tears as she gazed into her blue visor, lost to the world. Grieving souls seek comfort in each other, but I could not help but hope my loneliness was not as permanent as hers.
I heard footsteps behind me, and recognized them as Kasumi's. She is a good thief. She had almost snuck up on me.
"Thane," she started. Her voice was unsure, not like her usual tone.
"Kasumi. Something is wrong?" I turned to face her. She nodded, her face pale beneath her hood as she handed me a datapad.
It was a message from Miranda to the Illusive Man. The address it was from showed Liara's extranet address, with a note:
"I sent this as soon as I could. My base was attacked. But Shepard is in trouble. Please let me know if you can help."

Dread filled me, but I kept my face blank as I read.

"I don't know what you think you're doing. We both agreed Shepard was the best hope for humanity, whether she was with us or not. But now, I hear you have taken her somewhere. There seem to be only two theories to this: One, you are indoctrinated; or two, you are putting the fate of the galaxy on the line to soothe your wounded pride. You have made a laughing stock of everything Cerberus once stood for. Shepard is the last hope this galaxy has of beating the Reapers. If you don't release her, and let her do what you brought her back to do, then we are all doomed."

Cerberus had Shepard. Jack's scars and David's prison jumped into my head, reminding me of what Cerberus could do. It was bad enough when Shepard worked with them, but even worse if she was in their custody. They did not have a history that spoke of mercy.
"Kasumi, get Liara on the vidcom. Now!" I barked, launching another coughing fit. Kasumi did as I asked, her face wearing her own concern for Shepard. She, too, knew what this meant.
Her omnitool sparked to life, and Liara assembled before us in a flickering hologram.
"Kasumi, I'm glad you called. I just got new intel on Shepard," Liara said, her breath coming out in pants.
"Thane is going to help us, too, Liara. What do you have?" Kasumi replied. The asari nodded, her eyes not leaving the datapad in her hand.
"It shows here that Shepard was reinstated the day Earth was attacked, probably by Anderson. I've found some transmissions from Hackett that EDI recorded, telling Shepard to go to Mars instead of to the Citadel. I've finally made contact with the Normandy, and Joker says Shepard still hasn't returned from the mission. He's been orbiting Mars for three days, and hasn't been able to make contact," Liara explained. I tried to remember what I knew about Mars. It was the planet closest to Earth, depending on the orbit of its sister, Venus. I could not remember anything that would indicate why Cerberus would have been there.
"I sent the coordinates of the Mars base to your omnitool. I can't find any civilian flights to the Sol Sytem. The Council has released a travel restriction. But Joker says he can come pick you up, though. He can be here in a few days," she continued, looking at Kasumi.
My fist slammed the wall behind me, making the asari jump.
"That's not good enough," I growled, my fists clenching tighter.
"In a few days, Shepard will be dead." The words surprised me as much as they did her. Her sharp blue eyes glared into mine.
"Don't you think I'd get you there sooner if I could?" Liara gawked.
"You are the best information broker in the galaxy. Do you expect me to believe there is not a single ship headed to the Sol relay?" I insisted. My chest ached and I couldn't think clearly.
"My base was attacked. With the Reapers everywhere, my contacts have been scattered, and working out of a cruiser doesn't exactly offer a lot of intel," she replied coldly. My chest heaved as I tried to maintain my oxygen levels. My fists were shaking, but my siha was not here to offer comfort this time.
"You aren't the only one who loves her," the asari pointed out. I shot her a venomous look.
"I will be in my apartment. Kasumi, please locate me when Joker arrives," I requested, not bothering to bid Liara farewell. The thief nodded, then turned back to her omnitool to continue the conversation.
My heart was plummeting. The world around me spun with uncertainty, and my breath came out in ragged lapses. Dizzily, I stumbled to the taxi stand and hailed a cab to Kolyat's apartment. I had much to do, and very little time to prepare.