DEAR MOM.

Catherine's Diaries

DISCLAMER, i do not own Beauty and the Beast of course, this is just a work of fiction based on the characters and the show.

A/N : So in Collection I wrote a one shot letter (chapter 5) And … here is the series. - No need to read this one first though, cause I'm going to start from the start, and the letter in Collection is at the time of the pilot.

This is Cat's diary. Let's start ... from the start shall we !

Dear Mom,

It's been almost a year.

And I still have nightmares. Often I close my eyes I see them, I hear the gunshot and I remember the pain I felt that night.

I miss you so much. I am so lost without you. I don't think Heather and Dad understand. I was THERE.

Dad insists that I keep going to see that shrink lady. I don't like her. I don't like to talk to strangers and even if it's been almost a year, she still is a stranger to me. Most of the time when I go I don't talk much.

But this week she said something, and I don't know … for once I didn't roll my eyes. It sounded like a good idea. Though right now I feel like an idiot. She suggested that I would write a diary but to you. As if I was telling you about my life. She said I needed to share my feelings with someone and since … well … I'm not talking to her and I don't want to burden dad or Heather, they also have to deal with their own pain. And … That guy I was dated … I never could talk to him and we broke up anyway. I don't know why I'm writing that, who cares ! Plus you didn't like him, I remember you telling me to be careful with whom I give my heart to. I guess you were right, he was not worth it. But yeah, so when she talked about that diary thing I kinda thought it could be a good idea. A way to get things out of my system you know ?

So I bought this notebook. It's huge ! So many pages … I don't know if I'll really fill them all. I don't really think I could sit down every night before going to bed to write. So I'll see. Cause … sometime I'm not even sure I know how I feel, so how would I put that in words ...

I really feel like an idiot writing that because I know you'll never read it.

And there go the tears.

I cry so often ... I kept hiding in corners to sob … I hate that about me.

I dropped out law school. I'm trying to become a cop. Well I just started. I'm at the academy for like … a week now. So far I like it. The hard part was getting in. I prepared for month to be ready for the physical test, I took many classes of self defense, and I was going to the gym all the time. I guess … it also helped to be busy.

I don't know how dad feels about all that. He tries to be supportive but I know he worries about me. The day I told him … I had already started to get ready for that, and when I told him about my plans, he asked me why I wanted to be a cop and I didn't answer, I just said that I thought I would like it and be good at it. Truth is, I want to make sure that there won't be a next time. I learning how to fight and defend myself. I will never be a victim again. (It took weeks for the shrink to make me say that once I decided to quit law and I still didn't say it to dad, I don't want him to worry). Once I'll be done with the academy my job will be to protect people. And I'll make sure that no-one loses their mother under my watch.

I'm being melodramatic.

So that was the first page of that notebook. The shrink said it's not necessary to write daily, but that I should write when I feel the need to. Otherwise it wouldn't be efficient or something. I guess she realized forcing me to do something is not a good idea !

I don't know how to end this … this is ridiculous … Should I sign ? Like a real letter … I'm the only one that's going to access this anyway and I know I wrote it.

So …

A/N : So ? Liking it so far ? I don't imagine her writing everyday, not right away at least. I guess … I feel like I have some character trait in common with Catherine, and I feel like I wouldn't write everyday. So … Let's see where that takes us !