Woo, so, first twilight fic. Newish to this fandom so nervous. Reviews are golden. Love to hear what you think.
Basically, this is a fic about Jasper's point of view in the ballet studio. Bella was bleeding out heavily yet somehow he resisted her blood when in New Moon, a paper cut was enough to send him over the edge. This is my take on what he might have been feeling.
It was all about Bella. I had hoped to god we would get there in time. That we wouldn't be too late. We had long since lost sight of Edward, his god like form disappearing into the night. Nothing unusual but I think that if I hadn't been a leader before my family, that would of freaked me out a lot. Emmet was freaked. He worried about us dividing ourselves, he worried about Bella. I could feel his fear of losing the girl he had taken to his heart as a sister with every step we made across the cracked pavements of Phoenix. If the adrenaline wasn't so strong, if I couldn't feel it pulse in my stone cold veins, I might have crumpled to the ground with the intensity of it all.
I wondered if Alice could see anything, if she would, or if it would be too late. She was lighter on her feet, darting forward like a gazelle, full of beauty and grace that even as vampires, Emmet and I could never match.
To a human, perhaps it would be the splinters of glass that lay on the pavement that would tip them off to the horrors I knew awaited us in the ballet studio. For us, it was the stench of human blood that was already filtering down the street and ravaging our senses, the screams of a terrified girl that only our ears could hear and the growls of oncoming death that only we could understand.
I remember the rush as we leapt into the building, glass fragmenting around us, carnal cries passing past our lips as we caught sight of Edward, of Bella, of prey that would fight back for the first time in years.
Perhaps I felt it more than the others. The urge to fight, to mutilate and destroy, perhaps it was because we all felt the need to protect one of our own, to follow the orders of Carlisle, to save the innocent blood as it pooled on the floor. Maybe I felt all of my own emotions and theirs, maybe it was too much for me to handle, maybe I forced myself to cope. Or maybe I just relished the fight. Too long I had been forced into a lifestyle of Alice's choosing and not my own. Maybe it was because I trained creatures like James, trained monsters that stole the lives they themselves could no longer live. Maybe it was guilt that meant I went straight for James, and not for the temptations of sweet Bella.
Yet even as Emmet and I dragged him away, as we ripped at floorboards and felt splinters lodge in our fingers, I could almost hear her blood pulse in terror. Anguish, pain, terror, lust, hunger, hate and despair. It all tingled in my finger tips, throbbed in my temples, ached in my heart. I hate my gift when it drags me towards the edge, and my hope can only be placed in my salvation, Alice. Alice whose power was unleashed against this beast, her determination to protect her friend perhaps the most domineering feeling of them all.
The fire burned around us, the screams of the vampire reverberating through our cold bodies as we stared on in grim satisfaction, our job done. Alice ran to Bella and now it was only despair and pain that I could feel, so much so that I nearly caved under the emotional weight of it all. So unbearable I swayed, so unnatural to our kind yet it was my brother who steadied me, asked for my condition and perhaps in vampires and in covens alike, that is more unnatural that all things we do that differ.
I saw Bella lying bloodied and broken on the floor and it took all my being not to move forward. I knew Emmet was holding back to make sure I didn't do just that. Edward's emotions, I couldn't quite grasp, churning in his own mind at such a fiery pace I struggled to identify anything. It was like being thrown off a cliff and spinning towards the earth with no idea of when you would hit the ground.
Blood was everywhere, assaulting every sense, raping me of any humanity I clung to as I felt the burning begin in my throat. The adrenaline had begun to wear off, the fight leaving my limbs as I felt the venom pulse in my mouth. I could feel the desire to drink, feed, to rob her of her life as Carlisle struggled to save it.
Yet then I saw Alice, lifting blood covered fingers to her lips, smelling the sweetness of Bella and I felt the urge lessen. Why could they do what I could not?
How could they resist when I craved?
It almost called to me, so obvious, so blatant, like a crimson blanket across the floor.
I remember trembling with the effort of remaining in place and I loathed the worry that signalled Emmet's betrayal. He was worried I was slipping. He was worried I would snap every bone in her body and drink her dry before anyone could understand what I was doing.
Jealousy reverberated in my mind and I wondered. Was it Edward's because Carlisle had the control to touch her gently without fear or crushing her while he did not or my own because they clearly thought so little of me?
Had I not proved myself when I shielded her from harm. If she had not ran off like a stupid child, she would be safe! I had kept her safe! Yet I won't allow the anger at Alice to bubble to the surface. The anger. Why had she not seen this? Or had she dreamed of Bella becoming a monster like us and felt it would happen here, now?
Yet the flames had roared in my ears and blazed around us, threatening both immortal and man and we had to escape. The venom had left her system and Edward had her in his arms, Alice murmuring that we should go back to the hotel and take her to the hospital from there. There had been no doubt in my troubled mind that it was the plan to cover our involvement here. But the blood, the blood would remain even as the fire brought the building to the ground and what would become of us if it led back to Bella?
It was there, intoxicating to me and surely so obvious to even the most unobservant human. Droplets of doom that could ruin everything.
But it hadn't. Not yet. Hours had past and we are still sitting in this dank hospital, the smell of blood tangible yet still covered with bleach and death. We hadn't been arrested, Bella's parents were on their way and the other vampires had ran off. Part of me should be happy, but I can't help the churning in my stomach. I shouldn't be here, Alice will be in uproar the moment she realises I didn't go to get Emmet and am in Bella's room.
I don't care.
I have to know that she is ok. That her wounds are being taken care of. The cast is ominous and the blood drip leering at me from her frail wrist makes the burning come back. I can hardly stand it, hardly fight back the thirst. All evening I have fought it, fought in the studio, fought until she was brought here and then fought the walls of the hospital itself.
I ignore Edward. He can hear everything I won't say. I won't hurt her. Not now, not after I resisted so hard before. I just need to know that she will be ok, that her life won't be taken from her by her mortal limitations when I made sure that my own uncontrollable urges did not end her. I can only stare at the drip. Drip, drip drip and wonder if they will realise at all how much I have suffered this night to make sure I let her reach this point. I can only watch the blood trickle down into her skin like a forbidden sin and wonder if they will kill her or save her. So tiny. So powerful. Droplets of Doom.