The sky was crying again today. I looked up and its tears poured down on my face. I wanted to ask it: "Why are you so sad, sky? You're beautiful." But before I could its crying grew heavier and I was drowned out by it.
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"God damn nostalgia," a thought ran through my mind as I walked down the darkened street.
I looked up from the road's black, tarry concrete mix and ran a finger through my hair. I looked at my watch and sighed; It was still only 6:25. It'd be at least another
fifteen minutes before the bus would arrive. That's a very big "at least". Last year I had to wait until, like, seven before my bus finally showed up. I sighed and stuck my hands in my pockets, trying to concentrate on ANYTHING but that nagging memory in my head. Everywhere I went the memory followed. I was never safe from it; outside, in bed, in the shower; Somehow the thought always managed to get back into my head and cause that familiar ache in my chest. It wouldn't have bothered me if it hadn't been so long, but goddamnit now it felt like it was paying me back for all the time it had spent in dormancy.
"Hey, Rox," a familiar deepened voice called out to me from its porch, apparently waiting to strike.
"Hey, Axel," I responded with hidden angst and hurt in my voice.
"Is something wrong...?" he had immediately picked up on my mood, trying to cheer me up.
"No..." I lied, unwilling to participate in a discussion of my feelings.
For as long as I can remember, I've preferred guys over girls. Don't get me wrong, I've always had way more female friends than male friends, but...I always grew more attached to my guy friends. I didn't know why. To be honest, nowadays I think most guys are egotistical jerks that need to take their testosterone levels down about 20 levels, but let's not get into that now. Anyways, the point of me telling you this story was get the point across that I'm gay. I like guys. Always have (apparently) always will (probably). Axel had secretly discovered my pathetic crush one day when he walked in on me gushing on a picture---okay, gushing was a bad word to use here, but you get my point.
"Alright, Rox," Axel said, throwing his bad over his shoulder, "I'm just saying I'm here to talk."
I nodded to him in thanks and we continued our way to the bus stop. It was a pretty quiet trip, with neither one of us really speaking about any specific topic besides random statements we thought of.
We arrived, waited around for what seemed like eternity, and departed off for our first day of 10th grade. Well, my first day, his second? third? I think it was. Anyways, though. Firsts have always been something that have amazed me. I mean, the first time you speak, the first time you walk, the first time you head off to school; Society is constantly thinking of new ways to put an extreme pressure on firsts. I mean, don't get me wrong, firsts don't really get to me, and neither would today have, either, but this damn nostalgia in my chest...
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"Why were you crying?" I spoke softly to the sky, trying to heal its wounds. But no words came back. My words simply echoed far into the distance, carried by the chilled summer breeze.
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My first period class was Spanish. It wasn't a language I particularly cared for, but eh. I'd been learning it since, what, 1st grade? I figured I might as well finish it through highschool.
"Hola clase. Me llamo es señor Kirby."
Kirby? Seriously? You're named after a little pink puffball? I couldn't believe it. It's not that I don't like Kirby. He's adorable. But...my teacher?
He went on explaining his profession, interests, etc. in Spanish. I looked around the room to see confused faces everywhere; God. These people were all morons. It wasn't like he was speaking anot---Ok, he was, but still. It's not brain surgery to learn a language.
We apparently were having some sort of assembly to explain the new rules the school had decided to impose this year, so after some time, about an hour, we began heading down to the auditorium. Now, we were on the third floor of a three-story building. From where I was, I got practically an eagle eye of the whole school. But, as God and fate would have it, I didn't see him coming until we were practically face to face. I was half-heartedly hopping down the stairs in time with everyone else's movements when I saw a sweatshirt with the name "Ruke" printed on the back. "Ruke?" I thought to myself, remembering the name from somewhere. And then the pain came again. It was almost crippling how much it was hurting. To see Sora Ruke happily passing by me without a care in the world. It was something I couldn't take. My heart hurt at the very sight, let alone sound of, or face of him and his name. Of course, to the world around me, I was just taking a little longer to get down the stairs than everyone else. Not deep in thought. Not feeling like I had been stabbed in my soul. I was simply being a nuisance to them.
"Come on, man, move!" someone shouted from behind me and lunged forward, nearly causing a bowling-pin-bowling-ball-esque meeting. I hurriedly went down the stairs and headed into the auditorium, hoping to avoid him in the darkness. We all settled down and a bright light came on on the screen. It was a basic outline of what the school wanted the year to be like, what to wear, rules, etc. Basically what any other school does on the first day. Sadly, this also meant illuminating the room to the point where I could see gravity defying spikes sitting in the front row. I prayed to god to not let them be brown, but God must have been taking a day off because I swear if anything more could have gone wrong with the start of that day, it would've.
I slunk down into my seat, being defeated by my willpower once more. I stared dreamily at the sight of him, just thinking about what it would be like to hold him, or caress him, or even just have a normal conversation for once. But, no. Here I was, sitting there in the middle of a school assembly staring at the dreamiest guy ever.
"And so.....expected of you....great year..." I zoned in and out of the speech, hearing almost nothing but bells playing in my head. After we gave our applause, I quickly rushed out of the auditorium to head back to Spanish and get this horrible pain out of my chest. But...I still kept wishing we could share a class.
I headed to my next period. A bust.
Third period? Bust once more.
Gym? Bust. Sure, I saw some guys I liked, but I didn't see him. I didn't see the one I loved.
Chem? Still nothing.
Lunch came and I decided to give up. I figured it wouldn't but still. I thought about how cool it would be if we had. I zoned in and out of our conversation---something about gay guys winding up in bed together in some show---thinking about him.
I sighed and started on my way to English. I knew he wasn't going to be there, I knew it, but I kept hoping. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know which way my English class was, and so instead of heading to 107, I began on my way to 170. It was a tragic, tragic mistake that I swear I'll die if I ever do it again.
I stepped into the classroom, looks being given at the obvious time-offender, and took a seat sheepishly. I looked around at my classmates. Nothing. I sighed and trudged through the period hoping to get home and somehow turn this crappy excuse of a first day into a beautiful thing.
Math I knew would be impossible for him to join me in, as we had been in two different courses, him being a course lower than I. I guess maybe we were both jealous of one another when we were younger. I was always a little smarter, but he was always a little more popular. It was a friendly thing that, I guess, turned horribly wrong somewhere.
I let loose my neck muscles and my face crashed into the desk with a thud. "Owww..." I moaned out, pain surging from my face. I carefully lifted my head up and began to listen to the teacher's speech. It was the same exact thing I had heard at LEAST 5 times before in the day. When teachers plan to teach you something together, they REALLY teach it. We got 30 minutes of spare time after she was done her schpeal, so I decided to rest my head. I suddenly thought of how funny it was that my science teacher sounded like the Visine guy. "For dry, red eyes..." I swear I thought he was about to start advertising it right then and there. I laughed, once again lifting people's focused gazes and mindsets onto me. I muffled my face a little more to cover my embarrassment and waited for the end of the day.
The bell finally came after some announcements, and I headed outside to meet Axel and wait for the bus. We talked a little about what had happened---mainly complaining about how we heard the same thing over and over---and finally got onto the bus. Our ride home was surprisingly awkward for us, despite being good friends. Axel was still a little pouty that I wouldn't talk to him about Sora, but...I really don't want to keep feeling this damn pain.
I walked home, my feet throbbing from the unusual amount of walking that day. I sighed, dropped my book bag next to me, and fell onto the sofa, promptly falling asleep.
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I watched as the breeze carried my words to the sky, making a beautiful blue patch where the wind had led it to. I could tell that this was the beginning of the sky becoming beautifully blue once more.
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AN: Well, here it is. Day One of my continuous saga of Roxas's highschool life. I hope you enjoyed this one, there's more to come! ~Shin-Shui~